The FOTR drinking game for dry-townies

[Emni Windrunner]

Hey, guys, here's a new spin on the drinking game. I happen to go to a school where we're not allowed to drink, and before that I lived in a dry town. Soooo I've been thinking, there may be an alternative to using non-alcoholic substances in order to playing the drinking game; just play this drinking game instead! I've had a bit of help from some friends compiling this, and it's been rolling around in my head for awhile, so it's kinda long...but let me know what you think! (By the way, this is for the movie only!)

TAKE A DRINK WHEN:

A member of the Fellowship (other than Boromir) considers the Ring a harmless trinket.

Elrond laughs.

Aragorn starts pining for Second Breakfast.

Gimli says something nice about Elves.

Glorfindel shows up.

Sam asks Rosie out on a date.

Lurtz (or any other Uruk-Hai, for that matter) says something intelligent.

Gandalf is patient and understanding about Pippin's shortcomings.

Gandalf offers to let the Balrog pass if it says the magic word.

Legolas misses what he shoots at.

A Moria Orc hits what it shoots at.

Saruman shows concern for the environment.

Pippin announces that he is perfectly content with three squares a day.

Any Hobbit announces that he's given up pipe-weed.

Arwen seems indecisive about choosing between Aragorn and immortality.

Narsil is reforged.

Haldir cracks a smile.

Galadriel says something profoundly foolish.

Random objects such as a shoe or potato show up in random places (Star Wars, anyone?).

The Hobbits wear shoes or boots to protect their feet in extreme weather.

Any member of the Fellowship consults a map.

Boromir is adamant that the Ring must be destroyed.

Sauron comes across as a poor, misunderstood victim of circumstances.

Saruman pulls out a weed-pipe and lights up.

Frodo seriously considers giving the Ring to Boromir.

A Hobbit or Elf has facial hair or stubble.

The Nazgul get tired of hunting down Frodo and take a break to play poker.

You see a short-haired Elf.

You see a chubby Elf.

The Fellowship walk past a sighn that says "Keep Middle Earth Beautiful--Please Refrain from Littering".

A member of the Fellowship hunts something (e.g. a deer or bunny) for food.

Glamdring glows blue in the presence of Orcs.

Lurtz says, "Halflings? We don't need no stinkin' Halflings! Find the Ring!"

Lurtz shows respect and kindness to one of Saruman's Orcs.

Saruman plays nine-pins with the palantir.

Gandalf passes around his flask of Miruvor.

Legolas and Gimli actually converse after leaving Rivendell.

Aragorn or Boromir bursts into tears.

Sam admits to having dropped eaves once long ago, during a remodeling of Bag End.

Gandalf calls Merry or Pippin by his nickname instead of his full name.

Radagast makes an appearance.

The Fellowship visit an Elven city that does not have statues.

Frodo's childhood 'shroom habit is mentioned.

The Hobbits are confident and self-assured in the face of a new threat.

Gimli displays humility.

The difference between Orcs and Goblins is explained.

Gollum engages in meaningful dialogue with anyone.

Frodo arrives in Mordor.

Gimli refers to Moria as Khazad-dum.

Gandalf wears a color other than gray or blue.

Shadowfax is mentioned.

Gandalf decides to let Bilbo keep the Ring.

Frodo's foot bursts into flame when he stamps out the fire at Weathertop.

Aragorn explains where the heck he was when the Hobbits were surrounded at Weathertop.

Frodo is able to function for several days in spite of having been stabbed by a Mordor blade.

You see a sign near the door of the Green Dragon that says "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service."

You see a sign in the Minas Tirith records room that says "No Food or Drink in the Library!"

Something good comes of Frodo putting on the Ring (other than escaping from Boromir).

Sam decides that Frodo really doesn't need his help or his company.

Sam swims.

Legolas trudges through snow.

There is a slow, panoramic shot of the underground caverns at Isengard.

An Orc demonstrates an IQ higher than, say, -5.

Isildur heeds Elrond's advice.

Frodo offers the Ring to someone and he or she actually accepts it.

Elrond knows what to make of Hobbits in general, and Merry and Pippin in particular.

Any Elf has a temper tantrum.

Somebody tosses a Dwarf.

Sam goes anywhere outside of Hobbiton without his cookware.

Any of the Hobbits blows a kiss to the Ringwraith at Bucklebury Ferry.

Luthien Tinuviel is mentioned.

The Silmarils are mentioned.

Random details, like the stone trolls or the horses in the water at Rivendell, are explained for the benefit of those who haven't read the books.

The movie ends with some finality and resolution.

Any member of the Fellowship faints dead away at the sight of blood.

A female character has more than a bit part.

You see an ugly Hobbit kid.

You see a clean-shaven Dwarf.

An Elf rides bare-back.

A character speaks with an American accent.

The Elfstone appears or is mentioned.

Any character cusses.

Pippin proves more intuitive than Merry.

The disagreement over whether or not the Balrog should have wings is finally resolved.

Any member of the Fellowship stops to ask for directions.

Boromir says, "Go to Mordor? Sure, we can do that. A small intrusion team of, say, nine or ten guys could pull it off in a few months. No problem!"

Galadriel's mirror informs her that Snow White is prettier.

Merry or Pippin calls Frodo "Mr. Frodo".

Sam kicks Bill the Pony.

It is pointed out that Merry is a boy with a girl's name.

A Warg is sighted.

Sam appears in a Notre Dame football jersey.

When particularly flummoxed, Frodo spouts off, "Well, Hell's bells, Jim!"

Elrond smiles evilly and addresses someone as "Mr. Anderson".

Bilbo gives up on his book because, after sixty years of working on it, it's still not finished.

Merry leaves the Fellowship temporarily because Mrs. Wainthrope needs him to help her on a case.

Gandalf walks into the Prancing Pony at Bree.

The EPA arrives at Orthanc and declares that Saruman & Co. have illegally infringed on and, in fact, destroyed the native habitat of Endangered Species #208241138, more commonly known as Ents, and will therefore be required to pay the Riddermark equivalent of $6.2 million to cover the cost of reforestation, air decontamination, and any and all Ent psychiatric fees.