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11-24-2002, 12:22 AM | #1 |
Wight
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Things they'd NEVER say
Okay people here's an opportunity to express our Tookish sides and be silly. I'd like to see what you, fellow downers, can write that you'd NEVER hear LOTR characters say. Here are a few:
Gandalf: Don't make me go in there! I'm scared! Aragorn: Ooh Boromir, you have no idea what that HORN does for me... Saruman: Sauron, you don't call anymore.. Sauron: well, I been busy Saruman: What, taking over middle earth is better and more important than ME??!?!?! Sam: (pushes Frodo) NO! ME FIRST! Galdalf: Puff, puff, give! Man you're messin up the rotation! ...more to come.... you know, like that [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [ November 24, 2002: Message edited by: Pookabunny ]
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"I love you more than I did the week before, I discovered alcohol" - Bare Naked Ladies |
11-24-2002, 01:39 AM | #2 |
Beloved Shadow
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Sam: I give up.
Aragorn: Forget Arwen, Eowyn's lookin' good today. Gimli: Galadriel aint all that great.
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the phantom has posted.
This thread is now important. |
11-24-2002, 03:26 AM | #3 |
Wight
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Aragorn: Ouch!
Legolas: well, you know what they say about men's fixation with sword length...that's why I'm a bow-man. Gimli: man just once, let me ride Shadowfax... Elrond: You have only one choice. The ring MUST be destroyed...mister anderson... Aragorn: Does this make me look fat?
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"I love you more than I did the week before, I discovered alcohol" - Bare Naked Ladies |
11-24-2002, 05:44 AM | #4 |
Denethor's True Love
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Mirkwood. With Thranduil... *swoon*
Posts: 2,049
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Pippin: im going on a diet.
Sam: good idea! me too. Merry: me too!!
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'The Hobbit' 1st impressions: 1. Thorin is hot... Oh god, I fancy a dwarf. 2. Thranduil is hotter. 3. Is that... Figwit! 4. Does Elijah Wood never age? 2nd: It's all about Fili & Kili, really. 3rd: BARD! OMG, Bard. |
11-24-2002, 02:29 PM | #5 |
Princess of Skwerlz
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles)
Posts: 7,500
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Moving this thread to Middle-Earth Mayhem...
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'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...' |
11-24-2002, 03:38 PM | #6 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Completely lost track, sorry!
Posts: 733
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It's a moving topics into middle-earth mayhem spree! Ok, so it was only two topics. Anyway...
Treebeard: Hurry up and get on with it!
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"We might succeed in roasting Pippin alive inside." - Frodo. |
11-24-2002, 04:00 PM | #7 |
Pile O'Bones
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SAURON: Why can't we be friends.
SARUMAN: You're right Gandalf. LEGOLAS: No really, I'm gay. ARWEN: I just had a thought. ARAGRON: Stupid honor, stupid Arwen, stupid sword ELROND: I have no clue, what was the question? PIPPIN: The theory of relativity states . . . SAM: Precioussssss FRODO: God, Mordor's beautiful this time of year. GANDALF: Well, ok I'll tell you every thing. GIMLI: But I heard from Frodo, Gladriel thinks size didn't matter CELEBORN: Get in the kitchen Gladriel GLADRIEL: Yes, dear.
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Do not disturb my slumber. OR THERE WILL BE DOOOOOOOOM. Favorite quote: Belethiriel, "In the Land of Mordor, where all eat pie." |
11-24-2002, 05:57 PM | #8 |
Etheral Enchantress
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*Getting a bit sarcastic and is sorry for it*
Galadriel: No! Really! My name really is Gladriel! *Sorry, just saw two completely different topics in this room where is was spelled Gladriel, so I got a bit indignant* Glorfindel: Look! I'm in the movie! Me and Tommy-boy! Right there! You see us there? Glorfindel: Ah, screw it. Let the stupid little Halfling save himself... Orcs at the gates of Mordor: Welcome to Mordor Such a perfect town But we have some rules Let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along find. Mordor is a perfect place. Please keep of the corpses Shin your shoes, wipe your...face. Mordor is, Mordor is, Mordor is a peeeeeeerfeeeeeeect plaaaaaaaaaaace! (Courtesy of "Shrek")
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"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time." - Hobbes of Calvin and Hobbes |
11-24-2002, 07:15 PM | #9 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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Denethor: Let's go play catch or something, Faramir!
Bilbo: You know, I'll make Pippin write the book! Elrond: Never before has anyone dared speak the tongue of Mordor in Imladris....could you do it again? It was pretty cool. Sam: Hmmm....Rosie? Rosie who? Frodo: Here, Boromir. I didn't like it anyway. Arwen: (says something that has nothing to do with her pendent) Aragorn: I can make myself invisible with this here Invisibility Cloak, but to do so WITHOUT one....now that is a rare gift. Boromir: Ehhhh...let's go to Mordor! Saruman: Gandalf, we can defeat the Dark Lord! Gríma: You're RIGHT! I AM a traitor! HAHAHAHA! Éowyn: Dammit, Aragorn! I hate you! Pippin: Hey, Merry? You want so of this pipe-weed? ANYONE: No.
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"Monkeys learn sign language so they can tell the dolphins they love them." |
11-24-2002, 08:52 PM | #10 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: In a box at the end of Harrison Ford's street, with a pair of binoculars
Posts: 332
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Legolas: (mutters) Stupid tree... gets in my way...
(along with) Legolas: I'll get the firewood! Can I borrow your axe, Gimli? Sauron: (to the orcs) You know, I really appreciate what you're doing here.... take a few days off! Gandalf: Here Pippin, why don't you take the ring? Merry: You know, I've lost my appetite- you can have my share, Sam. Sam: Screw this, why doesn't Frodo ever take the heavy pack? *grumble grumble* Treats me like a dog....
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Neo, watch out! Trinity's going to steal your pants! Pants thief! Pants thief! |
11-25-2002, 01:56 AM | #11 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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Legolas: Ya know, I could really use a haircut...
Gimli: Could you refer me to a good barber? I really want to cut my beard off and just wear a goatee. Aragorn: I could stand to have a bath. Sam: Gollum, could ya do me a favor? I'm sick of this stupid mission. If you'll kill Frodo for me, I'll let you have the ring!!
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Will Turner: "This is either madness or brilliance." Jack Sparrow: "It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide." ~ Pirates of the Caribbean |
11-25-2002, 09:32 AM | #12 |
Auspicious Wraith
Join Date: May 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,859
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Why are we starting a new one? I only came onto the Downs today to bring back the '101 things LotR characters would never say' thread, and I am faced with this?
I'm bringing it back.
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Los Ingobernables de Harlond |
03-13-2005, 06:56 PM | #13 |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Among the host of the noldor, and the last high elves that dwell in middle eath
Posts: 31
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Wight: well this one will look pretty in this pearl necklace
Gollum: Screw the precious, lembas tastes better anyway Gandalf: That ring looks very pretty, i don't think bilbo would have minded if i took it |
03-13-2005, 08:53 PM | #14 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: The bottom of the ocean, discussing philosophy with a giant squid
Posts: 2,254
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DENETHOR: Hey, that fire's hot! I'm not touching it! Oh, and Faramir, you're the best son a man could ever have.
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I ♣ baby seals. |
03-14-2005, 12:15 PM | #15 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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Saruman: Hey Merry, you want some weed?
Merry: No. Sam: We wants it! We needs it! Must have the precious! Gimli: I wish I would have shaved this morning. Aragorn: Whoa there! I really need a bath!
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*.:A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart:.*
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03-14-2005, 03:51 PM | #16 |
Wight
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Behind you, counting to 3
Posts: 234
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Frodo: Sure Boromir, take the Ring. It's too much of a burden anyway.
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"Dic, hospes, Spartae, nos te hic vidisse iacentes dum sanctis patriae legibus obsequimur." |
03-15-2005, 08:23 AM | #17 |
Pile O'Bones
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: South Texas,yeeehah! ;)
Posts: 17
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Saruman: *wears a t-shirt that says "Trees Hugger" * "Save the forests!
Uruk leader: Why, hello there little hobbit. Aint you a cutie? I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and pet you and name you George! Arwen: Marry me Aragorn! Eowyn: Dont marry her! She's too pointy! Arwen: Oh yeah? Well you're too pale! Eowyn: Pale like a 'pale spring that has not yet come to woman hood'! .... Is that something to be proud of? Anyway, you're just a concieted elf chick. Arwen: Why you- Aragorn is mine! *grabs 1 of Aragorns arms* Eowyn: No! he's mine! *grabs the other of Aragorns arms* *they pull back and forth, screaming ownership over Aragorn* Aragorn: *whimper* help me.....
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He who is full of himself,is likely to be quite empty. |
03-15-2005, 05:57 PM | #18 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Where the Moon cries against the snow
Posts: 526
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Malbeth the Seer: Oh, I never saw that coming
Sauron: I should really try to listen to my servants and give them the respect they deserve Frodo: I'm more of a mood ring kind of guy, thanks anyway Gandalf
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"...for the sin of the idolater is not that he worships stone, but that he worships one stone over others. -8:9:4 The Witness of Fane" |
03-15-2005, 07:26 PM | #19 |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Among the host of the noldor, and the last high elves that dwell in middle eath
Posts: 31
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legolas- {falls on his face} duuh, fun was that one
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03-15-2005, 09:58 PM | #20 |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: the captain's chair
Posts: 42
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Sam- "Elves suck!"
Bombur- "No, sorry, no food for me. I'm on a fast." Sauron- "I like bunnies. Aren't they cute? Oh, oh- kitties too!" Pippin- "What was that, you ask? I really have no idea, and I don't care. Not curious in the least." Mim- "I wish I was an elf." Beorn- "Boy, I'd really like some bear jerky." Thorin= "Anyone want the Arkenstone? Come and get it. Dang thing takes up too much space." Any Elf giving advice- "Yes" or "No" Frodo- "Go home, Sam!"
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You can't be a great painter. You only have one ear.
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03-16-2005, 04:34 PM | #21 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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Gollum: "Ugh! Raw catfish is disgusting Mr. Frodo."
Frodo: "Dude, those Nazgul are awsome man!" Sam: "Sure, Gollum. I'll have some raw rabbit." Grima Wormtongue: "Theoden, I will wield my sword in your service till Saruman is destroyed." Smaug: "I will gladly turn over my treasure to you." Boromir: "Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king."
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Fenris Wolf: WW LXXX. |
03-17-2005, 05:23 PM | #22 |
Sword of Spirit
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Oh, I'm around.
Posts: 1,401
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Gollum: Hungry? Why wait, grab some Lembas!
Morgoth: Hey, Sauron. I'm gonna retire. You can take over. Pippin: Smoking kills! Gandalf: Forget the staff, I need me one of them there lightsabers! Denethor: Whew! Here comes the King. My job's done. (Suddenly, out of nowhere, Saruman comes out and starts juggling Palantirs?!) .
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I'm on a Mission from God. |
03-18-2005, 04:25 PM | #23 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: The bottom of the ocean, discussing philosophy with a giant squid
Posts: 2,254
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SAURON: I'm tired of all these depressing shades of black. From now on everything will be pink and fluffy. Oh, and you can forget that ring. What do I care about a ring, anyway?
UNGOLIANT: No thanks, I'm not hungry right now. TOM BOMBADIL: (anything coherent and intelligent about his true nature) RANDOM ORC #678: Where's the shampoo? My hair's filthy! FARAMIR: The ring will go to Gondor.
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I ♣ baby seals. Last edited by Meneltarmacil; 03-18-2005 at 04:43 PM. |
03-18-2005, 09:20 PM | #24 |
Sword of Spirit
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Oh, I'm around.
Posts: 1,401
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Gandalf: That was a very wise decision, Pippin.
Elrond: Well, to make a long story short...
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I'm on a Mission from God. |
03-18-2005, 09:55 PM | #25 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Where the Moon cries against the snow
Posts: 526
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Galadriel: All shall be happy and spread joy and plant flowers and give hugs.
Gandalf: You mean I actually have to ride that white beast!? Any Hobbit: What's pipeweed?
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"...for the sin of the idolater is not that he worships stone, but that he worships one stone over others. -8:9:4 The Witness of Fane" |
03-27-2005, 05:51 PM | #26 |
Child of the West
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Watching President Fillmore ride a unicorn
Posts: 2,132
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Frodo: The Ring is so heavy
Sam: Oh quit your b*tching (sorry if that offends anyone) Arwen: Sorry, Aragorn, I'm really more into guys who bathe. Gandalf: (to the Witchking) Sweet ride, dude. Denethor: How about a jig, Master Pippin? Butterbur: Why yes, I can name all the kings of Gondor in order. Sauron: Keep the Ring Frodo, I've discovered the wonders of plastic. Eowyn: Grima's not so bad. Legolas: Do you think the Mirror of Galadriel can help me in picking a winning lottery ticket? Saruman: Don't cut down the trees, they have feelings too.
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"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain |
03-28-2005, 12:01 PM | #27 |
Dead Serious
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Anybody: "Like, dude! That's so *Swear word* awesome"
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I prefer history, true or feigned.
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03-28-2005, 07:56 PM | #28 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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Tom Bombadil: "Hey dol, merry dol, I'm a stupid oaf."
Tom: "E=mc squared." Bert: "a squared+b squared=c squared." Williams: "Yer need Uranium 235 er Plutonium ter make a nucular bomb." Eoywn: "Oh, Grima, you are my true love!" Saruman: "The Elder Days are, like, gone man! The Middle days are like, you know, passing. The Younger Days are, like, beginning, man, get with the program dude."
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Fenris Wolf: WW LXXX. Last edited by The Elf-warrior; 03-28-2005 at 07:59 PM. Reason: Because Uranium 234 is not fissionable. |
03-29-2005, 02:48 AM | #29 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 5,912
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So, here's my take:
Gollum: Now that you mention it, the ring isn't that precious... Frodo: Stupid Bilbo and his stupid stories. Who ever heard of Trolls and Wargs anyway? Sam: Hay! Nazgul! Over here! There’s a pretty ring for you! Shelob: Hobbit? Nah, I'm more of an orc person. Elrond: Give me that ring, I'll do it! Ted Sandyman: Oh! The pretty flowers! Green grass! I love them so! Gaffer Gamgee: Well, I'm stumped. Gandalf: Well, Saurons not all bad... Tom Bombadill: Who am I? Well I'll tell you... Balrog: Look! I have Wings!
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
03-30-2005, 12:39 PM | #30 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: the Shadow Gallery
Posts: 276
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Faramir: Oh, Daddy, I love you so much.
Denethor: I love you too--you're my favorite son, Faramir! Boromir: And I'm totally okay with that! Merry: I hate blonde women. Especially cross-dressing ones. Random Barrow-Wight: Oh, sweet is the sound of the falling rain, and the stream that runs from hill to plain... =D Pippin: You know, we should stay quiet and not cause any trouble today, Merry.
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The answer to life is no longer 42. It's 4 8 15 16 23... 42. "I only lent you my body; you lent me your dream." |
04-04-2005, 11:44 AM | #31 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Bill Ferny: Here's my best two horses, and you get them both for absolutely nothing! oh, and have a basket of apples, on me!
thats the only one i can think of atm xxx |
04-07-2005, 04:10 PM | #32 |
Wight
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Treebeard: No junk foods, just earthly goods, I ate weird berries in the woods, Now I see colours, I'm getting higher...I think I'll start A FOREST FIRE!
(-Dead Kennedys, Forest Fire) Orcs: WAR! (huh) What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'! (Some other band, some other song) Gandalf: I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid...(etc.) ................................................. Sam: THAT'S an elf? Ohh, I wanted the short ones with the beards... Legolas: I'm so jealous, Boromir is so much prettier than I. .................................................. On second thought, the movies would be WAY funnier if the people said these things. |
04-10-2005, 02:43 PM | #33 |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: the Netherlands
Posts: 47
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Eowyn: I am no man!
Withcking: O, sorry for hurting you. Why didn't you tell me? I haven't met a girl in yeras, all these battlefields full of en. wanna go someplace else? Arwem: *sings* I'm gonna live forever Gandalf: Go back to the shadow! YOU… SHALL NOT... PASS....WITHOUT....BUYING......A......TICKET!!! Gandalf: He was strong in life. His spirit will find its way to the halls of your fathers Theoden: HELLO? do you really think I need to hear such b*ll**** now? my kid just died. When I visit my sons grave, can you just sh*t up like a normal person? Eowyn: Where is she? The woman who gave you that jewel? Aragorn: why would a woman give me a jewel? Can't a man wear jewelery? Shee, I thought you didn't care about this differenc ebetwene women and men stuff. Pippin: Look! There is smoke to the south! Treebeard: There is always smoke rising from Isengard these days. Pippin: Cool, sounds like a greta place, lets go there to get some new weed.
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No matter what they think or what they do, No matter what they feel Or what they see in you, You're gonna get there, Whatever they say, And nobody's going to stand, in the way |
04-14-2005, 08:21 AM | #34 |
Psyche of Prince Immortal
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might have been done already..
Legolas: oh no i'm out of arrows!!!
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Love doesn't blow up and get killed.
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04-14-2005, 09:41 AM | #35 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: The end of the world as we know it. I feel fine, incidentally.
Posts: 500
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Pippin- Well, since you told me not to touch anything, I'll just sit here quietly and keep my hands to myself.
Eowyn- Grima, I want to apologise. I now realize that you are the only man for me, and I beg you to forgive me for my harsh words. Take me into your warm embrace! I love you madly, MADLY I TELL YOU! Grima- Man, I've so totally got the hots for that Arwen chick! Eowyn- WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!?! Sauron- Maybe I should try contact lenses... I'm getting a bit nearsighted in my old age. Sheesh, I can barely see past Osgilliath! *squints*
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"Wide ne bith wel," cwaeth se the geheirde on helle hriman. |
04-16-2005, 07:17 PM | #36 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: May 2003
Location: my TARDIS!
Posts: 288
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Legolas: I willingly embrace my fangirls!
Pip: I have a master's degree. Boromir: I hate disco & squid! Radagast: &%$# animals! Arwen: Daddy, I'm going to Valinor! |
04-17-2005, 02:24 PM | #37 |
Laconic Loreman
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(Orcs and Gondorians meet on an open battlefield).
Together: "Why can't we be friends. Why can't we be friends..." Boromir: I'm sorry Aragorn. I was wrong. Boromir: I'm sorry Gandalf. I was wrong. Elladan and Elrohir: Ahhh we don't feel like killing orcs today. Thranduil: Dwarves are the best! Elrond: Screw Middle-earth, I'm outta here. Saruman: Forgive me Eru, for breaking your light, but see here, I put it back together. Any Elf: I'm sick.
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Fenris Penguin
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04-18-2005, 11:06 AM | #38 |
La Belle Dame sans Merci
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...and the Wikkie has fallen...
Dead collector: Bring out your dead!
Imrahil: Here's one. Collector: Ninepence Eowyn: I'm not dead! Collector: What? Imrahil: Nothing. Here's your ninepence Eowyn: I'm not dead! Collector: Here. She says she's not dead. Imrahil: Yes she is. Eowyn: No I'm not! Collector: She isn't? Imrahil: Well she will be soon. She's very ill. Eowyn: I'm getting better! Imrahil: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment. Collector: Look, I can't take her like that. It's against regulations. Eowyn: I don't want to go on the cart! Imrahil: Oh don't be such a baby. Collector: I can't take her. Eowyn: I feel fine! Imrahil: Oh, do us a favor? Collector: I can't. Imrahil: Well can you make it around in a couple of minutes? She won't be long. Collector: No... I've got to go to the Gondorians. They've lost hundreds today. Imrahil: Well when's your next round? Collector: By the Black Gates. Eowyn: I think I'll go for a walk. Imrahil: You're not foolin' anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do? Eowyn: I feel happy! I feel Happy! (Sound of Eowyn being hit in the head with a large club) Imrahil: Oh, thanks very much. Collector: Not at all. See you by the Gates. Imrahil: Right.
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peace
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04-18-2005, 11:16 AM | #39 |
La Belle Dame sans Merci
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Outside of Bree
Harry the Gatekeeper: Who goes there?
Frodo: It is I, Frodo, son of Drogo Baggins, from the Hill of Hobbiton. Heir of the Burglar, defeater of the Sackville-Bagginses, Keeper of The Ring! Harry: Pull the other one! Frodo: I am, and this is my trusty servant Sam. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my quest at Rivendell. I must speak with your lord and master. Harry: What? Ridden on a horse? Frodo: Yes! Harry: You're using coconuts! Frodo: What? Harry: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
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peace
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04-18-2005, 03:10 PM | #40 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Where the Moon cries against the snow
Posts: 526
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Aragorn: Sorry babe, sparkly jewelry just doesn't do it for me, I have to try and keep my image.
Arwen: What? Of a greasy barbarian? Aragorn: Ouch. That really hurts. Pippin: Never give an Irishman a good excuse for revenge! Merry: Uh, but aren't you Scottish?? Peter: Cut! What are you two doing, this is the scene where you're confronted by the Barrow Wights.
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"...for the sin of the idolater is not that he worships stone, but that he worships one stone over others. -8:9:4 The Witness of Fane" |
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