LOTR merchandise we never want to see - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Tigerlily Gamgee · 11-03-2002, 01:03 AM

I thought that this would be a fun one. Here's how it works. ..
We all know that LOTR merchandising is a really big thing right now. So this is to post merchandise that you hope you never run across in a store.
Here's some that I came up with:

~Lucky Hobbit's Foot keyring
~Life-Sized Legolas Doll
~The One "Teething" Ring (for babies!)
~Sam's Elven Jump Rope
~Denethor & Pyre Delux Action Set
~Gimli's Guide to Beard Braiding
~Legolas Bed Sheets
~Galadriel's Greatest Hits: Melodies of the Golden Wood
~Orc Sports Drink w/Collectable Bottles

Your turn!!!!! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

[ November 03, 2002: Message edited by: Tigerlily Gamgee ]

Kalimac · 11-03-2002, 01:48 AM

Legolas Shampoo & Hairspray Bathroom Beauty Set (Look perfect in EVERY situation, even when your workplace is just murder).

Elessar Electric Razor - When You Want The Look of the Rugged Outdoors, Think Stubble.

Drogo Boats! The inflatable, hobbit-sized canoes - the kiddies will love it!

Sam Gamgee-endorsed pans - When Sam Returns To Mordor, This Time He'll Bring Allclad.

Hands of A Healer scented candles - "Now have the reviving scent of kingsfoil in your own home. Guaranteed to provide new energy that even your aromatherapist couldn't give you!"

Gollum's Diet Cookbook - a fascinating collection of eclectic recipes, involving no chemicals, preservatives, or genetically enhanced components. Lose weight and feel great with simple yet satisfying recipes for sushi and tastefully undercooked rabbits, and discover the best-kept secret in weight loss - goblin meat! Get a full refund if you're not calling this book "Precioussss" within 30 days.

And, of course ...

The Palantir 8-Ball.

Enough. I don't know...maybe I should switch back to decaffeinated tea.

LePetitChoux · 11-03-2002, 09:38 AM

Quote:

The Palantir 8-Ball.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love those things. Once I asked it "am I a girl?" (which I am), and the reply was "soon"

aaaaaaanyway.

Earendil (that star I mean) torches - Battery free, good for the environment. Can be used to impress your friends, pretend youre an elven warior the EASY, low cost way!

riiiiight.
Also, I would like to ask for shieldmaiden's permission to post this:

Raefindel · 11-03-2002, 10:52 AM

That was great, LePetit! I found Blurtz and Khamue the Eastender

andArwen the Archer.

Diamond18 · 11-03-2002, 04:43 PM

A plush, stuffed Shelob cuddly toy.

"Invent your own mini Uruk-hai" science kit.

New from Campbells, limited edition mushroom soup with labels reading: Maggot Soup.

A Legolas doll that says "I Love You" , and "Marry Me", and can be programed to utter the name of the Leggybopper who buys the doll.

A " Morphin' Glorfin' " doll that changes from Glorfindel to Arwen at the press of a button.

"Breath of Death" throat spray (from the Hobbit).

Life-size skeleton of Moria doll that comes with its own well. (Hobbit not included).

A "Become the Balrog" suit. Supposedly 100% safe, this suit can be set on fire without damage to the wearer....patent pending.

Morai · 11-03-2002, 08:11 PM

Eu de ork: Ork prefume

The One Ring Jewelry Collection

Boromir Impersonators (Okay you don't see em at stores but still.....)

Tabloids about Gollum and Boromir still being alive

Mordor vacation tickets

Eruialiwen · 11-03-2002, 08:23 PM

Quote:

A Legolas doll that says "I Love You" , and "Marry Me", and can be programed to utter the name of the Leggybopper who buys the doll.

A " Morphin' Glorfin' " doll that changes from Glorfindel to Arwen at the press of a button.

LOL, that's hilarious [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Arwen Imladris · 11-03-2002, 09:39 PM

GROW: for people under 6ft only! An ent draught to make you grow!

A Ballad for Bilbo Baggins: Performed my Moria orcs and the Uruk-hai, and you thought Leonard Nimoy was bad!

Sory, those were bad. That is all I can think of for now.

Elenna · 11-04-2002, 05:35 PM

I swear, if that Arwen Barbie ends up on the market, I'm staging a protest. A big one.

Mintyztwin · 11-04-2002, 07:46 PM

Ew. An Arwen Barbie? Yech. I don't even want to think about it!!!!!! "Why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?"

Okay, a product I hope to not see . . . [pardon my grammar] Nazgul breath spray. "Knock your friends flat with just a wiff!"

Hoo boy. That was lame. And probably pre-done. [I only skim threads!]I think I'll go do homework now!

Tigerlily Gamgee · 11-04-2002, 07:59 PM

"Denethor's advice for living" - now available as book on tape...
Also, don't miss his new book... "How to keep your family together"

gralin musicteeth · 11-04-2002, 08:08 PM

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! MORPHIN' GLORFIN!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!

Diamond18 · 11-04-2002, 08:20 PM

Thanks [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

How about a Shadowfax horse doll that comes with markers and stickers to decorate it? That would give me nightmares.

Morai · 11-04-2002, 09:32 PM

The scouring of the Shire citations!! Collect all 55,106!

Nevfeniel · 11-04-2002, 10:12 PM

Quote:

I swear, if that Arwen Barbie ends up on the market, I'm staging a protest. A big one.

I'll join you! We can buy some for the sole purpose of ripping their heads and/or other limbs off! That would be fun.

hobbitlass · 11-05-2002, 07:32 AM

Goggles and "Watcher in the Water" pool set.
Gollum nailclippers.

All I can think of now.

Mintyztwin · 11-05-2002, 08:31 AM

Hah! I liked that last one! "Watcher in the Water." I would probably actually get that! Heh heh. *chuckles evilly* [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Elenna · 11-05-2002, 03:00 PM

Nevfeniel - And we have to torch a few of them. A big Barbie bonfire.

*Elenna retreats into a corner, starts rocking back and forth and giggling*

And we should make signs saying "Down with Barbiewen!" except write it in Tengwar!

Mintyztwin · 11-05-2002, 05:38 PM

Ooh! Good idee!!!! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

VanimaEdhel · 11-05-2002, 06:06 PM

A blowup doll of any of them for...well...you know...we all know what blowup "girlfriends" are for...I just do not want to see them for boys or girls.

Nevfeniel · 11-05-2002, 09:36 PM

Quote:

And we have to torch a few of them. A big Barbie bonfire.

I'll get the firewood. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Hehehehe. . .

Horse-Maiden of the Shire · 01-10-2003, 05:47 PM

k i got some theyre porbbaly lame like my spelling
Here's some stuff they might sell on Ebay:

Frodo's underwear! 100% cotton. They've been places you never want to go!

Frodo's missing finger! A genuine hobbit limb. Now you can have eleven!

A lock of Aragorn's hair! It's greasy, its dirty, but it's royalty!

thats all, thank god! lol! please please tell me if they suck or not

Thulorongil · 01-10-2003, 06:31 PM

Do you want a royal boyfriend? Eowyn's guide to attracting princes and kings

The Old Tooks wrinkle remover

Barliman Butterbur's root beer

For the Harry Potter fans: Gandalf's hat-interchangeable with all Hogwarts sorting hat scenes

Boromir's chain of brass instrument lesson books (his horn?...)

Wormtongue action figure! with real grovelling and palantir-chucking action!!

Gimli's Easy Guide to horseback riding

& so on...

Gorwingel · 01-10-2003, 06:43 PM

Hey everyone who does not want an Arwen barbie doll, they actually make something close. The people who make all the action figures make an Arwen doll with fabric clothing and everything, they also make an Eowyn one. But I have to tell ya, they are not very attractive [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] .

I would never ever want to see any LOTR underwear, just not a good thing.

How about a flaming Balrog firework, actually that could be kind of cool

11-03-2002, 01:03 AM	#1
Tigerlily Gamgee Hostess of Spirits Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Meduseld Posts: 1,055	LOTR merchandise we never want to see I thought that this would be a fun one. Here's how it works. .. We all know that LOTR merchandising is a really big thing right now. So this is to post merchandise that you hope you never run across in a store. Here's some that I came up with: ~Lucky Hobbit's Foot keyring ~Life-Sized Legolas Doll ~The One "Teething" Ring (for babies!) ~Sam's Elven Jump Rope ~Denethor & Pyre Delux Action Set ~Gimli's Guide to Beard Braiding ~Legolas Bed Sheets ~Galadriel's Greatest Hits: Melodies of the Golden Wood ~Orc Sports Drink w/Collectable Bottles Your turn!!!!! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] [ November 03, 2002: Message edited by: Tigerlily Gamgee ] __________________ ~ ExerciseJunky.com (Hobbits fitness of choice!)~ ~Lady of Rohan: An Eowyn Fansite ~ ~The NEW/OLD Barrow Downs Photo Page~

11-03-2002, 01:48 AM	#2
Kalimac Candle of the Marshes Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Flyover Country Posts: 780	Legolas Shampoo & Hairspray Bathroom Beauty Set (Look perfect in EVERY situation, even when your workplace is just murder). Elessar Electric Razor - When You Want The Look of the Rugged Outdoors, Think Stubble. Drogo Boats! The inflatable, hobbit-sized canoes - the kiddies will love it! Sam Gamgee-endorsed pans - When Sam Returns To Mordor, This Time He'll Bring Allclad. Hands of A Healer scented candles - "Now have the reviving scent of kingsfoil in your own home. Guaranteed to provide new energy that even your aromatherapist couldn't give you!" Gollum's Diet Cookbook - a fascinating collection of eclectic recipes, involving no chemicals, preservatives, or genetically enhanced components. Lose weight and feel great with simple yet satisfying recipes for sushi and tastefully undercooked rabbits, and discover the best-kept secret in weight loss - goblin meat! Get a full refund if you're not calling this book "Precioussss" within 30 days. And, of course ... The Palantir 8-Ball. Enough. I don't know...maybe I should switch back to decaffeinated tea. __________________ Father, dear Father, if you see fit, We'll send my love to college for one year yet Tie blue ribbons all about his head, To let the ladies know that he's married.

11-03-2002, 10:52 AM	#4
Raefindel Sword of the Spirit Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Washington State Posts: 1,313	That was great, LePetit! I found Blurtz and Khamue the Eastender andArwen the Archer. __________________ Blessed be the Lord my Strength, Who trained my hands for war and my fingers to fight. Psallm 144:1

11-03-2002, 04:43 PM	#5
Diamond18 Eidolon of a Took Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: my own private fantasy world Posts: 3,460	A plush, stuffed Shelob cuddly toy. "Invent your own mini Uruk-hai" science kit. New from Campbells, limited edition mushroom soup with labels reading: Maggot Soup. A Legolas doll that says "I Love You" , and "Marry Me", and can be programed to utter the name of the Leggybopper who buys the doll. A " Morphin' Glorfin' " doll that changes from Glorfindel to Arwen at the press of a button. "Breath of Death" throat spray (from the Hobbit). Life-size skeleton of Moria doll that comes with its own well. (Hobbit not included). A "Become the Balrog" suit. Supposedly 100% safe, this suit can be set on fire without damage to the wearer....patent pending. __________________ All shall be rather fond of me and suffer from mild depression.

11-03-2002, 08:11 PM	#6
Morai Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: May 2002 Location: Where young people go to retire Posts: 709	Eu de ork: Ork prefume The One Ring Jewelry Collection Boromir Impersonators (Okay you don't see em at stores but still.....) Tabloids about Gollum and Boromir still being alive Mordor vacation tickets __________________ "So why the safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar? MeWithoutYou http://fortyfifthparadox.com

11-03-2002, 09:39 PM	#8
Arwen Imladris Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: In a box with a fox Posts: 1,347	GROW: for people under 6ft only! An ent draught to make you grow! A Ballad for Bilbo Baggins: Performed my Moria orcs and the Uruk-hai, and you thought Leonard Nimoy was bad! Sory, those were bad. That is all I can think of for now. __________________ "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up, sleepies, we must go, yes, we must go at once."

11-04-2002, 05:35 PM	#9
Elenna A Ghostly Light Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: My private bubble of innocence Posts: 563	I swear, if that Arwen Barbie ends up on the market, I'm staging a protest. A big one. __________________ If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

11-04-2002, 07:46 PM	#10
Mintyztwin Wight Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: The other side of crazy Posts: 212	Ew. An Arwen Barbie? Yech. I don't even want to think about it!!!!!! "Why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?" Okay, a product I hope to not see . . . [pardon my grammar] Nazgul breath spray. "Knock your friends flat with just a wiff!" Hoo boy. That was lame. And probably pre-done. [I only skim threads!]I think I'll go do homework now! __________________ So, where are we going? But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. 1 Timothy 6:2

11-04-2002, 07:59 PM	#11
Tigerlily Gamgee Hostess of Spirits Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Meduseld Posts: 1,055	"Denethor's advice for living" - now available as book on tape... Also, don't miss his new book... "How to keep your family together" __________________ ~ ExerciseJunky.com (Hobbits fitness of choice!)~ ~Lady of Rohan: An Eowyn Fansite ~ ~The NEW/OLD Barrow Downs Photo Page~

11-04-2002, 08:08 PM	#12
gralin musicteeth Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Tossing half-sick between grotesque reality and savage, frightening dreams Posts: 360	AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! MORPHIN' GLORFIN!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! __________________ Where was the stooped and mealy-coloured old man I used to call Poppa when the merry-go-round broke down?

11-04-2002, 08:20 PM	#13
Diamond18 Eidolon of a Took Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: my own private fantasy world Posts: 3,460	Thanks [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] How about a Shadowfax horse doll that comes with markers and stickers to decorate it? That would give me nightmares. __________________ All shall be rather fond of me and suffer from mild depression.

11-04-2002, 09:32 PM	#14
Morai Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: May 2002 Location: Where young people go to retire Posts: 709	The scouring of the Shire citations!! Collect all 55,106! __________________ "So why the safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar? MeWithoutYou http://fortyfifthparadox.com

11-05-2002, 07:32 AM	#16
hobbitlass Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: next to the fire keeping warm Posts: 471	Goggles and "Watcher in the Water" pool set. Gollum nailclippers. All I can think of now. __________________ Just because a person has the right to do something doesn't make it the right thing to do.

11-05-2002, 08:31 AM	#17
Mintyztwin Wight Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: The other side of crazy Posts: 212	Hah! I liked that last one! "Watcher in the Water." I would probably actually get that! Heh heh. chuckles evilly [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] __________________ So, where are we going? But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. 1 Timothy 6:2

11-05-2002, 03:00 PM	#18
Elenna A Ghostly Light Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: My private bubble of innocence Posts: 563	Nevfeniel - And we have to torch a few of them. A big Barbie bonfire. Elenna retreats into a corner, starts rocking back and forth and giggling And we should make signs saying "Down with Barbiewen!" except write it in Tengwar! __________________ If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

11-05-2002, 05:38 PM	#19
Mintyztwin Wight Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: The other side of crazy Posts: 212	Ooh! Good idee!!!! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] __________________ So, where are we going? But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. 1 Timothy 6:2

11-05-2002, 06:06 PM	#20
VanimaEdhel Etheral Enchantress Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Wellesley College! Posts: 1,461	A blowup doll of any of them for...well...you know...we all know what blowup "girlfriends" are for...I just do not want to see them for boys or girls. __________________ "I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time." - Hobbes of Calvin and Hobbes

01-10-2003, 05:47 PM	#22
Horse-Maiden of the Shire Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Chillaxin' with Glorfindel-441 miles on the RtR Posts: 1,197	k i got some theyre porbbaly lame like my spelling Here's some stuff they might sell on Ebay: Frodo's underwear! 100% cotton. They've been places you never want to go! Frodo's missing finger! A genuine hobbit limb. Now you can have eleven! A lock of Aragorn's hair! It's greasy, its dirty, but it's royalty! thats all, thank god! lol! please please tell me if they suck or not __________________ "There's a big...machine in the sky...some kind of electric snake...coming straight at us." "Shoot it," said my attorney. "Not yet...I want to study its habits."

01-10-2003, 06:31 PM	#23
Thulorongil Haunting Spirit Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: wherever the road may take me Posts: 97	Do you want a royal boyfriend? Eowyn's guide to attracting princes and kings The Old Tooks wrinkle remover Barliman Butterbur's root beer For the Harry Potter fans: Gandalf's hat-interchangeable with all Hogwarts sorting hat scenes Boromir's chain of brass instrument lesson books (his horn?...) Wormtongue action figure! with real grovelling and palantir-chucking action!! Gimli's Easy Guide to horseback riding & so on... __________________ I sit beside the fire and think of people long ago, And people who will see a world that I shall never know.

01-10-2003, 06:43 PM	#24
Gorwingel Beholder of the Mists Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Somewhere in the Northwest... for now Posts: 1,419	Hey everyone who does not want an Arwen barbie doll, they actually make something close. The people who make all the action figures make an Arwen doll with fabric clothing and everything, they also make an Eowyn one. But I have to tell ya, they are not very attractive [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] . I would never ever want to see any LOTR underwear, just not a good thing. How about a flaming Balrog firework, actually that could be kind of cool __________________ Wanted - Wonderfully witty quote that consists of pure brilliance