The many deaths of Hama

[Tinuviel of Denton]

This doesn't fit in Movies, although it does have something to do with them, so I'm putting it here.

You know how Hama was killed by a 'warg' in the movie version of TTT and in the battle in the book version? Well, my boyfriend was reading something (over my shoulder, of course) and suddenly suggested that we have something where each of us kills Hama in a different way.

Please don't repeat m.ethods, but there are no limits!

Mine: Hama is riding along like a good soldier of the Riddermark and a random tree falls on his head. This is not what kills him, however. He is only pinned under the tree. But the tree is infested with rabid killer squirrels. Poor Hama.

I told you there were no limits.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 9:45 PM January 01, 2004: Message edited by: Tinuviel of Denton ]</font>

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 12:59 AM January 02, 2004: Message edited by: Tinuviel of Denton ]

[Olorin_TLA]

Before the Great Gates of Minas Tirith stood a man, clad in mail and a cloak of dusty hues, and with him an old bent man wraped in grey, yet with of a hint of an inner light that was only seen when it was not realised. As Hama drew closer, he thought he saw in the younger man a reflection of Boromir the Valiant, who had passed through Rohan some months ago, and was now dead. The other was clearly Gandalf the Grey. He drew close to them, for Théoden King had sent him to Gondor with the Red Arrow and words of valour in place of Hirgon, messenger of Gondor, and he would not fail to deliver them now.
"My lords!" He cried, "My lords! I - oof! What-what are you DOIN - ARGH!!!"
With no explanation, Faramir was beating, kicking , strangling and maiming Hama relentelessly. His boots were pummiling the flesh...surely, thought Hama in his horror, surely this is not the noble brother of Boromir? What changed his personality so - URPHHH!!!

"Stop it!" Cried Gandlaf, and for a moment all gre darker than the looming Darkness, save that the Wizard shone like a blinding flame. "Fool! What manner is this to treat a man?" Hama lay on the floor, bleeding, bruised, crushed. His bones were broken, his lungs and windpipe almost rent, and his flesh a mass of swellings; more potato than man.
Thank Eru that Gandalf had saved him from this mad character's assasination.

"THIS is how you do it!" Cried Gandalf.

"Wha..." bled Hama... "NO!" he skriked! "Areiighg!!!"

"Like THIS! And THIS! Little wrist-swipe, helps maintain staff-balance - and THIS!!!" roared Gandalf as he beat the remaining life out of Hama with his staff, then got Sahdowfax to kick the dieing corpse into a fire and throw it off the sky-piercing peaks of Mindolluin till his body erupted in the streets of the Tower of Guard, covering dozens houses with redness and gore.

[Everdawn]

I have had this thought in my mind for a long time. Have you seen The Holy Grail and the part where the French start throwing cows at the knights?

Well In TTT i have imagined our poor Háma being hit by one of thoes cows and the rohirrim screaming "Run away!"

[Olorin_TLA]

Maybe the Wargs will be changed in the Silmarillion Films to look like my beloved Bovine Cavalry! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

To steal from other Monty Python scenes, what if a giant foot decended out of the sky and squashed him flat? (almost like Treebeard and that hapless orc)
[img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] This &lt;i&gt; is &lt;/i&gt; rather gruesome, you know that, right?

[Tinuviel of Denton]

Yes, I know that. Blame my boyfriend.

So that this is not entirely a chatty post:

A new one; Hama has managed to survive Helm's Deep and is riding along with the rest of the Rohirrim to Gondor, and suddenly he falls over from a heart attack. Oops.

[Lhunardawen]

Mine: Hama is riding along like a good soldier of the Riddermark and a random tree falls on his head. This is not what kills him, however. He is only pinned under the tree. But the tree is infested with rabid killer squirrels. Poor Hama.

Ooh, that's brutal. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Hama was riding before the rest of the group (as we have seen in the movie) with another Rohirrim...wait, that was an Orc disguised as a Rohirrim . When he realized this, he rode away in fear.His horse was riding so fast that it did not see a stone before it. The horse stumbled upon the stone and fell on Hama.

Wait, this reminds me of someone... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 6:12 AM January 02, 2004: Message edited by: Lhunardawen ]

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

The Elves prepare for the approach of the sea of enemies surrounding the fortress. Suddenly, the gate bursts open, and a lone figure runs straight fof the Uruks.

"Háma! Come back!" Théoden shouted, but the fearless(and witless, I should add) soldier of Rohan continues to run, heedless of the peril.

"For the Mark!" Háma cried as he drew his sword, Fingerling.

"Leithio i phillin!" shouted Aragorn, ignorant of Háma's predicament.

"Ouch," was the fool's last cry, as an Elven arrow found its mark(get it: Mark? Hahaha...I'll stop now... [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] )

After the battle for Helm's Deep was won, the men of the Westfold buried Háma before the gates. On his epitaph was written:

Brave fool.

I metta.

-&gt;Elenrod, aka Nilpaurion aka Alatar aka Mouth of Sauron(whew!)

[zb]

poor Hama! [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]

Hama is staring into the infinite middle-distance, paying little attention to what is being said

Aragorn: Death shall come to any man that draws Elendil's sword save Elendil's heir.

exeunt Aragorn, Gandalf, Gimli, Legolas

Hama: What did that guy just say? "Draw the sword"? Well, I suppose I should do what he says...

sword starts attacking Hama

Hama: Ai! Ai!

Hama starts running down steps, trying to get away from sword. He trips and falls, landing on his head, resulting in massive brain damage and slow painful death.

Aragorn: That'll learn ya to touch my sword, horse-boy. spits on Hama's grave

[Sharkû]

"I told you there were no limits."

Who are you to say that? Of course there are limits, in this case of taste and what we consider no longer family friendly. So be careful.

[Oddwen]

Hama, brave guard of Meduseld, was taking a leisurely walk in Fangorn when suddenly he did espy a maiden walking on a greensward. And as he had been singing the ballad of Luthien, he ran forward crying "Tinuviel! Tinuviel!" and the maiden turned to him.

"Who art thou, and why do you call me by that name?"

"I am Hama of Rohan, and I thought that thou were Luthien, but if thou art not, then you walk in her likeness."

"So many have said," she said gravely. "Yet I am Arwen Undomiel, daughter of Elrond."

And from that day forth Hama loved Arwen. And unbeknownst to him, she loved him also. Many deeds were done, for good and evil, and the months went on, and Hama pined for his love. And Arwen's love for the Ranger Aragorn grew stale, until it rankled and festered and grew to a hate. And so she rode in haste to Helm's Deep, and coming near she saw her beloved about to be Warg bait, and so seeing she took out Hadhafang and slew the lemming-creature. And Legolas grumped.

Aragorn looked upon her in amazement, crying as he did so "Why doest thou this?"

But Arwen answered, saying "Go thou away!" and shovedest him. But Aragorn staggered, and fell backwards, and was immediately set upon by the foul Wargs, and eaten.

Then Arwen cried out, for her necklace which represented her life was in the belly of the foul beast. And Hama seeing her distress, shoved his hand into the maw of the Warg, and drew out the jewel.

But alas, the hand he used to prop open the mighty jaws was snapped off, and he swooned into his beloved's arms.

He placed the jewel into her keeping, and then kissing her hands, he died in the arms of Arwen.

But Arwen wept, and so left her body, and came into the halls of Mandos, and sung such a song that had not been heard in the remembrance of the many dead. And hearing the love story of Arwen Undomiel and Hama, guard of Meduseld, Mandos, keeper of the dead said
"What is this? Some sort of joke?"


~The end of my strange tale.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 12:59 AM January 03, 2004: Message edited by: Oddwen ]

[Oddwen]

Another idea:

Inside Meduseld, The Three Hunters are beating people up, and you notice Hama trying to get involved. Well, instead of Gamling stopping him, Hama runs towards the melee!

Hama: My lord, I will save you!

Leggy: *punch*

Aragorn: *kick*

Gimli: *tackle*

Hama: ARRGHH!

[Lord of Angmar]

No respect for the Deceased, I see. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] Maybe we should make a game where we think of what Hama might have accomplished, post-War of the Ring, had he not been tragically slain by vicious Uruks of the White Hand.

[Oddwen]

But are we not counted deceased as well? Say not "disrespect for the dead", we merely have a little fun with one of our dear comrades!

[Anything but Arwen]

This thread seems to be pushing the boundaries of tastefulness (is that a word?!)...
But, its fun... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Hama, for some bizarre reason, has journeyed into the pits of Hithaeglir, and stumbled upon a massive underground lake, and met a nasty, pale, twisted creature called Gollum. Hama, clearly wishing to return home, has managed to negotiate a deal with Gollum, whereby if he asks a riddle Gollum cannot answer, he will be led out. But, if Hama cannot answer Gollum's challenge, he will be eaten..

Gollum hissed in Hama's direction. "Riddleses, my precious, yess...ask us then, why doesnt it?"
Hama gulped, searching his mind for a riddle.
"Er...er.." he stammered, unil struck by a flash of inspiration.
"What is full of knowledge, yet knows nothing?"

"Ack...precious, this we know..books! Books, our grandmother used to read them to us, yess..now we must think of a riddle for it, yess..ah.." Gollum leered in the dark, confident in his answer.
"A slithering snake that cuts into the land, shaping it without claw or hand, or swimming swiftly into the sea, a serpent so powerful, what could it be?"

Luckilly, Hama had heard a similar riddle befoe, and answered easily.
"Simple!" he said. "Its a river.."

Gollum hissed impatently. "Yess, yess, the snaking stream...ask us then, precious!"

Hama thought for a moment. "Alright..My sides are firmly laced about, yet nothing have I within, you'll find my head is straight indeed, 'tis nothing else but skin."

"Ssss! Hard it is, precious.. Gollum, gollum ...laced and skin..why! Drumses! The horrible orcses beat them in their caves, we see them we do.." spat Gollum, rocking back and forth.

Hama was beginning to lose his confidence.
"Ah. Yes. Oh dear. Your turn.."

Gollum suddenly thought of an old, old riddle that he had been asked long ago.
"Sss... What is yours, forever and anon, yet used by others even after you're gone? "
Hama's mind went blank. "Um. Er. Um..."

"Hurry, hurry, we are hungry, we are hungry precious..."

Hama simply could not think of an answer. One thing kept coming to his mind, and although uncertain, he eventually said it.
"Um. Um..your horse?"

Gollum squealed with delight. "No! No precious no!! It is your name! *cackle* And now, precious, we eat..." He slipped unseen to Hama's side, licking his lips.

Hama, was understandably nervous, and in vain tried to talk his way out of it.
"Er...cant we come to some understandin-ARRRRGH!!!!"

[img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Sorry. I just always felt so sorry for poor little Smeagol...he was expecting a snack from Bilbo, so I decided to give him a gormet meal... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

EDIT: Edited out of script format, to appease BW!

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 1:08 PM January 04, 2004: Message edited by: Anything but Arwen ]

[Olorin_TLA]

Nice one with Gollum! And Oddwen, that Arwen one was sheer genius!!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

"Death shall come to any man that draws Elendil's sword save Elendil's heir."

After the Hornburg, people are relaxing, and recovering. Aragorn thoguh is very edgy, but Hama is taking the opportunity to indulge his artistic talents. The scrathcing sounds of a pecil catch Aragorn's jumpy ear.

"What are you doing!"

"Nothing lord, merely sketching."

"Sketching what?"

"Umm...nothi-"

"Give me that paper! What...how dare...ELENDIL!!!"

TwhackSmakcCrack!!!

Or alternatively...

"Sigh...that Éowyn...she's beatiful."

"Aye Hama, this Dwarf has to agree. Still no more so that the Lady Galadriel."

"No, I'd say Éowyn's better."

"Say that again to my axe, boy."

"I...just...I like Éowyn...she's nice."

"Ooooooh, "nice" is it! I'll give you nice!"

"No! Nooo! Noooarghghhguhrgerhidjk!!!!!!!"

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 10:44 AM January 03, 2004: Message edited by: Olorin_TLA ]

[The Barrow-Wight]

This topic started out well with good descriptive deaths. Now it is degrading to a bunch of lame scripts. Let's get back to the better writing so everyone can enjoy this thread. Thanks.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 7:32 PM January 06, 2004: Message edited by: The Barrow-Wight ]

[Kalimac]

I'll give it a shot, BW - hope it passes muster.

It was in the Houses of Healing that Meriadoc and Peregrin, the Halflings, first came to be told the tale of Hama - who, though dead before ever any of the Fellowship had seen him, had yet helped to ensure their victory. Eomer told the tale thus:

"Men will speak much of the great deeds at the Hornburg, and of the valour of Theoden King and Erkenbrand of Westfold, but naught would have fallen out in such wise, had not Hama saved me from the most fell of enchantments. For on the morning before Gandalf and his companions arrived at Edoras - some two days after I had encountered the three wayfarers, and lent them horses - I had dispute with Grima, the Wormtongue, and denounced him as traitor and spy of Saruman. Not ten minutes had we spoken together, when Wormtongue grew exceedingly wrathful and drew forth a decree, signed in a quivering hand by my King, declaring that I should be banished forthwith from Rohan.

"He had scarcely done this when a shadow fell before my eyes and I grew weak in understanding, for I knew not how to proceed; it seemed that a great change had overcome my very soul. For how could Eomer, sister-son of the King (to whom I was ever loyal) be conceived of as slinking away upon the orders of the Wormtongue, framed in the King's hand though they might be? But voices whispered to me that I should leave, and when I considered where I should go, I grew more amazed still, for memory of familiar places was fading from me. Scarce could I recall even the existence of Erkenbrand of Westfold, and he seemed like to vanish from my mind altogether.

"This being so, I left the Golden Hall, weak and ill, and there encountered Hama, a staunch and loyal guardsman. "My lord Eomer," he cried, "What fell sickness is upon you?"

"I have been banished," I cried, "And though I consider it a coward's deed, yet do I feel compelled to leave without battling my foes, or slaying the Wormtongue, which he hath long deserved. And my memory grows dark before me, and I can scarce remember the paths of this land which I have known since childhood, and the face of Erkenbrand fades in my sight."

"Banished!" cried Hama, and his face became grave. "But surely this is not according to Canon!"

"I know not what you mean, good Hama," said I. "But I cannot battle this strange change in my fortunes."

"This cannot be allowed," said Hama. And ere I knew what had happened, he had left his post and entered the Golden Hall. I followed as one in a dream.

"Wormtongue!" cried Hama. "How came you to cast such a spell upon my lord Eomer? Do not deny that you have done so; you have learnt from the foul craft of Saruman, and have disordered his mind, and breached the code of Canon, more sacred to us even than the laws of Eorl our ancestor. Did you think that my lord Eomer would leave without a cry, simply at the command of one such as you?"

"You have incurred death thrice over," said Wormtongue, advancing on Hama. "Who are you to judge what Canon permits?" And with that Wormtongue drew a sword, saying, "Come, I challenge thee!"

"Hama drew his own blade, and at the first clash of steel the shadow fell from my mind, and I was once again Eomer of Rohan, not one who would be meekly banished from my own land. I drew my sword, and hastened to intervene in the fight, but alas! The Wormtongue was even more cunning than cruel, and as he fled from Hama's sword, he slipped a small dagger from his belt and stabbed Hama in the back, and Hama fell dead.

"Poison," said Wormtongue. "As were his words. As for you, my lord Eomer, Rohan is no longer safe even with you as an outlaw, if you will turn the very guards of the King's house against him! You shall not breathe free air again, no, now you must lie in the dungeons beneath Edoras." And before I knew what had happened, he had summoned other guards and bade them take my weaponry and put me in irons, and I did not strike at them, for these men were good, and hated to do the Wormtongue's bidding. And yet I felt a strange lightness as they took me to my prison; my mind was again clear, the face of Erkenbrand restored to my memory. The next day the Grey Wizard came to Edoras with his companions, and the rest of the tale you know.

"But I remember with grief and honour good Hama, for had he not risked his life against the Wormtongue, I might yet be wandering exiled in th wilds, my mind disordered and my sight dark. And had my men followed me, as I believe they may have, never could we have held Helm's Deep until Erkenbrand came with the White Rider. Grievous would have been the loss for us, and for Gondor as well."

"I wish I could have met him," said Pippin. "He sounds a good fellow to be with in a pinch." But Merry was silent, and considered Eomer's tale long in his heart.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 1:15 PM January 03, 2004: Message edited by: Kalimac ]

[Gamja]

the brave hama suddenly finds himself at helms deep.

Hama: Oh boy, lotsa orcs... wait, where did i get this bow? And why do i have this two-handed sword? Eh, whatever.

And so the brave Hama runs back and forth around the Deeping wall, somehow surviving sword blows that would have normally beheaded anyone else. He also noticed that the orcs and elves were not attacking very ferociously, neither were there that many orcs on the wall...

Hama: Wait, why am i not tired yet? I must have run at least a mile-

Before he knew it, a catapult rock smashed into him and kncocked him down. Then an orc rushed to him. Before the Eorling could be gutted, he sprang back up and "silenced" ( [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] ) the orc with deft sword strokes.

Hama: Ok, now this is pretty freaky...

Suddenly a bunch of orcs shot arrows at him. Swinging his sword wildly, he deflected all of them.

Then hama decided to shoot back at the orcish archers.

Hama: Prepare to die, shadowspawn!

But for some strange reason, Hama simply stood there, about to release his deadly dart. It cost him his life. Hama the brave's corpse slumped down to the ground as if knocked unconsious (despite the fact he was pummled by 9 flaming arrows).

Legolas: *throws down gamecube controller* Argh! that stupid A button got stuck! Now I have to do this level all over again...

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 10:03 PM January 03, 2004: Message edited by: Gamja ]

[Elennar Starfire]

The first two paragraphs are rather unoriginal, as I'm sure you'll notice, but I have to set up the story a little. It gets Hama-ified later.

In the Prancing Pony inn in Bree, four hobbits were sitting, and drinking, not noticing the stare of the man in the corner. Or, I should say, three of them were, one did notice, and pointed it out to the hobbit next to him, as another hobbit went off to get another drink, having just discovered the existence of pints. "That man's done nothing but stare at you since we arrived," said the hobbit in a voice that clearly said he didn't like the look of the man. A worried expression came over the other hobbit's face as he glanced in the direction of the dark figure.

At that moment, the innkeeper passed by the table where the hobbits were sitting.
"Excuse me," said the worried-looking hobbit, to get his attention. The innkeeper paused, waiting for the hobbit to say what he wanted. "That man in the corner...Who is he?"

The innkeeper frowned. "He's one of those 'Eorlingas.' Dangerous folk, they are. What his right name is, I've never heard, but around here he's known as Walker."

"Walker..." muttered the worried-looking hobbit.

"Well I don't like the look of him, Mr. Frodo," said the hobbit who had noticed him, after the innkeeper had gone. He grabbed a fork, and threw it, hard, in the direction of the mysterious figure in the corner.

"Urk!" was the only sound Hama made, as his career as a ranger came to an abrupt end.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 10:30 PM January 03, 2004: Message edited by: Elennar Starfire ]

[Oroaranion]

So, Hama somehow arrives in Lorien, unaware of the legend that says anyone who enters the sacred wood never leaves. He strolls in all cocky like, and meets Galadriel. She takes Hama to her mirror, and when he looks in, he sees a boat carrying a soldier. He believes it to be Boromir as he has heard of the story of his death.

Just as he thinks he is being let free, Galadriel shows him her ring, Nenya. Haldir then shoots an arrow into Hama's backside. He leaps up in pain, questioning in his mind the hospitality of Elves. Then he gets arrowed again. Then Celeborn creeps up behind and stabs him with Sting, shouting "Not before i stick you! Oh, damn, that line was reserved for Samwise"

Then Hama is sent down Anduin (his image in the mirror, see).

And so came the passimg of Hama, loyal servant and strong (:/) soldier of Rohan.

[Nimrothiel]

Personally, I find his original death to be slightly amusing: "He fell before the Gate."
That's all it says, and there's not much after that. Seems a little incomplete to me, but it could have been worse as some of you have shown in your posts. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Whilst under the dizzying influence of several large ales, Gandalf abandoned secrecy and casually explained to Theoden and his Men about the Quest of the Ring. The Rohirrim were confused as to what actually was this thing called a 'Hobbit'. The intoxicated Gandalf, in an attempt to demonstrate, accidentally turns the soldier Hama into a Hobbit. He is unable to turn him back into a Man.

Hama was captured by the servants of the Dark Lord Sauron whilst the entire army of Rohan were at Helm's Deep. He was put cruelly to death. Gandalf never did find out what had happened to Hama.

[polices]

Boromir walks up to a grave in the middle of a battlefield. He neels down and says nothing then he looks up and reads the moss-covered stone. Here lies Hama playable video game player if enter a secret code. Then Boromir stands up and has a memory. (Rare!)

Boromir was slaying orcs at amon hen hhe had ravcked up 2,000,000 bonus points and saw a boss orc come over the hill. Then suddenly in a quick move he paused the game pressed X Y X Y and was replaced with Hama. Hama stares around dumly and gets shot with 3 arrows.

~LATER~
"I win ," says Gimli smugly. "That was only because you tought me that way to turn into Hama!" Legolas shouted! "Play again?"
~Much much later~
"I win again," Gimli says for the 3,001 time, "thats me 3,001 and you 0." Legolas-_-...

[Finwe]

During the Battle of Helm's Deep, our dear warrior realizes that he's that too much ale, as he loses his balance and falls off the ramparts of the fortress, right onto the pikes of the Orcs, dying a rather gruesome death.

It's still canon. He fell before the gate. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[THE Ka]

i am creative, but i'm having what we artist call "creative withdrawl". It's like a smoker without something to smoke, but worse...

ok, i'll stop scaring you. and write my stupid story about Hama.

Hama was riding his pretty little horsie, being a godie godie riddermark when the thought crept into his mind: "What does it mean to be evil? How does it feel?"

Bam! out of no where springs the ka!

his horse is spooked and also:
Hama with much surprise, falls off his horse, knocks his head into a sharp rock protruding out of the road, it smashes the back of his skull, he sees a bright light( which is actually your brain fizzing out , not heaven.) and he dies.
the end

it seems where ever i go death follows...
but, not today. I'm on vacation. [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img] [img]smilies/redface.gif[/img]

okay, well i'll try to stay on vacation for as long as i can...

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

He fell before the gate.

The first COFLGOHAHA of 2004! Weird, though...

Narn i u-saila Háma - Tale of Hama the unwise.

At the cry of Háma Hyena stirred for the last time, and a quiver ran through all his body; and he opened his baleful eyes a slit, and the moon gleamed in them, and gasping he spoke:

"Hail, Háma, daughter of Yourfather! You married your brother, you incestuous $lut!"

Háma sat as one stunned. For a long time she was still, until suddenly she started to her feet. She looked down on Hyena, and said: "That’s not true!"

"But it is true!" said the "Warg."

Háma covered her ears, running madly, and shouting: "La-la-la-la-la...I’m not listening..." So she continued, until unknowingly she headed for a chasm, and so fell, uttering for the last time:

"So, that was it? I'm dead already?"

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 12:53 AM January 15, 2004: Message edited by: Nilpaurion Felagund ]

[Meneltarmacil]

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a group of Warg Riders attacked the Rohirrim. Fighting erupted all over the place as the strange mutant hyena things leaped at the riders.

Hama leapt to the back of one of the strange mutant hyena things and hit its rider several times until the orc fell off. Hama tried to jump off the strange mutant hyena thing, but his hand was caught in its riding straps. He frantically tried to pull it free, but couldn't get off the beast.

Suddenly, a cliff materialized in front of Hama and both he and the strange mutant hyena thing plunged off it into a raging river that had never been mentioned on any of the maps of that country. However, Hama just floated to the top of the river despite the heavy armor he was wearing. But then a large rock fell and crushed him. The end.

[zb]

All his life, Hama had been haunted by premonitions of his death. Whether it was dying in battle, being killed by Aragorn, or even having his soul destroyed and his body simply animated by Legolas clicking on Xbox controls, all Hama could think about was how he was going to die. This made him almost unbearable to have around, but he tried his hardest to remain a part of society, working his way up his career to become a door guard to the King.

One day, a strange man came to the King's halls.
"Stop, and declare yourself!" said Hama, trembling with fear at his mental pictures of this stranger using a dead ferret to clobber him.
"I am a therapist, from the distant land of Pop Psy, and I see you need my help."
"I don't need your - HELP!" Hama squealed as his mind conjured pictures of this therapist unleashing rabid squirrels onto him.
"What's all this about?" said another guard, running up the steps and unsheathing his sword. "Oh, it's only you again, Hama," he said, putting his sword back. "And who are you?" he said to the therapist.
"I am a therapist," said the therapist.
"Hama, this is just what you need," the guard said. Reluctantly, Hama agreed to book a session.

To his surprise, and the surprise of the rest of the court, the therapy worked. Soon Hama had no fear of death at all and took up bungee jumping as a hobby. The therapist became fabulously rich as all the wealthy Rohirrim brought their problems to him, for a fee, of course. Even Grima had some counselling. All of Rohan was happy.

One day, as he was bungee jumping, Hama felt the rope snap. Even as he plunged to his death, he had no fear. He died thinking, 'well, this isn't as interesting as that recurring cow dream I used to have, but oh well'.

"Wow, that was great," said Grima, putting his scissors away. "That therapist was right - I should take an active role in taking over Rohan rather than this whole passive-agressive relationship with the King. I'm going to get a sword."

The End.

[Galadriel55]

Hama, a brave warrior of the Rohirrim, was mortally wounded near the Gate of Hornburg. Theoden tought he was dead, and was about to annuonce his funeral, when Aragorn came and healed Hama with athelas. Hama then rode with Theoden to save Minas Tirith. He did not do too well during the battle on Pellenor Fields either. His limp body was carried into the city after Theoden's and Eowyn's. However, this time his wounds were not as serious, and he recovered quickly in the Houses of Healing. Aragorn told him to stay there for a few more days, but Hama would not part with Eomer, the new King of the Rohirrim. So Hama fought in the battle on Cormallen Fields, and saved Eomer's life many a time. When the great hero rode home with all the rest of Rohan's army, his horse slipped and fell off a cliff in the White Mountains. This was the end of the brave Rohirric warrior Hama.