"Saruman, Saruman! Saruman, you missed your path in life. You should have been the king's jester and earned your bread, and stripes too, by mimicking his counsellors. Ah me!" Gandalf |
Visit The *EVEN NEWER* Barrow-Downs Photo Page |
08-12-2009, 09:07 AM | #1 |
Laconic Loreman
|
Middle-earth Misdemeanors
This thread is meant to be humorous...let's just start trumping up misdemeanor charges and crimes for all the various Middle-earth characters.
The most notorious petty criminal is without a doubt Gandalf. Ever wonder why he has so many names? Gandalf, Mithrandir, Incanus, Tharkun, Olorin, Stormcrow, Greyhame, The White Rider, The Grey Pilgrim. Someone with that many names has to be involved in loads of illegal activities. I would guess for tax evasion purposes, because he doesn't have a return address, as he claims he doesn't have a home. But also all the other crimes he's involved in. Bribery: he claims Shadowfax was a "gift." Ha, I doubt you get a flashy ride such as Shadowfax without any strings attached. He was also a notorious flasher: "Naked I was sent back" ~The White Rider "Then you will see Gandalf the Grey uncloaked"~Long-expected Party So, what other petty criminals do we have in Middle-earth?
__________________
Fenris Penguin
|
08-12-2009, 09:57 AM | #2 |
Gruesome Spectre
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Heaven's doorstep
Posts: 8,037
|
Samwise Gamgee- Attempted Arson in the Old Forest
One Count of Assault on one Bill Ferny via a thrown apple Adelard Took- Notorious Purloiner of Umbrellas- Petty Theft Barrow-wight- 4 counts of Unlawful Imprisonment and Theft of Hobbit Clothing Meriadoc Brandybuck- Theft of 'weed' from one Saruman
__________________
Music alone proves the existence of God. Last edited by Inziladun; 08-12-2009 at 10:00 AM. |
08-12-2009, 10:00 AM | #3 |
Maundering Mage
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,648
|
Pippin is a known litter bug look at him dropping the elven broach, also Glorfindel for that matter.
Legolas should be ticketed for not wearing a safety restraint in his vehicle, riding saddle less as could Gandalf
__________________
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” |
08-12-2009, 02:54 PM | #4 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
|
Thranduil lets his pet spiders run wild. He could be charged with...something...
__________________
Joined together wrote our names upon the page Seven times alliance our loyalties we gave |
08-12-2009, 03:25 PM | #5 |
Wisest of the Noldor
|
No, I don't think the spiders are Thranduil's pets; in fact we're told his people kill them without mercy.
-Which brings me to the real change against the Wood-Elves: wanton slaughter of rare (and probably endangered) species!
__________________
"Even Nerwen wasn't evil in the beginning." –Elmo. |
08-12-2009, 03:38 PM | #6 |
Maundering Mage
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,648
|
Isildur and Deagol with petty-theft
__________________
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” |
08-12-2009, 03:48 PM | #7 |
Laconic Loreman
|
Ahh, morm, but Isildur had a legal claim to the Ring as weregild...a claim accepted by Elrond et all. But yes Deagol definitely.
Nerwen's got me thinking more about Gandalf again. For it was Gandalf who was responsible for destroying the Balrog...certainly a rare and endangered species. And advising the youth (Pippin) to kill themselves: "Throw yourself in next time and then you will be no further nuisance."
__________________
Fenris Penguin
|
08-12-2009, 04:04 PM | #8 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
|
My name's Halbarad. I'm a ranger. I was working
the day watch out of Tharbad protecting halflings in the Shire when my men and I were attacked by nine horsemen in black. Some of my fellow rangers were killed. The black riders, believed to be agents of Sauron, a.k.a. the Necromancer, were tried in absenia. In a moment the results of that trial........ The presiding judge ruled that since Halbarad, the chief plaintiff, and the black riders (a.k.a. nazgul, a.k.a. ringwraiths) all died in the War of the Ring they would be let off with a stiff scolding by Lobelia S-B.
__________________
The poster formerly known as Tuor of Gondolin. Walking To Rivendell and beyond 12,555 miles passed Nt./Day 5: Pass the beacon on Nardol, the 'Fire Hill.' |
08-13-2009, 03:01 AM | #9 | |
Wisest of the Noldor
|
Quote:
*Bard killing Smaug (how many dragons were left in Middle-earth by then?) *The massacre of helpless Wargs by the Fellowship *Eowyn brutally decapitating one of the near-extinct fell beasts *The mumakil being shot down at the Pelennor Fields (no doubt their ivory was sold on the black market) –the conclusion is inescapable: many of these so-called "heroes" should be charged with crimes against nature!
__________________
"Even Nerwen wasn't evil in the beginning." –Elmo. |
|
08-13-2009, 05:45 AM | #10 |
Maundering Mage
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,648
|
The army of Saruman should be charged with arson as the approached Helm's Deep.
__________________
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” |
08-13-2009, 10:30 AM | #11 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,448
|
well if Gandalf is a criminal,
Elrond-Harboring a known fugitive. Bilbo theft in Thandruil's palace
__________________
Morsul the Resurrected |
08-13-2009, 10:51 AM | #12 |
Maundering Mage
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,648
|
Bilbo could also be accused of being a peeping tom to Smaug amongst others.
__________________
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” |
08-13-2009, 10:55 AM | #13 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: May 2009
Location: The Twilight Zone
Posts: 736
|
Frodo and Sam can be charged with trespassing. Sauron did not invite them into Mordor.
__________________
Medicine for the soul. ~Inscription over the door of the Library at Thebes |
08-13-2009, 11:44 AM | #14 |
Drummer in the Deep
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Next Sunday A.D.
Posts: 2,145
|
Saruman Many Colored was certainly guilty of felling trees without a permit. On another's property, no less.
Also, he and one Grima Wormtongue were guilty of squatting in Bag End. Saruman's distant cousin Gandalf is certainly a worse miscreant, with such charges as defacing protected land, spying and trespassing on the Necromancer, leading tours of condemned properties, destruction of property, blackmail, smuggling, public lewdness, arson, drug dealing and evading authorities on a speeding eagle. And don't forget Sam, Merry, Pippin and Fatty Bolger - for conspiracy!
__________________
But all the while I sit and think of times there were before
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door |
08-13-2009, 11:49 AM | #15 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,448
|
gollum- stalking
Gimli- desecration of a tomb, he stood on balin's grave. Legolas- not sure what the crime would be labelled allowing a fugitive roam free, letting Gollum out
__________________
Morsul the Resurrected |
08-13-2009, 11:54 AM | #16 |
Pittodrie Poltergeist
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: trying to find that warm and winding lane again
Posts: 633
|
Barliman Butterbur charged with racist abuse over his hatred of 'black men' who entered his village.
__________________
As Beren looked into her eyes within the shadows of her hair, The trembling starlight of the skies he saw there mirrored shimmering. |
08-13-2009, 11:57 AM | #17 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
|
Queen Beruthiel- found guilty of beimg a cat lover.
Sentenced to sail away with them "To a better land where we'll be free once more". (Also rejected her husband's suggestion of 101 things to do with dead cats)
__________________
The poster formerly known as Tuor of Gondolin. Walking To Rivendell and beyond 12,555 miles passed Nt./Day 5: Pass the beacon on Nardol, the 'Fire Hill.' |
08-14-2009, 06:49 AM | #18 | |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,448
|
Quote:
Barrow-Wight Kidnapping
__________________
Morsul the Resurrected |
|
08-14-2009, 09:41 AM | #19 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
|
BB charged with criminal negligence in not forwarding
Gandalf's letter to Frodo, almost causing Sauron to get the one ring.
__________________
The poster formerly known as Tuor of Gondolin. Walking To Rivendell and beyond 12,555 miles passed Nt./Day 5: Pass the beacon on Nardol, the 'Fire Hill.' |
10-24-2010, 07:38 PM | #20 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,410
|
Sauron should be charged for not putting streetlights in Shelobs Lair (after all, it is his property) - look how many unfortunate accidents that caused!
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
10-24-2010, 07:40 PM | #21 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,410
|
Aragorn was tresspasing private property when he went through the way that's shut.
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
11-02-2010, 09:44 AM | #22 |
Auspicious Wraith
Join Date: May 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,859
|
Isn't Tom Bombadil still dogged by charges of kidnapping Goldberry?
Smoking in enclosed, public spaces: a whole host of characters. Glorfindel and Frodo probably broke the Rivendell speed limit.
__________________
Los Ingobernables de Harlond |
11-02-2010, 12:57 PM | #23 |
Wight
|
The Nazguls for disturbing the peace in Bree and attempted murder (when Frodo was stabbed).
Could also charge them with vehicular homicide (when they ran the poor gate watcher over. Can't remember if this happened in the books or not, I really need to read them again.)
__________________
~|And all will turn, to silver glass. A light on the water, Grey ships pass, Into the West. |~ "Few now remember them...yet still some go wandering, sons of forgotten kings walking in loneliness, guarding from evil things folks that are heedless." |
11-02-2010, 02:47 PM | #24 |
Guardian of the Blind
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Where The Skies End
Posts: 899
|
Bilbo-for stealing Golum's precious!
Ungoliant-for attempted murder and theft (think of Manwë's face if this came to court!) |
11-02-2010, 08:49 PM | #25 | |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,410
|
Quote:
The way this thread goes, Gandalf is the biggest criminal in the history of ME!
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
|
11-03-2010, 04:22 AM | #26 |
Auspicious Wraith
Join Date: May 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,859
|
It makes Denethor's dislike of the wizard more understandable, to be honest.
__________________
Los Ingobernables de Harlond |
11-03-2010, 05:25 PM | #27 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,410
|
And both Denethor and Saruman should be in court for trying to access private inforation through the palanthirs - Aragorn too, for that matter. And Pippin, even though he did it "by accident"
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
11-04-2010, 07:51 AM | #28 |
Auspicious Wraith
Join Date: May 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,859
|
A good lawyer would easily put Aragorn away for multiple cases of fraud.
__________________
Los Ingobernables de Harlond |
11-04-2010, 06:29 PM | #29 |
Maundering Mage
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,648
|
Bilbo's real reason for leaving Bag End was less than what he let on in his book. He was in fact out of his money and was skipping out on his creditors who he still owed for Bag End.
__________________
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” |
11-11-2010, 05:39 AM | #30 |
Auspicious Wraith
Join Date: May 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,859
|
Remember that The Hobbit was compiled from Bilbo's own notes - his bias shines through. Are we really supposed to believe the cartoonish villainy of the Sackville-Bagginses, and their low-down tricksy attempts to steal Bilbo's 'rightful' home?
He used his wealth and connections to cheat this poor family out of their promised house.
__________________
Los Ingobernables de Harlond |
11-12-2010, 02:41 AM | #31 |
Pilgrim Soul
Join Date: May 2004
Location: watching the wonga-wonga birds circle...
Posts: 9,458
|
Most of them could be done with carrying offensive weapons and vagrancy- and you may want to check out Aragorn's use of "herbs". I also hope that my lord Elrond had the appropriate licences for his miruvor distillery.
__________________
“But Finrod walks with Finarfin his father beneath the trees in Eldamar.”
Christopher Tolkien, Requiescat in pace |
11-12-2010, 06:21 AM | #32 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,410
|
Eowyn must be charged with fraud and creating a fake ID
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
01-09-2011, 08:34 PM | #33 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,410
|
Sauron doesn't have a license to use a palantir.
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
01-10-2011, 05:59 PM | #34 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,410
|
Sam was totally right about Strider, and Frodo would have agreed with Sam, if Gandalf didn't blackmail him! So, Gandalf sued by Sam for blackmailing Frodo, and Strider brought into court as well as an accomplice.
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera Last edited by Galadriel55; 01-12-2011 at 06:45 PM. |
01-15-2011, 09:04 PM | #35 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
|
Just off the top of my head.
Fake IDs / Identity Theft: Besides Aragorn, Eowyn, and Gandalf, There are: Finrod, Beren, and accomplices; Luthien; and Sauron. Theft: Anybody who had a silmaril after Morgoth stole it who wasn't a son of Feanor. The fact that they stole it from the thief does not mean that they themselves did not commit theft. Obscuration of Justice: Anybody who was questioned about why the Noldor had fled Valinor and left out the bit about kinslaying. Anybody who tried to keep the Silmarils from their rightful owners (including the Valar. They had no right to make it so the sons of Feanor could not touch the silmarils. Gandalf when he encouraged Pippin to not answer Denethor's questions.
__________________
Busy, Busy, Busy...hoping for more free time soon. |
01-15-2011, 10:39 PM | #36 |
Guardian of the Blind
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Where The Skies End
Posts: 899
|
The Vala only hallowed the Silmarillions. No one evil could touch them, Melkor included. What Maedhros and Maglor had done [attacking Thingol's kingdom] was evil, thus they couldn't touch them.
|
01-16-2011, 01:34 AM | #37 | |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
|
Quote:
I tend to have problems viewing it as that evil. Dior had stolen property -a Silmaril - in his possession and refused to get it back. Let's say that the Mona Lisa gets stolen from the Louvre and then the Prime Minister of some country takes it from the thieves and then refuses to give it back to France. Would anybody blame France for going to war? No, because it's stolen property and it was a national treasure. The Silmarils were one of the Noldor's greatest treasures. So why is it evil for them to want their property back? Why are the Feanorians judged to be more evil then the rest of the Noldor? Fingon participated in the first kinslaying but he's seldom viewed as evil. And really the first kinslaying is the only one I can view as evil. The second and third were prompted by Dior and Elwing refusing to give the Feanorians their rightful property. That doesn't mean that it was right for them to kill women and children but if Dior and Elwing hadn't of kept stolen property in the first place it wouldn't have occurred.
__________________
Busy, Busy, Busy...hoping for more free time soon. |
|
01-17-2011, 12:34 PM | #38 |
Guardian of the Blind
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Where The Skies End
Posts: 899
|
In getting the Silmarils back they did evil deads. The Vala could not have foreseen Feanor loosing the Silmarils. That they killed was why they couldn't touch them.
|
01-17-2011, 01:16 PM | #39 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
|
But who decides what is evil? To me, Elwing's actions are just as bad as the Feanorians. She chose to abandon her children to what would have been their death if it wasn't for 'evil' Matimo and Maglor. To my mind there is little difference between somebody who kills children and somebody who abandons two children to die at the hand of said killers so that they can keep a jewel that doesn't even belong to them.
__________________
Busy, Busy, Busy...hoping for more free time soon. |
01-17-2011, 03:09 PM | #40 |
Brightness of a Blade
|
Boromir - noise pollution (when he blows his horn when starting from Rivendell (everyone around reacts too!)
Gollum - Illegal hunting in Ithilien Sam has to be added to the list of criminals assaulting an endangered species - Shelob. It is even said she was the last and greatest of her kind! Thingol and a host of other Elves - racist remarks.
__________________
And no one was ill, and everyone was pleased, except those who had to mow the grass. |
|
|