Of what did they taste?

[the guy who be short]

A question which I think is often (quite despicably) omitted from observation and study is the matter of what the races in Middle-Earth tasted like. I'm quite certain that investigation in this direction would reveal a lot about relationships between the species.

It is a well known fact that humans taste of pork, and there is no reason to believe the Men of Ennor didn't. Hobbits, being but a breed of men, were also probably porky, though more tender due to their size.

Then there is the question of the kindred of the Eldar. Is it to be presumed the taste depends on the body alone? For the Eldar were said to possess the bodies of Men, yet their Fea was different. Could the Fea affect the taste of a race?

Presuming taste is entirely physical, it is safe to assume the Eldar also tasted somewhat porky. However, if the Fea had any effect, who knows what they tasted like?

The question of the Fea leads us invariably to the Istari. Was it even possible to eat a Maia? Were the bodies they inhabited entirely identical to those of Men and Eldar (that is, porky) or different? Could the powerful Fea of these beings affect their taste? Did the Blue wizards actually taste Blue, or did the name relate to aesthetics only?

Of course, all the races above mentioned share, one presumes, the same type of physical body. What of other races?

The Dwarves were created by Aule of the Earth, or so it thought. Did the Dwarves taste of earth, or are these rumours completely unfounded? Surely by their gruff exterior, one would presume the Dwarves to be tougher and stronger flavoured than Men.

A mystery that continues to confuse scholars of our Age is the taste of the Ents. It is said in the Silmarillion that Ents are but spirits living in trees, akin to dryads. Again, the question of the Fea causes confusion. Did the Ents taste like trees, or was the Fea able to alter flavour?

And, of course, there are other races to consider. The Eagles, The Orcs, The Trolls, the Dragons.

Eagles, present the same question as Ents, in that they are spirits residing in the form of other beings. But what of the orcs and trolls, races perverted by Melkor? Perhaps orcs tasted of tormented pork? But what does tormented pork taste like? It is too cruel to torment pigs in our Age to find out.

Of the Dragons, I have few thoughts. The trolls were presumably woody, like Ents, but slightly more poisonous.

Any thoughts and ideas from you, my fellow Scholars of Middle-Earth, would be welcome.

[Gil-Galad]

Well you would think the soul would be apart of the body, so if the soul is twisted and dark, the host-body is as well twisted and dark, and that usually leads to being foul, so most presumeably, the evil creatures will taste foul, while the elves would probaly taste more blander because they have more grace, so they aren't as meaty or trying to be built up, so men would taste more because they realie(sp) on muscles more then the elves, thus more meat

[the guy who be short]

But the porky taste of men comes from our layer of fat, as opposed to our muscles.

And I am not entirely convinced of the physical nature of the Fea, nor its ability to affect taste.

Also, come to think of it, Dragons could possibly taste like a crocodile/newt combnation.

[Firefoot]

It is a well known fact that humans taste of pork

You learn something new everyday, I guess.

Dwarves are porbably very tough and stringy. And they must have a very distinct taste, cf. Smaug:

"Don't tell me that I can eat a dwarf-ridden pony and not know it!"

So even if their meat isn't very good, they must make good seasoning.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

The Eagles perhaps tasted like Albatross, that being a bloody great seabird which hasn't got any flavour.

As for dragons well, is it outlandish to suppose that, whatever they tasted of, dragon meat comes pre-cooked? Premature preparation no doubt hindered the flavour.

Um...interesting topic tgwbs.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Balrogs taste like chicken, or so I've heard on many occasions. Most likely they taste like chicken wings, with that bit of a fiery kick only found in the best relatively unheard of pizza places with owners who like to watch customers squirm.

I would assume that Dwarves would be rather tough and chewy, somewhat like venison jerky. There is a good chance that they taste heavily seasoned.

I would assume that the Teleri taste like fish... most probably pollock. The Noldor also taste like fish, although in their case, the flavor is more strongly reminiscent of Tuna.

[Firefoot]

Balrogs taste like chicken, or so I've heard on many occasions. Most likely they taste like chicken wings

Well, I've heard that it's just the Balrog's wings that taste like chicken wings. The rest of them tastes like corresponding parts of the chicken.

Hey... Morgoth destroyed Elves to make Orcs, copied Ents to make Trolls, and (drumroll please) enlarged and destroyed chickens to make Balrogs! Except, the enlargement went slightly askew and Balrogs now have even less flying capabilities than chickens.

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by the guy who be short

A mystery that continues to confuse scholars of our Age is the taste of the Ents. It is said in the Silmarillion that Ents are but spirits living in trees, akin to dryads. Again, the question of the Fea causes confusion. Did the Ents taste like trees, or was the Fea able to alter flavour?

I should hypothesize that Ents do not taste entirely like trees...

After all, it is never stated, totally, that Ents are spirits inhabiting trees. They are similar, of course, but not the same. They do not have roots, obviously, and require the ability to move on a near-constant basis.

Therefore, although I would say that Ents are quite tree-like, with wood for bones and bark for skin, I would hypothesize that any "muscles" would be a softer tissue. Spinach-like, or cabbage-y maybe.

Therefore, cooked properly, Ents make sauerkraut.

Which goes good with pork.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Terribly interesting, Formendacil (I really love saying your name, ol' boy... it just rolls off the tongue in a fascinatingly rolly way).

I had always assumed that, when properly harvested and stewed, Ents tasted very much like a strong cup of tea. Perhaps that's just the bark though...

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Originally Posted by Feanor of the Peredhil

The Noldor also taste like fish, although in their case, the flavor is more strongly reminiscent of Tuna.

Oh my Eru! Does that mean Elves are the main ingredient in that traditional hotdish called "Tirion-upon-Tuna"?!

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

Oh my Eru! Does that mean Elves are the main ingredient in that traditional hotdish called "Tirion-upon-Tuna"?!

I had always assumed that the tradtional ingredient in Tuna was chicken... why else would it be called chicken of the sea? But-- Oh heavens... that would mean that Elves and Balrogs are composed of the same ingredients?

[the guy who be short]

I hate to spoil the fun, but you do realise Tuna is pronounced "Toona," oui?

Originally Posted by Formendacil

After all, it is never stated, totally, that Ents are spirits inhabiting trees. They are similar, of course, but not the same. They do not have roots, obviously, and require the ability to move on a near-constant basis.

Originally Posted by Yavanna

But the kelvar can flee or defend themselves, wheras the olvar that grow cannot. Among these I hold trees dear. Long in the growing, swift shall they be in the felling... Would that the trees might speak on behalf of all things that have roots, and punish those that wrong them!

Originally Posted by Manwe

Behold1 When the children awake, then the thought of Yavanna will awake also, and it will summon spirits from afar, and they will go among the kelvar and the olvar, and some will dwell therein.

Though how they then move is debatable...

[Alcarillo]

An ent's flavor would be like wood, I think, but maybe with more flavor and juicier. And maybe easier to chew than ordinary wood.

I'm not sure if it's possible to eat a balrog or not, but I suppose it might taste burnt.

There seems to be some agreement on dwarves, in that they are tough and jerky-like. I imagine that they taste more like beef than anything else.

Men and elves taste similar, I suppose, but I think elves would be better.

Orcs probably taste disgusting, with varying textures of meat.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I hate to spoil the fun, but you do realise Tuna is pronounced "Toona," oui?

Do tell how this is spoiling the fun. Are you in disagreement over the flavor of Elves? I mean... sure there's that bit of leeway saying that they might taste more like chicken than fish, or that they could taste entirely different, and be more along the lines of fine wine (aged and mellow), but that's another point besides.

Trolls... now I would suggest that they taste very salty and awful... chewy, perhaps, but more like uncooked bread with too much yeast.

[the guy who be short]

Originally Posted by Fea the Bonkers

Do tell how this is spoiling the fun. Are you in disagreement over the flavor of Elves? I mean... sure there's that bit of leeway saying that they might taste more like chicken than fish, or that they could taste entirely different, and be more along the lines of fine wine (aged and mellow), but that's another point besides.

Hmm, do you have first hand experience or evidence of this? It's generally assumed that Elveses tasted of pork too. Any variation points at the Fea being physical and thus altering flavour.


Trolls being made in mockery of ents, they'd taste like mock-wood. Fake wood is usually plastic. Therefore, Trolls = plasticky. They're also thermosetting; once the sun touches them, they get too hot and turn solid, or as some say, "to stone."

[Firefoot]

Oh my Eru! Does that mean Elves are the main ingredient in that traditional hotdish called "Tirion-upon-Tuna"?

Yep - it's the specialty item of Rivendell, as it seems:

(As Bilbo rides into Rivendell): "Hmmm! It smells like Elves!"

[Gurthang]

Obviously, Ents would taste somewhat like a Venus-flytrap(whatever they taste like). Because the flytraps can move they must be a primative form of Ent, so they should taste very similar.

Trolls, on the other hand, wouldn't taste of plastic, because plastic melts in heat, not sets. Therefore, they should taste of clay, or some ceramic texture.

Yet all this is making me wonder: what does the guy who be short taste like?

[Gil-Galad]

Now that you mention that, i think he'll be pretty hairy so we'll have to skin him...5 pounds for 20 minutes of skinning time?

[the guy who be short]

Orcs are extremely salty.

Notice that whenever a mound of dead orcs is created, grass ceases to grow above it. It is quite obvious this is due to extreme saltiness in the orcs' blood levels.

Now, orcs were tortured and disformed Elves. It is now apparent that the fashion is which Morgoth tortured them was to create open wounds and then rub salt into them. Eventually, this salt was assimilated into the Orcs' bloodstream, resulting in salty Orcses.

This explains their disgusting taste - poor food for Shelob. They taste like extremely salty pork.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Balrogs taste like chicken, or so I've heard on many occasions. Most likely they taste like chicken wings

I wouldn't recommend anyone to eat balrog. There's way too much carcinogens: you would just end up with a cancer.

Could the Fea affect the taste of a race?

I'm sure that there are major flavour dissimilarities even between individuals of one species caused by their personalities. For example, an orc who drinks plenty of water and spends enough time in the sun (for vitamin D) is bound to taste less salty than some other orc who sucks a lick stone and watches cable all days long.

[Lalwendë]

Orcs taste like mystery meat, the sort that is commonly served up in kebab vans outside the Green Dragon on Friday nights. The young Hobbits who are tanked up to the tips of their slightly pointy ears on high strength ale feel compelled to eat it, but likewise, they are also compelled to drown said mystery meat in chilli sauce.

Balrogs are a bit like Turkey. During the Yule festivities Hobbit mums go and buy Balrog joints to serve up for the family festivities, together with roast taters and sprouts they have had on the boil for a week or two. However, as Balrog meat is so cheap, it has lately been used to make cheap, oven ready food products sold to the kitchens of Hobbit schools in the form of Balrog Twizzlers. Famed young Buckland chef, Jamie Oliver-Baggins recently got himself into the news for bringing the poor nutritional value of Balrog Twizzlers to the attention of the Shire. As a result, the Mayor has seen to it that they are banned from Hobbit schools.

Giant spiders like Shelob have quite a complex taste I hear. Though these days instead of using them for their meat, their fangs are being milked owing to the supposedly good bacteria found in them. Said spider milk, which has a brown colour, is being marketed in Gondor as Yakoliant, though many remain sceptical as to its beneficial properties.

[Lhunardawen]

Originally Posted by spawn

I wouldn't recommend anyone to eat balrog. There's way too much carcinogens: you would just end up with a cancer

But barbecue is just too good to pass up on!

One thing I'm sure of is, whatever their taste, Feanor and Saruman definitely taste alike. Apparently, they have the same meat.

[the guy who be short]

Actually, I'm quite interested in the flavour of the Istari. As I've started before, I can't help but wonder if "Blue Wizards" implies a blue flavour or not. Radagast, I imagine would taste quite nutty, Gandalf wouldn't taste of much, Saruman would be bitter. This is all on the presumption that Fea can influence taste (just can't make my mind up on that...).

I doubt that one could eat Balrogs actually. Shadow is hard to eat, and fire, though simpler, is slightly more painful.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

In German, at least, (don't know about other languages) the term "blue", when used in cooking, refers to preparing a fish (trout, especially) in an infusion of vinegar. So if applied to the Blue Wizards, that would mean that they taste sour rather than bitter.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I was reading yesterday how blue is the inedible colour. Sure, fish can be kinda silvery blue and some cheese can have a bluish tinge, but it's being stretched.

That's why the Blue Wizards (and Gandalf probably) have not yet been devoured by predators. Their colour is off-putting. Unsurprisingly, the many Green Wizards who accompanied Gandalf et al over the Sea were swiftly eaten, possibly mistaken for cucumbers.*



*Casually omitted from HoME.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

You've forgotten blueberries. Which leads me to believe that the Blue Wizards may have tasted somewhat fruity.

[Lalwendë]

Maybe the blue wizards taste faintly of chemicals, like blue confectionery products such as blue Smarties or Slush Puppies? Either way, you'd want to prevent the kids from eating too many Blue Wizards or they'd get hyper on all those E numbers.

Saruman, being of Many Colours, would taste like Trifle.

[the guy who be short]

Originally Posted by Lal

Either way, you'd want to prevent the kids from eating too many Blue Wizards or they'd get hyper on all those E numbers.

Fortunately, the Blue Wizards were extremely rare, so I doubt they'd even catch one.

Yet all this is making me wonder: what does the guy who be short taste like?

Pork. Though it isn't worth eating me, due to lack of meat.

Um...interesting topic tgwbs.

Isn't it just. I can't believe we didn't have one before.

Do you suppose one could eat a Vala or not? I suppose any physical form they take could be consumed, presuming they were willing...

[arcticstorm]

I am not sure what the Istari taste like but I am thinking the probably taste close to that of elves, but it is probably a little bit stronger, I am guessing that Gandalf and Radagast probably taste a little like Venison or goat.
Dragons probably taste a little like Aligator but even stronger, Dragon would be good with curry or cajun seasonings
Shelob and the Mirkwood spiders probably taste a little like crab.

[Eledhewin Ilanora]

..now now..did anyone wonder how gollum would have taste like (though i'm not willing to have a bite)..

Though there would not be much meat and you had to munch hard on his bones..do you think he might taste like fish, since he loved fish so much.. But we do also know gollum had every now and then had digested some small orcs as well..i think he will produce the stinkiest meat ever..much more stinky than orcs itself..

So as the smell of his meat would be unbearable leave alone having it for dinner. Prove: Even Shelob do not want to eat him..i dont think its just because gollum worship he..i'm 100% sure gollum would not taste good

[Lhunardawen]

Maybe the Blue Wizards have molds...

[the guy who be short]

Now, humans taste like pork (pig).
Dwarves are small, hairy, aggressive humans.
Warthogs are small, hairy, aggressive pigs.
Dwarves taste like warthog.
Quad erat demonstrandum.

In German, at least, (don't know about other languages) the term "blue", when used in cooking, refers to preparing a fish (trout, especially) in an infusion of vinegar. So if applied to the Blue Wizards, that would mean that they taste sour rather than bitter.

Most likely, considering Tolkien's love of Germanic languages.

[Formendacil]

I think that the blue wizards probably taste like ice cream.

For, if one runs "blue" and "wizard" together, one gets "bluewizard", which is easily condensed to "blizzard", and as everybody knows, a blizzard is an icecream treat, prevalently popular in the summer.

Now...

As to which FLAVOUR of blizzard the bluewizards were, I am not sure... Probably raspberry or blueberry, or some similar infusion.