What do you assign to Mordor?

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by Orominuialwen

Cameras that don't have flashes. There's almost no point in having a camera at all if it only works outside in sunny weather.

People who flash-blind people with their photography.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by the guy who be short

I've only been studying Psych for a few months, but didn't Freud more or less invent the entire concept of psychology? Which means that, by sending him to Mordor, you also send psychiatrists, psychiatric wards, and mental care, as well as indirect effects of the discovery of psychology, such as maternity leave and parents being allowed to visit hospitals with children?

Just a thought.

Hmm. Psychiatrists, psychiatric wards and bureaucratic hospitals all together in Mordor. I think I like the potential complications of this scene.

[Lhunardawen]

Alternating sun and rain within a day. Mordor residents should love playing in the rain and chasing frogs one moment then sunbathing and sipping iced tea the next.

No, I'm not sending frogs and iced tea to Mordor. They'll have to buy them from a stand that I'll be putting up near the Black Gate.

[VanimaEdhel]

When it snows and gets you all excited for winter and then goes back up to around seventy degrees farenheit the next day. That's wrong, I tell you.

[The Only Real Estel]

People who flash-blind people with their photography.

People who blind me with their brights after I flashed my brights at them to warn them of a speed trap. See if I save them a ticket again!

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign recurring nightmares that mean that even with a full eight hours sleep, you wake up feeling less rested than if you'd only gotten your usual four or five. When you spend the day paranoid because you can't shake the horror that was with you when you woke up... When you know that it was only a dream, and that even though in the dream, you triumphed, you still can't get it out of your head and randomly shudder when the images invade your thoughts again... And when this whole stupid dream puts you in such a mood that even rain, which you really like, is just making it worse, because it should be snowing right now, not raining, and you only got a B on a paper, which is made worse by the fact that you deserved that B, or, more likely, a B- or Eru forbid, a C. When this bad dream and the mood it put you in means that if you don't get that test back today... it's been a week, after all, and the stress that comes with knowing that if you fail this test, your chances of passing Psych this term are so minimal that you're seriously considering withdrawing from the course if you bombed it, but you don't think you did, but the more time goes by, the less confident you are... when this bad mood makes you really want to go back to bed, only you can't because you've still got two classes, a bout of servicing the community, and a really important meeting to go to before you can settle down to do the homework you probably should have done yesterday...

Ugh. I think I just assigned nightmares, bad moods, the lack of snow, getting a grade I probably didn't deserve, stressful exams, and procrastination. Who thinks that I need to get over myself? *raises hand*

[Bêthberry]

I assign to Mordor those who would deprive us of story, who do not understand the need for representation, and who do not understand the satisfaction of a half-formed desire.

There now, there's something for LMP to use!

[Celebuial]

Originally Posted by Lhunardawen

Alternating sun and rain within a day. Mordor residents should love playing in the rain and chasing frogs one moment then sunbathing and sipping iced tea the next.

You just assigned Cardiff to Mordor! That's all it does here! You have to take an umbrella everywhere with you even if it's really hot and sunny, because sooner or later it satrt to rain. It normally does this several times a day. Also, I'm told it only snows about once a year here! There was me thinking the wheather in central England was bad enough!

I assign worrying and stress to Mordor. Especially when you have a plethora of thing to be worried about. For example: you're really ill but still don't have an appointment from the hospital; because of said illness you're missing a lot of work and assignments and compulsory lab sessions not just lectures; which makes you really stressed; then you actually manage to attend a few and realise that you can't do the work anyway; and then start worrying that you'll have to re-take the year. All this worrying makes you stressed and then you get even more worried because you're so stressed! Then you become even more ill because of all the stress! The situation is far to cyclical for my liking so it should be banished to the noisome pits somewhere in Mordor-where it belongs!

[Kath]

I would like to assign my psychology teacher to Mordor. Not all psychology teachers, I'm sure some of them are lovely but mine is not. (This is quite a long rant so you have my permission to skip it!).

Ok first she is such a hypocrite! If anyone comes into her lesson the slightest bit late as in more than 30 seconds she has a major stress about it and yells at them for ages going '"I have no respect for people who cannot be punctual to lessons, they don't deserve my respect" with no consideration as to why this person is late. And when they try to explain why with perfectly reasonable excuses such as another teacher caught them in the corridor and they couldn't get away (seriously in our school if one of a few certain teachers gets you for a chat you have to resign yourself to being at least 5 minutes late!) she says that you should say you have to go or you'll be late for her lesson because of course they will understand. Now that is fair enough but then at the end of the lesson after the pips go she keeps us behind for ages still talking to us. Of course we say sorry but we have to go and she throws a wobbly! She decides that we are obviously not interested in learning anything and we shouldn't bother turning up to the lessons since we don't want to learn. Argh! So we explain that we will be late for assembly and she sulks, literally sulks.

Then we have the daily gripe that we are three weeks behind schedule and that is of course our fault because we all turn up late to lessons and muck about through them. So, nothing to do with the fact that she frequently keeps us waiting outside the room for the first ten minutes because she is chatting to someone about what they are planning on doing at university? I thought not. And nothing to do with her going on and on about the school she used to teach at and how they were all stupid lower-class people who couldn't even manage writing let alone GCSE's (not kidding, those are paraphrased words not changed ones) and yet they were better than us because we are middle-class and lazy and think we need do no work to pass, helpfully missing the fact that we are all sitting there writing notes or doing example questions. Oh and of course her constant talking about how wonderful she is and how her sons are all geniuses and she was some kind of queen in South Africa because none of the black people there know how raise children properly (again not kidding, she said that). None of that could possibly have anything to do with our being behind schedule.

Hmm, lets see, what else. Oh yeah her inability to control a class. I mean, ok we muck about a bit but we settle down to work as soon as asked, but she doesn't ask, she sulks! I have never known a teacher so bad for that. We don't actually know she wants our attention because there is no difference between her attitude when we come in and are allowed to talk and when she expects us to settle down to work. So, we keep talking and suddenly she bursts out with 'If you want to talk go and have your conversations outside!' or she threatens to send people back to the subject they dropped, though I'm not quite sure why on that one. Of course everyone feels hard done by having not known she was even starting the lesson and mess around in grieved retaliation.

And she is such a bad teacher just in general! I don't learn from her, I learn from the textbook, because she doesn't give us the information we need to pass the exams. She goes on and on about the pHD she's doing in 'how to teach teenagers' but I swear if anyone actually came in and observed her she'd fail on the spot!

Then she always talks about how her class last year all got A's except the person who had a baby on the day of the exam but even she got a B and we're all thinking so, if we don't all get A's we're all failures? We say this to her and a get 'well, if you don't want to get A's then of course I'll stop teaching you' - that's not what we said!

*sigh* that's not even all of it but I think I shoould stop now before I bore you all to death.

[Plastic_Panda]

hehe ive played this "game" before....wot would u throw into Mt. Doom i think it was called

shoes
and
things that make shoes needed :-P
also
cigarretes, biases
definently not
off topic posts

so ya...

[Alcarillo]

I have one teacher, who I must absolutely send to Mordor. He is more interested in his elaborate points system than in teaching. I would expect a points system to be used in elementary school, but not at my age! Each day, he tallies up these immature little points, which make up practically more than half of one's grade. And he'll take them away for the most ridiculous reasons. The entire class could be talking, and one student might ask him a question without raising a hand, and he'll call it a class disruption and take away a point, even if said student is two feet away. And even if that sudent is raising his hand, my teacher wil refuse to acknowledge it until the "class leader" calls upon her. Even if you mutter quietly to yourself, he'll take points. And next class, we'll be getting "group points". *groan*

I mentioned our "class leaders". In a nutshell, this student's job is to do the teacher's for him. The "class leader" does all the talking, choosing students as volunteers, etc. And then there is the next level in my teacher's twisted little empire of a classroom: the "group leaders". Their job is to keep the others quiet and grab the books, but they never do. It's not that they boss others into doing such, it's just that there are students who do so even when not "group leader". It's a rather pointless job.

And my teacher's whole idea of teaching bothers me to the core. He, rather than telling us the answer, tells us to look it up. This is understandable when the question is "When was the Boston Tea Party?", but certainly not when one just wants to know what the weather is. He also poses the most ridiculous questions during discussions, like what might happen if the moon explodes. Totally irrelevant to the topic of lunar phases.

Also, when one has been absent for a class, rather than telling you what you have missed, he'll just tell you to look at another student's agenda. Nobody uses their agendas (I confess that I use mine for drawing ships and swords, actually)! Is he too lazy? Does he just not care? Grrrrrr. . . off to Mordor with 'im!

[Thinlómien]

When it's too quiet in the 'Downs and nothing happens...

[Himilsillion]

Leaders that use their powers to lead for evil and not for good.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Having a dancer's feet when you really are only pretending to be a dancer, whether the leg muscles and better posture you've mysteriously developed call lie to that or not. Blisters, scars, and oozing floorburns from when your instructor says "Now slide into a split" and your foot doesn't feel like sliding appropriately... So unfair.

My whole town, because we have tainted river, ground poioning, acid air, strange animals running around and angry people who answer: "hrummmph" when you ask them for something...
I think all people here wuoldn't notice if we were put into Mordor now...

[Thinlómien]

My geography presentation on "tourism in Lapland". It's so boring and surprisingly difficult to find info about.

[Dimturiel]

I want to assign fog to Mordor. I mean, imagine waking up in the morning, knowing there should be some trees and a house in front of your window, but when you open your eyes you see nothing. Also imagine having to walk the dog in the evenings in such conditions.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

People who use the phrase "My philosophy is..." before going on to talk about some totally mundane thing that only they care about. You know, like: "My philosophy is that a good wine is like a good family" or some other such gibberish.

It doesn't make you sound more clever; it makes you sound like an egotistical wannabe who's desperate to seem important.

To Mordor, to Mordor I send you!

[the guy who be short]

My infuriating internet connection that randomly takes it upon itself to commit suicide every so often.

[Gurthang]

This is probably already on here, but:

Homework to Mordor!

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Spandex. It doesn't look good on anybody. Mixed with 97% denim, sure. That makes really comfy jeans. But... a purple spandex jumpsuit? *shudder*

[Firefoot]

People who stand in the middle of a crowded hallway. Especially when they stand in clumps, and especially when those clumps stand right at the entrance to the cafeteria during lunch periods.

People right in front of you who randomly stop in the middle of a crowded hallway. Hello! People are actually trying to walk here, and when there are people on both sides of you, it's rather hard to avoid running into you.

Groups of people who walk four across in a hallway only four people wide. Maybe you don't have anywhere to go and can afford to walk with the relative pace of a snail on sandpaper, but the rest of us actually don't want to be late!

Just people in general who walk slowly and you can't get around them. I don't walk particularly fast, but I do appreciate actually being able to walk at a normal pace.

The girl whose locker is next to mine because she always opens the door all the way, even though I come to my locker just about every passing period. And not only does she open it all the way, she doesn't move it when I come to mine, so I always have to move it out of my way just so I can get into my locker.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Show nights! When you remember/find out that your term paper is due tomorrow just an hour before you have to go and be in a show! My term paper is a twenty-page research paper/schpeal on literary theory and I have to edit fifteen of those pages and write the last five of them some time tonight, but I'm going to be cloistered in a dance studio (and on stage) for the next four hours! Eek. The concept of not stressing nearly as much as I should over my paper while listening to tempermental dancers on a performance night is not appealing to me right now. Wish me luck!

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

loosing elections again and again and. . .

and then when you it looks like you actuall are going to win, the Social Democrats backstab you !

[Lhunardawen]

Those weird feelings of selective meanness. Like, you're nice to everybody except to this one person who, in your eyes, is just plain annoying, whatever he does. And worse, you don't even completely understand why.

I don't want to be an unreasonable meanie, so off to Mordor you go.

[Oddwen]

Michigan winters I would like to send.

Sometimes the snow doesn't come 'til Christmas.

Sometimes it starts in October.

And sometimes it comes in one flippin' day, a foot and a half of snow literally in 24 hours, completely wrecking duck pens that your Dad and your siblings and yourself has been working on for weeks, covering the roads, somehow keeping the plows off the roads, making work incredibly slow, and making it necessary to clean off cars ensuing in pants that are wet up to the knee, and speech impediments due to frozen cheeks, lips and chins. And run-on sentences too.

Maybe this happens in other places also, but dangit, I have to live here, and I don't want to have to endure snow and ice until June snarkin' drat it!!

Grr.

Sorry. Now back to your regularly scheduled amusements.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Smut writers. It's bad enough with all the smut in movies but at least there is a limit to that. Smut writers go way too far in their twisted works. The first paragraph is enough to drive you away. What makes it even worse is that many of them use animal people, or "anthros" in their works, making them even more disgusting and ruining the names of humans and animals alike.

[Lalaith]

I recently found out that something I have long loathed actually has a name, which makes it much neater and easier to consign to Mordor.
What I am talking about is what, in US sitcom script meetings, they apparently call "Hugs 'n' Learning."
The pernicious phenomenon can be seen in all kinds of places, and I blame it for some of the unnecessary changes in the LotR movies.

Oh and while I'm at it, the little pillocks who broke into my car this week can also go and spend some time with Sauron. Instead of breaking the window to steal my stereo, like normal well-brought up little hoodlums, they pulled off the door handle and jemmied the lock, destroying the driver door and thereby consigning the car to a week in the garage.
Oh, and Disc 14 of my 18-cd set of the narrated Fellowship of the Ring was in the stolen cd player, rendering the whole, extremely expensive set useless.

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by Lalaith

What I am talking about is what, in US sitcom script meetings, they apparently call "Hugs 'n' Learning."
The pernicious phenomenon can be seen in all kinds of places, and I blame it for some of the unnecessary changes in the LotR movies.

"Hugs 'n' Learning"? I don't know what it means, not being big into US sitcoms. Nor, therefore, how it affects the LotR movies. Care to explain, please? (see, I can be really courteous away from werewolf.)

[Lalaith]

I can be really courteous away from werewolf.

Oh, me too.

Even if you don't watch US sitcoms you'd recognise the phenomenon, I think, as it is endemic these days.
Hugs 'n' Learning is a point in any given drama when someone learns that they've been making mistakes or behaving unreasonably, and becomes reconciled (usually emotionally) to their situation/fellow cast members. Often accompanied by hamfisted clumsy "the moral of the story is..."
The "arc of personal development" belongs to the same breed of cheesy nonsense.
Off the top of my head, various non-canonical Hugs 'n' Learning moments in LotR:
Theoden, really grumpy sulking in the bowels of Helms Deep, then persuaded by Aragorn to "draw swords together".
The elves deciding to help men after all by coming to Helms Deep.
Aragorn not wanting to be King but gradually getting talked into it, finally having Elrond pop up with Anduril in the middle of Rohan.
Elrond in his turn seeing the error of his ways vis a vis Arwen.
I could go on.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign today's psych class. When your attention span is already questionable and the very room itself seems to be warring against it, trying to concentrate in your hardest class becomes all the harder. Imagine, if you will, all of the sights and sounds that could make a very random girl like myself lose total sight of the lecture itself (about four pages worth of material on psychotherapy that I really needed to be learning and totally missed out on). The droning, ever droning sounds of a movie from across the hall, first filtered by distance, but also by two walls, until the only things you hear are the tones of voices, if that, and much though you strain to understand even only one word, you can't, and it just continues like an inaudible murmer or a swarm of bees mid-summer. Next add drums. The class on the other side of the other wall is listening to music from another culture. So now you have bees droning about to the sounds of a dozen drums beating in time. You professor continues talking, but your attention is so compromised already that when the light starts to randomly flicker, like lightening on drugs, not only do you entirely give up on lobotomies, but when the vzvzvzving sound of the projector fan meets your ears, and you know that this is your last class before you go home on break...

That class was torture. By the time it was finally over, I was so paranoid of what the class was thinking of me, what with the way that my body had taken to flinching slightly whenever the lights flickered, as well as my nervous habit of toying with my pen. I must have looked like a drug-addict who desparately needed a fix. And then the teacher started talking about the way that lobotomies used to be performed. The "ice pick method". And she described it... in detail. As somebody with a distinct fear of puncture wounds (just think of my assignation of needles), I was having serious issues with the fact that I'd finally been able to listen to what my teacher was saying just in time for my face to blanch from it.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Lalaith

Hugs 'n' Learning is a point in any given drama when someone learns that they've been making mistakes or behaving unreasonably, and becomes reconciled (usually emotionally) to their situation/fellow cast members.

But aren't there many aspects of this in Tolkien's original tale also? Characters developing morally, spiritually or mentally as a result of their experience? Surely the Scouring of the Shire is a Hugs 'n' Learning epsisode - the culmination of the younger Hobbits' "arc of development"?

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by Lalaith

Off the top of my head, various non-canonical Hugs 'n' Learning moments in LotR:
Theoden, really grumpy sulking in the bowels of Helms Deep, then persuaded by Aragorn to "draw swords together".
The elves deciding to help men after all by coming to Helms Deep.
Aragorn not wanting to be King but gradually getting talked into it, finally having Elrond pop up with Anduril in the middle of Rohan.
Elrond in his turn seeing the error of his ways vis a vis Arwen.
I could go on.

Ah. I understand. Yes, all those ridiculous character conflicts for no reason having to do with Tolkien's story. Hence, I assign to Mordor character development for the sake of character development when it ought to be character development for the sake of the story. Oh, and DON'T expect to find this in "ATM".

Edit: I just noticed SPM's pertinent questions. I hope my assignation to Mordor signifies the distinction that your questions imply that you are asking for (ick what a terrible sentence!). Tolkien's characters mature in ways that make sense within the context of the story; the story is never wrestled into the shape needed for character development.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Surely the Scouring of the Shire is a Hugs 'n' Learning epsisode - the culmination of the younger Hobbits' "arc of development"?

Well, I'm not going to assign anything to Mordor this post but I do want to ask Sauce something.

Why have you used the expression "Hugs 'n' Learning episode" for the Scouring of the Shire? How do you think it is--our favourite word here on the Downs--'applicable'?

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

The Canonicity Thread (in case it's not been conassigned already)

[Roa_Aoife]

I've only been studying Psych for a few months, but didn't Freud more or less invent the entire concept of psychology? Which means that, by sending him to Mordor, you also send psychiatrists, psychiatric wards, and mental care, as well as indirect effects of the discovery of psychology, such as maternity leave and parents being allowed to visit hospitals with children?

Actually, that's a common misconception. Freud was considered the father of psycho-analysis, which is only a branch on psychology as a whole. However, he got his ideas from a colleage, who gave him help with some clients. Basically, Freud is all hype, and should be thrown into Mordor with all the other hype.

Also, and I'm sure this has been mentioned, POLITICIANS. All of them, no exceptions. I don't care what they're political leaning is, toss 'em in. I think I'll also throw in people who drive exactly the speed limit in the fast lane, diplomats, and research papers. And Microsoft.


Well, on second thought, nevermind. I shudder to think what Bill Gates would do there. Probably come up with the one OS of Power.

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by Roa_Aoife

Basically, Freud is all hype, and should be thrown into Mordor with all the other hype. ... Also, and I'm sure this has been mentioned, POLITICIANS. All of them, no exceptions.... I shudder to think what Bill Gates would do there. Probably come up with the one OS of Power.

Well, there you go, a bunch of new ideas for ATM. Sigmund Freud (as a pretentious politican), and Bill Gates as, well, we'll just have to see. Thanks for the assignments, RA.

[the guy who be short]

When I have a second, I'll make a list of all the Real People who have been conassigned to Mordor. If BDer-cameos aren't a possibilty, I'm sure it would still be amusing to encounter all of the much hated figures of public life.

[Lalaith]

I agree, Bethberry, I wouldn't apply Hugs N Learning to the Scouring. The hobbits encounter an unexpectedly unpleasant situation which, thanks to their experiences, they are able to deal with effectively.
There are no hugs - except perhaps off-stage between Rosie and Sam - and they have already done their learning. As for Frodo, he is not reconciled at all and ends up leaving for the West.

The most annoying Hugs N Learning scenes take place outside, in a rainstorm, with both protagonists weeping and drenched, and finally falling into a sodden hug.
I have seen this very scene played out in a dozen or more films, nobody ever has a row during breakfast or in the car, it all has to be conducted while being battered by the elements.
Oh, and I understand that the current film version of Pride and Prejudice contains an extra six minutes of solid Hugs N Learning for American audiences only.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Originally Posted by Lalaith

I understand that the current film version of Pride and Prejudice contains an extra six minutes of solid Hugs N Learning for American audiences only.

Yes, I heard that the European version is not thought sappy or sweet enough for the American audience, so a passionate kiss, at least, has been added. To Mordor with film producers' preconceived notions on the taste of their audience!