![]() |
![]() |
Visit The *EVEN NEWER* Barrow-Downs Photo Page |
![]() |
#1 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,715
![]() |
The Port of Lond Daer
This is the first draft of the chapter The Port of Lond Daer in the part The Black Years.
Basic Text is The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; Appendix D. The markings are: BY-HL-zz for Black Years, Head-Lines, marking all headlines for the chapters in this part. LD-SL-zz for The Port of Lond Daer, Story-Line, to document all changes that construct the main text. Some conventions of my writing: Normal Text is from the text that is mentioned in the source information of each insert. Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks {example} = text that should be deleted [example] = normalised text, normally only used for general changes <source example> = additions with source information example = text inserted for grammatical or metrical reason /example/ = outline expansion Normally if an inserted text includes the beginning of a new § these is indicated by a missing “>” at the end of the § and a missing “<” at the beginning of the next. Quote:
BY-HL-09: LD-SL-01: The introduction by Christopher Tolkien has to go. LD-SL-02: A Comment of Christopher Tolkien removed. LD-SL-03 & LD-SL-02: Here I reconstructed the connection that in UT was broken. LD-SL-05: I removed the passage about the War in Eriador to us that later, when we tell the story of that war. Respectfully Findegil |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2 | |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
![]() |
This all looks good, I only found one other addition while I was editing The Rivers and Beacon Hills of Gondor and I placed it at the very end of the third paragraph:
Quote:
|
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#3 |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,715
![]() |
LD-SL-04.5: Agreed.
Respectfully Findegil |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#4 | |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
![]() |
I actually found another addition from the same source, which I placed in the last full paragraph:
Quote:
|
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#5 |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,715
![]() |
SD-SL-06: Agreed.
Respectfully Findegil |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#6 | ||
Wight
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
![]() |
I read through this chapter and think it looks good, with one minor suggestion. When reading through this chapter, I was a bit confused because I remember the port founded by Aldarion being called Vinyalondë. Throughout the main body of the Aldarion chapter it is called Vinyalondë, and it is only in a footnote in the chapter where it is mentioned the haven was later renamed Lond Daer. I feel like the footnotes should be additional material which is of interest but shouldn't be necessary to follow the main story. Therefore I propose a small change:
Quote:
Quote:
Last edited by gandalf85; 12-12-2018 at 05:11 AM. |
||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#7 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
![]() |
I actually like this a lot, but instead of just 'formerly Vinyalondë' I think it should be '(which was of old called Vinyalondë)' to keep a more Tolkien-esque feel to it. Also I would give this change the formal mark of LD-SL-02.5.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#8 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,715
![]() |
I see the point. What do you think of this solution:
Quote:
Findegil |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#9 |
Wight
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
![]() |
Note 9 in Aldarion and Erendis of Unfinished Tales says that the haven was afterwards called Lond Daer, which leads me to believe its name was changed after its founding, and I think it makes sense to explicitly include the name change in the main text to avoid confusion. I personally like ArcusCalion's version.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#10 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,715
![]() |
I have an issue with the lifting of Lond Daer out of the parentheses of the original. So what about this:
Quote:
Findegil |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#11 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
![]() |
This is fine for me.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|
|
![]() |