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#1 |
Haunting Spirit
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 99
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Will Jackson insert Thranduil and Tauriel in future LOTR editions?
You know, insert them in the final battle of the Black Gate just for fun
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#2 |
Loremaster of Annúminas
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,316
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Why not? Given that Jackson is even more crass and tasteless than George Lucas, I could totally envision him doing it.
(In real life, of course, the Elves of Mirkwood were fighting for their lives against assault from Dol Guldur)
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The entire plot of The Lord of the Rings could be said to turn on what Sauron didn’t know, and when he didn’t know it. |
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#3 | |
Gruesome Spectre
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Heaven's doorstep
Posts: 8,036
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Music alone proves the existence of God. |
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#4 | ||
Overshadowed Eagle
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,869
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There'll also be a scene in Rivendell where Gimli discusses every single member of Thorin's company with Bilbo. It'll take 25 minutes. And they'll digitally replace Old Gloin with Hobbit Gloin. Quote:
hS |
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#5 |
Spirit of Mist
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Tol Eressea
Posts: 3,361
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Grima.
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Beleriand, Beleriand, the borders of the Elven-land. |
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#6 |
Wight
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The best seat in the Golden Perch
Posts: 219
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Because what the world really needs, at this crucial pivotal moment when fate hangs in the balance, is a 40 minute pie fight and some platform game moves. Because we wouldn't do anything that wasn't true to Tolkien, oh no.
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Then one appeared among us, in our own form visible, but greater and more beautiful; and he said that he had come out of pity. |
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#7 |
Loremaster of Annúminas
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,316
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![]() 'Nuff said.
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The entire plot of The Lord of the Rings could be said to turn on what Sauron didn’t know, and when he didn’t know it. |
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#8 |
Haunting Spirit
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 85
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Available for Future Sexploitation
I haven't commented here at the Downs for several years now, mostly because I thought the knowledgable Tolkien community had thoroughly disposed of the Peter Jackson Killer Elf-Chick Love Interest (Release 1: "Itaril"; Release 2: "Tauriel") in the three bloated-with-Hollywood-cheese "Hobbit" films. For my part, I sat through each film precisely once years ago and would never waste a minute of my time doing so again. Still, when I thought of dropping by the site to collect my admittedly misogynist, misanthropic, scatological verse compositions lampooning the ridiculous Killer Elf Chick character -- in both of her successive incarnations -- I discovered this thread still mentioning the names Thranduil and "Tauriel" in connection with Peter Jackson and future LOTR editions. Has anyone actually proposed such a dreadful possibility?
Anyway, I can't envision what anyone could possibly do with these two "character concepts" in an LOTR context, but I suppose one would first have to deal with where we find them at the end of The Hobbit. I've previously written some verse on this subject (somewhere back in 2016)"Unrequited Elf/Dwarf Libido," but just on the spur of the moment, how about a terza rima sonnet: Available for Future Sexploitation King Thranduil of Murkwood Forrest faced A grim dilemma: What to do with her: The Elf-chick “captain” of his “guard” disgraced By conduct which of rights ought to incur Dismissal for desertion, at the least, Or plaything object of droit du seigneur. Since she had not performed the two-backed beast With either Young Elf Lord or dwarf, why not? Her value, otherwise, had truly ceased Except as a digression from the plot Whose end requires a resolution deft As it grows near and reeks of fan-fic rot. We leave her with her just deserts, bereft: The dwarf died and the Young Elf Lord just left.
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"If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." -- Tweedledee Last edited by Michael Murry; 10-29-2020 at 06:07 PM. Reason: Needed to change "Which now" to "Whose end" at beginning of line |
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#9 |
Curmudgeonly Wordwraith
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits
Posts: 2,506
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Samwise asked Gandalf if orc-chicks were hot,
The wizard raised an eyebrow and replied, "I think not."
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And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. |
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#10 | |
Haunting Spirit
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 85
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There and Here and There Again
Quote:
There and Here and There Again Samwise had the hots for Rosie Cotton But orc-chicks, in a pinch, might just come through, Especially since Gandalf had Shanghaied him To spend a year out on the road with few, If any, opportunities for spawning While watching Frodo stroke his ring: a clue To why his master never seemed to notice A thing both female and one half of two Which qualities -- for Samwise like all sailors In port for just a day -- would have to do. But this takes us somewhat beyond our story: The Hobbit movies' end left strings untied With Thranduil and Tauriel uncertain About what their relationship implied. King Thranduil's son Legolas had vanished To search out one man with a lengthy stride (At that time ten years old in Elrond's keeping, Which Thranduil did not disclose. He lied?) So Legolas must search in vain for decades Till Aragorn and he somehow collide. Which leaves the killer Elf-chick and her problem: If no Young Elf Lord or hung dwarf remains, The "Lovely Triad" has two missing angles. Supplying them presents a pair of pains. But undismayed, our writers of pre-sequels Concoct a plan, though not one rife with brains. Just send her to the future where Sam Gamgee And Smeagol/Gollum meet on Mordor's plains. There Tauriel "relieves" both horny Hobbits. Ménage ŕ trois restored: no stress, no strains. -- Michael Murry, The Misfortune Teller (2020)
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"If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." -- Tweedledee Last edited by Michael Murry; 10-31-2020 at 03:13 AM. Reason: changed "hide" to "collide" as semantically more suitable |
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