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05-07-2004, 01:33 PM | #1 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
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Tuor/Gondolin/Text (thread moved from private forum)
Page 2, change the period after "remained" to a comma
Page 21, note 18 gates of steel. Page 23 gates of iron refering to the gates of Gondolin. Page 22 note 26, the Q&E statement does not have the Noldor as 'lithe' like the Sindar, the 'but' indicates a contrast between the Noldor and Sindar, i.e. the Sindar are lithe. (This note also repeats itself) Page 23 "[gilded images] of two trees, and [likeness] should perhaps be 'in the likeness of' Page 29 change "arid brave" to "and brave" Page 31 'none such delvers of earth and rock as the Noldor'. What about Dwarves? Page 33 'the Eldar have called them Valaraukar', should likely be Noldor, as both Sindar and Noldor are Eldar. Page 37 and note 103 perhaps rather than 'Penlod, tallest of the Noldor save Turgon', just say Penlod the Tall. Page 37 Salgant alone riding should be deleted. It has already been established that the Gondolindrim ride. Page 40, the fighting between the Moles and the Wing, dangerous as this equals Kinslaying. Page 40 "Eldar and Noldor" is redundant. Page 43 note 125 'And he drove them back', "he" should be changed, or clarified Page 50 Salgant being "old". Perhaps remove. Page 51 "whom the Eldar named Sorontar", "Eldar" should be changed. Noldor and Sindar are both Eldar. Page 57 and note 194, Gil-galad being King of the Noldor at the Mouths of Sirion may lead to conflict with IDril, Tuor and Earendil, Elwing ruling there. Also Ereinion is still valid as a name of Gil-galad. Page 58 'Quendi the Light-elves', change Quendi to Vanyar. Page 58 Earendil being smaller than Men seems apt for removal.
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Tar-Elenion |
07-09-2004, 07:22 PM | #2 | ||||||||||||||
The Kinslayer
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I could have sworn that Aiwendil had responed to these clarifications made by Tar-E.
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Page 37 Salgant alone riding should be deleted. It has already been established that the Gondolindrim ride. Quote:
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One solution that comes to my mind is to remove the references of the Moles in our account. As bad as those elves seemed to be, I don't think that in JRRT later writtings, those elves could have let Maeglin get away with that. Quote:
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"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy." |
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07-10-2004, 01:13 PM | #3 | ||||||
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Posted by Tar Elenion:
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With the other points I agree with what Maedhros suggested. Respectfully Findegil |
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07-12-2004, 11:23 AM | #4 | |||||||||||||||||||||
Late Istar
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Quotes are from T-E except where noted.
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I suppose if we want to be extremely cautious, we could delete "and very lithe" as Maedhros suggests, as this would make no statement one way or another and so agree with either reading. Quote:
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Findegil wrote: Quote:
Forgive me if this is obvious, but where is it said that the Gondolindrim ride into battle? Quote:
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Another note on this page - it had escaped me that we had placed: Quote:
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07-12-2004, 01:24 PM | #5 | ||||
The Kinslayer
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In response to Aiwendil's comments:
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I too like Findegil's suggestion when dealing with the fact that the Ñoldor are the best of the Elves in the delving of rocks. Quote:
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I'm in agreement with the other points made by Aiwendil.
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"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy." Last edited by Maédhros; 07-12-2004 at 01:34 PM. |
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07-12-2004, 09:30 PM | #6 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
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Aiwendil got my point about Salgant riding (which seemed to me as well a general statement). The description of the riders from the 7th Gate and the captains and chieftains being mounted in UT establishes that the Gondolindrim warriors did ride.
I don't recall a specific description of any of the Gondolindrim riding to any battle, but it would seem odd that there would be descriptions of their mounted warriors but they would not ride to battle in for example the Nirnaeth. In my reading the "save it be old Salagant" sounds more like a physical description of his appearence (i.e. he looked like an old man), rather than just his age. Some of the other things I disagree with from my own veiwpoint/perception (e.g. the small Earendil), but it really does not effect anything, so no real point in arguing it at this time. I hope the original post was constructively helpful.
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07-13-2004, 07:44 AM | #7 | ||||
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Posted by Tar-Elenion:
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Change to "tall among the Noldor". We're allowed to do this by our principles I think, since it's a minimal change. Posted by Aiwendil: Quote:
About Talagand riding: It is right that, the stayment sounds a bit more general, but on the other hand we are already at the eve of the battle. What is dicribed here is the mustering of the forces. But if 3 of 4 read the passage general than we must change it, even if we are never told of any other Gondolindrim riding into battle. What I would suggest is to specify it to this battle alone and not to delet the implicit critic that was imposed by the singelness of his riding. That would simlpy mean: Quote:
One last point that has not been mentioned and which makes all this discussion a bit dubious for me: In this very limited discussion I have found by my research three points which were (as it seems) in the text that Tar Elenion comented on as we had some discussed before: - "Penlod, tallest of the Noldor save Turgon" was at last discused by us as "Penlod, tallest of the Gondolindrim save Turgon" - "... {Of those demons of power Ecthelion slew three} [And {he}[Echtelion] drove them back] , for the brightness ..." the exact self change we had already done once. - "Another note on this page - it had escaped me that we had placed: All this have others in ancient stories and songs unfolded, but say I further . . . at the end of the fragment. This is simply bizarre. It ought to be deleted." This is really bizarre, because we did decide to delet the fragment completly in our last discussion (if my memory is right). Since I missed to download this particular text when it was online for such a short time, it would be nice to know in what stat that text was. May be someone could e-mail it to me. Respectfully Findegil |
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07-13-2004, 08:56 AM | #8 | |||||||||
Late Istar
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Tar Elenion wrote:
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Tar Elenion, did you have another alteration in mind for this bit? Maedhros wrote: Quote:
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07-13-2004, 12:13 PM | #9 | ||
Shade of Carn Dûm
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Tar Elenion wrote:
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I did not have any particular change in mind. Juat wanted to bring it up.
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07-14-2004, 04:19 AM | #10 | ||||
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About old Talagand, we hear a 7 year old boy (half a mortal by the way) talking about an elf that is clearly older than his mother. Thus I did not see any problem with the statment. It is right that the suggestions is that Talagand rides because of his age. But why not? From all we know Talagand could be one of the oldest elves. That would be about 5000 years, and we do not know how long the 3 cycles of elvish live are. Thus he could have a beard and lake the strenght of younger warriors. But again, Eärendil is 7 years old! Ask any 7 year old boy to tell you how old the director of his basic-school is. I have no doubts that the boy will tell you that he is an old man. But it is possible that we will loose the complte passage. All I could find to amand the missing riding warriors is very riscy: Quote:
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Oh, sorry forgotten to put my address in: Ralf.Volles@gmx.de or if you can remember it easier: Findegil@Tolkiens-Welt.de Respectfully Findegil |
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07-26-2004, 12:34 PM | #11 |
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While reading the text I will post anythink that is missing here.
Page 2: §3: "... in the great hill of slain that the Orcs have raised ..." (Orcs is missing.) §4: "..., and be drove away these evil folk into Hithlum, ..." must be "..., and he drove away these evil folk into Hithlum, ..." last §: "..., but at last be was overwhelmed ..." must be "..., but at last he was overwhelmed ..." Page 3: §1: "... and at the least be was not straved, ..." must be "... and at the least he was not straved, ..." Page4: last but one §: "... then surely shall you come to him, withersoever yon turn." must be "... then surely shall you come to him, withersoever you turn." Page 5: §7: "... foam-crest flying in the wind. Then the channel, drowning it ..." must be "... foam-crest flying in the wind. Then the river was thrust back, and the incoming flood swept roaring up the channel, drowning it ..." Page 6: §2: "... for the sea drew him, and be was not willing ..." must be "... for the sea drew him, and he was not willing ..." §5: "... but when be turned southward ..." must be "... but when he turned southward ..." §7: "... across the miles of the sea, as be drew near to the ..." must be "... across the miles of the sea, as he drew near to the ..." Page 7: §6: "... and already a host of foes is come between thee and thy goal." the "thee" is missing. §9: "That which your heart hath ever sought," answered Ulmo: "to find Turgon, ..." The double quote is missing. Page 8: §2: "... so valiant of the High Folk of the West. " must be "... so valiant of the High Folk of the West." (At the end a blank was added inside the double quote.) §7: "... or liftes in hills of wrath that broke upon the Shadowy Isles," until remote..." The double quote after Isles, was originaly a footnote marker and must be deleted. Page 9: §8: "Remember that the last hope of the Noldor cometh from the Sea?" must be "Remember that the last hope of the Noldor cometh from the Sea?" Page 13: §2: "Death is all about us," and Tuor." must be ""Death is all about us," said Tuor." Page 14: §2 "... and under the cloak we may pass now with out more doubt." (The "h" in "with" is missing.) last §: "They are the folk of Throndor, who dwelt once even on Thangorodrim {ere Morgoth grew so mighty, and} dwell {now} in the Mountains of Turgon {since the Fall of Fingilfin}." I did not check the old discussion, but what ever was intended, the form it took is not good. I would at least take the and and the koma back iton the passage. "They are the folk of Throndor, who dwelt once even on Thangorodrim{ ere Morgoth grew so mighty}, and dwell{ now} in the Mountains of Turgon{ since the Fall of Fingilfin}." Page 15: §1: "And if that be good or ill. you alone can say." must be "And if that be good or ill, you alone can say." Page 16: §4: "... and Tuor marvelled to see to beauty." must be "... and Tuor marvelled to see its beauty." Page 19: §3: "... and in coining to a high sward ..." must be "... and in coming to a high sward ..." So fare for the moment. I will continue when ever I have time to read on. But it will become even harder since further on I will have to check some of our old discussions when I can not remember the outcome. Respectfully Findegil P.S.: In such times Antione is mostly missed. This check reading of this eaysiest part of the text toke me 4 hours. I hope desperatly that some one has the text in a editable form, because I couldn't copy out of the pdf-file. And if nobody has than we have to do Antione's work all over again. |
07-27-2004, 04:12 PM | #12 |
The Kinslayer
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I have chatted with Antoine regarding the project and although he hasn't posted for some time (not enough free time) he does keeps tabs on what we are doing on the project.
I'm sure that Antoine has been keeping up with all the little things that have been posted here.
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07-28-2004, 04:03 PM | #13 |
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Oh, that's about Antoine is good news indeed!
Since I have taken a print of the text to my daly trainride I have read a bit father. And now the problems become diffrent: less typos (or better "scanos" as they are clearly introduced by the scanning of the text) and more problems of meaning and fetches of forgotten things. General: In some parts the double quotes were change to single quotes to indicate direct speach, but not in any case. Was there some reason for this or were some missed? Page 21: § 2: "... and they came after a day's light march to the foot of the Hill ..." This phrase is out of place, I think, since we have just recorded that they were brought horses. We could add before the phrase "the distance of". §3 "... Tuor in wonder and Voronwë in great joy that daring much he had both brought Tour hither in the will of Ulmo {...}." we must delet "both" because we also deleted the second reason for his joy. Page 24: §2: ""Behold, O father of the City of Stone, I am bidden by him who {maketh}[makest] deep music in the Abyss, and who knoweth the mind of Elves and Men[."] {...}<Q30 Tuor spoke ..." At least the underlined double quote is missing. but also I find the change from direct to indirect speach a bit hard here. I suggest to add "... knoweth the mind of Elves and Men[." Thus {...}<Q30 Tuor spoke ..." Page 28: Note 64: The first § of this not is out of place. As is also the § of the same not on the next side. Page 31: §4: "... but even to that fare distant pass, the Cleft of the Eagles in the southern mountains; ..." must be "... but even to that fare distant pass, the Cleft of the Eagles in the nothern mountains; ..." §7: "... <Q30 Tidings {Turgon heard of} <QS77 were brought by> {Thorndor}[Thorondor] <QS77 Lord of the Eagles of the fall of Nargothrond.> {concerning} <QS77 and after of> the slaying of ..." the underlined fullstop must be a comma. In addition I think the fall of Nargothrond is out of time here. I don't think that the eagles needed more than 7 years to find out about the fall of Nargothrond. Thus we should delet that sentence: "... <Q30 Tidings {Turgon heard of} <QS77 were brought by> {Thorndor}[Thorondor] <QS77 Lord of the Eagles of> the slaying of ..." Still §7: "... Yet these years are filled by {Melkor}[Morgoth] in ... from their place of bondage." This passage is also not very well placed. In the original text it follows Maeglins treachery, but here it goes ahad of it. Thus for which reason did Morgoth put the Noldor to even harder work? I would like only to move the the first part of the § and let the quoted sentenc were it was original (before the creation scene of the mechanical dragons). We have to change then "these years", but to that I will comment in my next passages which will deal with the dragons in generall as it seems. Respectfully Findegil |
07-31-2004, 06:14 AM | #14 | |
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Okay here comes the rest of my remarks (if I am not interupted while doing this post):
Page 34: §2: I have commented on this in my last post. In the moment the complte § is deleted but I would rather delet only the first sentece and change the years to months: "{Now the years fare by, and egged by Idril Tuor keepeth ever at his secret delving: but seeing that the leaguer of spies hath grown thinner Turgon dwelleth more at ease and in less fear. }Yet these years are filled by {Melko}[Morgoth] in the utmost ferment of labour, and all the thrall-folk of the Noldo[r] must dig unceasingly for metals while {Melko}[Morgoth] sitteth and deviseth fires and calleth flames and smokes to come from the lower heats, nor does he suffer any of the Noldo[r] to stray ever a foot from their place of bondage." §3: This is the creation scene of the mechanical monsters. As the text stands it fits our porposal to change type 2 to animal firedragons. But the last conclusion of the discussion was to let all the created monsters be what they seemed to be and only implicit suggest that animal firedragons were in the Battle of Gondolin. Thus the § must be changed to: "Then on a time {Melko}[Morgoth] assembled all his most cunning smiths and sorcerers, and of iron and flame they wrought a host of monsters such as have only at that time been seen and shall not again be till the Great End. Some were all of iron so cunningly linked that they might flow like slow rivers of metal or coil themselves around and above all obstacles before them, and those were filled in their innermost depths with the grimmest of Orcs with scimitars and spears; others of bronze and copper were given hearts and spirits of blazing fire, and they blasted all that stood before them with the terror of their snorting or trampled whatso escaped the ardour of their breath; yet others were creatures of pure flame that writhed like ropes of molten metal, and they brought to ruin whatever fabric they came nigh, and iron and stone melted before them and became as water, and {upon}[with] them {rode}[moved] the Balrogs {in hundreds}; and {these}[those dragons of fire] were the most dire of all those monsters which Melko[Morgoth] devised against Gondolin." Page 35: §3: "... ; and by reason of the folly of certain of the quarrymen, and yet more by reason of the loose words of certain among his tin to whom word was somewhat unwarily spoken by Tuor, he gathered a knowledge of the secret work and laid against that a plan of his own." must be "... and yet more by reason of the loose words of certain among his kin to whom word was somewhat unwarily spoken by Tuor, ..." but as fare as I could find the discussion ended with the proposal to skip Meaglins knowledge of the secret way following QS30. Thus leading to "...{; and by reason of the folly of certain of the quarrymen, and yet more by reason of the loose words of certain among his kin to whom word was somewhat unwarily spoken by Tuor, he gathered a knowledge of the secret work and laid against that a plan of his own}." Page 36: §1: "... and of these, dragons of many and dire shapes {were} new devised for the taking of the city." I am at a lose here. Why was this "were" skipt? Isn't it needed for garmatical reason? §3: "... polished surfaces of their accoutre- ment." must be "... polished surfaces of their accoutrement." Page 37: last §: "... and exceedingly proud, b and he shouted ..." the underlined letter (in the pdf it looks like a thorn rune) must be delete. Page 38: §6: at the end of the § the double quote is missing. Page 40: §5: "... See before us the accursed ones who for ages have tormented the children of the {Noldoli}[Noldor], ..." Ages are a long time. We can either change it too years or centuries or we must include the elves captured in Cuivienen which would mean we had to change Noldoli to Elves. Page 42: §2: "Fearful too they were for that {slaughter}[victory of] Rog had done {amid}[to] the {Balrogs}[Balrog], ..." Is it corret to that some one had done a vitory to someone? If so we must change "victory to" to "victory that". But I don't think that is gramaticaly correct. In Addition, since no Balrog was killed we can stick to the plural here. I would change to: "Fearful too they were for that {slaughter}[victory that] Rog had done amid the Balrogs, ..." Page 43: §1: "... one of those brazen snakes heaves against the {western} [eastern] wall and a great mass of it shakes and falls ..." I have some time ago asked why this change from west to east was done, but the question got lost in the much more pressing theme of the mechanical monsters. But I still can't see any reason to change this. The whole battle is still as it was fought from north to south, only the Pass of the Eagles cleft is shifted. Page 44: §2: "... bore from that hattle Ecthelion ..." must be "... bore from that battle Ecthelion ..." Page 45: §2: "But now the men of {Melkor}[Morgoth] have assembled their forces, and seven dragons of fire are come with Orcs about them {and Balrogs upon them} down all the ways from {north, east, and west}[south, west, and east], seeking the Square of the King." The change of the directions is out dated I think. In addition the last Version of this passage I could find reads: "But now the men of {Melkor}[Morgoth] have assembled their forces, and seven dragons of fire are come with Orcs about them {and Balrogs upon them}[and a Balrog] down all the ways from north, east, and west, seeking the Square of the King." But we need not skip the plural of Balorgs. (When I think about it the number of seven type 3 dragons corrosponds very nicely to the 7 Balrogs proposed by Tolkien and left still alive by our edeting.) I would lean too: "But now the men of {Melkor}[Morgoth] have assembled their forces, and seven dragons of fire are come with Orcs[ and Balrogs] about them {and Balrogs upon them} down all the ways from north, east, and west, seeking the Square of the King." Page 48, §7 & §8 & Page 54 §1: Here it comes to the Way of Escape. Antoines version is undecided wether to have the Way of Escape openable or closed for ever. I searched the forum and couldn't find a vote or any other decision made. Thus we are still open to do with it as we want, if I have not missed some thing. As Lindil did, I lean to an openable Way of Escape. In Addition I think we have forgotten to put the closing of the way into the text. It must be put in before the wedding of Tour and Idril since that took place after Húrin went from Angband. Thus I would put it as it is in Sil77: Page 26: §1 & §2: Quote:
"... for there the path is narrow, and of the right or westerly hand a sheer wall rises ... ... ... The moon about that hour rose above the pass, and the.gloom somewhat lifted, for his pale light filtered into dark places; yet it lit not the path for the height of the walls. ..." Well, this was my own fault, when I suggsted the changes for the Eagles cleft. If the fugetives are going from south to the north a wall on their right hand must be east of them. The underlined period between the and gloom in the second passages must be a space. In addition it is interisting to observe that we have a nice oppotunity to korrekt an internal error of the text. Since the moon rises in the east the wall must be east of the path. Thus we will not change "right" to "left" but "westerly" to "easterly". Page 54: §2: "... but running clear again above the Pools of Twilight{, even ..." This does not fit the later geography were the Umboth Muilin were above the Falls of Sirion. I suppose we change it to: "... but running clear again above the [Land of Willows]{Pools of Twilight, even ..." Page 55: §2: "{Now the folk that had passed into the Eagles' Cleft and who saw the fall of Glorfindel had been nigh eight hundreds - a large wayfaring, yet was it a sad remnant of so fair and numerous a city.} But they who ..." Why was the first part deleted? The Reason given is chronology, but reduce the number of sick and wounded fugetivs from 800 to 548 it needed more time than we have between the attack at midsummer and the depature from Nan-Tathren in the next spring. still §2: "Nor {Bablon, nor Ninwi, nor the towers of Trui, nor} all the many takings {of Rûm} that {is} greatest among Men, ..." I think we left out a verb in this half sentence. I suggset: "Nor {Bablon, nor Ninwi, nor the towers of Trui, nor} all the many takings {of Rûm} that {is}[were] greatest among Men, ..." §3: (plain text, for better reading): "...; and fair among the Lothrim Eärendil grows in the Ilse of Sirion in the snow-white stone the house of his father, ..." I don't think that ws intended, I think at least the underlined "the" must go. That's it. All the rest of the text belongs rather to the next chapter or is at least discussed thereunder. Respectfully Findegil |
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