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06-27-2018, 03:20 PM | #1 | |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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Durin's Folk
This is the first draft of the chapter Durin's Folk.
This chapter uses Appendix A as a base text. However, I have marked every source and addition for clarity. The markings are: FY-HL-xx for all the headlines for the Fading Years. DF-SL-xx for all expansions and changes to the narrative. Some conventions of my writing: Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks {example} = text that should be deleted [example] = normalized text, normally only used for general changes, as well as changes which are a part of replacement that is not grammatical. Underlined Text = text changed for grammatical reasons in the process of combining and inserting and removing. <source example> = additions with source information ...... = This section of the paragraph is unchanged from the source. Quote:
DF-SL-01: We start where we left off with the Dwarven narrative in Appendix A. Some slight editing is done to create a cohesive beginning of a chapter. DF-SL-02: This is part of a later footnote to the family tree of the Longbeard Dwarves given later on in Appendix A. I think it is relevant and goes well here. DF-SL-03: This text was used in Of the Rings of Power and so I removed it here. I do not think we lose much this way. DF-SL-04: This bit from an earlier draft is not given in the published Appendix A, but I think is worth including. DF-SL-05: This addition from Appendix A is worth including, but perhaps this is not the best place. If anyone has a better idea, I am open to it. Last edited by ArcusCalion; 06-27-2018 at 06:30 PM. |
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06-28-2018, 04:00 PM | #2 | ||
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,720
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DF-SL-01.4, DF-SL-01.5 & DF-SL-05: I agree that the placement of DF-SL-05 does fit Appendix A but not so much our setting. I would therefore propose the following changes:
Quote:
And I think we should give a short reminder of the history of the Ring of Thráin. Quote:
Findegil |
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06-29-2018, 06:57 AM | #3 | |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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DF-SL-1.5: I would change 'Among whom' to 'Among these' because as it is, it is not a sentence. This works fine for a footnote, but not as a sentence in the main body of the work. The rest is great, and a much better placement than I had.
DF-SL-02.2 to 03b: It's funny, I had included this information in this chapter at the end, but then I moved it to The Stewards, which is the second to last chapter. However, I think it does work here, so I agree to its being used. There is one more relevant addition, and I would also edit it somewhat differently: Quote:
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06-29-2018, 04:58 PM | #4 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,720
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DF-SL-01.5: Agreed.
DF-SL-02.1: Agreed. DF-SL-02.2: If we take your editing we jump backward and forward, as we tell in the Beregond addition about the fleeing orcs, than we jump back to the death of Fréaláf and Brytta becaming King, telling of his worth as ruler and than agian about the fight against the Orcs. DF-SL-02.3: Here we jump now geographically back and forward first Gondor with Beregond fighting the Orcs, than Brytta, next again Gondor with the death of the Lord of Dol Amroth and next back to Rohan. I would therefore exchange DF-SL-02.2 and DF-SL-02.3. DF-SL-02.6: Folca must have been a great hunter before his father died, so I don't think 'after him' is a good edit here. So what about this editing: Quote:
Findegil Last edited by Findegil; 06-29-2018 at 05:29 PM. |
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06-29-2018, 07:03 PM | #5 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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This is perfect, agreed.
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12-11-2018, 04:55 PM | #6 | |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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When applying the general change {Broadbeams}[Broad-beams] etc, I discovered a portion of the Dwarves and Men essay removed bc it was placed in the First Age chapters and referenced events in the Third Age, but I think it is an interesting tidbit. I am not sure how to place it into this chapter, but I think it should be added. I have shown it here as a footnote, even though I know Findegil has said creating footnotes is against the methods of the project. However, I am unsure where else to place it. If anyone can find a better place please feel free to share:
Quote:
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12-12-2018, 02:26 PM | #7 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,720
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The place seems good to me, but why shouldn’t we take it up into the main body of the text:
Quote:
Findegil |
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12-12-2018, 07:07 PM | #8 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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Where did you want to put it? As far as I can tell you just put the same thing i already had, including the footnote bit.
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12-13-2018, 12:36 PM | #9 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,720
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Sorry, bad preparation of the posting on my side. The following was meant:
Quote:
Findegil |
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12-13-2018, 02:14 PM | #10 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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Ah this is much better! Agreed
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01-18-2019, 07:22 PM | #11 | ||||||
Wight
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
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I really like the additions of the sections about the aftermath of the War of the Dwarves and Orcs, even though it doesn't strictly concern Durin's Folk. It creates a nice sense of continuity and connectedness with the previous chapters about Rohan and Gondor. Some comments:
1) There is some more information about Dwarven culture in HoME 12: Making of Appendix A (IV) Durin's Folk: Quote:
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01-18-2019, 10:50 PM | #12 | |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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1) I love all these additions! For the last one, I would edit it slightly differently:
Quote:
2) Thanks for finding these! |
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01-19-2019, 05:41 PM | #13 |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,720
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1) I also like these additions. But as ArcusCalion I see in the last addition no reason to remove the ‘far away’.
Respectfully Findegil |
01-21-2019, 05:12 PM | #14 |
Wight
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
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You're right, not sure why I decided to remove "far away". It should definitely stay.
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