The Barrow Downs Newspaper - Page 4 - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-21-2006, 12:38 PM

Well, with another great week just around the corner, I thought I'd better make a few* announcements.
I'm at university studying Imaginative Writing and for one of my modules, I have to write a screen play about anything. I've begun work on a screen play based on The Phantom and Alien.
So... here it is, tell me what you think...

I know it's riddled with spelling and grammar errors... but try and ignore those...

* I say 'a few', I, of course, mean one.

Morai · 10-22-2006, 01:08 PM

Quote:

I have to write a screen play about anything. I've begun work on a screen play based on The Phantom and Alien.

My, I say it's your best work yet. But maybe that's just because of the lightbulbs, they're quite tasty.

Rikae · 10-22-2006, 06:06 PM

Truly brilliant, Goomba.

Brinniel · 10-22-2006, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rikae

Truly brilliant, Goomba.

Agreed.

Say...can I have your autograph when you're rich and famous?

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-23-2006, 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brinniel

Say...can I have your autograph when you're rich and famous?

Rich AND famous? I don't know. I might one day be rich, or maybe famous... but both? I don't know about that...

Anyway, hello once again.
I think that Photobucket hates my newspaper, it keeps blurring them slightly... I think they're still readable but not as good as they could be. They're also too big to be attachments...
But here is Week 17... Dead Good.

And now... Two folks who need no introduction...

...

THE Ka · 10-23-2006, 07:23 AM

Ha, it seems Alien had too much candy corn...

Quote:

I think that Photobucket hates my newspaper, it keeps blurring them slightly...

Have you tried tinypic? I've used it on a few documents and it doesn't blur them, though, tinypic doesn't really allow you to re-look up your images, unless you save it's number and link. Oh, and the name has nothing to do with 'tiny' or 'small tiny things only', it does a rather nice job with large ones.

I don't know why they named it that, but oh well.

~ Ka

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-23-2006, 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by THE Ka

Have you tried tinypic? I've used it on a few documents and it doesn't blur them, though, tinypic doesn't really allow you to re-look up your images, unless you save it's number and link. Oh, and the name has nothing to do with 'tiny' or 'small tiny things only', it does a rather nice job with large ones.

I don't know why they named it that, but oh well.

Good thinkin' Ka. I've just done that and the blurring is gone! Gone, gone! We are free!

Let's just hope The Saucepan man doesnt hate me for this weeks P&A...

Lalwendë · 10-23-2006, 08:44 AM

Loving the cameo appearance of one of my fave bands - The Pixies.

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-23-2006, 01:04 PM

Culture:

Films...

Once again we delve into the unfathomable depths of insanity and cross the boarder into Mordor! Yes, that's right folks, Assigned to Mordor is back and this time it's bigger, longer, and more controversial than ever! Fea's take on the fascinating story of a group of diplomats, wizards and assorted busy bodies (including a Blarog wearing a tie) is an interesting one. If it weren't for the character of a stupid little Dwarf, it'd be a good show.

Celuien · 10-23-2006, 02:55 PM

I'm really not stealing anything out of Anguirel's pocketses. I promise. The rumors are a complete falsehood.

THE Ka · 10-23-2006, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Good thinkin' Ka.

No problem, photobucket used to make me really annoyed and then accuse my artwork for being rubbish. Obviously, photobucket had to go...

~ Ka

Glirdan · 10-23-2006, 04:19 PM

Quote:

I'm really not stealing anything out of Anguirel's pocketses. I promise. The rumors are a complete falsehood.

Subliminal messaging hey?

Celuien · 10-23-2006, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glirdan

Subliminal messaging hey?

Do I subliminally message people?

Eomer of the Rohirrim · 10-25-2006, 03:05 AM

No wonder that hangover was bad; I don't remember any of that!

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-29-2006, 03:01 AM

Hay, Eomer, it was only after writing that headline that I realised that Porridge is supposed to be the Scottish national breakfast. Weird!

Anyway, folks. It's time for the big vote! Who do you want to win in a fight between The Phantom and Alien? Not who would win, but who do you want to win.

VOTE ON THE POLL

In other news, with Christmas just around the corner, The Downer is looking for more journalists to write some articles for the front page as Hookbill the Goomba becomes more pressed for time.
If you have a story, PM it to me. Try and keep it between 100 - 150 words long or I may have to edit it down a tad.
Thanks folks!

Also, it has come to the attension of The Downer that a rival Newspaper has come on the scene. The Editor would like to remind readers of The Downer that tabloyd newspapers very rarely give you the truth, as our paper does. In face, if you look at the front page of this weeks 'The Barrow' you will see what I mean.

I expect it to go down the pan very quickly.

Volo · 10-29-2006, 02:17 PM

Good stuff Hookbill, just like always!

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-30-2006, 02:09 AM

The grey rain curtain of last week is pulled away and then, you see it! The next week, with all of it's specialties and whatnot!

And, who could forget, the comedy duo of the year! Well, sort of.

High King Fingolfin · 10-30-2006, 10:11 PM

Ahh, the diagram brings up bad memories of science class last year.

Valesse · 10-31-2006, 12:57 AM

Something for the Sudoku page:

The Top Posters:

Gil-Galad · 10-31-2006, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Valesse

Something for the Sudoku page:

The Top Posters:

i found my name already... 10th line from the top

The Elf-warrior · 10-31-2006, 06:59 PM

Prime Minister Sued for Funeral Remarks!

by Elf-Warriorus Diminutus

The family of the late Member of Parliment Jahn Blacc has finally filed suit against Prime Minister Titus Decius for shouting, "This is boring!" during the MP's funeral and then walking out and making nasty faces at the TV cameras. An overnight Downer/BBC/Barrow poll said 31% to 30% that the lawsuit was frivolous with 39% saying they either had no opinion or were undecided. The suit alleged that this conduct caused extreme emotional distress, which allegedly caused the MP's sister, Mary Muttler's angina to act up. Decius has refused to apologize and denies causing any physical distress. "Since when did we all turn into babies," the Prime Minister asked at a press conference. He also said he would never stop being obnoxious in the cause of truth. "This conduct goes against all the strictures of our society," Judith Blacc, the late MP's wife, said in a press release. "It goes against civility, decency, fairness, and bipartisanship. We hope the court grants our humble petition."

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-06-2006, 03:37 AM

It's that time once more... So without further ado...

But what's more, a special guest appearence from Diamond18. I ased her look on her old Daffy Duck avartar (because I'm no good at drawing people and I didn't want anyone to notice). I made a few modifications to make her look more unique and that... So yes.

THE Ka · 11-08-2006, 08:28 AM

Quote:

"... The Ka celebrates 100th birthday this wednesday."

It's true, I like the challenge of youth.

Thank you for showing, I've always wanted to know what it would be like to share a spotlight with a crazed gandalf, and other noted varieties of eccentricies. I'm honored.

~ Ka

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-08-2006, 11:12 AM

I hope you won't be offended when I say that I only mention birthdays in the paper when I'm really stuck for ideas.

All the same, I hope it brightens some days when I do.

Anyway, some of you may have read my script for a Phantom and Alien screen play. Well, I've made some adjustments, actually put a story line in and added a few extra things. It's in a completely different order to the first one, so enjoy!

It usually helps to just say 'open' rather than 'save' if you are asked. Unless you want my rubbish in your computer.

Farael · 11-08-2006, 12:24 PM

The Scientific Downer:Your best source of scientertainment

So, here’s the situation. There has been much discussion and positioning and arguing and fighting and yada yada about The Rings Of Power. Yeah, they look good… yeah, they do give you super-human(or elven, or maiar, or dwarven) powers but… what are they made of?

Thanks to the advances in technology we have been able to run a series of tests with some amazing results.

The One Ring
Obviously, the first step in analyzing just about anything is, well, getting it. We talked to the elves but they kept on their secretive ways. We talked to the dwarves and all we achieved was to be chased out of Moria by a Balrog. On second thought, maybe those creatures were a bit too ugly, even for dwarves. We were a little frustrated, and just then the unlikeliest of things happened. A Halfling came knocking at my door with THE Ring of power. No, wait, that’s inaccurate. I knocked a Halfling out and took him through my door. Well, the point is, he had THE Ring of power, and I stole it. Then I replaced it with a similar looking ring that had belonged to some ill-fated Dunedain of the north. Poor little guy, I think he went all the way to Mordor to destroy it. And Sauron DID perish. Talk about placebo effect.

So, we had this ring in our possession and decided to run some tests. With the help of Alatar BSc MSc and Lhunadarwen BSc, I Farael BSc MSc PhD AbC, ZYX, LON, GDESI, GNATION, have done extensive research in the matter of this ring of power.

First we compared it’s melting temperature to that of the most common gold alloys. It didn’t melt, thus we assume it is Not made of gold.

Then we proceeded to compare it’s melting temperature to that of higher melting compounds, such as plutonium, uranium and my favourite, ununoctium. The ring, again, did not melt, thus we concluded that it is not made of any known metal. By the way, the third barrow off of Downers Street North at Ringbearer Ave. is now radioactive. Precautions should be taken when walking in the vicinity.

After proving the One ring is not made of metal, the next logical assumption was to test to see if it was a non-metal. We tried dissolving it in both polar and non polar solvents, we tried combining it with other non-metals and their Ions and finally we tried smashing it, stepping on it, biting it and throwing it against the walls of my barrow. The last few methods were not scientifically motivated, but we were rather frustrated.

After exhausting all our ideas, it was Lhuna who proposed we run the Ring through a gas-chromatograph. I must say I laughed at her, if we cannot melt it, how could it be a gas? But using her powers of persuasion she convinced me to try.

Well, guess what happened? If you are expecting me to say that it worked, you really are a “the glass is half-full” kind of person. No, it didn’t work, but it lead Alatar to make the following, reasonable conclusion.

Since the Ring is not made of gold, or any other metal or alloy, it is not a non-metal nor a gas, we conclude that, in spite of evidence pointing in the contrary, the Ring does not exist at all

Thus, you all need no longer concern yourselves with such trivial matters. As for that little gold band that we now know does not exist, even though I have it in my pocket, I shall keep it. After all, it came to me… it’s mine… My Precioussss…..

Farael, of the many designations

Lalwendë · 11-08-2006, 01:51 PM

I'm a Detective Inspector now! Oooh!

I think Helen Mirren can consider her days as TV's most famous DI numbered as DI Lalwende prepares to take the lead in Prime Suspect 157.

Glirdan · 11-08-2006, 02:27 PM

I am so ashamed!! I turned to drink and let a fellow B-Der be condemed to jail!! What have I done!? Oh! That's right! I put a murderer in jail!! Maybe I'll stick to drinking!!

Nice story Hook!

Mithalwen · 11-08-2006, 02:53 PM

Maybe that expalins why I was not interviewed on my departure from ME idol....

The Only Real Estel · 11-08-2006, 02:55 PM

All I can say is that's the last time I'll rely on you Glirdy...

(& not just cause I'll be locked up for the rest of my life either)

THE Ka · 11-08-2006, 03:27 PM

Quote:

I hope you won't be offended when I say that I only mention birthdays in the paper when I'm really stuck for ideas.

No worries. Most of my friends forgot my birthday today anyways. It is what happens when you share a day with post-mid-term election craze, a solar eclipse, and berlin wall memorials.
It is just nice to have a hello and such on your birthday.

~ Ka

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-08-2006, 04:24 PM

Quote:

I think Helen Mirren can consider her days as TV's most famous DI numbered as DI Lalwende prepares to take the lead in Prime Suspect 157.

As long as you remain in that rank.

It was interesting that when I handed in that draft of P&A, my lecturer read it and, after some snickering, told me, "I like this Phantom guy. He seems like a nice chap." Oh, if only he knew!

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-13-2006, 03:24 AM

Monday brings another edition of The Downer. And, seeing as it is Monday, I thought that I'd do just that.

And, of course, the increasingly unpopular...

alatar · 11-14-2006, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farael

No, it didn’t work, but it lead Alatar to make the following, reasonable conclusion.

Since the Ring is not made of gold, or any other metal or alloy, it is not a non-metal nor a gas, we conclude that, in spite of evidence pointing in the contrary, the Ring does not exist at all.

Farael, I think that you may taken my comments out of context, and so I will supply the full text here:

Quote:

Originally Posted by alatar

"Since the Ring is not made of gold, or any other metal or alloy, it is not a non-metal nor a gas, we conclude that, in spite of evidence pointing in the contrary, the Ring does not exist at all...or at least as far as we can discover at this time. Additonal resources, kindly donated, may help us uncover more about this mystery. Please make sure that all donations of stewed mutton are well-cooked.

Note that this conclusion was further bolstered by the fact that Gondorian officials stated, in a legal decree in the King's Own Hand, that if said Ring were to exist, that it would be the sole property of the King and that we would have to hand...er...surrender it to said sovereign immediately regardless of personal cost, injury or loss not excluding accidental death and/or dismemberment."

Hope that clears things up.

the phantom · 11-18-2006, 12:55 PM

PERFECT POSTING AVERAGE DISCOVERED

According to a study released today by the Organization for Posting Improvement, the perfect number of posts per day that all Downers should strive for is between 1.19 and 1.33.

"Go any higher than 1.33, and you run into problems," says lead researcher Kuruharan. "Your posts lose their novelty, and people get sick of seeing you pop up on so many threads. Remember- absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Assistant researcher alatar agreed, but reminded everyone that there was also a low side that you should not fall below. "Even though you don't want to post more than 1.33 ppd, you don't want to fall below 1.19 ppd. You need to post enough to gain and maintain solid name recognition and be an active force on the Downs. And you also want to put posts in more than one area. Spread your posts through the Books, the Movies, and Mirth to be sure that you are having an impact."

Another research team member, the phantom, added that the Organization for Posting Improvement was thrilled to have completed the study for the betterment of the Downs. "We've finally determined what the perfect posting average is, so now the only thing left to do is get the word out so people can begin rethinking their posting practices." The fourth member of the research team, Lalaith, said that she was just happy that the time consuming project was finally over.

The findings of the study have come under fire from some. Just two hours after the results were released, several members of the high-posting community spoke out against the study. The Saucepan Man in particular rebuked the research strongly, calling it "slanted" and "obviously biased", pointing out that the recommended range, 1.19-1.33, seems to have been based directly upon the posts per day of the researchers involved in the project.

When asked about this charge, lead researcher Kuruharan stated that the posting averages of himself, alatar, Lalaith, and the phantom, (1.19, 1.33, 1.28, and 1.28 respectively) didn't factor in at all, and that the results matching their own posting counts was merely a coincidence. "And really, can you take Sauce seriously on this issue?" asked the phantom. "He's a known high-posting extremist, averaging 5.38 posts per day. He's even worse than mormegil (5.35 ppd)- though at least he's not as extreme as Firefoot (6.16 ppd). She's just plain ridiculous."

The high-posting community is expected to start work on their own counter-study in the coming weeks. Thus far there has been no word from the low-posting community, though that is certainly not surprising.

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-20-2006, 03:10 AM

For Week 21 I thought I'd steer away from the norm and have a newspaper...

And, who could forget the comedy duo who are, I'm reliably informed, going to go big in Japan soon.

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-26-2006, 02:46 AM

Films:

This week, the phantom takes on the roll of James Pond in a whirlwind of adventure and espionage. With high wire stunts and ridiculous acting, this film has everything to offer for someone who doesnt want to see a good film. Yes folks, despite all the hype, we have here a film that was vastly ruined by the presence of the actors, sets and sounds.
For your own good, avoid this film like the pleg.

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-27-2006, 03:33 AM

We apologize to readers of last Weeks Downer, due, once again, to a printing error, last weeks edition was full of water.

This week the phantom has done the mini headlines...

But, lest we forget, the comedy duo of the month... well, not really...

HerenIstarion · 11-27-2006, 03:36 AM

That myth has been busted by Myth Busters of Discovery Channel

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-27-2006, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HerenIstarion

That myth has been busted by Myth Busters of Discovery Channel

I know. I wanted to write in to them saying "Stop ruining my jokes!"

Lalwendë · 11-27-2006, 02:53 PM

So I guess I might as well stop trying to drop pennies and assorted office supplies on chavs' heads out of my office window?

Are you planning a Christmas TV supplement Hookbill?

10-23-2006, 08:44 AM	#128
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	Loving the cameo appearance of one of my fave bands - The Pixies. __________________ Gordon's alive!

10-23-2006, 01:04 PM	#129
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Culture: Films... Once again we delve into the unfathomable depths of insanity and cross the boarder into Mordor! Yes, that's right folks, Assigned to Mordor is back and this time it's bigger, longer, and more controversial than ever! Fea's take on the fascinating story of a group of diplomats, wizards and assorted busy bodies (including a Blarog wearing a tie) is an interesting one. If it weren't for the character of a stupid little Dwarf, it'd be a good show. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

10-23-2006, 02:55 PM	#130
Celuien Riveting Ribbiter Join Date: May 2005 Location: Assigned to Mordor Posts: 1,767	I'm really not stealing anything out of Anguirel's pocketses. I promise. The rumors are a complete falsehood. __________________ People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey... stuff.

10-25-2006, 03:05 AM	#134
Eomer of the Rohirrim Auspicious Wraith Join Date: May 2002 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 4,859	No wonder that hangover was bad; I don't remember any of that! __________________ Los Ingobernables de Harlond

10-29-2006, 03:01 AM	#135
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Hay, Eomer, it was only after writing that headline that I realised that Porridge is supposed to be the Scottish national breakfast. Weird! Anyway, folks. It's time for the big vote! Who do you want to win in a fight between The Phantom and Alien? Not who would win, but who do you want to win. VOTE ON THE POLL In other news, with Christmas just around the corner, The Downer is looking for more journalists to write some articles for the front page as Hookbill the Goomba becomes more pressed for time. If you have a story, PM it to me. Try and keep it between 100 - 150 words long or I may have to edit it down a tad. Thanks folks! Also, it has come to the attension of The Downer that a rival Newspaper has come on the scene. The Editor would like to remind readers of The Downer that tabloyd newspapers very rarely give you the truth, as our paper does. In face, if you look at the front page of this weeks 'The Barrow' you will see what I mean. I expect it to go down the pan very quickly. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 11-05-2006 at 04:18 AM.

10-22-2006, 06:06 PM	#123
Rikae Mellifluous Maia Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A glade open to the stars, deep in Nan Elmoth Posts: 3,489	Truly brilliant, Goomba.

10-29-2006, 02:17 PM	#136
Volo Silver in My Silent Heart Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: the great beauty Posts: 1,611	Good stuff Hookbill, just like always! __________________ Fenris Wolf The EVEN NEWER Barrow-Downs Photo Page

10-30-2006, 02:09 AM	#137
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	The grey rain curtain of last week is pulled away and then, you see it! The next week, with all of it's specialties and whatnot! And, who could forget, the comedy duo of the year! Well, sort of. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

10-30-2006, 10:11 PM	#138
High King Fingolfin Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Where the Wargs thrive, a.k.a. Madison, WI Posts: 437	Ahh, the diagram brings up bad memories of science class last year. __________________ "Outside of a Warg, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a Warg, it's too dark to read." - Wargo Marx

10-31-2006, 12:57 AM	#139
Valesse Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: \|Away Posts: 614	Something for the Sudoku page: The Top Posters: __________________ "Loo, what sholde a man in thyse dayes now wryte, 'egges' or 'eyren'?" - Caxton, Eneydos

10-31-2006, 06:59 PM	#141
The Elf-warrior Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Virginia. Posts: 952	Prime Minister Sued for Funeral Remarks! by Elf-Warriorus Diminutus The family of the late Member of Parliment Jahn Blacc has finally filed suit against Prime Minister Titus Decius for shouting, "This is boring!" during the MP's funeral and then walking out and making nasty faces at the TV cameras. An overnight Downer/BBC/Barrow poll said 31% to 30% that the lawsuit was frivolous with 39% saying they either had no opinion or were undecided. The suit alleged that this conduct caused extreme emotional distress, which allegedly caused the MP's sister, Mary Muttler's angina to act up. Decius has refused to apologize and denies causing any physical distress. "Since when did we all turn into babies," the Prime Minister asked at a press conference. He also said he would never stop being obnoxious in the cause of truth. "This conduct goes against all the strictures of our society," Judith Blacc, the late MP's wife, said in a press release. "It goes against civility, decency, fairness, and bipartisanship. We hope the court grants our humble petition." __________________ Fenris Wolf: WW LXXX.

11-06-2006, 03:37 AM	#142
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	It's that time once more... So without further ado... But what's more, a special guest appearence from Diamond18. I ased her look on her old Daffy Duck avartar (because I'm no good at drawing people and I didn't want anyone to notice). I made a few modifications to make her look more unique and that... So yes. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

11-08-2006, 12:24 PM	#145
Farael Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: In hospitals, call rooms and (rarely) my apartment. Posts: 1,538	Let me add my two-cents here... The Scientific Downer:Your best source of scientertainment So, here’s the situation. There has been much discussion and positioning and arguing and fighting and yada yada about The Rings Of Power. Yeah, they look good… yeah, they do give you super-human(or elven, or maiar, or dwarven) powers but… what are they made of? Thanks to the advances in technology we have been able to run a series of tests with some amazing results. The One Ring Obviously, the first step in analyzing just about anything is, well, getting it. We talked to the elves but they kept on their secretive ways. We talked to the dwarves and all we achieved was to be chased out of Moria by a Balrog. On second thought, maybe those creatures were a bit too ugly, even for dwarves. We were a little frustrated, and just then the unlikeliest of things happened. A Halfling came knocking at my door with THE Ring of power. No, wait, that’s inaccurate. I knocked a Halfling out and took him through my door. Well, the point is, he had THE Ring of power, and I stole it. Then I replaced it with a similar looking ring that had belonged to some ill-fated Dunedain of the north. Poor little guy, I think he went all the way to Mordor to destroy it. And Sauron DID perish. Talk about placebo effect. So, we had this ring in our possession and decided to run some tests. With the help of Alatar BSc MSc and Lhunadarwen BSc, I Farael BSc MSc PhD AbC, ZYX, LON, GDESI, GNATION, have done extensive research in the matter of this ring of power. First we compared it’s melting temperature to that of the most common gold alloys. It didn’t melt, thus we assume it is Not made of gold. Then we proceeded to compare it’s melting temperature to that of higher melting compounds, such as plutonium, uranium and my favourite, ununoctium. The ring, again, did not melt, thus we concluded that it is not made of any known metal. By the way, the third barrow off of Downers Street North at Ringbearer Ave. is now radioactive. Precautions should be taken when walking in the vicinity. After proving the One ring is not made of metal, the next logical assumption was to test to see if it was a non-metal. We tried dissolving it in both polar and non polar solvents, we tried combining it with other non-metals and their Ions and finally we tried smashing it, stepping on it, biting it and throwing it against the walls of my barrow. The last few methods were not scientifically motivated, but we were rather frustrated. After exhausting all our ideas, it was Lhuna who proposed we run the Ring through a gas-chromatograph. I must say I laughed at her, if we cannot melt it, how could it be a gas? But using her powers of persuasion she convinced me to try. Well, guess what happened? If you are expecting me to say that it worked, you really are a “the glass is half-full” kind of person. No, it didn’t work, but it lead Alatar to make the following, reasonable conclusion. Since the Ring is not made of gold, or any other metal or alloy, it is not a non-metal nor a gas, we conclude that, in spite of evidence pointing in the contrary, the Ring does not exist at all Thus, you all need no longer concern yourselves with such trivial matters. As for that little gold band that we now know does not exist, even though I have it in my pocket, I shall keep it. After all, it came to me… it’s mine… My Precioussss….. Farael, of the many designations __________________ I prepared Explosive Runes this morning.

11-08-2006, 01:51 PM	#146
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	I'm a Detective Inspector now! Oooh! I think Helen Mirren can consider her days as TV's most famous DI numbered as DI Lalwende prepares to take the lead in Prime Suspect 157. __________________ Gordon's alive!

11-08-2006, 02:27 PM	#147
Glirdan Energetic Essence Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Where Lark Nor Eagle Ever Flew Posts: 3,285	I am so ashamed!! I turned to drink and let a fellow B-Der be condemed to jail!! What have I done!? Oh! That's right! I put a murderer in jail!! Maybe I'll stick to drinking!! Nice story Hook! __________________ *I'm going to buy you a kitty, I'm going to let you fall in love with the kitty, and one cold, winter night, I'm going to steal into your house and punch you in the face!* Fenris Wolf

11-08-2006, 02:53 PM	#148
Mithalwen Pilgrim Soul Join Date: May 2004 Location: watching the wonga-wonga birds circle... Posts: 9,455	Maybe that expalins why I was not interviewed on my departure from ME idol.... __________________ “But Finrod walks with Finarfin his father beneath the trees in Eldamar.” Christopher Tolkien, Requiescat in pace

11-08-2006, 02:55 PM	#149
The Only Real Estel Raffish Rapscallion Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Far from the 'Downs, it seems :-( Posts: 2,835	All I can say is that's the last time I'll rely on you Glirdy... (& not just cause I'll be locked up for the rest of my life either)

11-13-2006, 03:24 AM	#152
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Monday brings another edition of The Downer. And, seeing as it is Monday, I thought that I'd do just that. And, of course, the increasingly unpopular... __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

11-18-2006, 12:55 PM	#154
the phantom Beloved Shadow Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: The Stadium Posts: 5,971	Special Report from The Downer PERFECT POSTING AVERAGE DISCOVERED According to a study released today by the Organization for Posting Improvement, the perfect number of posts per day that all Downers should strive for is between 1.19 and 1.33. "Go any higher than 1.33, and you run into problems," says lead researcher Kuruharan. "Your posts lose their novelty, and people get sick of seeing you pop up on so many threads. Remember- absence makes the heart grow fonder." Assistant researcher alatar agreed, but reminded everyone that there was also a low side that you should not fall below. "Even though you don't want to post more than 1.33 ppd, you don't want to fall below 1.19 ppd. You need to post enough to gain and maintain solid name recognition and be an active force on the Downs. And you also want to put posts in more than one area. Spread your posts through the Books, the Movies, and Mirth to be sure that you are having an impact." Another research team member, the phantom, added that the Organization for Posting Improvement was thrilled to have completed the study for the betterment of the Downs. "We've finally determined what the perfect posting average is, so now the only thing left to do is get the word out so people can begin rethinking their posting practices." The fourth member of the research team, Lalaith, said that she was just happy that the time consuming project was finally over. The findings of the study have come under fire from some. Just two hours after the results were released, several members of the high-posting community spoke out against the study. The Saucepan Man in particular rebuked the research strongly, calling it "slanted" and "obviously biased", pointing out that the recommended range, 1.19-1.33, seems to have been based directly upon the posts per day of the researchers involved in the project. When asked about this charge, lead researcher Kuruharan stated that the posting averages of himself, alatar, Lalaith, and the phantom, (1.19, 1.33, 1.28, and 1.28 respectively) didn't factor in at all, and that the results matching their own posting counts was merely a coincidence. "And really, can you take Sauce seriously on this issue?" asked the phantom. "He's a known high-posting extremist, averaging 5.38 posts per day. He's even worse than mormegil (5.35 ppd)- though at least he's not as extreme as Firefoot (6.16 ppd). She's just plain ridiculous." The high-posting community is expected to start work on their own counter-study in the coming weeks. Thus far there has been no word from the low-posting community, though that is certainly not surprising. __________________ the phantom has posted. This thread is now important.

11-20-2006, 03:10 AM	#155
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	For Week 21 I thought I'd steer away from the norm and have a newspaper... And, who could forget the comedy duo who are, I'm reliably informed, going to go big in Japan soon. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 11-26-2006 at 02:42 AM.

11-26-2006, 02:46 AM	#156
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Films: This week, the phantom takes on the roll of James Pond in a whirlwind of adventure and espionage. With high wire stunts and ridiculous acting, this film has everything to offer for someone who doesnt want to see a good film. Yes folks, despite all the hype, we have here a film that was vastly ruined by the presence of the actors, sets and sounds. For your own good, avoid this film like the pleg. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

11-27-2006, 03:33 AM	#157
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	We apologize to readers of last Weeks Downer, due, once again, to a printing error, last weeks edition was full of water. This week the phantom has done the mini headlines... But, lest we forget, the comedy duo of the month... well, not really... __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

11-27-2006, 03:36 AM	#158
HerenIstarion Deadnight Chanter Join Date: Sep 2000 Posts: 4,244	That myth has been busted by Myth Busters of Discovery Channel __________________ Egroeg Ihkhsal - Would you believe in the love at first sight? - Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time!

11-27-2006, 02:53 PM	#160
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	So I guess I might as well stop trying to drop pennies and assorted office supplies on chavs' heads out of my office window? Are you planning a Christmas TV supplement Hookbill? __________________ Gordon's alive!