Crazy Captions - Page 317 - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Lalwendë · 07-09-2007, 03:24 AM

Secrets of Middle-earth #731

Just as Tolkien was about to correct the ambiguous description of the Balrog, the Visitor from Porlock called round with his new Box Brownie.

The Sixth Wizard · 07-09-2007, 06:35 AM

Guy: Professor, Tolkien is it? We're here about the unpaid publishing bills-

JRRT: Go back to the nothingness that awaits you and your dark master!!

OR

JRRT: Blah, this romance stuff is killing me. Maybe I'll just chuck something together with dwarves...

Rune Son of Bjarne · 07-09-2007, 07:27 AM

Would you dare to tell this man that a Balrog flew of with your homework?

Lalwendë · 07-09-2007, 07:38 AM

Would you dare to tell this man that a wingless balrog had flown away with your metaphorical homework?

Bêthberry · 07-09-2007, 07:44 AM

Tolkien (to self): "Hee hee! Years from now scholars will scuttle with magnifying glasses over this picture like ants at a picnic trying to read the titles on the book spines. Little will they realise I've confusticated them with false covers."

Thinlómien · 07-10-2007, 06:43 AM

Tolkien (to an over-eager fan): "Don't come any closer or I'll stab my leg with this pen!"
Fan: *runs away*

mormegil · 07-10-2007, 08:46 AM

Tolkien: Okay, one more Gandalf uncloaking joke and he'll be out of the book.

or

Tolkien: Alright, who put the tack on my chair?

***Thenamir*** · 07-10-2007, 10:08 AM

Frodo, decrepit and balding after only a week in the undying lands, realizes too late the truth of what the men of Numenor were told about the Blessed Realm -- that they would only "wither and grow weary the sooner".

Oddwen · 07-10-2007, 11:49 AM

Nature documentary narrator: And here we have a fine example of the Professoris Supremis. Note the pen in his hand, and the reams of paper before him. Watch as he uses his pen to write upon the paper - oh my, he is gesturing it at us. Could it be some sort of before unseen territorial ritual? My my, see how angry he gets! And now he...my goodness, he's on fire?? OH NO, HE'S GOT WINGS! AAAR*dies*

***Thenamir*** · 07-10-2007, 12:05 PM

"Hi, I'm John Tolkien. There's nothing I like better than sitting at my desk and writing stories, but after a long day of answering fan mail and beating back rabid fantasy nutcases I don't have anything left. That's why I drink Red Balrog -- it gives you wings!"

Hookbill the Goomba · 07-12-2007, 06:19 AM

Now, lets see what Lewis has been writing about me... pale? little chap? the? I'll give him a smack or so... Oh, hello Lewis... Erm... Do you want a Jelly Baby?

Legate of Amon Lanc · 07-12-2007, 07:04 AM

After getting his hands on the Time Machine, Legate decided to visit the Professor at the time he was writing LotR.
Tolkien: Hello. Sit down. I'm about to finish.
Legate: Wow! I'm indeed going to witness this glorious moment!
Tolkien: "...and thus, before Sam could come to his aid, Gollum strangled Frodo and ruled the Middle-Earth ever after."
Legate: Noooo!!!

OR

Harry Potter: Um - where is Professor Dumbledore?

OR

Tolkien: If I hear one more joke about uncloaking, winged or wingless balrogs or Telerian version of Celeborn's name, I will stop writing and you Downers may just disperse to the forums about Beverly Hills 90210!

Lalwendë · 07-12-2007, 11:01 AM

Secrets of Middle-earth Number 421

The Professor decided to pass the time by picking up his pen and doing a bit of writing. "In a hole in the ground..." he wrote. Well, it was as good a way as any to pass the time until Christmas and the next episode of Doctor Who.

Morthoron · 07-12-2007, 11:34 AM

Tolkien: Confusticate and bebother that Lewis, he's put Super-glue on my seat again! I should have stayed at Leeds.

shieldmaiden4xsword · 07-13-2007, 01:45 PM

JRRT, caught by surprise when he was writing, slams his hand down on the page and turns with a fixed smile on his face.

JRRT: No, you can't see what I've written. *blushes*

Volo · 07-13-2007, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shieldmaiden4xsword

JRRT, caught by surprise when he was writing, slams his hand down on the page and turns with a fixed smile on his face.

JRRT: No, you can't see what I've written. *blushes*

Tolkien: And to think that I was going to have that part published...

Well, that's that for the extended Beren and Luthien story...

Lalwendë · 07-14-2007, 12:45 PM

The Professor: "If you want to know what happens to Harry then I'm afraid you've not only got the wrong address but the wrong year, Doctor."

Hookbill the Goomba · 07-14-2007, 01:13 PM

Tolkien: Ah! You must be here for the new picture, eh?

I'm not sure if we've done this one... I can't seem to find it looking back... Lets go for it...

Turin: HAY!

... ... I can see my house from here!

OR

The others discuss weather or not it would be a 'hilarious' practical joke if they pushed Turin down.

Gil-Galad · 07-14-2007, 04:37 PM

Turin: They can take our shiny clothes, but they will never take our shiny helmets!!!

ninja91 · 07-14-2007, 05:50 PM

Dealing with Depression: Elf Edition's tip #37: Being social is the first step towards acceptance.

narfforc · 07-16-2007, 02:42 AM

At his new job at The Doriath Diggings, Turin ponders why they gave him a sword and not a pick or pneumatic drill to attack the rocks with.

Legate of Amon Lanc · 07-16-2007, 03:45 AM

(I was just listening to Led Zeppelin "Houses of the Holy")

Túrin:
"There's an angel on my shoulder,
there's a dragon on my head,
I will roll on you that boulder,
and you filth will all be dead, nah nah..."

The Might · 07-16-2007, 05:17 AM

Turin is angry because the bad weather ruined his plans for a picnic together with the outlaws.

Turin: C'mon boys, maybe another time.
Outlaws: Awww....

Volo · 07-16-2007, 06:02 AM

Turin's new camouflage didn't exactly match with the scenery. Well, then again, he did think that he would lead his army straight into Angband and mimic a pillar with a golden ornament on it. It would have been better for Turin to stay a pessimist.

Lalwendë · 07-16-2007, 02:32 PM

Turin was up at the crack of dawn on the 21st waiting for the postman to bring the new Harry Potter book.

OR

How one man went to extreme measures to avoid hearing any spoilers about the final Harry Potter book.

Hookbill the Goomba · 07-16-2007, 02:51 PM

It was set to be his best April Fool's prank ever! Turin waited for the right moment to pull the leaver to open the trap door beneath his comrades. They couldn't not love him after this, so he thought.

OR

At last, after 57 attempts, Turin had struck that pose without stabbing himself in the foot.

Bêthberry · 07-16-2007, 07:27 PM

Turin ponders why the eagles don't come any more.

Nogrod · 07-16-2007, 07:54 PM

Túrin: "Oh my God! Why don't you take this cup from me now?"

Túrin had promised them a paradise, a land of their own... just if they'd overcome this one mountain more (metaphorically = beaten this one more enemy of Morgoth the Evil before the everlasting peace and quiet).

"The moon my Lord? What sort of paradise is that?"

*Oh, we weren't in this world*

The Only Real Estel · 07-17-2007, 12:09 PM

Here stands the legendary Wierd-Helmeted, One-Legged Turin

Volo · 07-17-2007, 12:21 PM

It sure is good to be the one in command. While his brave men are in deadly combat with the Orcs, Turin enjoys the scenery. Though it is, after all, a bit annoying that your servants take so long making your afternoon tea.

Rune Son of Bjarne · 07-22-2007, 07:52 AM

Turin made his men wait for hours as he refused to admit that the sword was stuck in the rock.

Hookbill the Goomba · 07-22-2007, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

Turin ponders why the eagles don't come any more.

He later discovered that they were all at Hotel California.

Morthoron · 07-22-2007, 07:21 PM

Turin the one-legged soldier
Had to lean upon his blade --
No Elf or dwarf could help him
(as prosthetics were not yet made).

All of the other soldiers
Used to laugh and call him names.
They wouldn't let poor Turin
Play in any warrior games.

Then one day in Doriath
Thingol came to say,
"Melian with your girdle tight,
Oh please help Turin stand up right."

Then all the soldiers loved him
As they watched him marching off with glee.
"Now that Turin can go fight Glaurung,
We will not be history!"

Rune Son of Bjarne · 07-22-2007, 08:04 PM

The outlaws soon found out that Turin was an exelent weather vane.

FeRaL sHaDoW · 07-23-2007, 02:14 AM

Turin rides to war on his rock.

Volo · 07-23-2007, 05:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FeRaL sHaDoW

Turin rides to war on his rock.

--The first stages of the rock-et by Funnyman Li

Morsul the Dark · 07-24-2007, 05:06 PM

Turin looks past the horizon: "What astrange dark Wizard, who might he be?"

The Sixth Wizard · 07-25-2007, 04:01 AM

Turin: (with blank eyes) Exterminate! Exterminate!

OR

Ooh look, something shiny! *falling* AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHH ... - Hey, I'm ok! *sword falls on head*

THE Ka · 07-25-2007, 09:14 AM

Turin amazes all at Calvin Klein when striking his full line of outlaw-abroad clothing and accessories...

Chief Photographer: It's divine!

Turin: *Sigh* Who needs Amon Rûdh after these profits...

Stray outlaw: I dunno about you, but I feel so used!

~Ka

The Might · 07-25-2007, 11:09 AM

Turin sadly: Now because of that Harry Potter guy nobody wants to read about my life anymore...

Outlaws in the background: Do you think Voldemort dies?

07-09-2007, 03:24 AM	#12641
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	Secrets of Middle-earth #731 Just as Tolkien was about to correct the ambiguous description of the Balrog, the Visitor from Porlock called round with his new Box Brownie. __________________ Gordon's alive!

07-09-2007, 07:38 AM	#12644
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	Would you dare to tell this man that a wingless balrog had flown away with your metaphorical homework? __________________ Gordon's alive!

07-09-2007, 07:44 AM	#12645
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 5,996	Tolkien (to self): "Hee hee! Years from now scholars will scuttle with magnifying glasses over this picture like ants at a picnic trying to read the titles on the book spines. Little will they realise I've confusticated them with false covers." __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.

07-10-2007, 06:43 AM	#12646
Thinlómien Shady She-Penguin Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: In a far land beyond the Sea Posts: 8,093	Continuing along the same lines as Brinn... Tolkien (to an over-eager fan): "Don't come any closer or I'll stab my leg with this pen!" Fan: runs away __________________ Like the stars chase the sun, over the glowing hill I will conquer Blood is running deep, some things never sleep Double Fenris

07-10-2007, 08:46 AM	#12647
mormegil Maundering Mage Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 4,648	Tolkien: Okay, one more Gandalf uncloaking joke and he'll be out of the book. or Tolkien: Alright, who put the tack on my chair? __________________ “I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

07-09-2007, 06:35 AM	#12642
The Sixth Wizard Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Stuck under a rock in Valinor with Ar-Pharazon. Posts: 480	Guy: Professor, Tolkien is it? We're here about the unpaid publishing bills- JRRT: Go back to the nothingness that awaits you and your dark master!! OR JRRT: Blah, this romance stuff is killing me. Maybe I'll just chuck something together with dwarves...

07-10-2007, 10:08 AM	#12648
*Thenamir* Spectre of Capitalism Join Date: May 2001 Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae Posts: 987	Frodo, decrepit and balding after only a week in the undying lands, realizes too late the truth of what the men of Numenor were told about the Blessed Realm -- that they would only "wither and grow weary the sooner". __________________ The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius

07-10-2007, 11:49 AM	#12649
Oddwen Drummer in the Deep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Next Sunday A.D. Posts: 2,145	Does Tolkien have wings? Nature documentary narrator: And here we have a fine example of the Professoris Supremis. Note the pen in his hand, and the reams of paper before him. Watch as he uses his pen to write upon the paper - oh my, he is gesturing it at us. Could it be some sort of before unseen territorial ritual? My my, see how angry he gets! And now he...my goodness, he's on fire?? OH NO, HE'S GOT WINGS! AAARdies __________________ But all the while I sit and think of times there were before I listen for returning feet and voices at the door

07-10-2007, 12:05 PM	#12650
*Thenamir* Spectre of Capitalism Join Date: May 2001 Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae Posts: 987	"Hi, I'm John Tolkien. There's nothing I like better than sitting at my desk and writing stories, but after a long day of answering fan mail and beating back rabid fantasy nutcases I don't have anything left. That's why I drink Red Balrog -- it gives you wings!" __________________ The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius

07-12-2007, 06:19 AM	#12651
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Now, lets see what Lewis has been writing about me... pale? little chap? the? I'll give him a smack or so... Oh, hello Lewis... Erm... Do you want a Jelly Baby? __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 07-12-2007 at 07:16 AM.

07-12-2007, 07:04 AM	#12652
Legate of Amon Lanc A Voice That Gainsayeth Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: In that far land beyond the Sea Posts: 7,431	After getting his hands on the Time Machine, Legate decided to visit the Professor at the time he was writing LotR. Tolkien: Hello. Sit down. I'm about to finish. Legate: Wow! I'm indeed going to witness this glorious moment! Tolkien: "...and thus, before Sam could come to his aid, Gollum strangled Frodo and ruled the Middle-Earth ever after." Legate: Noooo!!! OR Harry Potter: Um - where is Professor Dumbledore? OR Tolkien: If I hear one more joke about uncloaking, winged or wingless balrogs or Telerian version of Celeborn's name, I will stop writing and you Downers may just disperse to the forums about Beverly Hills 90210! __________________ "Should the story say 'he ate bread,' the dramatic producer can only show 'a piece of bread' according to his taste or fancy, but the hearer of the story will think of bread in general and picture it in some form of his own." -On Fairy-Stories

07-12-2007, 11:01 AM	#12653
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	Secrets of Middle-earth Number 421 The Professor decided to pass the time by picking up his pen and doing a bit of writing. "In a hole in the ground..." he wrote. Well, it was as good a way as any to pass the time until Christmas and the next episode of Doctor Who. __________________ Gordon's alive!

07-12-2007, 11:34 AM	#12654
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,509	Tolkien: Confusticate and bebother that Lewis, he's put Super-glue on my seat again! I should have stayed at Leeds. __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.

07-13-2007, 01:45 PM	#12655
shieldmaiden4xsword Wight Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: where people stick out their tongues at their youth pastor.... Posts: 183	JRRT, caught by surprise when he was writing, slams his hand down on the page and turns with a fixed smile on his face. JRRT: No, you can't see what I've written. blushes __________________ Sometimes the peril is not in what is around us, what enemies or trials that may come, but what is in our own hearts.

07-14-2007, 12:45 PM	#12657
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	The Professor: "If you want to know what happens to Harry then I'm afraid you've not only got the wrong address but the wrong year, Doctor." __________________ Gordon's alive!

07-14-2007, 01:13 PM	#12658
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Tolkien: Ah! You must be here for the new picture, eh? I'm not sure if we've done this one... I can't seem to find it looking back... Lets go for it... Turin: HAY! ... ... I can see my house from here! OR The others discuss weather or not it would be a 'hilarious' practical joke if they pushed Turin down. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

07-14-2007, 04:37 PM	#12659
Gil-Galad Psyche of Prince Immortal Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Above a Parapet Obvious exits are: North, South, and Dennis Posts: 4,734	Turin: They can take our shiny clothes, but they will never take our shiny helmets!!! __________________ Love doesn't blow up and get killed.

07-16-2007, 02:42 AM	#12661
narfforc Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Muddy-earth Posts: 1,297	Turin chases his Quarry. At his new job at The Doriath Diggings, Turin ponders why they gave him a sword and not a pick or pneumatic drill to attack the rocks with. __________________ [B]THE LORD OF THE GRINS:THE ONE PARODY....A PARODY BETTER THAN THE RINGS OF POWER.

07-16-2007, 03:45 AM	#12662
Legate of Amon Lanc A Voice That Gainsayeth Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: In that far land beyond the Sea Posts: 7,431	Túrin uses high ground and guerilla tactic to waylay some Orcs. (I was just listening to Led Zeppelin "Houses of the Holy") Túrin: "There's an angel on my shoulder, there's a dragon on my head, I will roll on you that boulder, and you filth will all be dead, nah nah..." __________________ "Should the story say 'he ate bread,' the dramatic producer can only show 'a piece of bread' according to his taste or fancy, but the hearer of the story will think of bread in general and picture it in some form of his own." -On Fairy-Stories

07-16-2007, 05:17 AM	#12663
The Might Guard of the Citadel Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Oxon Posts: 2,205	Turin is angry because the bad weather ruined his plans for a picnic together with the outlaws. Turin: C'mon boys, maybe another time. Outlaws: Awww.... __________________ “The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.” Delos B. McKown

07-16-2007, 06:02 AM	#12664
Volo Silver in My Silent Heart Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: the great beauty Posts: 1,611	Turin's new camouflage didn't exactly match with the scenery. Well, then again, he did think that he would lead his army straight into Angband and mimic a pillar with a golden ornament on it. It would have been better for Turin to stay a pessimist. __________________ Fenris Wolf The EVEN NEWER Barrow-Downs Photo Page

07-16-2007, 02:32 PM	#12665
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	Turin was up at the crack of dawn on the 21st waiting for the postman to bring the new Harry Potter book. OR How one man went to extreme measures to avoid hearing any spoilers about the final Harry Potter book. __________________ Gordon's alive!

07-16-2007, 02:51 PM	#12666
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	It was set to be his best April Fool's prank ever! Turin waited for the right moment to pull the leaver to open the trap door beneath his comrades. They couldn't not love him after this, so he thought. OR At last, after 57 attempts, Turin had struck that pose without stabbing himself in the foot. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

07-16-2007, 07:27 PM	#12667
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 5,996	Turin ponders why the eagles don't come any more. __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.

07-16-2007, 07:54 PM	#12668
Nogrod Flame of the Ainulindalë Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Wearing rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves in a field behaving as the wind behaves Posts: 9,308	Túrin: "Oh my God! Why don't you take this cup from me now?" Túrin had promised them a paradise, a land of their own... just if they'd overcome this one mountain more (metaphorically = beaten this one more enemy of Morgoth the Evil before the everlasting peace and quiet). "The moon my Lord? What sort of paradise is that?" Oh, we weren't in this world __________________ Upon the hearth the fire is red Beneath the roof there is a bed; But not yet weary are our feet...

07-17-2007, 12:09 PM	#12669
The Only Real Estel Raffish Rapscallion Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Far from the 'Downs, it seems :-( Posts: 2,835	Here stands the legendary Wierd-Helmeted, One-Legged Turin

07-17-2007, 12:21 PM	#12670
Volo Silver in My Silent Heart Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: the great beauty Posts: 1,611	It sure is good to be the one in command. While his brave men are in deadly combat with the Orcs, Turin enjoys the scenery. Though it is, after all, a bit annoying that your servants take so long making your afternoon tea. __________________ Fenris Wolf The EVEN NEWER Barrow-Downs Photo Page

07-22-2007, 07:21 PM	#12673
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,509	Turin the one-legged soldier Had to lean upon his blade -- No Elf or dwarf could help him (as prosthetics were not yet made). All of the other soldiers Used to laugh and call him names. They wouldn't let poor Turin Play in any warrior games. Then one day in Doriath Thingol came to say, "Melian with your girdle tight, Oh please help Turin stand up right." Then all the soldiers loved him As they watched him marching off with glee. "Now that Turin can go fight Glaurung, We will not be history!" __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. Last edited by Morthoron; 07-22-2007 at 07:32 PM.

07-23-2007, 02:14 AM	#12675
FeRaL sHaDoW Wight Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: New Zealand Posts: 232	Turin rides to war on his rock. __________________ God created night, but man created darkness....

07-24-2007, 05:06 PM	#12677
Morsul the Dark Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 3,448	Turin looks past the horizon: "What astrange dark Wizard, who might he be?" __________________ Morsul the Resurrected

07-25-2007, 04:01 AM	#12678
The Sixth Wizard Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Stuck under a rock in Valinor with Ar-Pharazon. Posts: 480	Turin: (with blank eyes) Exterminate! Exterminate! OR Ooh look, something shiny! falling AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHH ... - Hey, I'm ok! sword falls on head

07-25-2007, 09:14 AM	#12679
THE Ka Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: As with the flygja Posts: 1,403	Turin amazes all at Calvin Klein when striking his full line of outlaw-abroad clothing and accessories... Chief Photographer: It's divine! Turin: Sigh Who needs Amon Rûdh after these profits... Stray outlaw: I dunno about you, but I feel so used! ~Ka __________________ Vinur, vinur skilur tú meg? Veitst tú ongan loyniveg? Hevur tú reikað líka sum eg, í endaleysu tokuni?

07-25-2007, 11:09 AM	#12680
The Might Guard of the Citadel Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Oxon Posts: 2,205	Turin sadly: Now because of that Harry Potter guy nobody wants to read about my life anymore... Outlaws in the background: Do you think Voldemort dies? __________________ “The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.” Delos B. McKown