Lord of the Pants...

[Maeggaladiel]

"Overhill and Underpants."

"If you would just LEND me the pants... All I ask for is the strength to defend my pants!"

"Pants has come to Rohan."

"I am no man! You look upon pants!!"

"Surrender the pants, she-elf!" (That's from the Peter Pantson film, The Lord of the Pants)

Aragorn-"You have my sword"
Legolas-"And my bow."
Gimli- "And my pants!"

"The Pants go ever on and on...."

"We wantss it! Our Pantsssessss!!!" (That actually makes sense, coming from Gollum. I mean, him being in a loincloth for so long and all. The poor little blighter just wants his pants back.)

"Three Pants for elves who nance beneath the sky,
Seven for the dwarf lords in their fashion shows,
Nine Pants for mortal men, doomed to dye (their hair, that is)
One pair for the Dark Lord who wears them low. (shudder)
One pair to rule them all, One pair to find them
One pair to let out their seams and in the darkness bind them.
In the land of Mordor where the bellbottoms lie."

Okay, that was funny until the end of the first line. I'd better shut up now.
~Maeg of the Pants

[Lady Snickerdoodle]

And into these pants, he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.

One by one, the free pants in Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Ring.

The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the pants of the Misty Mountains.

hobbits at bilbo's party: Pants, Bilbo, pants!

Bilbo: Alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live in such excellent and admirable pants.
or
I've put the pants off for far too long.
or
I regret to announce that these are the pants.
and
You will keep some pants on Frodo, won't you?

Merry: You're supposed to stick it in the pants!
Pippin: It is in the pants!

hehe. i'll stop before it gets too nasty.

[Saraphim]

Lady Snickerdoodle! I love the sig!

Anyway...

The pants go ever on and on, down from the waistline where they began...

I will take the Ring to Mordor... though, I do not have my pants.

[Sapphire_Flame]

Gandalf:They are not all accounted for, the lost Seeing Pants. We do not know who else may be watching!

Frodo: Underpants. My name is Underpants.

Pink Eye: The trees are strong my Lord. Their pants go deep.
Saruman: Rip them all down.

Saruman: (to Gandalf) Embrace the power of the Ring, or embrace your own pants!

Boromir: The shards of Narsil! The blade that cut the ring from Saruon's pants!

Gimli: I will be dead before I see the ring in the pants of an Elf!

Aragorn: I suggest you take some rest and recover your pants, Master Dwarf.

Aragorn: I do not know what strength lies within my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the white pants fall.

Abedithon le,

~*~Aranel~*~

[Lady Snickerdoodle]

I will take the Ring to Mordor... though, I do not have my pants.

that induced a giggle... and i think someone used my sig in this thread, subbing pants for pizza... Made me look twice anyway.

Legolas: Have you learned nothing of the pants of dwarves? (has this one been used already???)

[ElenCala Isil]

To pants other trousers no doubt appear different.
Or to shorts. But Skirts have not been our study.
We have other business.

and one of my personal favourites:

I have never been out of my own pants before. And if I had known what the world outside was like, I don't think I should have had the heart to leave them.

[Saraphim]

I have decided that this thread is the funniest peice of work ever to hit the Downs.

Some from the Silmarilion:

"The doom lies in yourself, not in your pants."

"For little price do elven-kings sell thier pants..."

[Hama Of The Riddermark]

"I tell you. There's a great fighter about, one of those bloody-handed Elves, or one of the filthy pants."

Sam: Its me Mr. Frodo your Pants

[Maeggaladiel]

"Pants! Pants on wings!"

Or maybe it should be "Wraiths! Wraiths in Pants!!"

"Pray Aragorn remember the words of the Seer, and the Pants of the Dead"

"Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have Pants! Not evil, but beautiful and terrible as the Night! All shall love me and all shall wear me!"

[Hama Of The Riddermark]

"Then who would you take up with? A fat inkeeper who only remembers his own pants because people shout it at him all day?"

"O woe-begotten spirit, fall now into dark pants and forget for a while the dreadful doom of life."

[ElenCala Isil]

Saw this quote on the lovely er.. top o' the forum, and thought it would be hilarious as an LotP quote:

"Pants you can give me earned or unearned; but the skirts I will not take from you of baseborn, nor dresses, nor shorts. By the trousers of Felagund, that he gave to Barahir my father on the Kilt of the North, my pants have not earned such names from any Elf, be he king or no."

[Maeggaladiel]

"Behold! Isildur's Pants!"

"There is nothing left for you here but pants."

"...And his pants are yellow!" (See, I include Tom Bombadil, unlike certain directors we all know...)

"You keep nasssty pantss!"

[Saraphim]

That settles it! Shorts make delays, but pants make longer ones!

You cannot enter here. Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your pants.

You shall not pants me! I am the servant of the sacred pants, weilder of the pants of Anor. The dark pants will not avial you, pants of Udun. You shall not pants me!
~
Bit lame, but whatever.

[Nimrothiel]

Hama of the Riddermark, that was slightly disturbing. Ummm, let me think for a minute...aha!

*party scene; Sam at table drinking, Frodo comes over*

Frodo: "Come on Sam, ask Rosie for a pants!"

Sam: "Ah, I think I'll just pants another ale."

Frodo: "Oh no you won't, go pants!"

Hmm, slightly confusing and awkward, but what do I care; it's the last day of school and I graduate tomorrow!

[THE Ka]

Originally Posted by *Arwen*

'Kay here's some more...

Legolas: This is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the pants of Gondor.

Gandalf: remember, the pants want to be found...

Aragorn to Arwen: You said you would bind your pants to me.

Pippin: Oh, that's nice, ash on my pants!

Merry: That was the biggest pants yet!
Pippin: Let's get another

Sam: Pants! And mighty big ones too! (from the book)

Boromir: I would have followed you my brother, my captain, my pants! (the tearjerker turned funny)

TEARJERKER TURNED FUNNY!? HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF BOROMIR!!! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE KA! ( don't wet your pants just yet, i'm only kiddin')

okay, let me have a go:

As we all know, ( or only MAD magazine knows) Michael Flatley is known as the lord of the pants... so here's my skitt...

by the way, michael is going to be Frodo...

Boromir: "Why are you so unfriendly?" "i am a true man, neither thief nor tracker. I need your pants for tonight at the Ka's big disco spin down; but i give you my word that i do not desire to keep it. Will you not at least let me make trial of my plan? THE Ka's going to be there and so is Gandalf Goldmember. Lend me the pants!"

michael: "No no!"

boromir: "it is by our own folly that the Enemie's disco beats us!"

frodo=nothing ever dampens your pants does it sam.

[Kransha]

Well, seeing as how this thread 'exists,' I might as well contribute.

Bergil, Guard of the Citapants - "I'll wager I could stand you on your head or lay you on your pants."

Gurthang (the sword-pants) - "Yea, I will wear thy pants gladly, that so I may forget the pants of Beleg my master, and the pants of Brandir slain unjustly. I will slay thee swiftly."

Gandalf the Pants - "If you don't let me in Frodo, I shall blow your pants right down your hole and out through the hill." (that was a wee bit innapropriate)

The Great Goblin of Pantsarebad - "Murderers and elf pants! Slash them! Beat them! Bite them! Gnash them! Take them away to dark pants filled with snakes, and never let them see the light again!"

Saruman of the Many Pants - "And now, what pants will bear you back across so wide a sea? It will be grey pants, and full of ghosts."

Tulkas - "May! Let us make pants swiftly! Have we not rested from strife overlong, and are not our pants now renewed? Shall one alone make pants with us forever?"

Gandalf the Pants - "You cannot pass. I am a servant of the Secret Pants, wielder of the pants of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark pants will not avail you, pants of Udun."

Barliman Butterbur, Keeper of the Pantsing Pony - "There was too much of the Mr. underhill to go vanishing into thin pants; or thick pants as is more likely in this room."

[Nimrothiel]

Kransha, that was brilliant; however, might I make a slight correction to your Gurthang one? "I will pants thee swiftly" sounds a bit funnier. Hmm, I guess I should have thought of something to post. Oh well, I'm on summer vacation so I don't really care too much.

[Lathriel]

(Lathriel's friend)

Sam: Look, Mr. Frodo! Olipants!

Aragorn(to dead Boromir): Be in pants.

Gimli: Never toss a dwarf's pants!

Gandalf(to balrog): YOU! HAVE MY! PANTS!

(Lathriel)

Sam: Well, I'm pants!

Gandalf the Pants

This is the light of Aerendil our most beloved pants.

[Nimrothiel]

Names are always fun to do, for example:

Pants the Grey
Pants Bombadillo
The Pants of the Dead or The Paths of the Pants
Pants Undomiel
The Dark Pants (aka Sauron)
The Pants-Wight or The Barrow-Pants

That's enough for now. (As you will doubtless gather from my new signature, I happen to be a Harry Potter fan and finished reading book five for the tenth time. This does not affect my obsession with LotR which far surpasses my obsession with HP. Wish Rowling would hurry up with the sixth book though...honestly, that woman drives me mad; killing off Sirius, keeping her fans waiting for years for the next book...)

[Audreidi]

All that are pants do not glitter,
Not all those who buy pants are lost;
The pants that are strong do not wrinkle,
Deep pants are bought with a cost.

From the ashes some pants shall be woken,
Trousers from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be hems that were broken:
The pantless again shall be king.

Heehee...this is great...I believe I visited the original site, though I've tried going on again and I think it's down now. Fun...

Hey, lookit that, a fellow Monty Python fan! (waves)

[Saraphim]

Monty Python is the king of humor.

Anyway, going with the naming motif:

Huan the pants
Glorfindel the Pants-slayer
Erestor, chief pants of Elrond
Elrond, Half-pants
Earendel, giver of pants to the people of Middle-Earth

This thread just goes to show that something simple can be so gosh darn funny. I mean, we wear pants every day, for crying out loud. Or at least, most of us do. *shifty eyes*

[Nimrothiel]

Audreidi, that was brilliant!

Switching to names of places:

The Lonely Pants or The Pants Mountain (Hmmm, that makes sense if you've read 'Durin's Pants;' you haven't? Well I simply must post it for your benefit; it's from the original thread and I don't remember who wrote it, but I love it.)

Without further ado and lengthy sentences, I give you...

Durin's Pants

The pants were young, their contents green,
no stain yet in the pants was seen,
no pants were laid on skin or bone,
when Durin woke and walked alone.

He ate the tasteless beasts and plants;
he tried on yet unsoiled pants;
he squatted down by Mirrormere,
and saw a growing stain appear,
as waste from inside him he passed,
it splashed down out from his @ss.

The pants were fair, their wearer tall,
in Elder Days before the fall
of mighty turds in (dududoz)*
and Calvin Klein, who now because
of reeking stench have passed away:
the pants were fair in Durin's day.

A king he was on dirty loo,
in halls which smelled of rancid poo,
with streaky brown and yellow floor,
and piles of pants around the doo.
The reek of crap and sh*t and dirt,
the nostrils of all the people hurt;
uncoverable by fine perfume,
it stank forever in that room.

There urine on the water plopped,
there bottoms bared as pants were dropped:
there forged were pants, and down flowed wee;
a raging torrent was set free.
There boxers, briefs, and underwear,
and pants were sewn with fabric fair,
piles of pants upon the floor,
this underwear was laid in store.
Unshrinking then were urine flows;
beneath the mountain odour rose:
the parpers parped the gases sang,
and all the toilet flushes rang.

The fabric's worn, the pants are old,
the toilet seat is ashen cold;
no fart is smelled no feeces fall;
the darkness dwells in Durin's hall;
the seat is down upon his loo,
in Moria, in Khazad-Poo.
But still the sunken pants appear,
in brown and windless Mirrormere.
There lie his pants in darkness deep,
till Durin wakes again from sleep.

*You try finding a brand name of pants that rhymes with "because!" Some of the "-eds" should be accented; unfortunately my computer is incapable of this function.

[Quirkette]

Words of wisdom from movie Sam: "That was for Frodo...and this is for the Shire! And this is for my old pants!"

"Not if I pants you first!"

"We'd better get you some clothes. You can't go on in naught but your pants."

"If ever I was to pants somebody, it would have been her. It would have been her."

[Lady of the Pants]

As Lady of the Pants, I have something to contribute to this thread. I agree that J.K. Rowling is a git for killing off Sirius. But, she is still my favorite author ( next to Tolkien, of course! ) and I look forward to reading the sixth Harry Potter book when it comes out...in a blue moon. I should get started with my Pants business before I get mauled by the other members of the site!

Orc: What about their pants? They don't need those!

Denethor: You will not take my pants from me!

That's all I can think of now. The good ones were already taken. Oh, and I found
Durin's Pants to be very disturbing and funny. Signing off!

~Lady of the Pants (Hey, there has to be more than four major female roles in LotR. Tolkien most likely wasn't a supporter of women's rights.*sniff,sniff*

[Lady of the Pants]

I just got finished watching RotK and came up with something.

Frodo: I am naked in the dark. There's-there's nothing. No pants between me in the wheel of fire.

It's probably not funny, but it's all that I can come up with for now.

[Orcrist]

Gandalf: There is only one Lord of the Pants. Only one who can bend them to his will. And he does not share pants(Or at least we hope he doesn't)

Gandalf: I am the servant of the Secret Fire, weilder of the Pants of Anor.

Gandalf: Fool of a Took. Throw your pants in next time and rid us of your stupidity.

Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins. Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap pants.

Theoden: Brace your pants.

Aragorn: Let the pants of the Black Land come forth.

THis thread is awesome.

[Audreidi]

"We are the fighting Pants! We slew the great warrior. We took the prisoners. We are the servants of Saruman the Wise, the White Trousers: the Trousers that give us pants to eat..."

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I am fully amazed that I never read this thread before. Absolutely hilarious [and terrifying and just plain weird... ] My brothers and I were sitting here reading them aloud (in the actors' voices, of course), and falling over laughing.

One Ring to rule the pants
One Ring to find them
One Ring to take the pants
And from your waist unbind them.

Sad, I know, yet... oddly humorous.

We don't want anymore visitors, well-wishers, or pantsless relations!

[ElenCala Isil]

Well, why not?

There is an inn, a merry-old inn
Beneath an old grey hill,
And there they sew a seam so fine
That the man in the moon himself found time
To come and get his pants hemmed.

The ostler has some tipsy pants
Spawned from a five-stringed fiddle;
And up and down he runs in those pants,
Now climbing high, or down with ants,
Now walking in the middle.

The landlord keeps his little skirt
He ought be mighty fond of jokes;
When there's good pants among the guests,
He turns a pleat to all the jests
And gags until he chokes.

They also keep a bunch of shorts
They’re fit for any queen;
But trousers turn her head like ale,
And make her wave her braided tail,
In hope those pants will be green.

And O! the rows of silver needles
And the store of silver spools!
For Slacks there is a special pair,
And these they must thread up with care
On Saturday afternoons.

The Man in the Moon had pockets run deep,
And his pants began to wail;
A needle and spool on the table danced,
The shorts in the garden madly pranced,
And the little skirt chased his tail.

The Man in the Moon took another pair,
And then rolled beneath his pants;
And there he dozed and dreamed of pants,
Till in the pants the stars were pale,
And pants were in the air.

Then the ostler said to his tipsy pants:
'The white pants of the Moon,
They wrinkle and tear into silver bits;
But their master's been and pantsed his wits,
And the Slacks’ll be rising soon!'

So the pants spawned from fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle,
A jig that would wake the thread:
He threaded and hemmed and quickened the tune,
While the seamstress shook the Man in the Moon:
'Here are your pants!' she said.

They pantsed the Man slowly up the hill,
And bundled his pants into the Moon,
While fine threads galloped up in rear,
Of those pants that were like to fit a deer,
And a needle ran up with the spool.

Now quicker the needle went deedle-dum-diddle,
The pants began to roar,
The shorts and the trousers stood on their pants;
The guests all bounded from their pants,
And danced upon the floor.

With a ping and a pong the fine thread broke!
The pants jumped over the Moon,
And the little skirt laughed to see such pants,
And the Saturday needle went off at a run
With the silver Sunday spool.

The round Moon rolled behind his pants,
As the Slacks, they raised their legs.
They hardly believed their fiery seams;
For though it was day, to them it seemed
They all forgot their pants!

[Nimrothiel]

Roflmao!!!! Absolutely brilliant!!! I'm assuming that was an original; and if so I'm extremely jealous.