The Reunification of the Entish Bow - Discussion

[Diamond18]

Nay, that would smack unsavorily of straight-laced storytelling! Subplots forever! Rah.

Thank you for the compliment, Thenamir: I found your post extremely inspirational, and could not have written a word without having chortled at your description and dialogue for the Troll.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the fight, Squatter. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Lush]

Big Bro...*er* Leninia is watching you! I'm putting up a modest save to give Leninia and the Entish Guitar a quick look-in: they're observing the theatrics from a safe distance at this point. This will be a very short post.
I'll move it if it jars too horribly with anything.
P.S. Can't wait for the continuation of the flame war. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[The Saucepan Man]

How did I know that the Non-Gender-Specific-Ship would make such a meal (quite literally) of getting through Grundor while I was away? Still, it's been great fun catching up. Birdie's adolescent fangecks were brilliant and, well, there just had to be a food-fight. What work of serious and solemn literature, such as this is, would be complete without one? I also greatly enjoyed the troll encounter. It somehow seems very appropriate (can't quite put my finger on how [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] ). Like Lush, I await with baited (black) breath the flame war.

I have put in a save for Soregum and his companions to feature on the trail of the It-Ship (and possibly Mogul to indulge in a measure of stereotypical gloating). I might not be able to fill it in for a day or so, but it should stand alone and therefore need not affect (or be affected by) subsequent events.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The trolls demonstrate the advantages of a classical education as they are defeated by the old Jason trick. If only all their kind were so easy to beat.

[ August 19, 2003: Message edited by: The Squatter of Amon Rûdh ]

[Lush]

Filled in my trite little save. Trolls = yummy. My mood is dark this week (am going back to college and facing a loooong semester of math classes), so my apologies for my bleak attempts at humour.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Even the saves are fun to read on this RPG!! I think four on one day set a new record! It's nice to see them being filled in now.

Mith, that was a (Naz-)cool meeting between Grrralph and a former colleague! The Itship is lucky, of course, that he chose to stay and warn them of the approaching danger.

Squatter, you continued the troll battle wonderfully! The contrast of speech style between the heroic Etc. and the trolls is great, and who’d have thought that pîtsar is the stuff of which they were made!

Lush, we could almost feel sorry for poor, neglected Leninia if we didn’t have a suspicion that she was responsible for her own loneliness. The Bow will be happy to meet the Guitar when we get there...

Birdie – H.O.U.S.es!! Hilarious! Muddled-Mirth is indeed full of strange and wonderful creatures, though they seem vaguely familiar.

I am planning a post to get us moving along; would anyone like to play with the H.O.U.S.es before we do? If so, please let me know ASAP; otherwise, my post will go up tomorrow.

[Mithadan]

Mithadan hangs head in shame and shambles up to the podium. A group of people look on expectantly. The counsellor says, "Go on..."

"Ok, my name is Mithadan and...I didn't see The Two Towers. There! I said it! Man do I feel better."

Various members of the crowd: "Get the rail." "Who has the feathers?" The cauldron of tar bubbles ominously...

[The Saucepan Man]

Alas, Mith. You have not yet witnessed the delights of the curious hyena-lemming-teddybear beasts that have the audacity to call themselves Wargs. They seem to be featuring rather heavily (and brilliantly) in our tale.

I have eventually managed to fill in my save. Apologies for the delay. I appear to have contracted Thenamir's writer's block. It's a tad uninspired, I'm afraid, but I suppose that, when all else fails, there's always revolting body habits to fall back on. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Fie upon you, Mith [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] – neglecting to research the scholarly sources for your posts, and that on the highest level of RPing on the Downs, where canonical knowledgeability is a prerequisite! Go do your homework now!

Saucy, [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] what a wonderful interpretation of the sunrise! The twisting of Elves into Orcs has changed the meaning, but we do recognize the similarity. And the companions have received yet another name – the His-and-Hers-Ship!

Diamond, [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] that’s an interesting reason Vogonwë gives for his bad taste in rhymes!

Kuruharan, [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] thank you for passing on the dragon’s statement – we certainly wouldn’t want to do him any injustice! The records are indeed an interesting document, or they would be if we knew how much of them was true!

I would now like to get us moving toward our next goal, the land of Soreham, where long hours of riding have left their mark on the Men of the Mike. Does anyone want to post our arrival? We can certainly stay at [insert witty equivalent for the White Horse Inn here] when we arrive there; after that, expect encounters with its rulers and/or people… If no one posts or lets me know before early next week, I will get us there.

[Mithadan]

Wait! What about poor Orogarn? We can't go so Sorehan (actually I was hoping for Rogaine) without him can we? Grrralph will be...well...how long until we get there?

[Kuruharan]

Esty: All of the Translator's remarks are true, as far as he knew.

Mithadan: Following the logic set forth in the movie, unceremoniously abandoning Orogarn Two to his fate ensures that he will show up again.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

The Itship has now reached Soreham and awaits a cameo appearance by a guest star from Hollywood! All others, please wait to post, unless you have something that doesn't interrupt the storyline, now that we have one again... (In that case, please contact me to see if it fits in now or later.)

Lest I forget - credit where credit is due: some parts of my two most recent posts were the result of a joint brainstorming with Squatter - thanks for the ideas, Etc.!

[ August 25, 2003: Message edited by: Estelyn Telcontar ]

[Diamond18]

Soreham?! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

I'm sorry that I haven't updated the Glossary in while; I've quite gotten behind on all the names that have been twisted since last I did. Of course, this doesn't mean that I'm going to do it today, or tomorrow, or the day after that, which is tomorrow's tomorrow. But at least you know I'm thinking about it.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

It's the thought that counts.

[Mithadan]

*Mithadan blinks hard...twice...at the identity of the cameo RPGer.

*Takes deep breath and calms himself, attempting to think rationally.

*After several minutes of reasoned analysis, Mithadan concludes that either: (1) someone has hacked into Underhill's account; or (2) it's the end of the world.

*Panic sets in and Mithadan runs screaming to the nearest bomb shelter...

[Estelyn Telcontar]

You underestimate the perseverance of my persuasive powers, Mith!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

That's as maybe, Estelyn; but that doesn't rule out the possibility that this presages the end of the world. Given the company I'm predicting a sort of 'Ragnarok on Ice' with bright costumes, lots of feathers and people being hacked to pieces with axes. Just don't everyone argue about who gets to play the Fenris Wolf.

[Birdland]

(Birdie enters, humming happily) "D'oh-dee-d'oh-dee-d'oh...Hey, why's everybody screaming and running away? Hmm....anyway - Fenris-wolves comes under the catagory of "critter cameo". And that's me!"

(Birdie pulls out rope made from fishes' breath, bird spittle, woman's beard, cat's miaow, bear sinew, and mountain roots. Sets off to hunt a Fenris-wolf.)

[Mister Underhill]

Yes, Esty's wiles are nearly as persuasive as those of Merisu. You have her to thank (or blame) for my involvement.

I feel like the new kid on the playground, so just let me know if I need to punch any of you in the nose to earn some respect for myself... er... I mean, let me know if I've mishandled any of your characters or need to fine tune anything.

Thena, I dropped the ball in your court as we (very briefly) discussed. We can talk more if you want help hashing out the encounter with Érry or any of the events that will lead the Itship to Improvas and the Goldlamé Hall, where Théboleggen (the King of Soreham, descended in a long, unbroken line from Bandyshanks the Young) is deeply ensnared in the web of his most trusted advisor, Hamstrung.

EDIT: Esty wisely advised me to list a few other names and ideas we discussed privately so that they can be jointly mangled by all players:

'Hamstrung' is only what they call him behind his back; 'Hasbéen' is his real name. In the queer tongue of the Mike, he is the King's "Émsee" -- his herald and most trusted advisor.

Following the encounter with the Riders, the group may just end up dropping by the Horse Head Inn, wherein may be met stocky fellows who wear pinky rings and make offers that are not lightly refused.

[ August 26, 2003: Message edited by: Mister Underhill ]

[Diamond18]

Be honest: you just joined to see if you could break your own creation, the Travest-o-Meter. And I must say, you have put a strain on the poor thing.

To those of you are going to run off a cliff screaming and/or hide in a bunker awaiting the end of the world: can I have your stuff?

[Mister Underhill]

I must give all due and proper credit to my illustrious co-inventor, Dr. Squatter. Unfortunately, all our results were skewed by the unexpected release of the AraKen and Barwen dolls on the same day. Now our sensitive, finely calibrated machine is nothing but a melted hunk of junk. *Sigh*. Back to R&D...

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Why thank you, Dr. Underhill. It is indeed a sad day for the Travesty Quantification Project. The most obvious lesson is that since Tolkien became Hollywood blockbuster material the Travest-o-meter, which was designed only for the milder abuses encountered prior to its conception, will have to include an automatic damper and probably some sort of focusing capability. It's also clear that we'll need much more robust microphones: noise levels of up to two-hundred decibels were logged on that last test, not to mention some Old-English words that you won't find in any textbook. I've a nasty feeling that we're reaching Auctorial Manifestation Point (AMP) in the Tolkien world, so that each new word written further provokes the appearance of an irate professorial shade armed with some very biting sarcasm. That being so, this equipment will need to be a lot tougher.

On a more cheery note, that was another hilarious post, as one would expect from someone whom Estelyn has been pestering for ages to join us. The unrestrained and somewhat athletic individual was rather striking in more ways than one, and I can't help but feel that I recognise him from somewhere.

Playground pecking orders here appear to be decided by a game of Charades or in the Swiftian manner of jumping over or ducking under a walking cane. The punching is strictly optional, although my nose is your nose in that respect.

No, Diamond, you may not have my collection of novelty bookmarks in the shape of unopened credit card application forms. Well, maybe once the world's actually come to an end...

[ August 27, 2003: Message edited by: The Squatter of Amon Rûdh ]

[Mister Underhill]

Yes, yes, excellent foresight! I’ll begin work on an ectoplasmic modulator which will shield the equipment when Tolkien’s shades begin to rise and head off on their sarcastic errands. The next iteration also quite clearly needs to include industrial grade components and be designed for near one hundred percent uptime. In the past, we could expect reasonable blocks of offline time for maintenance and recalibration – when Robert Jordan was sleeping, for instance, or in between releases of new Hildebrandt Brothers paintings – but this is no longer the case. A redundant array of Travest-o-meters may be the best solution. The load can in this way be distributed across multiple units, and when one becomes overloaded or is burnt out by the unforeseen release of some profane new marketing product or the launch of a fangirl website, it won’t crash the entire system.

Thanks for the compliment. It’s an honor to participate with such a well-endowed group of scribblers. I wonder if Érry will survive his run-in with the Itship, whose penchant for capricious violence is well documented. His chances may be improved by the ability of some First Chair Riders of the Mike to fire amazingly accurate volleys of arrows from the strings of their cellos and violins as they ride.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Underhill, welcome to the REB! What a wonderful initial post, splendidly written and full of fun! You have now explained how the name “Men of the Mike” originated and simultaneously broadened our musical horizon with a whole orchestra – to say nothing of the introduction of such a flamboyant character as Érry! Such interesting runes he wears, such fascinating speech! “Érry’s Equestrian Event of Pain” - lol! We and all readers look forward to your next posts.

Thena, what a great job you did picking up the cue! What a triumphant champion Gatesy is – and his knowledge of yet another language is amazing! This is the first the Itship has seen of his magical abilities – the firewall is a useful defence indeed!

Mith, third admin in a row – how’s that for illustrious posters! Hmmmm, Grrralph’s past contacts with Loyers are showing in that post, aren’t they?! We are getting a glimpse of his mist-erious past – and can’t help but wonder where his loyalties will lie in the future!

Looks like the Itship will be heading for the common room of the Horse Head Inn first, drinking with their newly-found friends – who wants to get us there?

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I've filled in my brief digression into the dark realms of Earnur's boating past. Go for the clowning, stay for the rather fine posts that follow.

[Mithadan]

"Herbs", eh?

Fine posts, all! Welcome to our twisted little world, Sir Underhill! Great job!

Does Muddled-Mirth have a telegram service? It may be that Grrralph might wish to speak to someone about medical benefits... In the interim, Merisu better keep an eye upon her bow, Two when she can spare them.

[The Saucepan Man]

May I echo the welcomes and compliments of the company, Mister Underhill, although I am but a newcomer myself in these wit-ridden parts.

May I ask, will this little machine that you and Dr Squatter are fashioning be available for domestic use? It seems to me that it will be be an essential piece of kit for warding off the phantasmic philologists that the casual reader risks invoking by perusal of these priceless pages.

And, Squatter, Earnur's boating past in the dreaming spires of Morbîrsluv goes a long way towards explaining his soaked present. May he find his way one day to the Great Gin-Palace of his forefathers.

Mith's post suggested to me that it was an appropriate moment for some further plotting by Mogul. I can delete the save if it interferes with anything. If not, I will try to fill it in in the next day or so. Again, it needn't hold the story up.

[Kuruharan]

For some reason I suddenly have a feeling that the glorious Quest is going to ultimately end up in a rather unseemly brawl as all the various members of the Gallowship make their various attempts to seize the Entish Bow for their own ends.

Sounds like it will be fun! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

And with whom would we, the punters, place our bets for that battle royale? I have my suspicions (psst... five quid each way on the bow).

Excellent planning as usual, Underhill. Army surplus radio equipment is usually the most robust, but I'll have a look round and see what I can come up with. It looks to me like the Global Travesty Grid (once thought to be beyond the reach of science) is finally a possibility.

All in good time, Saucepan. At the moment we have 1 (one) melted lump of metal and plastic, other ranks for the use of and a lot of design and planning documentation. I can't see why a home unit couldn't be created that scans the grid for travesties in progress, thus warning the casual denizen of Tolkiendom of imminent threats in their regions. Something like GPS would certainly appear to be workable given the esteemed Dr. Underhill's ground-breaking array concept. However, we're a long way from anything commercially viable. At the moment it's scientific purposes only, I'm afraid. Perhaps we could ship you a prototype once we have one to spare.

[Mister Underhill]

Thanks for all the warm welcomes from the group.

Sauce, as my colleague Dr. Squatter has so ably explained, there are no plans for a home-use device in the foreseeable future. That doesn't mean, however, that you shouldn't take common sense precautions!

I recommend that you (and all REBers) keep a copy (preferably first edition hardback) of HoME 3 - Lays of Beleriand close at hand. If a shade should appear, turn it by reading the Lay of Leithian aloud, paying special attention to the rhythm of the octosyllabic couplets in your recitation.

In some cases the shade may sit down and make himself at home, but fear not. Stay awhile and be patient; if you read through to the abandoned endpoint of the poem, he will eventually shuffle off, muttering revisions in the verse, to haunt more likely victims.

A shade may be turned much more quickly by reading aloud Oilima Markirya (The Last Ark, from "A Secret Vice") in the original Elvish, but this method is recommended only to the most doughty Tolkienites, as improper pronunciation is likely only to further enrage the apparition.

Field tests have shown that the odor of pipe tobacco has a calming effect on the Professor's much-aggrieved spirit. This may not be much help to a hapless fan fictioneer who finds him or herself under sudden sarcastic assault by a tweedy spectre, as loading and lighting a pipe under such circumstances would be trying to say the least. However, it may be not unwise to string a few bags of weed around your neck and/or over the doorframes of your abode as a precaution before you begin to compose.

Lastly, it hardly needs to be mentioned that you should never, under any circumstances, open an e-mail with an Old English subject line. Delete such missives immediately. Subject lines like "Ic grete þe" and "Ic sæcge eow þancas" have been reported in the past.

For more information, visit www.travestyquantificationproject.org/security.htm.

[Birdland]

Can't we just hit it with a stick while singing nonsense?

[Kuruharan]

And with whom would we, the punters, place our bets for that battle royale?

I have a feeling that the more unpredictable the candidate the better.

I do know which one of them is going to be running the book.

Can't we just hit it with a stick while singing nonsense?

Yeah, well, that too...

[Thenamir]

Since the Barwen and Kenagorn picture blew out the Travest-o-meter, I suggest that before you go to full-up testing on the newest model with that picture, there is an interim test which may provide useful but not excessive travestic values for calibration purposes. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...

The 12-inch Talking Gollum PLUSH TOY.

Seismographic data from the Oxford area indicate that the rate at which The Professor is spinning in his grave is on the increase...

[Diamond18]

What kind of demented child would take that thing to bed to cuddle with?

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

*Smiles quietly

[Diamond18]

Well, I guess that answers my question. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[Birdland]

But you can do so much with him, Diamond. You could make him little designer loinclothes, and give him a comb-over, or you could buy two of them and have "Slinker" and "Stinker" without that whole bipolar issue.

Ooooh, you could put little suction cups on his hands and feet and stick him to your car window!

If this is travesty, I don't want to be canon.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I am thinking of renaming this RPG "The Society for Saving Saves". [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] Or perhaps "The Society for Saving Sidetracks"? "The Society for Saving Sidetracking Saves" - that's it! Anyway, having a vague idea that a story is supposed to have a plot and some resemblance of continuous action, I am working on a post to get the Itship to the Horse Head Inn in Improvas. It will be finished within a day, two at the latest. (Look for me at the rising of the sun on the fifth day - oops, wrong line...)

[The Saucepan Man]

SAVE - for Saucepan to say that he has filled his SAVE in and apologise profusely for the inordinate delay. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Lush]

*Lush looks up from underneath a crushing pile of calculus homework, Victorian Literature, major declaration deadlines and pool games*

Great job guys. Keep at it. Rah rah REB. Underhill, Underhill, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can.

*Lush disappears into her pile once more and the pile emits pathetic weeping noises*