What do you assign to Mordor?

[davem]

Originally Posted by the guy who be short

I suggest that all people who try to speak Old English when they can't be packed off straight to Mordor. It's not really hugely different from English, nor is it difficult to learn when to use "thou," "thy" and "thee.".*

Ah think tha reight theer. Tha 'nus what tha talking abaht. Tha shud be in charge thee!

Contemporary (Yorkshire) English

[the guy who be short]

Apologies for not being as learned in English history as others here .
Jamesian English, as it is evidently called, is generally called Old(e) English by the less scholarly.

Luckily the Barrow Downs isn't graced with any of these, but people who don't understand the function and use of the Caps Lock button should definitely be packed off to Mordor.

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by the guy who be short

Luckily the Barrow Downs isn't graced with any of these, but people who don't understand the function and use of the Caps Lock button should definately be packed off to Mordor.

You mean people WHO SHOUT I PRESUME? I'm with you there! And also ppl who spk n txt n msg brds cos dey thnk its gr8. I even use proper spellings and punctuation on my text messages. But also, I don't like it when people automatically get pedantic over other peoples' spellings on boards, because firstly whole conversations can be lost in such pedantry, and secondly, you never know if someone has legitimate trouble with such things.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Agree about that (it's the mobile phones' fault I tells ye!)

I'll assign the Big Brother tv show, and everyone who watches and discusses it. Execution's too good for them. May they be tortured by Orcs for all eternity!

[Orominuialwen]

I assign reality TV shows in general. Each one is more inane than the next. The funny thing is, even though they're called reality shows, they're about as unrealistic as you can get.

[The Saucepan Man]

I'll assign the Big Brother tv show, and everyone who watches and discusses it.

Whoops! That's me back in Mordor again ...

[Gil-Galad]

every Reality show except Drawn Together...that show is awesome...

[the phantom]

Reality TV is not exactly the pinnacle of entertainment, but it is immensely superior to all those afternoon soap operas. I imagine Mordor's official television station runs nothing but soaps.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by Eomer of the Rohirrim

Anywho, I assign mobile phones. Evil, evil things. On that I have no doubt JRRT would agree with me. Not that I'm living in the past or anything...

Well, the mobile phone can be nuisance but I wouldn't give mine up - it came in very handy when I had a flat in a bad part of town. How about people who can't be troubled to turn off their phones during movies, concerts and lectures and then insist on chatting about their grocery lists for an hour when their calls inevitably start to roll in?

Seems that I've been assigned to Mordor a few times in this thread too.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I think I'm safely far away from Mordor.

[Lalwendë]

Closely linked to reality TV is the slew of 'celebrity' magazines that stare you in the face in every newsagent. The covers feature ex-Big Brother contestants and they have in depth articles about Jade Goody's spots and such like. They must fill the shelves of the Mordor public library.

[Lathriel]

The only reality show that I like nowadays is The Amazing Race. Does that send me to Mordor?
Mary-sues should be send to Mordor. Can't stand that kind of fan-fiction.

[littlemanpoet]

I am .... er ..... ah .... a regular viewer of Survivor. Funny, where did all those blasted pits and sumps come from? I don't remember seeing them before!...

[the guy who be short]

I would like to send my thirteen year old self to Mordor. Some of my posts from 2003 make me shudder, really they do.

I also, what is it, fifth? the brilliant notion of sending chavs to Mordor.

[Lhunardawen]

I send all cigarette smokers to Mordor, especially those who mindlessly spew their smoke. If they want to end their lives, there are other ways to do so without getting others involved.

Of course, in doing so, I think I've significantly diminished the Downs population. Hopefully I did not.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Lhunardawen

I send all cigarette smokers to Mordor ... Of course, in doing so, I think I've significantly diminished the Downs population. Hopefully I did not.

No worries. I'm already firmly esconced in Mordor.

[Celuien]

On a date not too long ago, Celuien was convicted of 1) driving too fast, 2) possession of a mobile phone, and 3) watching crass reality TV programs. For said offenses, she was sent packing to the Land of Mordor. Fortunately, she has been able to maintain correspondence with her friends back home through the Mordor Postal Service (MPS)...

The Exiles' Inn, Mordor, 30 Forelithe, sometime in the Seventh Age

Dear ____,

Well, I still can’t quite understand how this whole thing happened, but here I am in Mordor (who knew Mordor really existed???). It’s just so unfair – is it really so bad that I tend to go a bit above the speed limit? After all, 40 mph (64 km/h) is slow for a four-lane road with a median and no stoplights. And I do turn off my phone when I’m in class or at concerts and movies. Except for that one time. Or was it twice? I don’t know why I need more punishment for watching Fear Factor. Just seeing the show was bad enough.

Mordor is hotter than Philadelphia in August, but fortunately it’s not nearly as humid. If you manage to send it, I could use some water ice, as the heat and dust are somewhat trying. At least no one has said,”Yo! How youse doin’?” since I’ve been here. “Youse” is bad enough in its proper dialectal use as the plural form of “you”, but it’s twice as bad when used in the singular as well. With my luck, someone will probably assign all users of annoying non-standard words to Mordor.

There’s not much going on here. Since it seems that all calculus exams have been sent to Mordor with me, I’ve been able to go back over my favorite indeterminate forms and work on calculating functions for particles in one-dimensional boxes. Life really isn’t too bad. The main problem is keeping away from all of these orcs. I’ll have to work out a method of confining them to a box, preferably one-dimensional.

That’s about all. I’d better head off to fill in the holes I was digging earlier when I tried to get a tater garden started. Some of my fellow Mordor assignees tripped over the new pits that I made and were somewhat unhappy about their consequent twisted ankles.

Until we meet again,
Celuien

[the guy who be short]

I assign all users of non-standard words to Mordor.

Oh, and furthering Elonves comment, I believe all politicians should be sent to Mordor. I'm sure humanity could slash its lies by 50% (at least) were it rid of the fiends.

Nightmares, too, belong in Mordor.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

May I send REGENTS exams to Mordor? Actually, not just REGENTS, but all standardized tests. They're a fantastically bad way of measuring intelligence, and all they do is serve to stress out students needlessly, force teachers to ignore many of the more interesting aspects of their subject in order to teach what's on a test, and make custodians carry desks around.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by the guy who be short

I assign all users of non-standard words to Mordor.

I just knew someone was going to have to do that. The horror!

[the guy who be short]

Well, Celuien, the advantage is that we send Shakespeare straight to Mordor.

I would also like to pack off American spelling. Gandalf is Grey and always will be, I'm afraid.

[mormegil]

Originally Posted by the guy who be short

I would also like to pack off American spelling. Gandalf is Grey and always will be, I'm afraid.

I would rather be in favor of sending British spelling. I mean, seriously it's pronounced with a z sound so why not spell it realize instead of realise, and many others of the sort.

(although I would love it if I could say the word theater as you Brits do)

[Orominuialwen]

I second the sending of British spelling, with the exceptions of grey and aluminium. Those look/sound much better the British way, but all the rest of the time, it just means having to type extra letters.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by mormegil

I would rather be in favor of sending British spelling. I mean, seriously it's pronounced with a z sound so why not spell it realize instead of realise, and many others of the sort.

That should be "favour".

Originally Posted by mormegil

(although I would love it if I could say the word theater as you Brits do)

Surely you mean "theatre". You see, it's much easier to pronounce it correctly when you spell it correctly.

I would not presume to send either American spelling or American pronunciation to Mordor. But when they creep across the Atlantic and corrupt the very mother-tongue from which they were derived, then it's straight off to Minas Morgul with them as far as I'm concerned (or it would be if I wasn't already here myself)

I've lost count of the number of times that I have screamed at news presenters that it's controversy not controversy.

[littlemanpoet]

Ah but the language is going to change around that which the tongue finds most fluid. Always has, always will ... unless you're German, Mein Freund. And the language we speak, like it or not (and I often enough do NOT) is going to end up more often than not rendered as controversy and nuc-uler (eeew!).

[Orominuialwen]

nuc-uler (eeew!)

I send that mangling of the word nuclear to Mordor. I have yet to have a science teacher that pronounces it properly, which worries me. If they can't correctly pronounce words in their own profession, who's to say they know other things in it?

[the guy who be short]

TGWBS started this affair, and TGWBS should finish it...

I've found a wonderful solution. Let's just send English to Mordor.

Don't look at me like that. Can you honestly say you like the sound of English?

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I like the sound of cellar door...

But I agree with "nuc-ular" be shipped off. How did a "u" get in there? It's "noo-kleer". *sigh*

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by TGWBS

Can you honestly say you like the sound of English?

Depends whose speaking. With a soft regional accent such as Cornish or Southern Irish, it is in my opinion a beautiful sounding language. French and Italian probably have the edge on it, but it beats German hands down.

Originally Posted by Fea

It's "noo-kleer".

Surely you mean "new-clear".

[Orominuialwen]

Just about any language could beat German hands down.

[Orominuialwen]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude! I just meant that from my personal experience, I'm not too fond of the way German sounds. My native language is English, but I'm not particularly fond of the way it sounds either. It comes right after German on my list of languages I dislike by their sound.

I wasn't trying to make any sort of reflection on Germany, or German people. My apologies to anybody I've upset, but that certainly wasn't my intention.

[mormegil]

While I think racism should be sent to Mordor I don't feel offended by what you said. My descendents are German and I still have a very German last name. However, I don't believe the language to be the prettiest sounding of languages. I am rather fond of Portuguese myself. However Russian is similarly harsh like German, but I like the sound of it.

[the guy who be short]

Perhaps to offend everybody equally, we should send the entire concept of language to Mordor?
No, I'd rather not...

I think food poisoning should go to Mordor (influenced by current events in my life ) as should prolonged conjunctivitis. Less specifically, all illnesses should go there.

Also, birds singing at obscene hours in the morning. This may seem a little harsh, but why birds feel compelled to chirp outside my window at 4:00am is beyond me; the only explanation I can salvage is that they are servants of Mordor.

[the phantom]

People who are greatly offended by comments that were not meant to be offensive should go to Mordor, particularly if their name begins with a "G".

Actually, let's make this more general. People who are easily offended should go to Mordor.

And also, people who are constantly worried about offending someone should go to Mordor, too. That's where those wishy-washy-politically-correct types belong.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I'll send people who don't understand what political correctness is to Mordor.

Not you phantom, you know what you're talking about (as always) but it sickens me when someone moans about political correctness, when it's his own obnoxious self that is causing the trouble.

Likewise, people who accuse such things as, say, long lines in the post office as being down to political correctness gone mad. That's just idiotic.

Political correctness itself is usually very silly. However, people who hide behind the barricade entitled 'Political correctness is bad!' are often monstrous sorts.

As for language, dialects, etc...a dislike for one is so obviously not racist that I'm not going to comment on it any further.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Originally Posted by TGWBS

Also, birds singing at obscene hours in the morning. This may seem a little harsh, but why birds feel compelled to chirp outside my window at 4:00am is beyond me; the only explanation I can salvage is that they are servants of Mordor.

I agree with you whole-heartedly!! Except the birds outside my window don't chirp. They shriek and bawl.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

If birdsong is in Mordor then Mordor simply cannot be that bad a place.

I assign the combination of the words 'have' and 'got', as in "I have got low intelligence."

No, there's no 'got' necessary. You have low intelligence and that's it.

[Lathriel]

I don't think any language should be send to Mordor since I find all of them interesting.

But I do think that Dutch is the prettier version of german and I can't stand it when people pronounce the z as a zee!!!! That pronouncation should be send to Mordor and never heard of again.

[Kath]

Actually lathriel that's one that annoys me.

That pronouncation should be send to Mordor and never heard of again.

You pronounce something but it's pronunciation. Not getting at you it just drives me nuts!

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Mice can go go Mordor. Along with any particularly embarassing reactions to the little creatures that involve first screaming, then swearing colourfully, and then trying your best to speed acceleration due to gravity from 9.8 m/s^2 up to anything faster as you ignore the rungs of a perfectly good ladder to drop through the trap door and land while running, making it from mouse to door in under three seconds.

Not that that happened to me this afternoon or anything.

And about those Regents exams I sent to Mordor? The Physics ones in particular can stay there and burn. Because really, who but Sauron would ask anyone to explain to them time (t) in terms of height (h) using gravity (g) and providing an equation to top it off? And who asks a 17-year-old to find the mass of the sun... who does that? It's Sauron's doing, I swear it.