The Hobbit Survivor

[Elu Ancalime]

Yeah I suppose my vote was pretty predictable...with the dwarf hatin' and all.....

*MET-ESPN*

DUN DUN DUNNNNN DUNN DUNNNNNNNNN

(opening logo with a remix of the FotR Track 13: T'he Bridge of Khazad-dum and the NFL Superbowl theme)
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Model A (1927)

[Eonwe]

This is a sad day. Both noble camps annialate eachother in a glorious super-nova explotion, leaving the dreary remains for the "crowning". Both William and The Chief Warg, in ONE DAY! What have we come to?

+Smaug

He is the only desent one left.

[Elu Ancalime]

Wow, Gloin's D-Fence did not show up. And it looks like Bullroarer has trouble playing road games.
________
Michigan marijuana dispensaries

[Formendacil]

As the Lord Eomer has already stated on behalf of the Warg and Warg Rider Appreciation Society, we members of the Wargist Elite can only view one remaining candidate as worthy of Wargist support.

Furthermore, I pledged my support yesterday to the death of the Bullroarer, which eliminates one of the alternatives. And Gloin? Well, let's just say that Gloin is the Hama of this contest.

Let us make this as clear a victory as possible...

++ Smaug, The Real King Under the Mountain

[Celuien]

We have reached the final round. The truth may finally be known.

For some time now, my goal has been to advance one of two contestants to the final round. One was the greatest of the Half-Elven kindred, Elrond. I have never entirely forgiven the cruel attacks endured by Celeborn: attacks that led to his defeat in both previous rounds of Survivor. I thought that his son-in-law's victory would be fitting revenge. Sadly, this was not to be, and Elrond fell to the viciousness of the Chief Warg's attack. I can be content, however, that his foe was defeated yesterday as well. Elrond's demise has been avenged.

This leaves the matter of my other candidate, who is still here. My feints have achieved their purposes - confrontations with F.A.T. and R.E.A.L. F.A.T. were mere diversions, as was my championing of William. Though I would have been content with his presence in this final round, that was not my true goal.

Who, then, shall I vote for? Certainly not the pompous dwarf. And most definitely not the deadly dull, dead Hobbit, whose invention of golf is directly responsible for the consumption of acres upon acres of farmland in the countryside. No, there is only one candidate remaining who is worthy to become The Hobbit Survivor. The glorious, magnificent being known as:

++HIS IMPERIOUS MAJESTY, SMAUG, TRUE KING UNDER THE MOUNTAIN

May his treasure never be stolen by unworthy burrahobbits.

[Elu Ancalime]

Im gonna bust a gut if more people say they liked Smaug from the start...

Edit: Kuru, does this mean you are going to sit back and laugh (and prusumably not vote?)
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BHO HASH OIL

[mormegil]

*sigh*

so many people voting for the boring and predictable candidate.

++Gloin

Originally Posted by Formendacil

And Gloin? Well, let's just say that Gloin is the Hama of this contest.

He is as innocuous as Hama and I love that. Who would expect him to win? Let's vote for the underdog and let the dwarf win.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Originally Posted by mormegil

He is as innocuous as Hama and I love that. Who would expect him to win? Let's vote for the underdog and let the dwarf win.

You really must come up with something els than lets vote for the underdog. Why is it fun to vote for an underdog? Why not vote for who you find most interesting. . .

[Elu Ancalime]

I am quite sure that there are no retractable votes. So, find 5 people who will go for Gloin (or six for Bullroarer), and then make sure nobody else votes for Smaug, the it will be a tight comeback. I think Smaug has this in the bag (with the rest of his cash)
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Vapir No2 Vaporizer

[The Saucepan Man]

His armour is like tenfold shields,
His teeth are swords,
His claws spears,
The shock of his tail a thunderbolt,
His wings a hurricane,
And his breath death!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the true hero of The Hobbit and a worthy winner of Hobbit Survivor:

++SMAUG THE MAGNIFICENT

He has laboured long and hard, lighting fires (and scorching those contestants who did not take sufficient care) where Oin and Gloin failed, ferrying contestants to and fro to collect the water, excelling in all the tasks and hunting for his own food (the Island's boar population is suffering ) so as to help conserve rations.

And perhaps the greatest accolade that one can give him is that he successfully resisted the natural urge to roast and consume his fellow contestants (well - until they were evicted) for the good of the group.

He is surely a most deserving winner.

Hmm, I rather suspected that he would have a lot of support, but have held my tongue 'til now so as not to prejudice his prospects. But here at the end of all things, the time has come to declare my support for him.

Originally Posted by Elu Ancalime

Im gonna bust a gut if more people say they liked Smaug from the start...

Ooer, would you like a bandage for that ... ?

But you surely know me better than to think that I would vote along with the crowd if I did not believe fully in my vote.

Originally Posted by mormegil

... so many people voting for the boring and predictable candidate.

Better that than a boring and unworthy one. And I hardly think that Smaug the Magnificent can be described as boring. It is down to his -er - colourful character that the ratings for this show have been so good.

Originally Posted by Colour Commentator (aka Kuruharan)

Well, Cliff, I think it puts The Saucepan Man in a bit of a spot. It is our best guess that he would like a villain, any villain to win. With his choices reduced to Smaug that would be his natural. However, will he be able to bring himself to side with Anguirel?

No problem at all, my dear Dwarf. Ang and I may not have seen eye to eye throughout much of the show, but on this we are agreed. And I would rather vote for someone that I see as a worthy winner that simply cast a spite vote to fan the flames of past rivalries *coughmormegilcough*.

[Kuruharan]

Announcer: And we’re back with MET’s continuing coverage of The Hobbit Survivor, brought to you by Ghâshwater, “It puts a fire in your belly!” Right now Smaug has charged out to a commanding lead. This has turned out to be exactly like most other overhyped advertising traps, a total bore. The ratings are plunging like Lord Denethor’s poll numbers. Not even Amanda flouncing around the sidelines in a g-string has helped. In fact, it has made things worse because H.A.G. is now absolutely livid. Lawsuits are pending and the producers are passed out cold on the floor. What’s your take on the situation Bob?

Color Commentator: Well, Cliff, it is exactly as Kuruharan the Visionary had foreseen. Smaug’s lobby has revealed themselves and the angry and bitter among the electorate have fallen back on him as the least objectionable candidate, mainly because he was so little discussed earlier. Kuruharan the Seer is currently preparing his Insufferable Gloating Speech to taunt certain individuals who have again performed exactly has he expected them to. However, he does think it a bit odd that mormegil of all people should be faulting others for being “predictable” as today is the first time he has done anything the least bit unexpected.

Announcer: Now Bob, aren’t you still having to make payments on that court settlement from the last time you criticized one of the voters?

Color Commentator: Uhhh…yes. And I’d like to again take this opportunity to apologize from the bottom (hold the cue card up higher, I can’t read it) of my heart. I’d had a lot to drink that night and should never have gotten behind the wheel…oops, wrong embarrassing incident!

Announcer: Never mind. Let’s go down to the sidelines with Amanda.

Sideline Reporter: dancing
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to…

Ahem…sorry…I just have a report here from…uhhh, Cliff, what are you doing down here out of the booth?

Announcer: Well, I said I was coming down to the sidelines to join you.

Sideline Reporter: Uhh…that’s great. Would you please go to the other side of the field. Anyway, as I was saying, I have a report here on the voting status of Kuruharan the Predictor. His Excellency is not planning to vote unless it gets close and he can cause mischief. If the voting gets close he will consider. However, at the moment that does not look likely. Bob?

Color Commentator: (At last, he’s gone! The booth is mine! MINE!!) Sorry folks, I just had to get that out. One might think that Smaug’s position is unassailable. However, there is one possibility. Smaug’s position may be so commanding that it will breed resentment among subsequent voters and start a flood of votes against him. If that happens it could turn out to be an exciting finish after all. Cliff?

Announcer: I know a tiki place the two of us could slip off to as soon as this silliness is over.

Sideline Reporter: Get away from me you creep!!!

Announcer: Don’t be silly, this is love. And even if it isn’t, I still have enough money to take you to the Glitzy Caverns of Ham Steep for a veeery long time.

Sideline Reporter: Bob!!! Do something!!!

Color Commentator: We’ll be right back. (Lugdush, get me one ticket for whatever suite in the Glitzy Caverns happens to be next to the Honeymoon Suite!!)

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

And doom, doom unto all the world for casting out once again the Chief of the glorious race of Wargs, who under Eru are the true rulers of the World.

*shrug* Oh, well, might as well join the bandwaggon:

++Smaug, the Winged and Flying Fire-breathing Dragon

Anything better than a Balrog is a winner in my scroll.

[Elu Ancalime]

Ooer, would you like a bandage for that ... ?

I think i will need the jaws of life....

Not even Amanda flouncing around the sidelines in a g-string has helped

Friggun' sweet! I can tell your having a blast with this, Kuru.
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MAZDA AZ-WAGON HISTORY

[arcticstorm]

The time has come to reveal my true choice for victory. The one i have been rooting for since day 1. I needed to hide his identity, so i rallied behind the warg, who truly deserved a runners-up finish. BUt only one candidate is truly deserving of the title "hobbit survivor" and this character is a hobbit. He invented the game of golf by decapitating an orc. I do not think you can do mch better than that.
++Bullroarer

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Smaug certainly "deserves" to win, having been
betrayed by thief Baggins as to his being exposed
in the region of the, ah, chest, and the Bullroarer would
be selected but for his sad error in unadvertently
inventing the game of golf, so, since Gloin was so
polite to Frodo at Rivendell, helping him up and all:

+ + Gloin

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by arcticstorm

He invented the game of golf by decapitating an orc. I do not think you can do mch better than that.

You do realise, of course, that quite a number of people around here consider that good enough reason to be rid of him!

Expensive, exclusive, silly game!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

It's true. How many Wargs do you see down at the Country Club?

Anyway, I don't think I'll vote. I'm too horrified by the death of the wonderful, beautiful, righteous, transcendent Chief of Wargs to maintain an interest in this competition.

He got the moral victory, I say!

[Thinlómien]

I really like him - but there's no other chance:

++Gloin

[Kuruharan]

Announcer: I like to move it, move it too you know…what? Oh…and we’re back to MET’s coverage of the Finals of Hobbit Survivor brought to you by Mallorn Treecutting. Remember if you ever need to engage in some light deforestation, call the experts at Mallorn. I’m joined here by Bob and our sideline reporter, the lovely and playing hard-to-get Amanda.

Sideline Reporter: I’m going to be even harder to get after the restraining order!

Announcer: Isn’t she cute! Bob, fill us in here on what has been going on.

Color Commentator: yawns Aside from you being served a balanced diet of disrespect, not a whole lot. A few stragglers have come in and voted, but unless there are more yawns, pardon me, I think I’m going to take a nap. In fact, I had a cot brought up here a minute ago.

Announcer: That’s great Bob! And now a report from the sidelines.

loooong pause

Announcer: Hellooo? What? Oh she did…well…uhhh, where do you think the voting will go from here, Bob?

Bob?

Color Commentator: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Announcer: We’ll be right back.

[Lhunardawen]

I knew the Warg brothers are incapable of revenge.

++SMAUG, no question.

[Lalaith]

Well, I haven't forgotten the Long Winter. ++BULLROARER

PS. All you Smaugers who think you're being so deliciously decadent - pah, I say to you. The pre-Hobbit Smaug was certainly glamorously wicked, yes. But the one we meet in the book is a lazy old hoard potato, never leaving the mountain, just sitting around getting fat and stupid.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

The Dragon of Erebor, the one who 'Squeezed Through a Hole', the Greatest Dragon of His Time,

++Smaug the Golden.

Originally Posted by Lalaith

The pre-Hobbit Smaug was certainly glamorously wicked, yes. But the one we meet in the book is a lazy old hoard potato, never leaving the mountain, just sitting around getting fat and stupid.

A little sour because Bullroarer's not doing so well, are we?

[Lalaith]

Nay, not sour, milady, merely resigned. I was predicting Smaug's victory long afore this. But that doesn't mean I can't point things out, does it?

[WaynetheGoblin]

++smaug
It is over.

[Elu Ancalime]

Nicely put Wayne. Sounds Gandalf-esqe to me.
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Ford Forty-Nine Picture

[The Saucepan Man]

And while the commentators are falling asleep (being hard-bitten cynics who like nothing more than to see the contestants drag each other into the mire ), the crowd is going wild. Smaug has endeared himself to millions throughout the show by (through great effort of will) restraining his temper and natural inclination to devour the other contestants and showing his gentler side.

Viva la Smaugista!

[Glirdan]

Well, I don't even think I need to tell you who won. But I will anyway.

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The last Day has arrived and the three remaining contestants were shaking in their boots, all eager about who was going to win. Was it going to be Smaug the Worm? Bullroarer, the inventer of Golf? Or Gloin, one of the 12 Dwarf companions and the father of Gimli??

The voting today was rather....ah, who am I kidding. It wasn't spread at all!!!

In third place - Bullroarer

Our second place runner up - Gloin

and our grand prize winner...... Drum roll please!!!! *duhduhduhduh*

SMAUG, the TRUE King under the Mountain!!!

Smaug arose in triumph and burned the entire island down in his eagerness and happiness. However, before he did, Gloin and Bullroarer got off safely so no one was hurt.

Now, you're probably wondering what the prizes are, right???

First place winner - $1, 000, 0000 and a real golden crown, engraven in Elven runes with plenty of gems

Second place runner up - $500, 000 and a brand knew horse!!

Third place - $100, 000 and his own golf course!! (dedicated to his ancestor Golfimbul)

Well, that's it for this season of Survivor, hope you all enjoyed it!! See you next time!!!!!!!!!!!

[Glirdan]

Ok, before anyone goes any further, I just want to say a few things.....which will unfortunately have to wait!! (Not my fault I swear!!!) So please, use this thread to dicuss and converse and congratulate. I shall be back tomorrow with everything that I want to say. Also expect an afterwards gathering. Oh, and just a little heads up for everyone, be sure to stay tuned to the next episode in Survivior. But I'll leave that to Formendacil.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

++Ar-Pharazôn

He stole Tar-Míriel, gave her that [deleted] ugly name, and caused the world to go spherical, thus giving rise to timezones.

I curse your existence, Golden Boy!!!!

*crickets sing while the rest of the wights stare at Nilpaurion Felagund*

Sorry, I was a bit excited. Hehe . . .

[Holbytlass]

Oh man!! I forgot to come back at the deadline and vote.
Now there was nothing I could do to about Smaug but it would have been worth annoying Mormegil in getting the Bullroarer tied with Gloin! I do realize Kuruharan hadn't voted and could've swooped in and saved Gloin but still....

This was highly amusing and entertaining-thanks folks!

[Formendacil]

Well, I think that's our craziest game yet.... Certainly, the last several days were very amusing. The arrival of the Warg cavalry put some nice spins on things. I'm glad we finally got Belladonna.

Coming soon to a Middle-Earth Mirth Forum near you: Survivor: The Second Age.

[Kuruharan]

I do realize Kuruharan hadn't voted and could've swooped in and saved Gloin but still

Kuruharan didn't care by that point. He was getting his jollies in other ways.

I'm glad we finally got Belladonna.

Ironically enough, me too!

You should have been paying closer attention to Anguirel, my friend. He and The Saucepan Man were the only ones who were (mostly, although not completely) on to what I was actually doing (even though Anguirel's subsequent behavior could accurately be likened to somebody who sees a trap, loudly announces that the trap is there, and then eagerly jumps headfirst into it...a bit puzzling). Not that I thought I could use her to preserve other contestants (you can't "save" people in this game by trying to), I was just trying to get rid of various people. I thought that Belladonna would be pretty likely to slip through the backdoor if nobody paid attention to her. It was kind of funny (and almost a little annoying, considering what I was actually about) how much support she generated, which I think is indicative of how strong she could have been at the end had she been allowed to make it. I thought it would be best to use devious shifts to get rid of her.

Surely you don't think I'm so stupid as to not have noticed that it is the contestants who have little said about them who have the best chance.

When I said I'd been yanking on all your chains, I meant it (and quite a long chain it turned out to be).

[Elu Ancalime]

Survivor: The Second Age.

Sweet.
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FORD GT40 HISTORY

[Glirdan]

Well, here's that post that I promised you, late as always. But it's here none the less.

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The following is a list of whom got evicted each day and what happened to each after their vote out.

Day 1 - Bofur: Left the island and went back to Erebor where he lived out the rest of his days in peace

Day 2 - Ori: Killed by Orcs before arriving at Moria

Day 3 - Nori: Wandering around in Middle-Earth, looking for Ori
- Durin: Crumbled to dust as he stood up

Day 4 - Fundin: sank into the ground, not dead yet not alive because he needs to exact his revenge

Day 5 - Gandalf: Fell into darkness with a Balrog

Day 6 - Nain: Disappeared with a strange gust of wind, never to be seen again

Day 7 - Bungo Baggins: Drowned as his boat on the way home tipped over

Day 8 - Chief Guard: Banished from the halls of Thranduil and any and all other Elven Kingdoms

Day 9 - Thorin: Killed by spears shot at him by the tribe

Day 10 - Bilbo: put the Ring on and literally disappeared off the face of Arda

Day 11 - Golfimbul: decapetated by an annoyed Bullroarer

Day 12 - Carc: roasted for the tribes supper

Day 13 - Gollum: tunred invisible forever

Day 14 - The Master: thrown off a cliff

Day 15 - Dwalin: ran into the jungle, never to be seen again

Day 16 - Bifur: went off in search of Bofur

Day 17 - The Great Goblin: beheaded by Gandalf who magically appeared and then disappeared

- Bard: slain by an army of orcs who appeared out of nowhere

Day 18 - Azog: fell in a pit with spears sticking out of the ground in a hole in the ground

Day 19 - Oin: drwoned by Waterwatcher

Day 20 - Dain: died of boredom and starvation

Day 21 - Necromancer: cast into the void with Morgoth

Day 22 - Old Took: went home and relaxed in front of the hearth

Day 23 - Bert: turned into statue and then turned into a fountain

- Galion: eaten by William and Tom. Only the bones remained

Day 24 - Girion: disappeared with no to do

Day 25 - Bolg and Thror: Killed each other

Day 26 - Thranduil: usurped from his throne

- Thrain: lived with Aule while powers of the Valar lasted

Day 27 - Beorn: turned into Bear, ran into the Mountains and never seen as a mortal again

Day 28 - Dori: put himself into a coma by hitting his head on the roof of a tunnel

Day 29 - Balin: departed for places unknown

Day 30 - Kili: Faced eviction police and was slaughtered

Day 31 - Tom: jumped into the volcano

Day 32 - Roac: also eaten by tribe

Day 33 - Gwaihir: eaten by tribe as well

Day 34 - Belladonna: fell in a poisonous snakes den

Day 35 - Bombur: eaten by William

Day 36 - Elrond: turned into a pincushion by firing squad

Day 37 - Fili: also slaughtered by eviciton squad

Day 38 - Chief of Wargs: tossed into fire in battle with William

- William: wounded to the death

Well, that's everything that happened. If Ang would like to do an after the sho party, he can. I'm kind of busy and don't really have the time to do it, even though I would really like to. Thank you to everyone who's played. I think it deserves a little reward!!

[Anguirel]

It'll involve a lot of unlikely survivals, granted, but I'd like to do the party.

Watch this space!

And I look forward to the start of Formendacil's season.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Formendaga: Will you count my vote for Ar-Pharazônogood, or will I have to electronically transplant it?

And (more seriously) . . .

Where does one sign up to mod the Survivor season after Form's? Or is there someone after him already?

See, I've a lot of ideas about it, involving immunity, and stuff like that.

[Anguirel]

Well, actually Glirdan had a scheme that we'd do a sort of mega-joint-Survivor, with the last fifteen from every Survivor so far...

But what were you thinking of, Nilp? What period would your game cover? Third Age before LOTR? Unfinished Tales? The Adventures of Tom Bombadil?

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

. . .

. . . now that I think of it, my idea comes a bit too early.

I was thinking of a Survivor: The Ignored, where eleven characters from each of the four Ages (Pre-Sun, First, Second, Third) who failed to join the other games will compete for the title of sole survivor.

[Lhunardawen]

Maybe we can have Survivor: Seventh Age.

. . .

Huh? What "Werewolf game" are you talking about?

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Is Formendacil's the Second Age Survivor?

And what about an all Vala/Maia Survivor?