Qs and As for TLOTR but I only want WRONG answers

[Daewen]

Because he was brainwashed after watching the Princess Bride repetitivly, and now thinks his name eez Inigo Montoya (ie; Allo, my name eez Inigo Montoya...)

Which charity is Saruman the president of?

[Nari]

The Deciever for the Uruk-Hai fund. You don't want underpopulation in Middle-Earth. And you also don't want lots and lots of pretty little Elves prancing around. Wouldn't *you* like to give your life savings to help Saruman rip down ancient trees and create a race of hideous mass-murderers? Of course you would. Call 1-800-ILOVESAURON today!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who does Pippin marry?

[Daewen]

My little sister Samantha

Why does Legolas have such clear skin?

[Nari]

Oh, so many reasons. The steady diet of lembas and his cleanser made from clearasil and Galadriel's fountain. Also, the fact that the makeup crew puts so much pancake on him that any blemishes are covered and buried. Being a supercool rolemodel elf prince must be so tough...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why does the Balrog hate Gandalf so much?

[Daewen]

They had a rough breakup a few ages back and the poor fire deamon still hasn't quite gotten over it...

Who does Arwen marry?

[Nari]

Leonardo DiCaprio.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is Galadriel's natural hair color and who dyes it for her?

[Daewen]

She naturally has moldy green hair, which is totally out this season, so obviously she goes to the best hairdresser in Middle Earth...the Balrog! He can work wonders, believe me...

Why is Sauron's eye always red?

[Nari]

Because in the second age he killed Ben Stein, and now he'll never get Clear Eyes- for dry, red eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What was Saruman's major in college?

[Daewen]

Actually, Doctor Saruman had a double major. He recieved his PHD in both Enviromentalisim and Humanitarian Practices. He travled all around middle earth aiding third world civilizations that had been torn apart by war or poverty. He recieved the Nobel Peace Prize in 69916 of the First Age for his wonderful work helping the undereducated Orcs of Mordor. He is now the president of an Orc chairity.

Why did Tom Bombadil drop out of high school?

[Nari]

He got pregnant and had to become an exotic dancer to support his son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where was Sam born and what was the special thing that happened at his birth?

[Aylwen Dreamsong]

He was born in the Washington D.C. Zoo, a few minutes before the Polar Bears broke out of their habitat.

~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What's Aragorn's favorite place to go when he is bored?

[Nari]

He likes to go to the Lothlorien and play Twister with Galadriel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is Legolas's perfume called and where does he get it?

[Nevfeniel]

It's common knowledge that Legolas loves wearing Eau de Sweat. He got it from his sweat glands.
..::Why didn't Old Man Willow like the hobbits?::..

[Diamond18]

Well, there are two theories. One suggests that they were wearing Eau de Sweat, and the Willow hated the scent. The other is that Pippin threw a stone at him. Pippin denies this hotly, and will spray you with Eau de Sweat if you suggest it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What happened to Radagast after the War of the Ring?

[Nari]

He was kinda old so he went off to Florida and bought himself a condo. He now spends his days on the patio by the above-ground pool telling the other inhabitants of how the world used to be and how much better it was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is in Saruman's cd player right now?

[Daewen]

Saruman is listening to a CD mix that Frodo burned for him, that contains songs from The Travelers (Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam's Rock n Roll band), Five Crazy Orcs, and Tom Bombadil. A few of his favorites on this CD include;
Tooks Just Wanna Have Fun, Hey Dol, and Burn Baby Burn (Ringwraith Inferno)

What club is Tom Bombadil an Exotic DAncer at? (I'm not asking this for any particular reason...really! It's not like I wanna see him. Just ignore the pen and paper I'm holding to scribble down directions...)

[ January 05, 2003: Message edited by: Daewen ]

[Nari]

The Crooked Bow Club. It's in Bree. All Elves, Hobbits, and Elves who like Hobbits are welcome. Go to the Prancing Pony. Walk straight past it until there is an alleyway to your left. Take this alleyway and push past all the people. Do not, under any circumstances speak to them or seem interested in what they are selling. Walk right at the third trash can you come across. There will be a big wall and a Hobbit in a Speedo there. Tell him your name and your drink of choice and he will let you into the club.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who was Sam's first crush?

[Daewen]

Me of course! I'm Frodo's cousin, and I was visting him when I saw Sam working in the garden. I have a soft spot for gardeners, and I started flirting with him...and the rest is history.

What was Bilbo's first book about?

[Nevfeniel]

Since everyone knows that Bilbo was a child prodigy and was able to read and write chapter books at the age of two, Bilbo wrote about things he knew and all of his experiences. The first of many books was titled The Art of Throwing Mashed Peas Against the Wall and it was the number one best-seller for three weeks in a row.
..::What was the name of Gollum's beloved pet cat?::..

[Nari]

Gollum's cat was named Woofles. Nobody knew why, but Gollum seemed to love it. Woofles was last seen lurking about Gollum's cave and meowing until Bilbo stole it. Gollum muttered "Shire... Baggins..." because Bilbo had stolen his cat. And also a ring he had too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What was Gimli's mother's name and what did she do?

[Diamond18]

Her name was Glockenspiel and she loved to make music. Gimli and Glóin were often up past midnight dancing and singing along with her beautiful melodies. Ah, those were the days. Then, unfortunately, she ran off with a Timpani player from the Iron Mountains, who actually turned out to be an Orc in disguise (eh, throw a fake beard on an Orc and he can easily pass for a Dwarf). Glockie learnt her lesson well...never leave a loving family for a flashy musician. It's bad. Don't do it. Do you hear me, Dwarflasses? I said DON'T DO IT!!!

*This message has been brought to you by DADD, Dwarves Against Desultry Dwimmerlaiks*

(Sorry piosenniel...it just leapt to my mind).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If one small bite of Lembas can sustain a grown man for a day, how many bites of Lembas bread would need to be packed for a group of eight companions consisting of two grown Men, four grown Hobbits, one grown Dwarf, and an Elf, for a day and a half of travel?

[ January 06, 2003: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[Nari]

uhh... three and a half?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who is in the picture on Legolas's wall?

[Daewen]

Tom Bombadil!!!!! Legolas has a mad crush on him ever since he saw him at the strip bar. The picture is autographed by tom himself, and legolas says a prayer to it every night before bed. however, im not gonna tell you what the prayer is due to the uh...well...the content of it......


What subject did Frodo need a tutor for?

[Nari]

Chemistry. Luckily Gandalf could show him all thirty types of pipeweed and the reactions they make to one another.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of Gandalf, who was his first love?

You should know this. Gandalf's first love was Elrond. Elrond didn't swing that way, though Gandalf does to this day. (Really, Ian McKellen is gay) Gandalf eventually moved one and once again had his heart broken by Saurumon.


Mommy, where do Elf babies come from?

You should know this. Gandalf's first love was Elrond. Elrond didn't swing that way, though Gandalf does to this day. (Really, Ian McKellen is gay) Gandalf eventually moved one and once again had his heart broken by Saurumon.


Mommy, where do Elf babies come from?

[Beren87]

They are dropped out of the sky by Gwaihir! Explains a lot doesn't it?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How did Galadriel feel about Feanor?

[Atariel]

Galdriel, being Feanor's neice, had to conceal her true feelings about him by acting like he repulsed her. Another memorable example of this is Eowyn with Grima W. so, she eloped with Celeborn, and that was that. anyway, Feanor died didn't he? it doesn't really matter, does it. he was an evil little bugger that condemned the whole of the Noldorin race wasn't he?

[Atariel]

Oh, sorry, forgot my question:

Why did Frodo want to take the ring to Mordor?

[hobbitlass]

To get the matching ear-rings.
******************************
So why did Sam come?

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Presumably you want the family-friendly wrong answer, which is that Frodo owed him three months' back pay and he wanted to protect his investment.

--------------------------------------

Whence came the Great Worms?

[Daewen]

From my gardern!

Who is Aragorn's seceret lover?

[Nari]

... I can't help it if he thought I was pretty!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where do Legolas and Gimli like to go for tea?

[Aylwen Dreamsong]

Where else but my backyard?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What was Gimli's job before he went and joined the Fellowship?

[Atariel]

He was a lowly washer-upper in the kitchens at Rivendell, which is why he hated the elves so much.

Why did Arwen decide to stay in Middle-earth with Aragorn?

[Diamond18]

Aragorn put a stun collar around her neck, and zapped her if she ever looked West. He wanted her to stay very badly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where, other than your backyard or garden etc., did the Dwarves originate?

[ January 09, 2003: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[Nevfeniel]

It all started when Aulë found a magic pencil that brought anything he drew to life. He put it in his pocket, not knowing it was magic, and took it home and put it in the jar he kept his other writing utensils. One day, he got really bored and decided to make some doodles. He reached for a random pencil, and took the magic one. He drew some short, stocky, bearded creatures, and lo and behold, they came to life.
..::Where did the magic pencil come from?::..

[Aylwen Dreamsong]

How could you not know that the magic pencil came from Aman, when one of Aule's servants spilled pixie dust on the writing utencil.

..::!!Faramir took part in what High-School club/sport?!!::..

[mark12_30]

Faramir never went to High School; that was Faramir's evil twin brother, Clive, who was first string in the Junior Varsity "Pick-On-Short-People-Squad." (Nods to Alphaelin)

***** How can you tell Boromir and Faramir apart?

[Diamond18]

You've hit on one of the favorite practical jokes of those mischevious brothers! Since they were identical twins (it's a little known fact that due to complications, Finduilas was in labor with Faramir for five years) they often pretend to be each other.

In order to tell them apart, simply shout, "The One Ring!" and, Pavlov style, Boromir will start to drool and Faramir will yawn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many Orcs does it take to kill a Dwarf?