What do you assign to Mordor?

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Amen to that. And you can throw the M25 Motorway and the London Underground in for good measure. In fact, the whole darn London public transport system, which I have to use every day, and which is teetering dangerously on the edge of complete and utter collapse.

Well... Having just used the London Underground frequently for the past week (had to get my use out of that Oyster Card), I have to say that while it gets very crowded, it's sheer bliss compared to the SEPTA system around here because:

1. You can actually tell where you're going on the Underground. The directions are great. Unlike here, where I wind up counting stops from where I boarded and hoping for the best.

2. It's clean! Trust me on this one. For the Philly equivalents, imagine the oldest, worst train on the District line, then add several layers of dirt, grime, dust, trash and graffiti. Hmm. Maybe I need to pick up the subway in a better neighborhood.

3. You don't have to wait 15-30 minutes for your train.

3a. Trains come on time.

Don't even get me started about the bus.

SEPTA should definitely go to Mordor before the Underground.

[Lhunardawen]

Excitement. It is a rather uncomfortable state, and I especially dislike how it robs one of much-desired and needed sleep. Not like melancholy, which is generally pleasant, albeit also a bit of a slumber stealer.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Celuin

Well... Having just used the London Underground frequently for the past week (had to get my use out of that Oyster Card), I have to say that while it gets very crowded, it's sheer bliss compared to the SEPTA system around here ...

Oh Lordy! Now you have got me going ...

It appears that you were using the Underground over the period between Christmas and New Year, probably (along with July/August) its least busy period. For a significant portion of Tube-users flee London over this period and few are using it for the purpose of getting to and from work as probably less than half of all office workers are actually working over these few days.

And even then, as you state, it was crowded.

Imagine what it is like at peak periods (ie rush-hours) which are generally those times when I have the misfortune of using the infernal thing.

You can actually tell where you're going on the Underground. The directions are great. Unlike here, where I wind up counting stops from where I boarded and hoping for the best.

Yes, the directions are OK, and the Tube Map itself is (admittedly) a masterpiece of design. But if you happen to be stuck in a carriage that is more reminiscent of a cattle-truck run by animal-hating hauliers than a system of public transport, the condensation and the overcrowding on the platforms combine to make it practically impossible to tell which stop you are at. Occasionally, the driver may announce the stop over the tannoy or, if you are really lucky, an automated announcement may assist you. But since, more often than not this will be malfunctioning in some way, you generally need the aural perception of an exceptionally sharp- (and pointy-) eared Elf to tell what it is that is being said.

It's clean!

Here is something that did the rounds on e-mail a while back which you may find interesting. (Warning - not for the faint hearted or the easily offended.)

Actually, it has since been proven to be an Urban Myth.

But, even accepting that the system is comparatively clean, I would rather use something that actually gets me where I want to go in relative comfort than something that I can eat me dinner off.

You don't have to wait 15-30 minutes for your train … Trains come on time.

Not if you happen to be waiting at Wimbledon for a District Line City train between 7am and 8.30am on a weekday, when unfeasibly frequent occurrences of signalling failure somewhere along the line mean that it is often a lottery whether a train will turn up at all (or at least one which will get you to work at something approximating the time that you are meant to be there).

And, even when the trains are running on a regular basis during the rush hour, the sheer volume of people that use it means that platforms are already 4 or 5 deep when you arrive, so you have to stare blankly at 3 or 4 unimaginably crowded trains (from which no one ever seems to disembark at the station you are waiting at) before managing finally to cram yourself into a gap 2 foot by two foot when you get fed up of waiting. If you are at all like me, this is generally the point at which you start muttering bitterly under your breath and people start looking at you as if you are mad. For most have already grimly resigned themselves to the misery of the system and, as any British commuter knows, talking on a tube train, particularly to oneself, is completely taboo (speaking loudly and irritatingly into a mobile phone, so that everyone is able to hear every detail of the speaker‘s conversation, is of course a special exception to this rule).

I suppose that, outside the rush hour and barring the frequent equipment malfunctions, there are limited periods where, according to the intermittently functioning LCD display, you only have to wait a few minutes for a train …

… or so you are led to believe. But, when you enter a London Underground Station, you enter a curious world where time seems to pass in a manner quite different from anywhere else. The display may say that the next train is due to arrive in 1 minute. But in real time (as opposed to “Tube time”), it won’t arrive for another 5 minutes at least.

Hmm. I have run out of points to respond to. Just when I was getting into full swing. Oh well, nothing for it but to continue.

I cannot finish without mentioning the frequent announcements telling you that the X and Y lines are experiencing delays, but that a good service is operating on all other lines. How nice of them to keep their customers informed, you may think. Well, no. Actually. First off, as the line experiencing the delays is generally the one that you are travelling on, it is somewhat galling to be told what you already know - namely that you are going nowhere. Moreover, they seem to use some strange definition of the word “good” which I had not previously come across. For I have rarely (at the times I travel) experienced what I would regard as a “good” service anywhere on the Tube. Perhaps if they were to announce that a “barely adequate” service is operating on those lines which are not undergoing the habitual litany of delays, malfunctions, failures and malingering staff, they might be speaking closer to the truth.

Oh, and then there’s the amount that one has to pay for the “privilege” of using the “service”. This only really dawned upon me today, with the expiry of my Travelcard. It cost me £6 (US$10.5 on current rates) to purchase a return ticket for Zone 1. That’s £6 to travel two stops! £6!! OK, so you can get Travelcards, Oyster Cards and the like. But they only benefit those who travel on a regular basis.

And they want to dissuade people from using their cars??? Incroyable!

OK. Rant over.

Have I convinced you that it is a system most deserving of con(as)signation to the deepest Pits of the Plains of Gorgoroth, or perhaps even to Udun itself? It most certainly feels like one is there already when one is using it ...

[Formendacil]

I must admit that I don't regularly rant on this thread, but events over the past 12 hours have conspired to leave me with a sense of... imminent poverty... that I feel the need to rage about.

Therefore, I consign to Mordor not having enough money, or not likely having enough money to both travel during the summer and go to school the year after without a loan.

Okay, a probably common dilemma, I admit, but one that should still be sent to Mordor.

On the other hand, I assign to the Shire the hope and likelihood that I will, in fact, be able to swing it.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I will take the Ring to Mordor . . .

. . . although I get easily confused with directions.

This nonsensical post is brought to you by your friendly neighbourhood nonsense.

[Noxomanus]

I send to Mordor...

Giant Pandas: because they are creatures eating things they can't even properly digest when plenty more digestable food is around, because they manage to be critically endangered for ages without going extinct and because any other bear should be ashamed of counting a black-and-white couch potatoe among their family members. I hope for them that Mordor's got bamboo.

People that think they pay their dog tax so that the government can do nice things for their dogs,while the true reason is that these taxes are there to limit the number and thereby the nuisance of dogs.

Religious fundamentalists.

Drug-addicts.

Child Molesters.

50 Cent and other rappers that can't really rap and have horrible personalities to boot.

Commercialism.

People that can only answer questions by saying 'yes', 'no' and 'I don't know'

People that don't use proper or close-to-proper spelling in messages and chatrooms.

People in chatrooms with names like 'webcamguy16wantstits'

Ignorant people.

Stupid people that walk off with girls that I would like to walk off with myself.

People that don't understand introverts like me.

War.

Black Eyed Peas

Politically correct people.

People that think they are so great and so funny while they aren't.

Glorification of drinking and being drunk.

Any piercings other then earrings.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Have I convinced you that it is a system most deserving of con(as)signation to the deepest Pits of the Plains of Gorgoroth, or perhaps even to Udun itself? It most certainly feels like one is there already when one is using it ...

Well, I'll defer to your greater experience with the Underground since I was in fact, only on board from Dec 24 to Jan 2 (even with the strike!). However, should you ever happen to visit the lovely City of Philadelphia, the challenge to ride our so-called public transportation system stands.

[Elonve]

I send holiday reading that one must journal to Mordor. Journaling reading spoils everything.

Unrespectable Christmas Trees go to Mordor (i.e. Plastic with fake snow and excesive ornaments)
________
DEPAKOTE PROBLEMS

[Glirdan]

I agree with you on the journaling Elonve. It rather take the whole reading enjoyment out of reading. But hey, not when you get to read Lord of the Rings for it!!!

I'm sending fish who snap fising lines and take both hook and bait. The crazy little guys are just to greedy.

[the guy who be short]

Stepping. Bucket of Paint. Best suit. Sigh.

[Laitoste]

The Aeneid, which is the first book I really struggled with in a long, long time, and I didn't even enjoy it. That may be because I had to read it in two days due to the nature of my course. But still, most of the "villains" are women!

Not being able to refrain from sarcasm, cynicism, or snide comments for more than 2 1/2 hours. The plan was for my roommate and I to be "sweet" for 12 hours in a row. She only succeeded because she didn't have class today and hasn't seen anyone. I now have to literally remain silent until 3:00 this morning.

[Roa_Aoife]

I send the first week of school. (It's too early to start!)
Also, computer viruses that make it impossible to get on-line for long periods of time.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I'm not assigning anything. It's just to inform you that, if you ever see my morning of 10 January 2006 in Mordor, do not be surprised. It went quickly to Mordor.

[Elonve]

I am assigning the first day of school to Mordor! Especially when teachers assing lots and lots of work! And when you go home your brother (whose finished a semester of college) can watch all the tv and eat all the cheesecake he wants...
Yeesh!
________
Kitchen Measures

[Lhunardawen]

[rant]

The use of Filipino as the medium of instruction in my Archaeology class. Don't get me wrong; I love my language (well, most of the time) and I especially love the fact that I'm bilingual. It's just that there are some words that just CANNOT be translated to Filipino and if they try to, they look very distasteful. Try the words mitochondrial DNA, for example. Doesn't mitokondriyang DNA just look sooo weird?

Plus, Filipino words are usually longer compared to their English counterparts, and it's hard enough that my Archaeo prof switches slides very quickly. I normally have to mentally translate the Filipino words to English before writing them down, and that takes more time than I have during the lectures. And it usually takes longer than that to write down the Filipino words.

*exasperated sigh*

Can't the academia just acknowledge the fact that we're better off using English as the primary medium of instruction (except in Filipino classes, for one, of course)?

[/rant]

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

The O.C. What an awful show. Rich, physically perfect American teenagers living out their boring, pretentious lives. A show designed for the stuck-up. Let the Orcs have it.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

And, even when the trains are running on a regular basis during the rush hour, the sheer volume of people that use it means that platforms are already 4 or 5 deep when you arrive, so you have to stare blankly at 3 or 4 unimaginably crowded trains (from which no one ever seems to disembark at the station you are waiting at) before managing finally to cram yourself into a gap 2 foot by two foot when you get fed up of waiting.

And here I thought that the Boston underground was... fun. If your idea of fun is being packed tighter than if you'd been tossed into a heap and gravity was allowed to condense you. I remember being wedged between three guys... two friends and a stranger. One friend had his arm around me to keep me from falling, as he had a decent hold on something solid, but I still lost balance a lot and seem to remember the stranger getting to know me better than I'd have hoped for. At least it's pretty clean though.

Conassignation: having your personal space bubble desecrated underground.

Originally Posted by Formy

Therefore, I consign to Mordor not having enough money, or not likely having enough money to both travel during the summer and go to school the year after without a loan.

Okay, a probably common dilemma, I admit, but one that should still be sent to Mordor.

Common enough that it's shared with me, m'dear.

Conassignation: being a poor college kid (my wallet is empty save a few pennies, nickels, and several forms of ID); being unable to travel because of it; the over-priced everything of Connecticut and the suburbanites that often hail from there; loving friends that are unintentionally clueless about things like money (only to be sent long enough for them to get a picture of what it's like to know that you could never have afforded your dream school if they hadn't given you a colossal scholarship to attend... and even then, it's a stretch... instead of "Oh, my daddy's paying for it.").

[the guy who be short]

For ease, I will now send bigots and close-minded people. As well as confusing somebody's sexuality, most embarassing, I assure you.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Come now, TGWBS, are you really annoyed, or do you have less legitimate plans for making use of this wonderful thread?

By the way, I assign llamas.

[the guy who be short]

Come now. While I may have ulterior motives, bigots and close-minded people should really learn their lesson. If you don't agree with somebody's views, fair enough. But there is no argument for imposing your will on somebody else.

And, for your information, confusing people's sexuality is rather awkward and embarassing. And thus goes to Mordor.

Now what reason could you possibly have for sending cute, fluffy llamas to the Black Land?

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Because, dear boy, I absolutely hate llamas. They serve no practical purpose good enough to convince me that their horrible eyes (there are no whites to them!) are not glaring at me, getting ready to hawk a huge loogie (another thing that should be assigned... that sound is the skeeviest thing in the history of the world) at me, don't deserve Mordorian Assignation. They are always watching you. They are stupid looking. They spit. They step on you for the fun of it. They're creepy, huge, and their only redeeming quality is that they inspired the Song.

I'm surprised I've never assigned them before. Llamas simply annoy me. And skeeve me out. They're worse than chickens.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Losing a long post as you click Reply because your Downs connection goes awry. What a horrible feeling. Twenty minutes wasted.

[Kath]

I'll second Eomer's assignation, but just mention that the countermeasure (write it in Word first and copy and paste) should be sent to the Shire as it has saved many an RPG post in recent months!

I'll also send the school computer system. It no longer lets me on here! For years I've managed to get round the censors but no more. Apparently this site isn't educational enough. Pshaw.

Oh, and my Psychology teacher again (just in case she managed to break out somehow). The woman is just "I will not carry other subjects" she says, meaning that she will give us 4 huge homeworks to finish in the week we have major exams. I mean real ones not mocks. Anyone would think she didn't want us getting good grades

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign the sort of disgruntlement that makes you want to write an Assignation post the length of the Declaration of Independence that would surely cause The Saucepan Man to comment obscurely about how the forum is not a blog.

Stupid disgruntlement. Making one question everything. Making everything annoy you. Making me want to blow off classes tomorrow because I'm in a bad mood and feel like expressing it somehow in a way that isn't yelling at my friends, since it's not their fault.

And llamas really do belong in Mordor. I thought about it for a while and didn't change my mind.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Feanor of the Peredhil

By the way, I assign llamas.

Originally Posted by Feanor of the Peredhil

Because, dear boy, I absolutely hate llamas. They serve no practical purpose good enough to convince me that their horrible eyes (there are no whites to them!) are not glaring at me, getting ready to hawk a huge loogie (another thing that should be assigned... that sound is the skeeviest thing in the history of the world) at me, don't deserve Mordorian Assignation. They are always watching you. They are stupid looking. They spit. They step on you for the fun of it. They're creepy, huge, and their only redeeming quality is that they inspired the Song.

I'm surprised I've never assigned them before. Llamas simply annoy me. And skeeve me out. They're worse than chickens.

Originally Posted by Feanor of the Peredhil

And llamas really do belong in Mordor. I thought about it for a while and didn't change my mind.

Oh, Fea, really. You are so transparent. We all know you are desperately trying to include a certain chat mod's theme song in your game posts and you need to justify it somehow.

Of course, if you want to go all po-mo revisionist on us, what better place than here?

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I'll admit to it, love, if you tell me which chat mod's song it is. I've been away from the chatroom for so long... I totally missed out on any llama references. Alda's a turtle, of course... Ulmo is Elmo, whether he wills it or no. Surely you aren't speaking of your illustrious self?

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Feanor of the Peredhil

I'll admit to it, love, if you tell me which chat mod's song it is. I've been away from the chatroom for so long... I totally missed out on any llama references. Alda's a turtle, of course... Ulmo is Elmo, whether he wills it or no. Surely you aren't speaking of your illustrious self?

Oh my, dearie. It's a pity you have forgotten so swiftly some of Alda's hijinks in chat. And a greater pity that I haven't kept logs.

And my own contribution to Mordor: income tax forms and private medical insurance/ pharmaceuticals. "Well, if we haven't seen any improvement, maybe we should just stop the drug. It's so expensive and the drug company is giving it to us for free for this trial and does she have drug coverage on her medical insurance?" Honestly, I think I could have heard that line on St. Elsewhere.

And for extra measure, campaign electioneering telephone calls and TV adverts. Hard to tell which offer the greatest 'stretchers', company advertising or political parties.

[Laitoste]

Email. I just humiliated myself by sending an email meant for my mother to the entire language faculty at my school. I don't know how it happened either! I know I didn't type in the address of my school...and the address it went to isn't even near how my last name is spelled...

[Lalwendë]

Flourescent lights, especially the one above my head. This is a different one to the one I've moaned about before. It's extra bright and extra-evil and headachey and was on for all of five minutes which put me in a foul mood all day. Which then brings me on to the second thing to go to Mordor - people who spread stupid tales around the workplace, prompting you to write long and indignant e-mail messages and have meetings with your trade union rep, only to find that said tale was a big alarmist lie. That's exactly how an Orc would behave.

[Orominuialwen]

Nightmares. I had a terrifying and very sad one a few nights ago that my brother had gone missing and was most likely dead. What's even worse is waking up from a nightmare only to find that you've slept late and have to be out of the house in five minutes if you don't want to be late for somewhere you have to be.

[Amanaduial the archer]

Which then brings me on to the second thing to go to Mordor - people who spread stupid tales around the workplace, prompting you to write long and indignant e-mail messages and have meetings with your trade union rep, only to find that said tale was a big alarmist lie.

I sense an interesting story behind this one, but I shall refrain from asking for fear of drowning on the potential torrent of rage this could unleash

AS Levels. Yes, the material covered in some subjects is more interesting, allegedly, than in the 2 year A Level course of old. But currently, this is not helping me with the fact that I have public exams really rather soon and am slowly drowning in the sheer volume of work....et que je ne suis pas assez bien a la francais, malheureusement...Je suis trop paresseuse pour le system scholaire...

Also, the fact that there are only twenty four hours in a seven day week. Certainly, this is a flaw in the system: I suspect that there were meant to be eight days each of 25.75 hours, but that somewhere a programmer got it wrong when he was originally writing it in, and, realising that he'd get fired if he pointed it out, quietly continued while the rest of the Universe started to work around the 25.75/8 system in a rather too short day, causing the whole direction of the world to be drastically altered, spinning us into chaos and causing the minds of a generation of British private school sixth formers to explode...

...as seen by this rather disjointed pointed. Shut up, Amana

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign Boys and all complications in life and friendship that arise with, because, and about them. Perhaps, though, it would be more prudent to assign Girls, since there wouldn't be any of these complications if Girls weren't around doing all of the complicating.

And llamas. Have I yet mentioned how dumb looking llamas are? I'm very prejudiced against them. What practical purpose could they possibly serve that couldn't be better served by a pez dispenser?

[Lhunardawen]

I conassign to Mordor people who conassign things to Mordor just because...they know why. They know who they are.

[Cailín]

I assign my Medieval Irish literature project to Mordor. Even though I knew it was doomed before I even began, I had not thought it to be doomed quite so... permanently.

Also, all kinds of mermaids. Let them take their flashy fins and show em somewhere else.

Finally, with no offence intended to a certain Downer, the entire city of Aberdeen and definitely including its university (though with a slight possibility yet to redeem itself).

There.

[the guy who be short]

I assign aching muscles after trying a new exercise routine. Stretch... silly boy.

Also, distraction due to hot guys/girls/food resulting in forgetting what you're doing. In general, distraction.

Also, people stepping on your feet.

Finally, incompetency.

[Thinlómien]

Saturday schooldays.
It's just horrible and unfair.

[Celuien]

Have I mentioned that I am deeply, deeply bitter over SEPTA? I just spent an hour trying to figure out this map, an impossible endeavor without matching each station to each line's schedule. No transfers shown, no indication of what line is what, nothing. And unless you're going to Center City, and only Center City, they don't tell you what the fare is. But what if you aren't going to Center City? What if you want to go from, oh I don't know, Manayunk to Cynwyd? Didn't think of that, now did they? No, they didn't. Then you have to go back to the schedules, figure out what station is in what zone, how many zones you have to cross through to get back to the zone you started in because that's where your transfer is placed since the lines don't necessarily follow any logical geography - check the R7 for instance - and then go to the fares page and try to calculate the expense (and it won't be cheap) from the wonderfully detailed information "Varies by Zone and by peak/off-peak hours."

[Orominuialwen]

My inability to take showers that take less than half an hour. It means that no matter what, I have ice water coming down on me by the end. Also, I often have to skip showering when I'm in a hurry because it takes so long.


The person who most likely stole my final project from jewelry making class, along with several other people's. What's the point of taking other people's artwork to try to turn in? The teacher's going to know where it came from, and it's really frustrating to lose the only glass beads I made that didn't break or explode.

[the guy who be short]

The French phrase "Qu'est-ce que c'est que ca?" Why do they have to say What is this that this is that this? instead of a simple, concise, What's that?

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by Lhunardawen

I conassign to Mordor people who conassign things to Mordor just because...they know why. They know who they are.

Let me guess.....

Nah, I think I'll leave you all to ponder, if you need to.

By the way, are you interested in playing next time? I'll bet you end up doing the same.