A Side of the Barrow-Downs you haven't seen...

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I believe it may just be about the right time to bring this thread back to life. Highly entertaining, it was. I recommend Elmer Fudd.

Fea

[Son of Númenor]

When I saw this site, I knew what had to be done.

Ladies an' gents, this hyar's a' essay on Th' Homea-comin' of Beo'htnoth by that durn feller, Th' Squatter of Amon Rûdh:

This hyar has th' look t'me of a set essay rather than a subjeck fo' discusshun, but this hyar wawk of Tolkien's desarves mo'e than enny other t'be discussed wif reference t'Anglo-Saxon heroic vahse in juneral, an' th' Maldon fragment in particular. Perhaps mah response will prompp them wif mo'e smarts of th' subjeck t'contribute their opinions.

Th' Battle of Maldon, t'which Th' Homea-comin' of Beo'htnoth is a sequel, is a late flowerin' of th' English alliterative epic style, in which th' battle of Augest 991 is dexcribed fum th' fo'mashun of th' English troops t'a point jest befo'e their final destruckshun. Most space is given t'th' speeches of various East-Saxon combatants, housecarles of Beo'htnoth who eleck t'fight on t'th' last man rather than retreat; but an impo'tant passage thet occurs at lines 85-90, shows Beo'htnoth agreein' t'a cunnin' requess fum th' Vikin's thet they be allered t'crost a vital bridge, which they c'd only haf taken wif great difficulty. Beo'htnoth accedes t'this requess "fo' his ofermod" (fo' his excessive pride), an' acco'din' t'Tolkien crostes th' line thet divides heroism an' chivalry. In so doin' he corndemns them whom he comman's t'death, an' his varmints t'Vikin' depredashuns.

It is probably wise t'point out at this hyar stage thet th' wo'd 'chivalry' is not one thet th' Anglo-Saxons'd haf recognised, cuss it all t' tarnation. It is a medieval French wo'd thet derives fum chevalier: a knight o' houn'dogman, as enny fool kin plainly see. Tolkien's definishun is between th' behaviour thet one might incounter in th' Mo'te D'Ezekiel, in which fights t'th' death is treated as spo'tin' corntests, an' simple heroism, which cuzs a man t'go t'extreme len'ths in th' pursuance of a particular goal, ah reckon. Beo'htnoth has a duty t'his varmints an' t'his kin' t'defend them fum th' invadin' armah, but his insissence on seein' th' contess as essentially a spo'tin' one (prompped, no doubt, by excessive se'f-cornfidence) cuzs him t'fail in his duty. Heroism, as evinced in his refusal t'han' on over treasure t'th' Vikin's wifout a fight, on overretches itse'f an' defeats its own objeck. By corntrast, Beo'htnoth's household, by refusin' t'aban'on their leader an' retreat, is shown in much th' same light as Tennyson's Light Brigade: min condemned by t'other's incompetence t'die, an' yet prepared t'do their duty nonetheless. Th' speech of th' old retainer, Beo'htwald, is regarded by menny, Tolkien included, as th' finess extant expresshun of th' No'thern heroic spirit:

Beo'htwald's speech is an expresshun of heroism; of th' intent t'keep one's wo'd o' does one's duty in th' face of insurmountable odds. By corntrast, his lo'd's magnanimity toward th' enemah is in direck cornflick wif his responsibilities t'them unner his comman' an' proteckshun. Beo'htwald is motivated by loyalty, Beo'htnoth by pride an' th' pursueyt of honour. Th' poet leaves th' reader in no doubt as t'which is th' mo'e noble motive.

A similar lesson is taught by Th' Wan'erer. At lines 66-73, th' poet lays down his criteria fo' a fine warrio':

Th' puffick warrio' shows moderashun in all virtues. Neifer is he a coward, no' does he charge into ev'ry situashun wifout reckonin'. He vows only whut he knows thet he kin achieve, an' sartinly he is nevah foolhardy. Ofermod is allus deprecato'y. As Tolkien points out in his essay on th' subjeck, it is used twice in Anglo-Saxon literature: once of Beo'htnoth an' once of Lucifer, an' a man motivated by it c'd only be takin' a foolhardy ackshun.

Beowu'f larnes much th' same lesson, as enny fool kin plainly see. Throughout th' poem, we see various acks fum th' eponymous hero thet may be cornsidered chivalrous: he insists upon fightin' Grendel wif his bare han's; he travels t'meet Grendel's Mammy in her own home, even though it is deep unnerwater; an' as an agin' kin' he travels t'face a dragon alone, leavin' his loyal retainers behind, cuss it all t' tarnation. On th' fust two occashuns, whut Beowu'f stakes is simply his own life, so despite bein' corntrary t'Hygelac's advice t'him on departure, they redoun' t'his credit; but as we see fum th' conclushun of th' epic, when he fights th' dragon he stakes th' finebein' of his intire kin'dom, dawgone it. Beowu'f's funeral pyre is thet of his varmints's fo'tunes, an' agin th' echo kin be heard of th' cry of 'ofermod' when Wiglaf says: "Of' sceall eo'l monig anes willan wreaec adreogan" ("Offen by one man's will menny muss woe indure"), lendin' fo'ce t'Hrothgar's exho'shun at lines 1758-68, which advises Beowu'f t'shun pride in favour of eternal rewards. Th' clear implicashun is thet a leader has mo'e t'consider than his own honour. He has a responsibility t'them unner his comman' neifer t'waste their lives no' his needlessly. Beowu'f an' Beo'htnoth both leave their varmints wifout defence aginst hostile foes, but etch is cu'pable in diffrunt ways. Beo'htnoth sacrifices th' lives of them most loyal t'him fo' th' sake of pride, wharas fo' th' same reason, Beowu'f sacrifices th' security of his country. In refusin' t'aller his retainers t'aid him, Beowu'f denies them th' oppo'tunity t'discharge their own responsibilities; an' eventually th' dragon is killed only on account o' his o'ders is not unyversally obeyed, cuss it all t' tarnation. In both cases, acks of bravery is carried too far; in both cases this hyar is disastrous.

We kin see th' same fo'm of corntrast throughout Tolkien's writin's, but ah will cornfine mahse'f hyar t'two examples: Húrin an' Huo''s rearguard ackshun at th' Nirnaeth Arnoediad an' Eärnur of Gondo''s acceppance of sin'le combat wif th' Witch-kin'.

In th' fo'mer case, th' men of Do'-lómin, led by Húrin an' Huo', fight a doomed ackshun t'covah Turgon's wifdrawal, ah reckon. This hyar is a necessity eff'n enny Elven host is t'leave th' field intack, an' th' men of Do'-lómin, by their sacrifice, aller a small hope t'be retrieved fum th' crushin' defeat.

This hyar last stan' is heroic on account o' it is necessary. Someone muss covah th' retreat of Turgon's armah, an' by so doin' th' men of Do'-lómin guareentee th' future salvashun of th' Noldo' an' Edain, as enny fool kin plainly see. Th' praise thet Tolkien has th' Elves heap upon Húrin, includin' namin' him Thalion, th' Steadfast, is an indicashun of how Tolkien hisse'f sar this hyar ackshun. Th' behaviour of Huo' an' Húrin is direckly analogous t'thet of Beo'htwald: min prepared t'die in th' service of a cuz on account o' t'live in defeat is unreckonable.

By corntrast, when Kin' Eärnur accepps a challenge fum th' Witch-kin' of Angmar t'sin'le combat, his ackshun is intirely unnecessary. When th' fust challenge arrives on his accesshun t'th' throne, he is dissuaded fum acceppin' by th' counsel of th' steward Mardil, whom Tolkien dexcribes as 'th' fine Steward'. Mardil quite rightly sees th' Mo'gul Lo'd as one not t'be trested, an' th' proposed jool as a trap, but we haf already been told thet Eärnur's courage outstrips his wisdom, dawgone it. When th' Witch-kin' repeats his challenge, addin' fresh insults, th' kin' kin be restrained no longer an' rides out t'face his tretcherous inemah, exackly as Beo'htnoth allers his inemies th' advantage fo' th' sake of his own honour. His inevitable disappeareence raises th' speckre of th' Kin-Strife an' places his country, t'which his fust loyalty ought t'be given, in a state of unsartinty. Th' incident, fum th' dexcripshun of Eärnur's chareecker until his disappeareence fum th' narrative makes it plain thet his is a se'fish an' foolish decishun; an' eff'n Tolkien wrote an account of th' last stan' aginst th' tretcherous inemah, ah have no doubt thet it'd haf borne a strikin' resemblance t'th' Maldon fragment. One sh'd nevah, says Tolkien, aller th' desuhe fo' honour t'stan' in th' way of one's responsibilities an' obligashuns; an' in this hyar he echoes th' exho'shuns t'wisdom thet th' ancient poets direcked at their warlike an' aristocratic audiences.

It is no coincidence thet Tolkien an' th' autho's of t'other wawks ah have menshuned above shared a common religious belief in th' sinfulness of pride. Mo'goth, Sauron an' th' Witch-kin' is all excessively proud chareeckers, an' in etch of them this hyar leads them fum wisdom into evil an' eventual destruckshun. In givin' hisse'f up t'th' sins of th' Enemah, Eärnur literally places hisse'f at their mercy, as th' Maldon poet might haf said, fo' his ofermod. By corntrast, in sacrificin' themselves in th' furtherance of a noble cuz, Huo' an' Húrin become desarvedly heroic figgers in th' lejunds of th' Elder Days. Although pride undoubtedly plays a part in th' latter ackshun, it is good and restrained t'stop at heroic se'f-sacrifice wifout brin'in' this hyar about needlessly.

Th' Homea-comin' of Beo'htnoth differs markedly fum both its Anglo-Saxon fo'bars an' fum Tolkien's other writin's in thet it does not stop at criticisin' th' folly of chivalrous pride in a leader. It goes on t'quesshun war itse'f an' tharfo'e th' whole basis of th' mighty epic poetry thet inspired it. It is no coincidence thet th' poetry in th' piece is spoken by th' caller To'hthelm, whose gran'iose vahses is deflated by th' old soldier Tídwald, cuss it all t' tarnation. When Tídwald does use th' rheto'ic of epic poetry, it is wif satirical intent:

As sech, although it purpo'ts t'have pretenshuns towards bein' in th' Anglo-Saxon alliterative tradishun, Beo'htnoth is a se'f-cornsciously later wawk. At th' end of th' piece, Tolkien incudes both rhyme an' th' Latin dirige, representin' th' rhymin' vahse an' religious psalmody thet were already displacin' th' Anglo-Saxon epic when Th' Battle of Maldon was writ. Th' use of Tídwald's wo'ld-wary outlook t'counterack To'hthelm's high-flown an' courtly vahse, while echoin' th' theme of implicit criticism dexcribed above, direckly an' repeatedly satirises th' mighty poetry it imitates. To'hthelm, who has nevah see a battle, sees war as a gran' pursueyt, filled wif noble lo'ds an' brave heroes. Tídwald, who, like th' daid on th' field, has see it at fust han', speaks in a simpler an' mo'e heartfelt style, redolent of th' smarts of his subjeck:

Although th' Anglo-Saxon epics is capable of th' wo'ld-wariness of Tídwald, they does not criticise th' ack of war itse'f as an evil better done wifout. In this hyar sense, Th' Homea-comin' of Beo'htnoth is mighty much a twentieth-century wawk. It sh'd nevah be fo'gotten thet Tolkien's ventures into these ancient styles were them of a modern man an' not an Anglo-Saxon, as enny fool kin plainly see. He unnerstood th' spirit of th' age, but not so instinckively as them livin' at th' time'd haf unnerstood it. By instinck he unnerstood his own age, which has been too deeply scarred by misplaced heroism an' chivalry an' by th' twistin' of meanin' an' motive t'write in th' style of Beowu'f o' th' Maldon fragment. Although as late as Tennyson th' same effeck c'd be achieved, by Tolkien's day war itse'f was a disaster, an' sech defeats as Maldon only lesser tragedies wifin it. By po'trayin' th' conflick between th' soldier an' th' poet, both of which roles he had played hisse'f at one time o' t'other, Tolkien at once attempps t'resolve a cornflick in hisse'f between his love of epic poetry an' whut he knowed of th' reality of warfare, an' t'pay homage t'a wo'ld in which he sar so much thet was admirable. His motives is them of th' modern poet an' th' histo'ical philologist, an' markedly so; but Beo'htnoth still stan's as an excellent insight into whut lies beyond th' poetry: th' Anglo-Saxon wo'ld thet reJawjad Tolkien's main professhunal interess throughout his career.

[Sirithheruwen]

The scary thing is, I understood every single word of the Pig Latin one. Yes, I speak fluent Pig Latin.

Ethay aryscay ingthay isay, Iay understooday everyay inglesay ordway ofay ethay Igpay Atinlay oneway. Esyay, Iay eakspay uentflay Igpay Atinlay.

[HerenIstarion]

dat is very funny, as enny fool kin plainly see

[Amanaduial the archer]

Originally Posted by Sirithheruwen

The scary thing is, I understood every single word of the Pig Latin one. Yes, I speak fluent Pig Latin.

Ethay aryscay ingthay isay, Iay understooday everyay inglesay ordway ofay ethay Igpay Atinlay oneway. Esyay, Iay eakspay uentflay Igpay Atinlay.

ahay, tbuay ethay herotay rryingwoay ingthay isay atthaay Iay uldcoay adreay atthaay ssagepaay thwiay rryingwoay seeaay asay llweay...stmuay beay anay idemicepay

[Evisse the Blue]

Beowu'f larnes much th' same lesson, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Hahahaha! This could be added to 101 Things BDers (in this case, Squatter) would never say.

I had lots of fun with this quote: "You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!"

Check it out in:
Redneck: "Yo' will gimme th' Rin' freely! Fry mah hide! In place of th' Dark Lo'd yo' will set up a Queen, as enny fool kin plainly see. An' ah shall not be dark, but right purdy an' terrible as th' Mo'nin' an' th' Night! Fry mah hide! Fair as th' Sea an' th' Sun an' th' Snow upon th' Mountain! Fry mah hide! Dreadful as th' Sto'm an' the Lightnin'! Fry mah hide! Stronger than th' foun'ashuns of th' earth. All shall love me an' despair! Fry mah hide!'

Jive:: You's gots'ta gimme de Rin' freely! Right on! In place uh de Dark Lo'd ya' gots'ta set down some Queen. 'S coo', bro. And ah' shall not be dark, but fine and terrible as de Mo'nin' and da damn Night! Right on! Fair as de Sea and da damn Sun and da damn Snow downon de Mountain! Right on! Dreadful as de Sto'm and de Lightnin'! Right on! Stronga' dan de foundashuns uh de eard. All shall love me and despair! Right on!'

Elmer Fudd: You wiww give me the Wing fweewy!Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! In pwace of the Dawk Wowd you wiww set up a Qween, uh-hah-hah-hah. And I shaww not be dawk, but beautifuw and tewwibwe as the Mowning and the Night! Faiw as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dweadfuw as the Stowm and the Wightning! Stwongew than the foundations of the eawth. Aww shaww wove me and despaiw!'

Swedish Chef: (don't know as many Swedish chefs to find this overly amusing, though) " Yuoo veell geefe-a me-a zee Reeng freely! In plece-a ooff zee Derk Lurd yuoo veell set up a Qooeee. Und I shell nut be-a derk, boot beooteeffool und terreeble-a es zee Murneeng und zee Neeght! Feur es zee Sea und zee Soon und zee Snoo upun zee Muoonteeen! Dreedffool es zee Sturm und zee Leeghtning! Strunger thun zee fuoondeshuns ooff zee iert. Ell shell lufe-a me-a und despeur!'

Moron: Duh, you will gibe me de Rigg freely! Doihh, COOL! In place of de Dark Lord you will set up a Keen. DOIHH!And I shall not be dark, but beautiful 'n tehriggle as de Mornigg 'n de Nite! Doihh, COOL! Fair as de Sea and de Sun 'n de Snow upon de Mountain! Doihh, COOL! Dreadful as de Storm 'n de Litenigg! Doihh, COOL! Strongeh dan the, uh uh uh, foundashuns of the, uh, eard. All shall lobe me and despair! Doihh, COOL!'

Hacker: uiwl7 give me tehj ring f reley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~ ooololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 iun op7Ace of t3h darrk lorDu will set iup a queen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~~ adn is ha7l not e darfk, buT bweautriFul aned tarrible as teh morning and the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~ fAir as the sea and the sun Adn teh Snow upon te mountasin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~~ dreAdful as teh storm asnd teh Lightning~~~~~ strOnger THan tHe foundaTionz of teh earth!!!!!!!!11~~~~ all sHal7 lov3 mer and d3spair!!!!!!!!!1~~ YOU aR3 LAME

Ick! The Hacker one scares me too! The really scary thing is there are people who talk like that all the time.

[Sirithheruwen]

ahay, tbuay ethay herotay rryingwoay ingthay isay atthaay Iay uldcoay adreay atthaay ssagepaay thwiay rryingwoay seeaay asay llweay...stmuay beay anay idemicepay

*aspgay* Anay epidemicay?! (ybay ethay away, Iay inkthay atthay ouray Igpay Atinlays areay ightlysay ifferentday. Ohay ellway. Iay illstay understanday ouyay.)

And for those BDers less fortunate as us:

*gasp* An epidemic?! (By the way, I think that our Pig Latins are slightly different. Oh well. I still understand you [Aman].


"Hacker" is how my friends talk online. Needless to say, I can't understand a word. I just retaliate by replying in Pig Latin. All of a sudden, they find the need to sign off. I wonder why?

[The Perky Ent]

Wanna know who Snoop Dog would interpret the Barrow Downs?

Use THE SHIZZOLATOR !

[Elennar Starfire]

Aye, those pig latins are different. I speak Sirith's version, but Aman's is understandable.

Shizzolator...oh my...

[Bêthberry]

Son of Núnemor, I don't know if I should be scandalised or smug to see the Travestometer set upon one of the greatest travestegians here. Or is it travestodists? And nary a squawk from Squatter. I forsee a great future for you here, sir.

[Diamond18]

You haven't lived until you've read this.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Wonderful, Diamond! What a valuable source for the next adventures of a certain RPG which, for reasons of modesty, shall not be named here?!

the California chapter of Guys And Girls for the understanding of Media Everywhere, or, G.A.G. M.E.

Hilarious!

*Esty bookmarks the site and runs off to post it on the REB discussion thread*