101 Things LOTR Characters Would Never Say

ok it is REALLY late and i am not thinking really well so I only have on... Soryy if it has already been used I only went throught the first page so far

Treebeard: " Come On You Ents, You guy s are moving to slow..... HURRY UP!!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Wow, ten pages

Faramir: Am I clever? Come on! I mean, Gandalf was basically my tutor...

Elrond: Y'know, when it comes down to it, you really have to admire Sauron, the guy's accomplished so much

Frodo to Gollum (at mount doom) - "Oh... so it's all about this ring... I didn't quite get that, here you go, have fun."

[Kyela_Frodo]

Saruman: We must join with him, Obi-Wan, we must join with Dooku...

Gandalf: pssst... it`s Gandalf and it`s not Dooku...

Saruman: Damn... That`s true... well I have two jobs, it`s hard to think Lord of the Rings as one film and Star Wars as another...

Gandalf: ye ye...

Gandalf: Fly, you fools!
Aragorn (flaps his arms): We're trying!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Haldir: The Hobbits shall stay here with us tonight, we do not fear them!

Pippin: What's that supposed to mean?

Haldir: Ha ha! I was just saying that...

Pippin: No, no, it seems like your saying that YOU'RE harder than US! Isn't that it?

Haldir: Look, I didn't mean anything by it

Merry: Lets see if you fear the Hobbits now!

( Merry and Pippin attack Elves )

Pippin: Yeah! One for the Shire!

Frodo: What the....you guys just killed 3 Elves!

Merry: Yeah, they insulted us

Legolas: Uh...guys, the entire army of Lorien is coming to get you

Frodo: Screw this! I'm putting on the Ring!

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

That just reminded me of one.

*The hobbits just arrive in Bree*

Frodo: Well, everyone seems nice so far here.

Merry: Yeah they sure...

*someone comes by and pats Merry on the head*

Merry: I HATE when people do that!

Pippin: Oh they're just trying to be nice Merry.

*another person comes by and pats Pipin on the head*

Pippin: Ok, NOW they're gonna pay!!

Sam: Oh no! Fight later you guys we gotta hide, hurry up!!!! The Black Riders are coming!!

*The hobbits all scramble to a hiding place but they don't get there fast enough. The Black Riders jump off the horses and pat them on the head. Then they head over to the Prancing Pony to get a pint.*

Nazgul: Awww, aren't they cute.

Nazgul #2: Yeah, they're so small! I could just fit them in my robe!

[Hírilamara]

These are great! I need to think of some. *thinking hard*

Sauron: you will have to excuse me I have something in my eye.
Gandalf: Your right Pipin Why didnt I think Of that.
Aragorn: What...sorry I am a little hard of hearing.
Nazgule: how is my hair?
Saurumon: Looks Like a good day for a long walk in the woods.
Samwise: Look an ollephont, I thought it would be bigger.


What you would hear Radegast(sp) say: There is a war on?

[ May 27, 2002: Message edited by: Melkor ]

[GreatWarg]

Here's a good one:

Saruman: Join with him, Gandalf, and we could rule Middle-earth with wisdom!

Gandalf: Erm... are you talking about the Dark Side or Sauron?

Saruman: ...

(They both suddenly cast off their outer robes, revealing Jedi robes underneath. With one fluid movement, they both produce liightsabers and ignite them)

Gandalf: (igniting his green lightsaber) Gee, Qui-Gon was such a nice fellow. At least I got to keep his lightsaber...

Saruman: (igniting his red lightsaber) Join the Dark Side and we can rule over Middle-earth! Or... we could take the One Ring too.

Peter Jackson: CUT! This isn't Star Wars! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?! Follow the script! No where does it say to 'Join the Dark Side!'

* Warning: I don't know entirely what I'm doing*

Elrond: and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiii will always love uuuuuuuuuu...


For those not smiling, I'm sorry [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]

* Caution: I still am unaware if this is funny or not...SO DON'T CRITICIZE ME!!!!

Legolas:Imagine me and you....

Gimli:..I do,I think about you day and night...

Legolas:...it's only right to think about the girl you love and hold her tight...

Gandalf and Aragorn: So happy together!!!

Gimli:...if i should call you up, invest a dime...

* Aragorn and Gandalf echoing in unison in the background *

Legolas:... and you say you belong to me, i'd lose my mind...

Gimli:... imagine how the world could be...

Legolas:...so very fine...

Aragorn and Gandalf:So happy together!!!

Legolas and Gimli(holding and hands):I can't see me loving no body but you for my life!!!When your with me baby the skies will be blue for all my life!!!( a little softer now) Me and you, and you and me. No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be, the only one for me is you, and you for me...

Gandalf and Aragorn: So happy together!!!

Legolas and Gimli( now fralicking off, still holding hands mind you): I can't see me loving no body but for my life!!!When your with me baby the skies will be blue for all my life!!!ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba baa...

Gandalf TO Aragorn: God! they're just so beautiful!(tear)


yeah... welllllllll...uuummmmmm....

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Songs eh? How about this...

Fellowship: S CLUB!

Gimli: There aint no party like an S Club party!

Fellowship: Gonna show you how!

Boromir: Shake ya body from side to side

Fellowship: S CLUB!

Frodo: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH YEEEEEAH!!!


or.......

Wormtongue: I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here, I don't belong here.

Saruman: Yeah, great song

Wormtongue: Eh? Song? I'm just speaking to myself...

or....

Theoden: WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU - ROCK YOU!

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Legolas's Lover I love that! lol. Ok, if it's songs:

Sauron: And I waaaant, to rip his eyes out, just for looking at you. And I want, to rip his heart out, yes I do!!!

Had to be atleast one Nickelback, don't say anything Eomer! I know your against them...

[Catherine]

Nazgul one(whispers to Nazgul 2): Isn't Frodo A HOTTIE?!?!?!?!?!
Nazgul two:Ummmmmm.......Like......no, but if you think he is hot you should ask him out!!! Maybe he will say YES!!!!!

Nazgul one: I'll go for it.

Nazgul three:didn't we have to um like get something from him?

Nazgul four:like who cares

Nazgul six:he reminds me of *****in CATZ

*(Nazgul walks up to Frodo)*

Frodo: Sup?

Nazgul one: Um.......like....(long pause)....
do you wanna.....like......go out wit...me?!?!?!?!

Frodo: YOU ONE CRAZY MO FO TO GO ASKIN ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I am the hottest one of the Fellowship.

Legolas:Frodo you are so wrong, I AM THE HOTTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*(Nazgul runs away cring)*

Pippin: Oh My God you guys are like so mean.

*(Gimli runs after the Nazgul and you see them riding on the horse together and as they bothlook up they see Orli's hot *** glistening in the moonlight.

[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: Catherine ]

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Too many likes Barfy. And Orli's *************, lol. Mmmmmm...... Wait I meant HOT ************************************************** ******************. See you in school and you spelt *****in wrong by the way. And I'm the B. Catz!!!

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

They *** that out didn't they. Oh well....lol. LOLLLLLLLOLOOLOLOL)(OLOLOLOLOLOLOLO(LOLOLOL

[Catherine]

Did anyone like my story thingy [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

[Catherine]

This is a short and stupid one-

Merry:Hey Pippin!

Pippin:What?

Merry:Wanna get drunk?

Pippin:Na, I am not in the mood!!!!

[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: Catherine ]

[Catherine]

People can you please rate my stories so if I have to I will improve them [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

I'm only rating cuz I wanna see my picture. Very good Catherine cuz Pippin would never say that. Very creative name how did you get it?!

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Pippin: I don't like beer

[Catherine]

I know my name is creative but i can not tell you how i got it ok!!!! lol [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Pippin: I don't like beer or wine

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Pippin: Get me a Bacardi Breezer.

Hey, this is gonna sound real amateur but how do i get a little picture beside my name?

Theoden: No Eowyn, you are not riding to Minas Tirith!

Eowyn: Oh! It doesn't matter. ER's on tonight

Aragorn: Hey, I love that show. Maybe I could stay and watch it with you?

Eowyn: Ooooh! Well Mr.Aragorn, I'd just LOVE your company (winks)

Aragorn: Oh yeah! (winks back)

Merry: Wow, this is going to have a huge effect on the battle. I guess its time for Meriadoc to step up to the mantle.

(a few days later)

Merry: Well, I was a bit worried when the Nazgul's vulture swallowed me but....well! you know the rest!

Eomer: All hail Meriadoc, the King of Gondor!

Aragorn (aside to Sam): Y'know, that was MY place, but sometimes, you just gotta score, y'know what I mean?

Eowyn: And I unusually got a bit of cheer! Oh well, at least the good side won in the end, and nothing changed too much

Faramir: I can't help but feel I'm missing something

[Birdland]

Gandalf - "Hey Frodo! Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!"

Frodo - "But that trick never works!"

Gandalf - "This time for sure! Presto!

(Pulls out Balrog. ROAAAAAR!!)

Hmmmmm. Maybe I should get another hat?"

(With love to Rocky and Bullwinkle [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] )

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Gimli-I vote for Cardas Gladhorn, I'm scared of the dark.

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

lol, I liked all your posts! Eomer, especially about Faramir missing something....
And if you want a picture near your name, it doesn't sound amateur don't worry, but you have to find one you wanna put up there first, get that web address, then go to my profile up at the top of the page by.....by whatever it's next to, and click the edit thing, and then type in the web address next to the line that says where to put it.

I know that's not much help but sometimes I'm really bad at explaining stuff right. Hope it does help though.

[Catherine]

(at the cracks of doom)

Frodo:Hey this place is very welcoming and roomy, we should vacation here sometime.

Sam:I agree the darkness gives it a nice touch.

Frodo:Let's invite all our friends and have a huge party.

Sam:Sounds great!!!!!

[Catherine]

Hello people can you rate my posts? Thank you. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Aosama, the Wandering Star]

(In Lorien)
Sam and Frodo are whispering...
Sam: Frodo?
Frodo: What is it, Sam?
Sam:Have you read the script?
Frodo: No. Why?
Sam: Well, I did a while ago, back in Moria to see how we should react to Gandy's dying (giggles) dying? dying? dye-ing? Don't you get it?!? (at Frodo's confusion, Sam gives up the joke) oh well. I read the script, and I think we're supposed to be doin' sumthing in Lorien now.
Frodo: In the dead of night?
Sam: Um.. yeah.
Frodo: That's very suspcious of you, Sam-
Sam(very angry): Why does everyone always accuse me of stuff?!? I dare you to check the script! I'm right! (folds arms and sticks nose in the air).
Frodo: Dare? No Baggins ever stepped down from a dare!
(they check script)
Frodo: Well, gee, Sam, I guess you were right. So, I'm supposed to look into a birdbath and see some weird stuff and talk to the big-haired elf lady?
Sam: Galadriel.
Frodo: Whatever. You're supposed to come too, so let's get going.
(they enter clearing to find Galadriel humming to herself as she lies, up to her neck in suds, in the Mirror of Galadriel. She is shaving her legs when she notices the hobbits)
Galadriel: Hey! Do you pervs mind?!?
Frodo: Hey, sorry.
Sam(whining): you were supposed to show us some wonky stuff in your mirror!
Frodo(aside to Sam): You think she's in any postion to do that now?
Galadriel: Aw, get outta here.
(Frodo and Sam leave. As they leave...)
Galadriel(muttering): stupid hobbits... they are a virus... I'll get my own back... in the place of the Dark Lord they'll set up a Queen... that'll be me...
Sam(aside to Frodo): Do you think they're something weird about the big-haired elf lady?
Frodo: Too many special effects can do that to you.

[ May 29, 2002: Message edited by: Aosama, the Wandering Star ]

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Getting a little picture sounds like hassle. Thanks anyway Lothiriel, you are always praising my posts, you're like my biggest fan! I'm gonna have to say something nice about you sometime.

Gimli: Then what are we waiting for? Destroy it!

(Gimli smashes Ring with axe and destroys it)

Elrond: Uh...I knew that would work


Frodo: Gollum, this is Sting. You have felt it before, do not try anything funny.

Gollum: Don't hurts us please, nice hobbitses! Yess!

Frodo: What do you want Gollum?

Gollum: We wants our Bon Jovi CD back, yes, yess!

Frodo: Oh right, sorry about that. It's at Bag End, just let yourself in

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Thanks Eomer, I feel nice now!!! Well, I like your posts a lot anyway, so that's why I say all that stuff [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] And you don't have to say anything nice to me, (that chance will most likely never come, lol. Yeah, my posts are never that good. Some are about Nickelback, and I get in trouble for those ones....*remembers bad experience with the other post the Barrow-wight had said not to talk about*) AHHH< the time!!!! It's too late, I gotta be doing my damn homework now, nooooooooooooooooooo! I'll be on later guys, bye for now! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Catherine]

Frodo:You know what Gandalf I don't want to be apart of this whole ring thing!!!

Gandalf:You better take this "job" because if you don't i will stab you with my pointy hat. I just go a new one yesterday, I ordered it on-line.

Sam:Go ahead and kill him I will take the ring.

Frodo:Hey Sam what side are you on?

Sam:My own side. Hey, is there anything wrong with wanting the rings powers?!? Opps I wasn't suppose to say that!!!

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

No one has been responding for a while! Come on people, keep the thread alive!!!! Ok, since I had to bring it up, I'll try to think of something:

*Aragorn rallies up the armies, as they prepare to fight at Helm's Deep*

Aragorn: Come on you guys, it's time!

Eomer: It's time.....the time has come already?!

Aragorn: Yes....the time has come.....

*all the guys come together and form a straight line. Everyone sings together*:

We're men.......we're men in tight TIGHT tights, we steal from the rich and give to the poor that's RIGHT! We maaaay look like sissy's, but watch what you say or else, we'll punch out your lights! We're men, men in tight TIGHT tights......

[ June 02, 2002: Message edited by: Lothiriel Silmarien ]

[ElanorGamgee]

Sam: "Um, Rosie, will ya marry me?"

Rosie: "Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry, but I love someone else..."

Sam: "Augh! No! It's Pippin, isn't it? I never trusted that wooly-pated little twerp!"

Rosie: "Pip? No way!"

Sam: "Then it's Merry! Don't tell me you'd take up with a drunk like him!"

Rosie: "No, it's not Merry..."

Sam: "Then it's Frodo! Didn't know you liked older men. Don't you know he's over the hill already?"

Rosie: "Not Frodo..."

Sam: "Stop messing with my mind! Who is it? Not old Bilbo?"

Rosie: "Bilbo? Are you kidding me? I love...Smeágol."

*Gollum crawls out from behind some bushes*

Gollum: "We loves Rosie, yesss, precious. We is much better than the nasssty, cross, cruel Hobbit."

Sam: "What?!? Oh, come on. This has to be a joke. I thought we got rid of this little creep back in Mount Doom!"

Gollum: "Nassty Hobitses doesn't lose us that easily, no, precious."

*Frodo, Pippin, and Merry stroll up*

Frodo: "Hey, Smeág, long time, no see. Gimmie five, bud!"

*Frodo and Gollum high-five*

Sam: "This creep stole my girlfriend!"

Pippin: "Way to go, Slinker! So, when's the wedding?"

Gollum: "Next Saturday, precious. All nassty Hobbitses invited, even the cross one. We has fissh at the reception. RSVP."

Frodo: "I'll have to give you one of my toasters as a gift."

Sam: "I can't believe this! No one cares about me! I'm the hero's best friend, for crying out loud!"

Pippin: "Aw, shut up and look for a new girlfriend. I don't think Widow Rumble is dating anyone..."

Sam: "That's it, I've had enough!"

*Sam stomps away and sulks in his garden*

[MallornLeaf]

Gandalf to the mouth of Sauron: You would do well to join us, for you have no hope.
Mouth of Sauron: Yeah, you're right. lemme just go give the boss my two-weeks notice.

Frodo to Smeagol: Listen to me, you! when I catch you, I'm going to take your eyeballs out and stuff them down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap out of you!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Aragorn: I'd give up the chance to be King for a nice, long soak in a hot-tub

Elrond: Ooooh! Cherry ice cream, my favourite!

Pippin: No Treebeard! You can't mix polyurethene with polyglyzocine! Think of the environment.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Sauron: (On the destruction of the One Ring)

Not fair!

[Catherine]

Frodo and Boromir gather around the ring as it falls to the ground. As they both reach for it Bill comes running up and eats it.

Frodo and Boromir [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]Screaming)NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! !!!!!

Boromir:We will just have to wait thill the ring comes out again, if ya know waht I mean and whoever gets it first keeps it. Deal?

Frodo:Sure sounds great!! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]