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#121 | ||||||||||
Late Istar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,224
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I've reviewed the "Union of Maedros" section. Hopefully my suggestions below are clear; if not, I can provide my full proposed text for this section in the private forum.
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However, there is also a mostly redundant passage to the same effect from the Narn which is used a bit later in this text. I think it should be removed from that location and, as the latest version of this passage, should probably be used here: Quote:
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#122 | |||||||||||
Late Istar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,224
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One miscellaneous typo:
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On the Turin/Gwindor/Finduilas material - I’ve just realized that I was working from an old version of the text here. Indeed, it seems I had already brought up my issues with repetitions between the prose and verse (see here) and the passages had already been re-arranged to improve this. I’ve re-read the section and found a few typos, but only two spots where I still think we have a redundancy stemming from multiple sources. Quote:
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Last edited by Aiwendil; 10-09-2017 at 11:13 AM. |
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#123 | ||
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,714
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I agree to much of this but not to all your changes:
English: I agree to eliminate ‘modern’ following your argument. But as we call our work ‘Translation from the Elvish’ the second might need a small revision only: Quote:
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Findegil |
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#124 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,714
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At long last I have made up my mind where to put Mîms Klage:
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NA-EX-40.6: As said above we might skip some of the intro, but other wise I see not much to be changed in the text. NA-EX-40.7: With the uncertainty we have about Mîm history before he meet Túrin, I find it saver to remove the 200 years. I generally added speech marks to the beginning of Mîms lament and to each following paragraph. This more a question of general editing than of content, but still worth mentioning. Respectfully Findegil |
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#125 |
Wight
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 245
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Hello. In my version I inserted the Mim's Lament just near the end of the previous chapted. I considered the text as a sort of poetic memory and at the end of the paragraph that Túrin was friendly with him.
I think in your version is this: Yet, and strange it seemed to them, with Túrin it went otherwise; and he became ever more friendly with the old Dwarf, and listened more and more to his counsels. In the winter that followed he would sit for long hours with Mîm, listening to his lore and the tales of his life; NA-TI-11 <Sil77 {For}for Mîm came of Dwarves that were banished in ancient days from the great Dwarf-cities of the east, and long before the return of Morgoth they wandered westward into Beleriand; but they became diminished in stature and in smith-craft, and they took to lives of stealth, walking with bowed shoulders and furtive steps. Before the Dwarves of Nogrod and Belegost came west over the mountains the Elves of Beleriand knew not what these others were, and they hunted them, and slew them; but afterwards they let them alone, and they were called Noegyth Nibin, the Petty-Dwarves, in the Sindarin tongue. They loved none but themselves, and if they feared and hated the Orcs, they hated the Eldar no less, and the Exiles most of all; for the Noldor, they said, had stolen their lands and their homes. Long ere King Finrod Felagund came over the Sea, the caves of Nargothrond were discovered by them, and by them its delving was begun; and beneath the crown of Amon Rûdh, the Bald Hill, the slow hands of the Petty-Dwarves had bored and deepened the caves through the long years that they dwelt there, untroubled by the Grey-elves of the woods. But now at last they had dwindled and died out of Middle-earth, all save Mîm and his two sons; and Mîm was old even in the reckoning of Dwarves, old and forgotten. And in his halls the smithies were idle, and the axes rusted, and their name was remembered only in ancient tales of Doriath and Nargothrond.> {nor did} Túrin did not rebuke him if he spoke ill of the Eldar. Mîm seemed well pleased, and showed much favour to Túrin in return; him only would he admit to his smithy at times, and there they would talk softly together. NA-EX-28.5<Narn, Note 19 /Thus Túrin did learn /that there {were}[had been] ingots of gold disguised as roots/ in Mîm’s sack when they had captured him/, and {refers to}/ that/ Mîm {seeking}/had at that day sought/ {"}for old treasures of a dwarf-house near the 'flat stones'{"}.> Less pleased were the Men; and Andróg looked on with a jealous eye.>. Greetings |
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#126 |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,714
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I think, part of the issue to place Mîms Klage, is that we are unsure of which events it reffers to. If the spitting into the sand is unconnected to the chocking smoke and near vomitting of the line before, then your placement is not that bad. But I would consider putting it in even earlier, so that the freindship with Túrin becomes the result of Mîm's statment in the end, that it is not good that he has such bad relationship to his 'neighnous'.
Respectfully Findegil |
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#127 | |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Aug 2023
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 43
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Was this part I bolded from §15 of QS left out on purpose? Seems like a good bit, unless it contradicts something else that was changed that I haven't seen yet.
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Last edited by Elvellon; 10-04-2023 at 04:57 PM. |
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#128 | ||
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,714
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It was left out not by any contradiction, but rather becaus we used The Grey Annalas as main source for our text, which includes this two passages (so far apart):
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Findegil |
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#129 | |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Aug 2023
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 43
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Repetition isn't necessarily a bad thing, quite the contrary, when placed far enough apart, it reinforces what is important, not just to the reader but to the sub-creator. Last edited by Elvellon; 10-05-2023 at 12:41 PM. |
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#130 |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,714
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NA-EX-22.4: I think we are in agreement in this case.
Respectfully Findegil |
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