Chatau D' Mordor - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Hookbill the Goomba · 11-06-2010, 03:06 PM

My elder brother has been on my case to discuss this...

In The Two Towers film Ugluk makes the following comment after cutting off the head of a rival orc...

"Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!"

So... Orcs have a concept of menus... which means they have a concept of restaurants... Does this mean that in Mordor there was at least one restaurant, if not a chain? Putting aside the amusing image of orcs in suits and bow ties, what would these menus have on them?
Here's what I think...

So, what do YOU think these Mordor restaurants that definitely existed were like

Oddwen · 11-06-2010, 03:27 PM

Most likely the menu will evolve into something like this:

Galadriel55 · 11-06-2010, 03:33 PM

I see what you mean about restaurants, but I think that they didn't really have much of a menu. Meat wasn't the only food orcs had - if you call that food. We know for sure that they have bread - they gave some to Merry and Pippin. Moreover, these hobbits found food in Isengard, and even though it was meant for people, I bet that some of it went to the orcs. Furthermore, I don't see neither Sauron nor Saruman getting enough meat to feed all their armies. The way I see the menu is when an orc responsible for handing out food has to tell his comrades in arms what's for supper, otherwise off goes his head.
Orc: hey, what've you got here today?
Waiter: just the same, bread and meat.
O: how long are we going to have to eat the same thing?
W: don't ask me, I'm not the one in charge here!

I guess that by "menu" they really meant either bread or meat, unless they had something else. Or maybe orcs or humans for the meat.

Oh, and they also eat fish when they can get some - if goblins of the Misty Mts do, why can't orcs?
What I really wonder about is what food did Moria orc restaurants serve...

Galadriel55 · 11-06-2010, 03:44 PM

And by the way, you should change it to Chatau de Mordor, because d' is used only when the following word begins with either a vowel or h.

Bêthberry · 11-06-2010, 06:56 PM

Hilarious possibilities here, Hooky! What would Mirth do without your wild and wacky madness?

I'm going to leave aside the possibility that the Ringwraiths had their own chain of restaurants in Morc'dor and consider just what kinds of restaurants orcs might favour--or savour.

I find it difficult to conceive of a vegetarian component of orc cuisine. Certainly "greens" would not call to my mind the leafy folliage but I'm sure there's an enterprising Downer who could persuade me otherwise.

I'm inclined to the notion that orcs would excel at fast food chains with a high component of adulterated substances. Such establishments would likely garner a range of 'heads' on a Guide M'orc'lin. So, without further ado, here's my suggestions for Morc'dor restaurants.

T'orco Bell

M'orc'Donald's

Fazorci's

Starb'orcs

Red Orcster

2 4'orc 1 Pizza

Tim Orc'ons

Viener V'orc

Ch'orc king, (a company from the far east, in competition with Manch'orc Wok)

Y'orcinoya--raw fish a speciality

Al Ta'zorc (famous in Far Harad)

Spizzorco --known for pasta with unnamed ingredients in their red sauce

Dunkin' D'orcs--famous for deep fried round . . . things

I hope this doesn't get the site sued--or me splattered with rotten compost for unimaginative overuse of the species name.

Mnemosyne · 11-06-2010, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bethberry

I hope this doesn't get the site sued--or me splattered with rotten compost for unimaginative overuse of the species name.

Rotten compost? Isn't that a delicacy?

Eönwë · 11-07-2010, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Galadriel55

And by the way, you should change it to Chatau de Mordor, because d' is used only when the following word begins with either a vowel or h.

I think that's the point- Orcish spelling isn't perfect. Otherwise it would be "Château" as well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

Certainly "greens" would not call to my mind the leafy folliage

Well, If leafy foliage can include what's left on last year's meat...

Galadriel55 · 11-14-2010, 10:25 AM

Don't forget the orc delicacy - the Shelobster! It's a real treat, and worth the lives of a few orc regiments...

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh · 08-08-2011, 01:15 PM

I gave some thought to the idea of Orcish menus, and decided that they probably have some sort of military canteen system. A brief search through HoME extended edition revealed this, which I reproduce complete with grease stains.

Galadriel55 · 09-23-2011, 02:40 PM

Let's not foget this entry:

Balrog wings: deep fried

It is not guaranteed that your meal will come anytime soon

Morthoron · 09-23-2011, 08:49 PM

And of course Orkish appetizers at Chateau d'Mordor would include finger food. Whose fingers, I am not sure...

Galadriel55 · 09-24-2011, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morthoron

And of course Orkish appetizers at Chateau d'Mordor would include finger food. Whose fingers, I am not sure...

Though no rings, onion or otherwise...

Aganzir · 10-18-2016, 01:38 AM

I wonder what this contains:

Walked past this menu this morning on my way to work.

Pitchwife · 10-18-2016, 01:16 PM

My guess would be a mixture of finely chopped brambles and cartilege ground and blent with greasy Orc sweat and something that's better left unnamed.

Galadriel55 · 05-17-2017, 06:35 AM

Before eating the above-mentioned Cake of Gorgoroth, orc children would need to finish their Udun noodles.

Galadriel55 · 07-20-2019, 07:45 PM

Someone has solved it all:

https://iwastesomuchtime.com/PettyAppleImpress

11-06-2010, 03:06 PM	#1
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Chatau D' Mordor My elder brother has been on my case to discuss this... In The Two Towers film Ugluk makes the following comment after cutting off the head of a rival orc... "Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!" So... Orcs have a concept of menus... which means they have a concept of restaurants... Does this mean that in Mordor there was at least one restaurant, if not a chain? Putting aside the amusing image of orcs in suits and bow ties, what would these menus have on them? Here's what I think... So, what do YOU think these Mordor restaurants that definitely existed were like __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 11-06-2010 at 07:42 PM.

11-06-2010, 03:27 PM	#2
Oddwen Drummer in the Deep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Next Sunday A.D. Posts: 2,145	Most likely the menu will evolve into something like this: __________________ But all the while I sit and think of times there were before I listen for returning feet and voices at the door

11-06-2010, 03:33 PM	#3
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,381	I see what you mean about restaurants, but I think that they didn't really have much of a menu. Meat wasn't the only food orcs had - if you call that food. We know for sure that they have bread - they gave some to Merry and Pippin. Moreover, these hobbits found food in Isengard, and even though it was meant for people, I bet that some of it went to the orcs. Furthermore, I don't see neither Sauron nor Saruman getting enough meat to feed all their armies. The way I see the menu is when an orc responsible for handing out food has to tell his comrades in arms what's for supper, otherwise off goes his head. Orc: hey, what've you got here today? Waiter: just the same, bread and meat. O: how long are we going to have to eat the same thing? W: don't ask me, I'm not the one in charge here! I guess that by "menu" they really meant either bread or meat, unless they had something else. Or maybe orcs or humans for the meat. Oh, and they also eat fish when they can get some - if goblins of the Misty Mts do, why can't orcs? What I really wonder about is what food did Moria orc restaurants serve... __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera

11-06-2010, 03:44 PM	#4
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,381	And by the way, you should change it to Chatau de Mordor, because d' is used only when the following word begins with either a vowel or h. __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera

11-06-2010, 06:56 PM	#5
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 5,996	Puts a whole new spin on chicken fingers Hilarious possibilities here, Hooky! What would Mirth do without your wild and wacky madness? I'm going to leave aside the possibility that the Ringwraiths had their own chain of restaurants in Morc'dor and consider just what kinds of restaurants orcs might favour--or savour. I find it difficult to conceive of a vegetarian component of orc cuisine. Certainly "greens" would not call to my mind the leafy folliage but I'm sure there's an enterprising Downer who could persuade me otherwise. I'm inclined to the notion that orcs would excel at fast food chains with a high component of adulterated substances. Such establishments would likely garner a range of 'heads' on a Guide M'orc'lin. So, without further ado, here's my suggestions for Morc'dor restaurants. T'orco Bell M'orc'Donald's Fazorci's Starb'orcs Red Orcster 2 4'orc 1 Pizza Tim Orc'ons Viener V'orc Ch'orc king, (a company from the far east, in competition with Manch'orc Wok) Y'orcinoya--raw fish a speciality Al Ta'zorc (famous in Far Harad) Spizzorco --known for pasta with unnamed ingredients in their red sauce Dunkin' D'orcs--famous for deep fried round . . . things I hope this doesn't get the site sued--or me splattered with rotten compost for unimaginative overuse of the species name. __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.

11-14-2010, 10:25 AM	#8
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,381	Don't forget the orc delicacy - the Shelobster! It's a real treat, and worth the lives of a few orc regiments... __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera

08-08-2011, 01:15 PM	#9
The Squatter of Amon Rûdh Spectre of Decay Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Bar-en-Danwedh Posts: 2,178	Home Comforts at the Front I gave some thought to the idea of Orcish menus, and decided that they probably have some sort of military canteen system. A brief search through HoME extended edition revealed this, which I reproduce complete with grease stains. __________________ Man kenuva métim' andúne?

09-23-2011, 02:40 PM	#10
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,381	Let's not foget this entry: Balrog wings: deep fried It is not guaranteed that your meal will come anytime soon __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera

09-23-2011, 08:49 PM	#11
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,508	And of course Orkish appetizers at Chateau d'Mordor would include finger food. Whose fingers, I am not sure... __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.

10-18-2016, 01:38 AM	#13
Aganzir Woman of Secret Shadow Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: in hollow halls beneath the fells Posts: 4,511	I wonder what this contains: Walked past this menu this morning on my way to work. __________________ He bit me, and I was not gentle.

10-18-2016, 01:16 PM	#14
Pitchwife Wight of the Old Forest Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Unattended on the railway station, in the litter at the dancehall Posts: 3,329	My guess would be a mixture of finely chopped brambles and cartilege ground and blent with greasy Orc sweat and something that's better left unnamed. __________________ Und aus dem Erebos kamen viele seelen herauf der abgeschiedenen toten.- Homer, Odyssey, Canto XI

05-17-2017, 06:35 AM	#15
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,381	Before eating the above-mentioned Cake of Gorgoroth, orc children would need to finish their Udun noodles. __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera

07-20-2019, 07:45 PM	#16
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,381	Someone has solved it all: https://iwastesomuchtime.com/PettyAppleImpress __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera