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11-09-2006, 10:19 AM | #1 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 5,912
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Sauron on Trial!
Well, here is another game for you to get involved in! It's quite simple, really.
Imagine, for a moment, that Sauron had been captured rather than destroyed. His armies are all gone or dead or melted. He is put on trial and has decided to represent himself. So, in a trial, what would Sauron say or do at his trial? Here's what I think: - Is that a wig? - What murders? - Yeah, and I’ll kill you too. - Wait - did I say guilty?!? Guilty means ‘didn’t do it’, right? - Where did you buy your hammer, your honour? I find you can do a lot more damage with a claw-head hammer... oops. - I just did it for a laugh. Where’s your sense of humour? - Twanngggg! Bwaaaaaaang! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanggggg! What do you think?
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 11-09-2006 at 12:19 PM. |
11-09-2006, 10:55 AM | #2 | |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chozo Ruins.
Posts: 421
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Sauron: Sorry, Elessar! You got the trick instead of the treat!
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11-09-2006, 12:10 PM | #3 |
Silver in My Silent Heart
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"Get real and join my cause!"
"I like Pink Floyd." "Immortality for free, no pun intended." |
11-09-2006, 12:20 PM | #4 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 5,912
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"Alright, I'll admit I did it, but only if you dance like a duck!"
"Come on! Don't tell me you never wanted to play toss the Dwarf into Mount doom?"
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
11-09-2006, 12:41 PM | #5 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: May 2003
Location: The Party Tree
Posts: 1,042
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Your Honor, I was under the influence (of the ring), therefore it is manslaughter not murder!
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11-09-2006, 02:23 PM | #6 | |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chozo Ruins.
Posts: 421
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"Well, someone had to do something to help spark the greatest story of all time...
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11-09-2006, 02:24 PM | #7 |
Maundering Mage
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,645
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--It's only because I'm Maia isn't it?
--No it was the evil orc henchmen that were really at fault. What could I do against him...he gave such vicious noogies.
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“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” |
11-09-2006, 02:24 PM | #8 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
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- I think he'd put his hands over his ears and close his eye(s?) saying, "La la la! I can't hear you! I can't see you! You don't exist! You can't hurt me! La la la la!"
- Shout "Wahey!" as he comes in - He'll keep telling the Judge to "Live long and prosper" - Say "Nice day for it." every 10 minutes - "Everybody look at me for a minute - I’m going to do a special dance." - "This is boring." - "I’m cool!" - "I’m glad I’m not dead!"
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
11-09-2006, 05:06 PM | #9 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Where the Wargs thrive, a.k.a. Madison, WI
Posts: 437
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"I was just restoring the indegenous Orcs to their rightful place, your honor."
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"Outside of a Warg, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a Warg, it's too dark to read." - Wargo Marx |
11-10-2006, 07:32 AM | #10 |
Silver in My Silent Heart
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"Ok, I was pretty violent, but so is he *points at John Cleese*. And what? You hate me, but you love him? So, no wonder I'm violent!"
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11-10-2006, 08:46 AM | #11 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In hospitals, call rooms and (rarely) my apartment.
Posts: 1,538
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FREEEDOOOMMMMMM (Braveheart-style)
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I prepared Explosive Runes this morning. |
11-10-2006, 04:31 PM | #12 |
A Mere Boggart
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: under the bed
Posts: 4,737
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Sauron, well-known fan of Brit comedy, would resort to some of his fave catchphrases at his show trial. When asked if he was the Maia who created the One Ring he would try to bluster his way out of it and eventually have to say: "Yeah, but no, but yeah but..."
Then when he was found guilty he'd stick out his bottom lip and say: "Am I bovvered? Look, yeah, am I bovvered? Face? Bovvered?"
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Gordon's alive!
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11-15-2006, 11:12 PM | #13 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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He would urge the Orcs to stop fighting among themselves and focus on the common goal of repelling the Numenorean invaders.
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Fenris Wolf: WW LXXX. |
11-17-2006, 06:42 AM | #14 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
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Sing "Always look on the Bright side of life!" really loudly.
Smoke an incredibly large cigar while putting his feet up on a table. Keep insisting that it was all the fault of his invisible brother 'blauron' who told him to do things.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
11-24-2006, 11:34 AM | #15 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Judge Manwe " Sauron, you have been charged with mass murder and killing innocent civilians.
( in a whiny voice) "Morgoth told me too!!!!" |
11-24-2006, 11:45 AM | #16 |
Alive without breath
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Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
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After the long, long list of charges has been read out (taking at least an hour), Sauron laughs and says, "That's not even half of what I did! ... Ooops."
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
11-24-2006, 11:47 AM | #17 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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Ha ha! You have nowhere to put the handcuffs!
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*.:A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart:.*
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11-29-2006, 10:07 AM | #18 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 5,912
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3 words...
Clay Pigeon Shooting.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
11-29-2006, 11:18 AM | #19 |
A Voice That Gainsayeth
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In that far land beyond the Sea
Posts: 7,431
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Sauron's Trial
This is not actually about Sauron's words, but... the idea came to me from someone's post up there, that it could all look like this...
„Good morning, Mandos your honor. The crown will plainly show the prisoner who now stands before you was caught red-handed showing feelings of an almost Maia nature. This will not do.“ „Call Aulë!“ Aulë: „I always said he'd come to no good in the end your honor. If they'd let me have my way I could have flayed him into shape. But my hands were tied, the wicked Númenoreans and Noldor let him get away with murder. Let me hammer him today!“ „Call Celebrimbor!“ Celebrimbor: „You little winky, now you're in it! Now I hope they throw away the key. You should have told me the truth 'bout yourself rightaway, but no! You had to make your own Ring! Have you created any Ringwraith lately? Just five minutes, Mandos your honor, Him and me, alone.“ „Call Melkor!“ Melkor: „Baaaaaaaaaabe! Come to pappy baby, let me hold you in my arms. M'lord I never wanted him to get in any trouble. Why'd he ever have to leave me? Mandos, your honor, let me take him home.“ Mandos: „The evidence before the court is incontrovertible, there's no need for the jury to retire. In all my years of judging I have never heard before of someone more deserving out the full penalty of law. Since, my friend, you have revealed your deepest fear, I sentence you to be exposed before your enemies. You are to be transformed into a hobbit and expelled from here. SEND HIM TO SHIRE!"
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"Should the story say 'he ate bread,' the dramatic producer can only show 'a piece of bread' according to his taste or fancy, but the hearer of the story will think of bread in general and picture it in some form of his own." -On Fairy-Stories |
12-05-2006, 12:39 PM | #20 |
Pile O'Bones
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Road
Posts: 15
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Now you see me! Now you dont!
Your Honor, is that my cloak you're wearing? It looks dashing on you but would look better on me.
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"What about second breakfast?" -Peregrin Took- |
12-08-2006, 01:17 PM | #21 |
Laconic Loreman
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Judge: 'I hold you in contempt of court!'
Sauron: 'Well not before I hold myself in contempt!'
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Fenris Penguin
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12-13-2006, 11:23 PM | #22 |
Wight
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The best seat in the Golden Perch
Posts: 219
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Another song and dance number may be in order.
Gimme the ring Kissed and toll'd Gimme something that I missed Gimme the ring A hand to hold Wild and what it seems Kill the king when love is the law And the we'll turn round Sing, dream child And do you hear me call? In other words, Andrew Eldritch made me do it! |
12-14-2006, 01:46 AM | #23 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 5,912
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You fascists always pick on us drunks!
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
12-14-2006, 03:47 PM | #24 |
Haunting Spirit
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 73
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the lepricorn made me do it.
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12-17-2006, 03:35 PM | #25 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: I don't know. Eastern ME doesn't have maps.
Posts: 527
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"Why are you looking at me? It was Morgoth and the Nazgul and the Orcs that did everything! I just sat in a tower!"
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"And forth went Morgoth, and he was halted by the elves. Then went Sauron, who was stopped by a dog and then aged men. Finally, there came the Witch-King, who destroyed Arnor, but nobody seems to remember that." -A History of Villains |
12-23-2006, 02:04 PM | #26 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 5,912
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"Well, I don't know about you lot, but I need a drink. Where's the bar?"
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
05-19-2008, 06:04 PM | #27 |
Animated Skeleton
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If Sauron managed to get himself captured and on trial....:
1. he'd blame his life problems on Morgoth 2. he'd say he was under the influence 3. after all the charges were read, he'd be like....is that all you've got? 4. he'd die trying to escape 5. after all is said and done, he'd be sentenced to the Void to be laughed at by Morgoth for all eternity |
04-02-2011, 06:54 PM | #28 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,360
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- You've got the wrong man: I'm only Sauron's clone!
- My eye is bigger than yours, so I can see the justice here better than you do! - Before you decpitate me, let me present you with my last gift - a brand new ring! - Before you kill me, you have to pay me for the loss of my finger!
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
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