Sauron in his off hours - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Fell Shade · 01-24-2002, 03:22 PM

I think a lot of readers have a very shallow view of Sauron, and, in the effort to further enlighten this character, I've put a list of things the Dark Lord did in his off hours. Enjoy!

-He had taken up gardening as a hobby, though he definitely lacked a green thumb.

-Few people realize that it was actually the Dark Lord who first invented the monocle.

-Of course, he had a flair for jewelry(I mean, c'mon, the man had more rings than Liberace!)

-His rap is legendary. He was famous for ending every song with something about himself and Mordor.

-Finally, he loved to read, but he could never see what everyone was talking about in those "magic eye" books, and he gave up after three books of trying to find the title character in those "Where's Frodo" books.

Carannillion · 01-24-2002, 04:18 PM

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Dáin Ironfoot · 01-24-2002, 08:30 PM

Hahahah also you forget that he strove for world peace under a united rule. He also decreased the surplus population.

Nuinrog · 01-24-2002, 08:36 PM

LOL good one Dáin!

I think he wrote quite a few books. "Dude, Where's My Ring" I think could be one of them!

Elrian · 01-25-2002, 01:06 AM

He sold Avon door to door! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[ January 25, 2002: Message edited by: Elrian ]

bryniana · 01-25-2002, 01:53 AM

Flashes from South Park's Sadaam/Satan relationship are springing to mind....

lomion · 01-26-2002, 10:59 PM

Raising orchids....Feed me Seymour!!!!

lomion · 01-26-2002, 11:07 PM

Department store santa. Part-time.

***The Barrow-Wight*** · 01-26-2002, 11:16 PM

Bungee jumping from from Barad-dûr
Base-jumping from from Barad-dûr

Mayla Took · 01-27-2002, 11:59 PM

oohhhhhh! That is great!! What a crack up!! I love it!! I was laughing my little Hobbit-wanna-be head off!! Thanks for the laugh!

Sindalómiel · 01-28-2002, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lomion:
<STRONG>Department store santa. Part-time.</STRONG>

These are great, but I think this one's my favourite so far. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Hama · 01-28-2002, 06:50 AM

Did the drive-time "Eye in the sky" traffic slot for WK-EVIL Radio

Yaish · 01-28-2002, 02:08 PM

Became an orc scout leader, and took them to make Smore's over the Cracks of Doom.

Estelyn Telcontar · 01-28-2002, 02:49 PM

lol, Yaish!!

01-28-2002, 03:28 PM

Hours spent organizing his playlists and uploading music to his iPod

Carannillion · 01-28-2002, 04:59 PM

Family man. Working on the other side of the world, of course, so he is one Age on duty, one Age off duty; at home, raising kids, enjoying gardening and watching the stars with his 'lovely' wife, Saurona.

Fell Shade · 01-28-2002, 05:24 PM

Saurona!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Sindalómiel · 01-28-2002, 07:13 PM

Lol, the Scout Leader one's great.

Dáin Ironfoot · 01-28-2002, 08:18 PM

I think he was really good on the inside, but had to live up to his reputation.....somebody has to be the dark lord.

Lindolirian · 01-29-2002, 05:48 PM

He was in the Jewelry buisness. He gave cute lil' Ring-pops to all of his friends and he made one for himself but forgot the candy part. All of his friends got mad and for some odd reason tried to kill poor lil' Sauron and throw his ring-pop without the pop into the camp fire. They succeeded and our hero of this sad trgedy went home crying that his friends didn't like him any more.

Bruce MacCulloch · 01-30-2002, 02:27 PM

He spent all of his off hours hanging out in websites and taking part in discussions like this one. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

Lindolirian · 01-30-2002, 08:32 PM

Sauron is Santa Clause!!!! just think about it. he lives in a land where nobody goes (Mordor/NorthPole) he is surrounded by ruined elves (orcs) i mean what elf would want to sit around makin toys all day for some bratty kid??? he was rightfully called the Lord of Gifts in the Second Age and he has nine flying friends which for some reason he calls Nazgul but in our world they are known as reindeer. Now at the end of the Second age all the elves and men watched "How the Grich Stole Christmas" and decided to be grinchy lil elves and stop happy sauron from giving gifts to us on Christmas. i know this sounds far fetched but i know it to be true. Last Christmas i was sneakin around in hopes of a glimpse of Santa Clause. I saw him. Good jolly ole Sauron was carefully layin the presents under the tree. He was about to eat the Milk and Cookies but Aragorn suddenly came flying down the stairs yelling "Elendil!!!" and thrashing his sword wildy about in the direction of St. Nick-Sauron...(hehehe) the poor guy barely scrambled up the chimney before the Grinch-like swords man got him. Have pity on poor sauron and i hope you all know that i'm kidding..... hehehehehe hohoho [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

lomion · 01-30-2002, 09:36 PM

Until recently he was C.E.O. of Enron.

01-30-2002, 09:57 PM

I think that Sauron would spend a lot of time on the phone with his designer and personal shopper. After all, this guy is eager to get his ring back so he can have a body again, and once he is, he's going to be one SHARP DRESSED MAN.

"No, I don't think so, on the horns. Lose the horns. I'm thinking, spikes. Like the top of Barad-Dur? Yes, everyone would know who I was, then. Not sure about the whole, cloak angle. Spikes and cloaks don't mix. Hold on, got another call coming in.

Hello. Is this Saruman? Look, I told you I wasn't goign to talk to you until you did something about those nails.

Hi. Sorry about that. Let's talk about this lapel thing....you sure that big ones are coming back in? Wouldn't do to be the Dark Lord that everyone snickers at....'

Vitesse · 02-01-2002, 12:49 PM

Don't forget that he used to play long games of Ping-Pong with the Witch King, who always lost on purpose, during meetings on forming committees with the rest of the Nazgul.

Birdland · 02-01-2002, 01:14 PM

"What if Sauron was one of us?
Just a slob, like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus,
Tryin' to make his way home...

Nobody on the Palantir,
'Cept maybe Saruman in tears!"

(Apologies to Joan Osborne.)

Eowyn of Ithilien · 02-01-2002, 03:54 PM

lmao yes yes

SlinkerStinker · 02-03-2002, 03:48 AM

HAHAHA you guys are too funny

It looks like the mystery of who puts all the razorblades in Halloween candy has been solved.

With all the slaves in Mordor, I always pictured Sauron as a Colonial Plantation owner in his free time. Chasing after that wily Brer Rabbit.

Fenrir · 02-03-2002, 04:08 AM

Actually Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor does exist and is working in a cinema complex not far from our house (in England). He had his name changed by deed pole. Seriously, it was in the paper.

Lush · 02-04-2002, 09:32 PM

I lean toward the idea that Sauron just watches too much "Pinky and the Brain" in his off-hours. And they say TV cannot influence our actions...Poor guy is clearly brainwashed by The Cartoon Network. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Maltaharma · 09-07-2002, 11:39 AM

Of course you all realize Sauron's true passion is his own line of jewelry, Evil Jewelry Inc. Though not many know it, besides a one ring there was also a one bracelet, one anklet, one necklace, and one tongue stud...however, these were all lost in the Balrog's credenza many years ago. So, sadly enough, Sauron's stock crashed, etc etc we all know that sad story, and if you don't just consider that Sauron rhymes with Enron.

Eärendil · 09-07-2002, 12:05 PM

I am sure of that he works as a priest half-time in my home town. I had him when I got confirmed (but no, I am not religious), and he really was a little angel....from hell.
That IS Sauron, I tell you! Screwing people´s life up everywhere,and enjoying it.
Wouldn´t surprise me if he sometimes works as a teacher as well...

Lothiriel Silmarien · 09-07-2002, 02:47 PM

When Sauron needs a little extra money in his pocket, he's a limo driver. Other than that, he also works at the local movie theater. He's that guy who takes your ticket and gives you back the stub.

akhtene · 09-08-2002, 05:09 PM

He definitely works on TV - sort of Palantir Broadcasting Network. Hardly a viewer stays sane.
Or in advertising "Just come to Mordor and you'll never go anywhere else.

my emotions after a weekend by the TV

Rosseiliantiel · 09-08-2002, 05:15 PM

...or selling eyedrops (I mean, he has an Unblinking Eye, so it must get pretty dried out)

[ September 08, 2002: Message edited by: Rosseiliantiel ]

Morgul Queen · 09-08-2002, 06:18 PM

Actually i think he joined greenpeace and im positive saurons in the green party at the beehive i mean come on the guy has to be a politician

Nevfeniel · 09-08-2002, 06:31 PM

You're all wrong! In his off-hours, Sauron iiiiiisss. . .
MY BROTHER!!!!
Well, he's evil enough to be. . .

dark_one · 09-09-2002, 02:16 PM

George Bush is really Sauron in disguise!!!! [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

gollum*elf*pup · 09-09-2002, 02:36 PM

He probably plays bingo with the old people at the bingo hall. Then he works the night shift at McDonald's.

Morgul Queen · 09-10-2002, 10:08 PM

NO your all wrong hes the guy that eminem was talking about in the real slim shady:
"he could be working at burger king, spitting on your onion rings.." [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

01-24-2002, 03:22 PM	#1
Fell Shade Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 13	Sauron in his off hours I think a lot of readers have a very shallow view of Sauron, and, in the effort to further enlighten this character, I've put a list of things the Dark Lord did in his off hours. Enjoy! -He had taken up gardening as a hobby, though he definitely lacked a green thumb. -Few people realize that it was actually the Dark Lord who first invented the monocle. -Of course, he had a flair for jewelry(I mean, c'mon, the man had more rings than Liberace!) -His rap is legendary. He was famous for ending every song with something about himself and Mordor. -Finally, he loved to read, but he could never see what everyone was talking about in those "magic eye" books, and he gave up after three books of trying to find the title character in those "Where's Frodo" books.

01-24-2002, 04:18 PM	#2
Carannillion Wight Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Mici Firya Posts: 135	[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] __________________ A cry for the people, but there's noone there to hear...

01-24-2002, 08:30 PM	#3
Dáin Ironfoot Animated Skeleton Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 33	Hahahah also you forget that he strove for world peace under a united rule. He also decreased the surplus population. __________________ "Understanding your people paves the road to understanding leadership"- Old Atreides maxim

01-25-2002, 01:06 AM	#5
Elrian Eldar Spirit of Truth Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Land of the FREE, Home of the BRAVE Posts: 794	He sold Avon door to door! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [ January 25, 2002: Message edited by: Elrian ] __________________ ~Call me a relic, call me what you will. Say I'm old fashioned , say I'm over the hill. That old whine ain't got no soul. I'll stick to Old Toby and a Hobbit hole.~

01-26-2002, 11:16 PM	#9
*The Barrow-Wight* Night In Wight Satin Join Date: May 2000 Posts: 4,043	Bungee jumping from from Barad-dûr Base-jumping from from Barad-dûr __________________ The Barrow-Wight

01-24-2002, 08:36 PM	#4
Nuinrog Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Duloth-Arvanthand Posts: 12	LOL good one Dáin! I think he wrote quite a few books. "Dude, Where's My Ring" I think could be one of them!

01-25-2002, 01:53 AM	#6
bryniana Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 11	Flashes from South Park's Sadaam/Satan relationship are springing to mind....

01-26-2002, 10:59 PM	#7
lomion Animated Skeleton Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Peoria, Il. Posts: 38	Raising orchids....Feed me Seymour!!!!

01-26-2002, 11:07 PM	#8
lomion Animated Skeleton Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Peoria, Il. Posts: 38	Department store santa. Part-time.

01-27-2002, 11:59 PM	#10
Mayla Took Wight Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: The Shire Posts: 152	oohhhhhh! That is great!! What a crack up!! I love it!! I was laughing my little Hobbit-wanna-be head off!! Thanks for the laugh! __________________ Good Things Come in Small Packages. (And don't you forget it!) Pippin:"What is that?!?" Merry:"This, my friend, is a pint!" Pippin:"It comes in PINTS?!?....I'm getting one!" "Don't let your heads get too big for your hats! But if you don't finish growing up soon, you are going to find hats and clothes expensive." Bilbo to Merry and Pippin "Fool of a Took! This is a serious journey, not a hobbit walking-party. Throw yourself in next time, and then you will be no further nuisance. Now be quiet!" Gandalf to Pippin in Moria E-mail me at mailto:ThirdAgeHobbit@hotmail.comThirdAgeHobbit@hotmail.com</A> Oh, and please rate me. THANKS!

01-28-2002, 06:50 AM	#12
Hama Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Olde London Towne Posts: 23	Did the drive-time "Eye in the sky" traffic slot for WK-EVIL Radio __________________ Fly you fools

01-28-2002, 02:08 PM	#13
Yaish Pile O'Bones Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: NC Posts: 20	Became an orc scout leader, and took them to make Smore's over the Cracks of Doom.

01-28-2002, 02:49 PM	#14
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,500	lol, Yaish!! __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

01-28-2002, 03:28 PM	#15
Fissh, nice fissh Guest Posts: n/a	Hours spent organizing his playlists and uploading music to his iPod

01-28-2002, 04:59 PM	#16
Carannillion Wight Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Mici Firya Posts: 135	Family man. Working on the other side of the world, of course, so he is one Age on duty, one Age off duty; at home, raising kids, enjoying gardening and watching the stars with his 'lovely' wife, Saurona. __________________ A cry for the people, but there's noone there to hear...

01-28-2002, 05:24 PM	#17
Fell Shade Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 13	Saurona!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

01-28-2002, 07:13 PM	#18
Sindalómiel Wight Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 109	Lol, the Scout Leader one's great. __________________ http://www.webspawner.com/users/rineee/Sidhwen.jpg An Eru mîriant i-Ardhon E-anniant În Iôn Er-edonnant, an er-pen aphadiant ú-gwanno, garir i-guil uireb

01-28-2002, 08:18 PM	#19
Dáin Ironfoot Animated Skeleton Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 33	I think he was really good on the inside, but had to live up to his reputation.....somebody has to be the dark lord. __________________ "Understanding your people paves the road to understanding leadership"- Old Atreides maxim

01-29-2002, 05:48 PM	#20
Lindolirian World's Tallest Hobbit Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Where the view is long Posts: 2,117	He was in the Jewelry buisness. He gave cute lil' Ring-pops to all of his friends and he made one for himself but forgot the candy part. All of his friends got mad and for some odd reason tried to kill poor lil' Sauron and throw his ring-pop without the pop into the camp fire. They succeeded and our hero of this sad trgedy went home crying that his friends didn't like him any more. __________________ 'They say that the One will himself enter into Arda, and heal Men and all the Marring from the beginning to the end."

01-30-2002, 02:27 PM	#21
Bruce MacCulloch Dead Man of Dunharrow Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 651	He spent all of his off hours hanging out in websites and taking part in discussions like this one. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] __________________ `A blunderbuss, was it?' said he, scratching his head. `I thought it was horseflies!'

01-30-2002, 08:32 PM	#22
Lindolirian World's Tallest Hobbit Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Where the view is long Posts: 2,117	Sauron is Santa Clause!!!! just think about it. he lives in a land where nobody goes (Mordor/NorthPole) he is surrounded by ruined elves (orcs) i mean what elf would want to sit around makin toys all day for some bratty kid??? he was rightfully called the Lord of Gifts in the Second Age and he has nine flying friends which for some reason he calls Nazgul but in our world they are known as reindeer. Now at the end of the Second age all the elves and men watched "How the Grich Stole Christmas" and decided to be grinchy lil elves and stop happy sauron from giving gifts to us on Christmas. i know this sounds far fetched but i know it to be true. Last Christmas i was sneakin around in hopes of a glimpse of Santa Clause. I saw him. Good jolly ole Sauron was carefully layin the presents under the tree. He was about to eat the Milk and Cookies but Aragorn suddenly came flying down the stairs yelling "Elendil!!!" and thrashing his sword wildy about in the direction of St. Nick-Sauron...(hehehe) the poor guy barely scrambled up the chimney before the Grinch-like swords man got him. Have pity on poor sauron and i hope you all know that i'm kidding..... hehehehehe hohoho [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] __________________ 'They say that the One will himself enter into Arda, and heal Men and all the Marring from the beginning to the end."

01-30-2002, 09:36 PM	#23
lomion Animated Skeleton Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Peoria, Il. Posts: 38	Until recently he was C.E.O. of Enron.

01-30-2002, 09:57 PM	#24
JesseCuster Guest Posts: n/a	I think that Sauron would spend a lot of time on the phone with his designer and personal shopper. After all, this guy is eager to get his ring back so he can have a body again, and once he is, he's going to be one SHARP DRESSED MAN. "No, I don't think so, on the horns. Lose the horns. I'm thinking, spikes. Like the top of Barad-Dur? Yes, everyone would know who I was, then. Not sure about the whole, cloak angle. Spikes and cloaks don't mix. Hold on, got another call coming in. Hello. Is this Saruman? Look, I told you I wasn't goign to talk to you until you did something about those nails. Hi. Sorry about that. Let's talk about this lapel thing....you sure that big ones are coming back in? Wouldn't do to be the Dark Lord that everyone snickers at....'

02-01-2002, 12:49 PM	#25
Vitesse Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Minas New Yorkith Posts: 13	Don't forget that he used to play long games of Ping-Pong with the Witch King, who always lost on purpose, during meetings on forming committees with the rest of the Nazgul.

02-01-2002, 01:14 PM	#26
Birdland Ghastly Neekerbreeker Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: the banks of the mighty Scioto Posts: 1,751	"What if Sauron was one of us? Just a slob, like one of us? Just a stranger on the bus, Tryin' to make his way home... Nobody on the Palantir, 'Cept maybe Saruman in tears!" (Apologies to Joan Osborne.)

02-01-2002, 03:54 PM	#27
Eowyn of Ithilien Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Australia Posts: 277	lmao yes yes __________________ But of bliss and glad life there is little to be said, before it ends; as works fair and wonderful, while still they endure for eyes to see, are their own record, and only when they are in peril or broken for ever do they pass into song.

02-03-2002, 03:48 AM	#28
SlinkerStinker Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 12	HAHAHA you guys are too funny It looks like the mystery of who puts all the razorblades in Halloween candy has been solved. With all the slaves in Mordor, I always pictured Sauron as a Colonial Plantation owner in his free time. Chasing after that wily Brer Rabbit.

02-03-2002, 04:08 AM	#29
Fenrir Wight Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Nevrast Posts: 103	Actually Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor does exist and is working in a cinema complex not far from our house (in England). He had his name changed by deed pole. Seriously, it was in the paper. __________________ Fearlessness is better than a faint-heart for any man who puts his nose out of doors. The length of my life and the day of my death were fated long ago.

02-04-2002, 09:32 PM	#30
Lush Fair and Cold Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: the big onion Posts: 1,770	I lean toward the idea that Sauron just watches too much "Pinky and the Brain" in his off-hours. And they say TV cannot influence our actions...Poor guy is clearly brainwashed by The Cartoon Network. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] __________________ ~The beginning is the word and the end is silence. And in between are all the stories. This is one of mine~

09-07-2002, 11:39 AM	#31
Maltaharma Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 20	Of course you all realize Sauron's true passion is his own line of jewelry, Evil Jewelry Inc. Though not many know it, besides a one ring there was also a one bracelet, one anklet, one necklace, and one tongue stud...however, these were all lost in the Balrog's credenza many years ago. So, sadly enough, Sauron's stock crashed, etc etc we all know that sad story, and if you don't just consider that Sauron rhymes with Enron. __________________ Maltaharma

09-07-2002, 12:05 PM	#32
Eärendil Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Valinor (RtL: 1220 miles) Posts: 562	I am sure of that he works as a priest half-time in my home town. I had him when I got confirmed (but no, I am not religious), and he really was a little angel....from hell. That IS Sauron, I tell you! Screwing people´s life up everywhere,and enjoying it. Wouldn´t surprise me if he sometimes works as a teacher as well... __________________ Jag ska aldrig göra dig illa. Inte igen. Åtminstone inte mycket, åtminstone inte hårt. Kommer du ihåg? Då vi fortfarande kunde skratta, le på ett äkta vis. Jag tänker på det ibland. Det smärtar. För aldrig har du väl varit. Längre bort. Från mig.

09-07-2002, 02:47 PM	#33
Lothiriel Silmarien Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: New York Posts: 829	When Sauron needs a little extra money in his pocket, he's a limo driver. Other than that, he also works at the local movie theater. He's that guy who takes your ticket and gives you back the stub. __________________ Si vanwa na Romello vanwa Valimar!~~ ~~Now lost, lost to those from the East is Valimar! My LotR page

09-08-2002, 05:09 PM	#34
akhtene Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: May 2002 Location: stronghold of the North Posts: 390	He definitely works on TV - sort of Palantir Broadcasting Network. Hardly a viewer stays sane. Or in advertising "Just come to Mordor and you'll never go anywhere else. my emotions after a weekend by the TV __________________ Где найти мне сил, чтобы вернуться через века, Чтобы ты - простил?.. А трава разлуки высока...

09-08-2002, 05:15 PM	#35
Rosseiliantiel Wight Join Date: May 2002 Location: Hopelessly lost Posts: 174	...or selling eyedrops (I mean, he has an Unblinking Eye, so it must get pretty dried out) [ September 08, 2002: Message edited by: Rosseiliantiel ] __________________ Whatever floats your oyster.

09-08-2002, 06:18 PM	#36
Morgul Queen Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dontgonearthe Castle Posts: 414	Actually i think he joined greenpeace and im positive saurons in the green party at the beehive i mean come on the guy has to be a politician __________________ Athrabeth is still doing the wave for Boromir the Disco-King Oh...and call me Morgy!