Favorites

[Elianna]

It seems many Middle-Earth parents have a favorite child: Denethor and Finwë quickly come to mind, and I just read about Isildur's favorite being his eldest Elendur.

My parents are always careful to not play favorites. It certainly seems like parental favorites cause trouble. My mom's always cited Jacob and Esau and Joseph and his brothers. And certainly this was the case with Finwë. There obviously was no strain between Faramir and Boromir because of their father's favorite, but there certainly was tension between Faramir and Denethor.

Maybe it's there to add tension, as in the case of Finwë and Denthor, but why say it at all if it adds only a trivia question's worth to the story? Was playing favorites less frowned upon in Tolkien's time? Is it not as frowned upon now as I think it is?

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Favouritism is not as uncommon as you'd think among parents. There are all sorts of reasons. The Denethor case is particularly interesting because he favoured Boromir over Faramir, even though (and probably because) Boromir was less like Denethor.

I'm not sure whether it's an 'old-fashioned' thing to feel an especial bond with one of your children. Perhaps other Downers with children of their own can give more interesting answers than I ever could.

[Mariska Greenleaf]

Well, as the oldest of four children, I'm sure that every parent has a favourite, which doesn't involve that he/she doesn't love the others of course...
I've always been the favourite of my mum, because I was her first child, and therefor I'll always be very special to her.

Maybe Tolkien himself had a favourite among his children, maybe that's why he used the situation in his work. And I assume as you say, Eomer, that maybe in the elder days having favourites was quite a common thing.
And maybe even today in some cultures, it's common that boys are more wanted than girls...

The Denethor case is particularly interesting because he favoured Boromir over Faramir, even though (and probably because) Boromir was less like Denethor.

I think Denethor liked Boromir better because he was his oldest son. If you compare Boromir and Faramir individually to their father, I think that Boromir is more like Denethor than Faramir is.

[Elianna]

Well, Mariska, App. A says that Denethor had more in common with Faramir, and that was why Denethor didn't like him. Denethor and Faramir prefered the pen to the sword, but that wasn't what Gondor needed then, according to Denthor. He thought they needed Boromir's martial spirit.

I'm almost positive I read somewhere that Chistopher was Tolkien's "favorite" child. (that's why he's the one writing all the Histories...)

"Your father loves you, Faramir. He will remember it before the end." Maybe I'm just thinking about this the wrong way. Maybe it has to do with the different kinds of love.

Maybe it's that parents agape (unconitionally) love all their children equally, but they philia (brotherly, friendly) love them differently. I know my Dad would rather do Boy Scout stuff with my brother, and my Mom would rather watch movies and go to book stores with me. So maybe since my mom and I are better friends, you might say I'm her "favorite"?

[Amanaduial the archer]

Well, Mariska, App. A says that Denethor had more in common with Faramir, and that was why Denethor didn't like him.

Interesting - it seems more common for favourites to be picked because the parent has more in common with the preferred child. Unless, of course, it is a trait about the parent that the parent doesn't like, such as pride or greed - but then, usually, they probably wouldn't admit this was why they didn't like one child as much.

This makes the Denethor-Faramir situation a rather interesting one from a literary perspective. I think this is probably why Tolkien chose to have this situation - it is less conventional, and so more interesting. Also, Denethor is not really meant to be a particularly likeable character - I think one other 'unspoken' example of this is the fact Tolkien has placed him, if you like, at the heart of a stone city, maybe to reciprocate it into him having a stone heart. Denethor is basically being hypocritical in disliking his son (or preferring the other over him) because he is like him - it is a sort of 'one rule for Denethor, one rule for everyone else' dilemma. Tolkien was a religious man - in the bible, Jesus warns strongly against hypocrisy. This may be why Tolkien chose to bring out this trait in Denethor - to make him less likeable character.

Also, on a more basic level, it is something most of us - certainly those of us with one or more siblings - can identify with. We identify with Faramir because his father did not love him as much - he was scorned by his one parent. Even a child is/was the parents' favourite, or the favourite of one parent, there are always times when one child will feel that another is getting a better deal, or that the parents prefer one child above them - it is a horrible feeling, and when we are children, especially young children, jealousy is something that is very hard to fight against. Even if your parents preferred you, or even if your parents were fair to the extreme, there are always those odd moments when you feel 'less loved' than a brother or sister, and so most people are able to identify with Faramir being 'less loved' than Boromir - it provides a source of empathy for a character, also a useful literary device when constructing a detailed character.

Unfairness is also something rather fascinating, especially when the reason for it does not seem good enough - from a modern day perspective, why else would soap operas be quite so popular? But it can bring out strong feelings of justice. Certainly, looking at films, Peter Jackson worked this situation out for what it was worth, and people who I have talked to have often said they liked these scenes because it shows an interesting other, deeply human side of things - so both director and his audience have shared the opinion of it being a useful emphatic device.

These things all deepen the characters and make us feel emotions towards them, bringing them out from the page by allowing us to interact with them from our own experience, even if we do not realise it at the time. So I think it was therefore probably more from a literary perspective rather than the perspective of what was socially acceptable at the time that Tolkien decided to bring out this trait in, for example, the Denethor and Faramir situation.

Also, consider that Tolkien was not really the norm of what was 'socially acceptable' at the time - for example, he was strongly opposed to the idea of women wearing skirts, and many discussions before have hinted at the idea of Tolkien being racist as well (although this is not an opinion I share). Therefore even if it was more socially acceptable at the time, I do not think this would necessarily influence Tolkien's writing - and after all, that is one of the reasons The Lord of the Rings went down as such a storm at the time, and for years afterwards: it was so very different from anything. When you look deeper you may find hidden messages, but Tolkien did say that he preferred people not to take his work and compare it always with other works, but rather, to take it for what it is. Lastly, Elianna, you said:

I'm almost positive I read somewhere that Chistopher was Tolkien's "favorite" child. (that's why he's the one writing all the Histories...)

This is rather different, therefore, from the Denethor-Faramir situation - if Tolkien preferred Christopher and that is why he is writing the histories, it stands to reason that Tolkien preferred him because he was like him, rather than preferring his son because he wasn't like him, as in the case of Boromir and Denethor.