Survivor: Surviving the Minor Works

[The Only Real Estel]

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

See my previous statements about his ridiculously long name.

[Bêthberry]

What! After taunting the hackles of the anti-cruelty-to-animals groups, you folks now want to raise the ire of the Men in Green by offing the tree? No sirreee, I won't join in this monstrous attack on activist politics. No, not at all, prithee nay. Ni. Ni. Ni.

Instead, I take my inspiration from Tuor's comment about Stephen Colbert: Let the word of the day be happy appetite and let us have our cat and eat it too. And to ensure it is good cake:

++ Master Cook Rider

[Alcarillo]

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

1. His name is way too long.

2. He used a blunderbuss in a pre-gunpowder age. I assign him to Mordor for such an anakronism!

[The Saucepan Man]

Oh, how wonderful. The possibility of two title characters in one day. And an Old Man Willow too.

And another vote for the Master Cook, and we can be rid of four contestants at once.

Now don't no one go spoiling my fun ...

[Celuien]

-- Old Man Willow

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham) , wieder of unseemly anakronisms.

[The Saucepan Man]

Bah! But surely this is grounds for divorce, Celuien.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Now don't no one go spoiling my fun ...

Oh. Too late. Sorry, dear.

I pledge to return to the Willow if I can cause a mulitple eviction without endangering Smith, and if I'm still awake. It's getting late here.

EDIT: crossed with SPM. Divorce??? Shocking.

[The Saucepan Man]

You realise that, according to the personality test, I am none other than Farmer Giles.

And so, on lmp's reasoning, you are striking a mortal blow against your husband ...

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

You realise that, according to the personality test, I am none other than Farmer Giles.

And so, on lmp's reasoning, you are striking a mortal blow against your husband ...

But aren't you the one who wanted the multiple eviction, including Giles, in the first place?

One more vote for Willow will lead to a re-retraction.

Oh and, right. I'm Smith in the personality test. So you're trying to do the same to your wife. Makes us even.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Celuien

But aren't you the one who wanted the multiple eviction, including Giles, in the first place?

Well, yes. I am always glad to see the title characters go. But I would rather Smith than Giles.

Originally Posted by Celuien

Makes us even.

When it comes to Smith, this game has at no stage been even.

Tsk! I can see whose going to be wearing the trousers in this marriage.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

When it comes to Smith, this game has at no stage been even.

Well, I can't help it if so many of us consider ourselves Faerie entranced dreamers. The head-in-the-clouds contingent is pretty strong around here, and I'm a proud representative.

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Tsk! I can see whose going to be wearing the trousers in this marriage.

I was, after all, the one unconventional enough to propose in the first place.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Celuien

The head-in-the-clouds contingent is pretty strong around here, and I'm a proud representative.

Ah, I suppose the Minor Works is no place for a hard-bitten realist of a loyer, then.

But I have a soft spot for old Giles. I'll cut you a deal. Let's get rid of the shrubbery and keep the old fellow.

- - Smith of Wootton Major

+ + Old Man Willow

[Celuien]

Deal.

-- GILES
++ OLD MAN WILLOW

Sorry about voting for you before.

[littlemanpoet]

Surely you jest Anguirel. Such efforts have been tried before and they will surely be as fruitless as they have been in the past. 'Tis like a little child with his uncle's hand on child's head at arm's length, and the child relentlessly and pointlessly tries to get the candy just out of reach; and all the kid has to do is cooperate. Hmmmmm?

++ Old Man Willow

edit: sorry, created this post early this evening and only got online lately. How things change.....

[Bêthberry]

Sure guys, go ahead, throw out the last remaining sentient tree--ent--in Middle earth just because he didn't like how the hobbits in the past had encroached upon his kind.

Is that a tree poking you in the face or are you just happy to see Esty back?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Since I started this bandwagon the day before, I am entitled to jump on it!

++Old Man Willow

[Lhunardawen]

Because Celuien and SpM are such a sweeeet couple:

++OLD MAN WILLOW

Besides, old men aren't supposed to last long in Survivor.

[Diamond18]

"Cut them all down!"


Old Man Willow: 6 votes

Farmer Giles of Ham: 2 votes

Smith of Wootton Major: 1 vote

Master Cook Rider: 1 vote

And so, the willow was chopped down and fed the flames of a roaring bonfire.


Day the Twenty-Sixth finds 19 remaining contestants:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Master Cook Rider
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie
Niggle

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Goodman Maggott
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[Tuor in Gondolin]

+ + Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

As has been observed, his name is way too long.
Descendants would probably spend two or three years
repeating First Grade just to spell their names, not
to mention less time to take tests after signing
their names.

[Anguirel]

++NIGGLE

Two title characters on offer, but not an even contest. Gutsy Dragon-battling roguish king versus after-death-harrassed wimp? Come on!

Besides, any who vote for the so-called "long name" justification are clearing showing themselves incapable of understanding the beauty of the Classics, which means they are in league with the Anti-Educational Forces of the World and become Enemies of Anguirel Unto Death. Sa-ha!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I would like to keep the major minor characters around for a bit - can't we get rid of some of the really minor ones first? For bearish robbery, I nominate

++Bruno

Mr. Bliss is really not Tolkien's masterpiece, and none of the characters are so important that I'd be willing to campaign for them. To quote another Oxford professor:

Off with his head!

[littlemanpoet]

++ Wizard Artaxerxes

He just seems like a pain. But I'm not really that committed.....

I'm willing to make a trade with someone today: anyone who is interested in getting my vote added to their bandwagon in exchange for a later to be named?

[Bêthberry]

Oh, it is beginning to become such a conundrum, isn't it? Stay with the minor minor or hedge a bit into the major minors. And what about the minor majors, to say nothing of the major majors, about whose mojo some of us go no no?

What's a girl to do?

Well, there's no one who could provide such invaluable support and advice in these circumdecisions than the inestimable Ms Dame Edna, whose uncanny talents allow her to balance international stardom with inspirational otherhood while all the while being ferociously busy as a volunteer raiser for Friends of the Prostrate. In short, I revise the question:

What would Dame Edna do?

After flouncing around with some hand knitted tea cosies in a chenille dressing gown while recalling some pre-loved prosthetic devices, and then throwing a few gladiolas to the Downers, I am willing to bet she would go with

+ + Goodman Maggott

G is after all Dame Edna's favourite letter and I'm sure he would hit the spot.

Whether I or the rest of you concur is of course open to an enormous field of debate.

Eru bless Dame Edna. May her toast racks never be tarnished nickle. And may Goodman Maggott live up to his name.

That's all I have to say for this evening. Good night.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

And may Goodman Maggott live up to his name.

Now that's something I'd like to see!

++ GOODMAN MAGGOTT

[Alcarillo]

Originally Posted by Ang

Besides, any who vote for the so-called "long name" justification are clearing showing themselves incapable of understanding the beauty of the Classics, which means they are in league with the Anti-Educational Forces of the World and become Enemies of Anguirel Unto Death. Sa-ha!

Nonsense! We are in fact defending the purity of the Classics. If Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo were an ancient Roman patrician, his name would be fitting, but he's not. Instead, he's a simple farmer in medieval England, far removed from the great empires of the classical world.

++Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

Such a kingly name is not fit for a peasant!

Plus he used a blunderbuss! An anakronism!

[littlemanpoet]

I am most impressed with the eccentric and convoluted reasonings of Bethberry.

-- Wizard Artaxerxes

++ Goodman Maggott

I want to see how he lives up to his name. (hint hint, Diamond)

[Diamond18]

Goodman Maggott: 3 votes

Farmer Giles: 2 votes

Niggle: 1 vote

Bruno: 1 vote


And so, by popular demand, the Goodman was fed to a swarm of writhing, wriggling maggots, which devoured his flesh starting with the eyeballs.


Day the Twenty-Seventh finds 18 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Master Cook Rider
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie
Niggle

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[The Saucepan Man]

I am willing to do a deal with those who would like to see the back of Farmer Giles of Ham. Vote for Smith today and, if he goes, I will support you in your endeavours to vote off Old Giles tomorrow.

Have we a deal?

+ + Smith of Wootton Major

[Celuien]

++ BADGER

Any creature that inspired a video like this must be up to no good.

Besides, if the Badgers had kept Tom, we would have been spared his singing.

An alternative to SPM's deal:
My vote is hereby offered to anyone's cause for eviction so long as I have a pledge not to vote for Smith in return. Except for those who want to evict Giles, of course. I can't symbolically vote for mortal blows against my husband again, even if he persists in attacking my alter-ego.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I'll join you in voting for the badger - who needs 'im?! After all, The Adventures of TB isn't The Wind in the Willows...

++Badger

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Celuien

My vote is hereby offered to anyone's cause for eviction so long as I have a pledge not to vote for Smith in return.

What, not to vote for him ever?

Assuming not, perhaps we could do a deal over Niggle - if there are any other potential Niggle voters ...

[littlemanpoet]

++ Farmer Giles of Ham

I will counter your proposal, SPM, with one of my own. If you'll guard Smith's back, I'll guard Giles'. What say you? Speak soon or there may be a bandwagon forming against your prodigious namesake instead of my wistful one.

[Anguirel]

++SMITH OF WOOTTON MAJOR

Elendil! I am with you, Saucie!

[littlemanpoet]

Tut tut, Ang. That will never do. You "force" my hand before SPM has ever had a chance to deal. Shame on you.

-- Farmer Giles of Ham

++ Badger

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

What, not to vote for him ever?

Of course not. Just on those days when my assistance is requested. It would be unreasonable of me to demand that in exchange for my providing a vote once. I'm really quite a reasonable sort of person.

Niggle? Certainly. I'm willing to work for his eviction. Tell me when.


EDIT: What I should have said is I'll give one vote of mine for one day's vote of the bargainer. So if I help on one day, the bargainer should be prepared for me to ask for a vote on one subsequent day. Or, if the person requesting my assistance originally voted for Smith and changed to a different cause that I was then asked to aid, that same day's vote counts as the one that fulfills the bargainer's side of the deal. Thus, if SPM switches to Niggle today and I follow suit, I can't ask him to vote for someone other than Smith on a subesquent day because he's already made one switch from Smith. On the other hand, if someone else makes a new vote for someone other than Smith and asks for my vote, I can and will ask for that person's vote on another day. Sorry for any non-clarity. I have a nasty cold on top of my usual allergies and am taking massive doses of antihistamines, so I'm groggy, not feeling well, and not always saying things correctly.

[Formendacil]

What's this?

A de-Niggling in the offing?

But enough of words! Actions speak louder than words.

++ Niggle

Also known as "Formendacil's alter ego".

[Bêthberry]

I must say to everyone that I salvaged some willow branches from the huge bonfire for Old Man Willow but unfortunately at the time discovered that the local green grocers was out of marshmellows--Margaret apparently has totally forsaken her roots and no longer can one find at the local green grocers what one wants. So much for the trickle down theory! Perhaps we shall have further bonfires later in the game and who knows what or who we shall roast but at least I have the sticks for all of us.

As things stand today, I must put my vote forth in a stern statement against all those geeks who have gone bad and produced or passed on that badger video. Why, if there were a llama in this survivor game, I'd vote them both off!

+ + Badger

[Diamond18]

Badger badger badger badger badger badger SNAKE!

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Celuien

Niggle? Certainly. I'm willing to work for his eviction. Tell me when.

Now!

- - SMITH OF WOOTTON MAJOR

+ + NIGGLE

Because he niggles me.

Sorry, lmp, I prefer the thought of evicting Smith to saving Giles. But I am willing to treat if you are prepared to consider some of the more heavyweight contenders. How about a vote for Niggle in return for an agreement to lay off Smith for another day?

[Celuien]

Done and done.

-- BADGER
++ NIGGLE

I should do a quick vote tally and see if there's now a double eviction in the works.

EDIT: I think we have one!
Badger, 3: (Esty, lmp, Bethberry)
Niggle, 3: (Formendacil, SPM, me)
Smith, 1: (Ang)