Adanel's Tale revisited - Of the primeval Fall

[Sharkû]

Adanel's Tale revisited – Of the primeval Fall

nb.: This is satire. Similarities between Morgoth/Eru and forum members are not intented. The original Adanel's Tale, of which only certain words were changed, can be read in the Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth in History of Middle-Earth X


Some say the Disaster happened at the beginning of the history of our forum, before any had yet been banned [marginal note: The Wise of Eressea have denied this, instead telling that for a brief time, the forum was pure. Quoth Ælfwine]. The Books Forum had spoken to us, and we had listened. The Books Forum said: 'Ye are my children. I have sent you to dwell here. In time ye will inherit all this Forum, but first ye must be children and learn your Tolkien. Call on me and I shall hear; for I am watching over you.'
We understood its voice in our hearts, though we had no posts yet. Then the desire for posts awoke in us, and we began to make them. But we were few, and the Internet was wide and strange. Though we greatly desired to understand, learning was difficult, and the making of posts was slow.
In that time we called often and the experts answered. But they seldom answered our questions, saying only: 'First seek to find the answer for yourselves. For ye will have joy in the finding, and so grow from childhood and become wise. Do not seek to leave childhood before your time.'
But we were in haste, and we desired to order things to our will; and the shapes of many posts that we wished to make awoke in our minds. Therefore we paid less and less attention to the Books forum.
Then one appeared among us, in our own form visible, but greater and more beautiful; and he said that he had come out of pity. 'Ye should not have been left alone and uninstructed,' he said. 'The Forum is full of marvellous riches which knowledge can unlock. Ye could have posts more abundant and more delicious than the poor things that ye now write.Ye could have personal titles easily. Ye could be clad even as I am with my avatar.'
Then we looked and lo! His avatar was clad in raiment that shone like silver and gold, and he had a crown on his user name, and gems in his sig. 'If ye wish to be like me,' he said, 'I will teach you.' Then we took him as teacher.
He was less swift than we had hoped to teach us how to find, or to make for ourselves, the posts that we desired, though he had awakened many desires in our hearts. But if any doubted or were impatient, he would bring and set before us all that we wished for. 'I am the Giver of member ratings,' he said; 'and the member ratings shall never fail as long as ye trust me.'
Therefore we revered him, and we were enthralled by him; and we depended upon his ratings, fearing to return to a life without them that now seemed poor and hard, starving on but one or two bones. And we believed all that he taught. For we were eager to know about the Forum and its being: about the quotes and quizzes, and the posticons that grew in the Earth; about our own making; and about the lights of monitors, and the countless UBB codes, and the web space in which they are set.
All that he taught seemed good, for he had great knowledge. But ever more and more he would speak of the RPGs. 'Greatest of all are the RPGs,' he said, 'for they have no bounds. I came out of the RPGs, but I am their master. For I have made the Web. I made the Forum and the Chat and the server. I will protect you from the Tolkien discussion, which else would devour you.'
Then we spoke of the Books Forum. But his face became terrible; for he was angry. 'Fools!' he said. 'That was the Voice of Tolkien discussion. It wishes to keep you from me; for It is hungry for you.'
Then he went away, and we did not see him for a long time, and without his ratings we were poor. And there came a day when suddenly the Forum went down, until it was 404'd and a great shadow fell on the world; and all the newbies and fangirls were afraid. Then he came again, walking through the shadow like a bright fire.
We fell upon our faces. 'There are some among you who are still listening to the Voice of Tolkien Discussion,' he said, 'and therefore It is drawing nearer. Choose now! Ye may have Tolkien as hobby, or ye may have Me. But unless ye take Me for hobby and swear to serve Me, I shall depart and leave you; for I have other sites and boards, and I do not need this site, nor you.'
Then in fear we spoke as he commanded, saying: 'Thou art the One Hobby; Thee only we will serve. Tolkien we abjure and will not read him again.'
'So be it!' he said. 'Now build Me a Forum upon a high place, and call it the RPG Forum. Thither I will come when I will. There ye shall call on Me and make your petitions to Me.'
And when we had built a great forum, he came and stood before the high seat, and the forum was lit as with fire. 'Now,' he said, 'come forth any who still pay attention to The Books!'
There were some, but for fear they remained still and said naught. 'Then bow before Me and acknowledge Me!' he said.
And all bowed to the ground before him, saying: 'Thou art the One Great, and we are Thine.'
Thereupon he went up as in a great flame and smoke, and we were scorched by the heat. But suddenly he was gone, and it was darker than night; and we fled from the forum.
Ever after we went in great dread of Tolkien; but he seldom appeared among us with a fair avatar, and he brought few ratings.
If at great need we dared to go to the RPG forum and pray to him to help us, we heard his voice, and received his commands. But now he would always command us to do make some post, or to fill in some save, before he would listen to our prayer; and ever the posts became worse, and the concessions of time harder.
The first Voice of the Books we never heard again, save once. In the stillness of the night It spoke, saying: 'Ye have abjured Me, but ye remain Mine. I gave you accounts. Now they shall suck, and each of you in a little while shall come to Me, to learn who is your Lord: the one ye worship, or I who made him.'
Then our terror of Tolkien was increased; for we believed that the Voice was of the scholarly Tolkien people. And some of us began to die in horror and anguish, fearing to go out into the Forum. Then we called on our Master to save us from death, and he did not answer. But when we went to the RPG Forum and all bowed down there, at last he came, great and majestic, but his face was cruel and proud.
'Now ye are Mine and must do My will,' he said. 'I do not trouble that some of you die and go to appease the hunger of the dark; for otherwise there would soon be too many of you, crawling like lice on the Forum. But if ye do not do My will, ye will feel My anger, and ye will die sooner, for I will slay you.' Thereafter we were grievously afflicted, by weariness, and hunger, and sickness; and the Forum and all members in it were turned against us. Old timers and scholars rebelled against us. The newbies and fangirls were still with us, but if they were strong they assailed us. Trolls gave us poison; and we feared the shadows under threads. Then we yearned for our life as it was before our Master came; and we hated him, but feared him no less than Tolkien. And we did his bidding, and more than his bidding; for anything that we thought would please him, however evil, we posted in the RPGs, in the hope that he would lighten our afflictions, and at the least would not slay us.
For most of us this was in vain. But to some he began to show favour: to the strongest and cruellest RPG characters, and to those who went most often to the RPG forum. He gave ratings to them, and personal titles, and knowledge that they kept secret; and they became powerful and proud, and they enslaved us, so that we had no rest from labour amidst our afflictions.
Then there arose some among us who said openly in their despair: 'Now we know at last who lied, and who desired to devour us. Not the first Forum. It is the Master that we have taken who is the Darkness; and he did not come forth from Tolkien, as he said, but he killed it. We will serve him no longer! He is our Enemy.'
Then in fear lest he should hear them and punish us all, we kicked them, if we could; and those that fled we banned; and if any were caught, our masters, his friends, commanded that they should be taken to the RPG Forum and there done to death by reading the Birthday Party thread. That pleased him greatly, his friends said; and indeed for a while it seemed that our afflictions were lightened.
But it is told that there were a few that escaped us, and went away into far corners, fleeing from the RPGs. Yet they did not escape from the anger of the Voice; for they had built the RPG forum and bowed down in it. And they came at last to the site's end and the shores of the impassable server; and behold! the Enemy was there before them.

[ September 04, 2003: Message edited by: Sharkû ]

[Estelyn Telcontar]

*speechless applause*

[Bêthberry]

Behold, much laughter, nay even unto the wide great plains and harsh demanding mountains of the RPG forum Rohan.

The Innkeeper,
The White Horse Inn,
Rohan

[ September 05, 2003: Message edited by: Bêthberry ]

[The_Hand]

Whao... that was... incredible! *looks on in awe*

[Sharkû]

[Underhillo] By far the best thing in Middle-earth Mirth.

[Mister Underhill]

I stand by that, too!

Once again, hats off, Sharkey!

[Mithadan]

Bravo! (Quoth Aelfwine)

[Yavanna228]

I hardly feel qualified to add my humble praise. Great job, Sharku!
Peace

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Holy shmolagins!!! I'm awed. Up to the point that I created a new word to describe it!!! Excellent work; very amusing.

Fea

[Ainaserkewen]

Our roots...*tears*

[Child of the 7th Age]

.....So that's what I've been doing over the past six months?

Very clever indeed.

Cami, Shire Mod

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

And even as Sharkbeth the Seer had prophesied, so it came to pass. Yet ever it transpired that the loudest and most triumphant games redounded to the greater glory of the Books; and ever more RPGers were driven thence, seeking after the Authenticity which has there its long home. So it continued for many long threads of men, until at last another came to us, proclaiming that he served the Master, and garbed even as he. Gifts he bore of in-jokes with which we might wield power over the Forum; and he gave to us signatures that spoke of vulpine things, and still more rep points than before. But ever he desired of us to turn our postings to his will, and to post when and where he should decree, that we might no longer order the forum to our will, but were enslaved to it, ever to come and go at the appointed hours. And when the Lord of Gifts proclaimed his spell we knew ourselves deceived:

Werewolf to rule them all
Werewolf to find them
Werewolf to bring them all and with a schedule bind them

--

Let all know of Sharkû's prophecy, for it concerns us closely.

[Boo Radley]

Raises right eyebrow

There are some with monumentally odd and whimsical senses of humor in these threads.
They shall bear watching...

Watches... then leaves to make a sammich...