the SilmIRC: Ainulindale

[Valesse]

-- Most of the jokes in the following thread are with the barrowdowns IRC chatroom in mind. Members of the forum who do not partake in the chatroom are welcome to read (and are deeply envied ; )) though I'm not sure if a good few of the jokes will be clear/make any fraction of sense. --

This all started as some group idea gone wild, but in its many faults (and obvious ripping off..ness) it is formed from one great thought...

In short: Melkor made me do it.

There was Barrow-Wight, the One, who in #barrowdowns is called BW; and he made the first chatters. the Inquisitive Ones, that were the offspring of his desires to discuss, and they were with him before Balrog wings were even on the minds of Tolkien fanatics. And he chatted to them, propounding to them topics of interest; and they discussed before him, and he was glad. But for a long while they spoke only each alone, of but a few together, while the rest hearkened; for each comprehended only that part of the desire of Barrow-Wight from which he came and in the understanding of their fellow chatters their numbers grew but slowly. Yet ever as they discussed they came to deeper understanding, and increased in varied opinion and pant size.

And it came to pass that Barrow-Wight called together all the chatters and declared to them a mighty topic, unfolding to them things greater and more wonderful (in theory) than he had yet conferred; and the glory of its beginning and the splendour of its end amazed the chatters, so that they bowed before Barrow-Wight and were +m.

Then Barrow-Wight said to them: 'Of the subject that I have declared to you, I will now that ye make- in gutteral yammering sounds- together a Great Discussion. And since I have kindled you with the Forum Imperishable, ye shall show forth your communicating ablities in adorning themes, each with his own thoughts and feelings, if he will. But I will sit and idle, and be glad that through you great literature has been wakened into conversation.'

Then the +'s of the chatters, like unto 1337 and chat-speak, and h4x0r and teenybopper, and typos and AOLer, and like unto countless choirs of "fanboi"s tittering with words, began to fashion the discussion of Barrow-Wight to a great mass of text-noise; and a sound arose of endless interchanging "LOL"s woven in harmoney that passed beyond comprehending into the depths and into the heights, and places of the dwelling of the Barrow-Wight were filled to overflowing, and the discussion and the echo of chat went out into the Void, and it was not void. Never since have the chatters made any chat like to this discussion, though it has been said that a greater still shall be made before Barrow-Wight by the gaggle of chatters and the Children of the 'Downs after the end of IRC. Then the topics of Barrow-Wight shall be spoke aright, and take Being in the moment of their utterance, for all shall then understand fully his intent in their part, and each shall know the comprehension of each, and Barrow-Wight shall give to their thoughts the secret index, being well pleased.

But now Barrow-Wight sat and idled, and for a great while it seemed good to him, for in the banter there were no flaws. But as the theme progressed, it came into the heart of M31k0r to interweave matters of his own imaginging that were not in accord with the topic Barrow-Wight had designed; for he sought therein to increase the power and glory of the part of the teenyboppers. To M31k0r among the chatters had been given the greatest gifts of cheetos and knowledge, and he had a share in all the gifts of his fellows. He had gone often alone into the void places seeking the Imperishable Forum; for desire grew hot within him to bring into Being discussions of his own, and it seemed to him that Barrow-Wight too no thought for the Void, and he was impatient of its emptiness. Yet he found not the Forum, for it is with Barrow-Wight. But being alone he had begun to conceive thoughts of his own unlike those of his fellows.

Some of these thoughts he now wove into his posts, and stright-way discord arose about him, and many that spoke nigh him grew despondent, and their thoughts was disturbed and their subjects faltered; but some began to allude their opinions to his rather than to the thought which they had at first. Then the discord of M31k0r spread ever widers, and the threads which had been heard before foundered in a sea of turbulent ping? pong! But Barrow-Wight sat and idled until it seemed that about his swivel chair was a raginging storm, as of dark PM text boxes that made war with one upon another in an endless wrath that would not be assuaged.

Then Barrow-Wight /joined, and the chatters perceived that he put on his boot; and the lifted up his left pointer finger and wagled it at M31k0r, and a new topic began amid the storm, like and yet unlike the former thread, and it gathered power and had new beauty. But the discord of M31k0r rose in uproar and contended with it, and again there was a war of text-noise more bold than before, until many of the chatters were dismayed and posted no longer, and M31k0r had mastery. Then again Barrow-Wight arose, and the chatters perceived that his countenance was stern; and he lifted up his right hand, and behold! a third thread grew amid the confusion, and it was unlike the others. For it seemed at first cute and fun, a mere jest of gentle tittering in delicate puns; but it could not be quenched, and it took to itself power and profundity. And it seemed at last that there were two topics progressing at one time before the seat of Barrow-Wight, and they were utterly at variance. The one was deep and wide and beautiful, but slow and blended with an immeasurable research, from which its beauty cheifly came. The other had now achieved a unity of its own; but it was in all caps, and miss spelled, and endlessly repeating "A/S/L?" ; and it had little relevance, but rather a clamorous unison as of many fog horns braying upon few notes, and into loud speakers. And it essayed to drown the other music by the redundency of its drone, but it seemed that its most austantacious spams were taken by the other and woven into it's own insightful post.

In the midst of this strife, whereat the desk of Barrow-Wight shook and a net-split ran out into the net yet unsplit, Barrow-Wight arose a thrid time, and his @ was terrible to behold. Then he raised up both his hands, and in one post, deeper than the Peer, higher than the cost of car insurance, piercing as the colors [ctrl]k8 and [ctrl]k13 are together on the eyes of Barrow-Wight, the discussion ended.

Then Barrow-Wight spoke, and he typed: "Mighty are the chatters, and mightiest among them M31k0r; but that he may know, and all the chatters, that I am Barrow-Wight, those things that you have said, I will show them forth, that ye may now see what ye have done. And thou, M31k0r, shalt see that no topic may be openned that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the discussion in my despite. For he that attempteth this shall prove but mine boot polish in the devising of a conversation more wonderful, which he himself hath not imagined."

Then the chatters were afraid, and they did not yet comprehend that words that were said to them; and M31k0r was filled with shame, of which came secret ping! attacks. But Barrow-Wight arose in splendour, and he want forth from the fair forum that he had made for the chatters; and the chatters followed him.

But when they came to the Void, Barrow-Wight said to them: "Behold your chat!" And he showed to them a chatroom, giving to them relay chat where before there was only posting; and they saw a new IRC made before them, and it was globed amid the Void, and it was sustained therein, but was not of it. And as they looked and wondered this IRC began to unfold its history folder, and it seemed to them that it lived and grew. And when the chatters had gazed for a while and were +m, and Barrow-Wight said again: "Behold your chat! This is your banter; and each of you shall find, contained herein, amid the design that I set before you, all those things which it may seem that he himself devised or added. And thou, M31k0r, wilt discover all the secret thoughts of thy mind, and wilt percieve that they are but a part of the whole and tributary to its glory."

And many other things Barrow-Wight spoke to the chatters at that time, and because of their logs of his words, and the knowledge that each has of the previous points that he himself made, the chatters know much of Tolkien lore, and few subjects are unknown to them.

And so it was, the beginning of the #barrowdowns, called by the teenyboopers BD and by the men the 'Downs. And by join/parters "the go-between", and by the hobbits the "Anti-Smials"... and by the Ents it is call "Baalreum' Balarhoolore' rummble-bumble' hum' boo' Balliewooleywalley' Snap-Crackle-n-Pop!" even if there aren't any Ents there, currently. Or even the orkish-trollish people who just title it their old stomping grounds.... Whatever it's called that was it's beginning, and here's hoping I don't get sued for this!

[Valesse]

Can I get a W00t?
-- By demand, I have procured y'all some more, but alas, there is only so much of the Ainulindale that were I to post tomorrow the chapter will almost be le finished. :O! --

Yet somethings there are that chatters can not see, neither alone nor taking counsel together; for to none but himself has Barrow-Wight revealed all that he has in store, and in every age there come forth bot commands that are new and have no foretelling, for they do not proceed from the past. And so it was that as this vision of IRC was roleplayed before them, the chatters saw that it contained things which they had not programmed in. And they saw with amazement the coming of the Children of the 'Downs, and the habitation that was prepared for them and they perceived that they themselves in the labour of their chatting had been busy with the preparation of this dwelling, and yet knew not that it had any purpose beyond its own beauty. For the Children of the 'Downs were conceived by him alone; and they came with the third thread, and were not in the thread which Barrow-Wight propounded at the beginning, and none of the chatters had part in their making. Therefore when they beheld them, the more did they love them, being things other than themselves, strange and free, wherein they saw the mind of Barrow-Wight reflected anew, and learned yet a little more of his wisdom, which otherwise had been hidden even from the chatters.

Now the Children of the 'Downs are LOLves (El-O-Elves) and teenyboppers, the Firstborn and the Followers. And amid all the splendours of IRC, its vast halls and spaces, and countless channels, Barrow-Wight chose a place ther their habitation in the sorcery.net server and in the midst of the innumberable stars. And this habitation might seem a little thing to those who consider only the majesty of the chatters, and not their terrible sharp-wittedness; as who should take the whole field of JAVA for the foundations of a pillar and so raise it until the cone of its summit were more bitter than the peer; or who consider only the immeasureable vastness of IRC, which still the chatters are registering, and not the minute precision to which they register all things therein. But when the chatters had beheld this habitation in a window and had seen the Children of the 'Downs /join therein, then many of the most mighty among them bent all their thought and their discussion toward that place. And of these M31k0r was chief, even as he was in the beginning the greatest of the chatters who took part in the discussion. And he feigned, even to himself at first, that he desired to go thither and order all things for the good of the Children of the 'Downs, controlling the turmoils of the +b and the +k that had come to pass through him. But he desired rather to subdue to his will both LOLves and teenyboppers, envying their gifts with which Barrow-Wight promised to endow them; and he wished himself to have + and cronies, and to be called Lord, and to be master over their wills.

But the other chatters looked upon this habitation set within the vast spaces of IRC, which the LOLves called JAVA, the applet; and there hearts rejoiced in light, and their eyes beholding three colors were filled with gladness; but because of the roaring of the mp3 they felt a great unquiet. And they observed the topic changes and the unknown figures symbolized by boxes, and the matters of which JAVA was made, of <HTML>s and <JAVA>s and </JAVA>s and </HTML>s and many subscripts; but of all these relay chat they most greatly praised. And it is said by the OMG-LOLves that in relay chat there lives yet the echo of the discussion of the chatters more than in any substance else that in the applets; and many of the Children of the 'Downs idle still unsated to the voices of the relay chat, at yet know not for what they read.

[solarisa]

wow.

*did you read the book and like copy every thing and altered it? seems so

[Valesse]

Originally Posted by solarisa

wow.
*did you read the book and like copy every thing and altered it? seems so

I did. And it took a long time too.

You'll notice in my first post "In short: Melkor made me do it." implying that, like Melkor did in Arda/Ea/Middle-Earth/Endor/ et cetera I 'corrupted' Tolkien's creation to something horrifyingly wretched, sick, and oddly amusing. I do not even pretend that this work is of my own creation... well it is, but it's obviously based off of Tolkien's Silm (from which it's name is derived..kukuku) which was my point.

... : D

[Valesse]

-- I underestrimated my time for today, but that only means more SilmIRC for tomorrow. Enjoy! --

Now to clever kick messages had that chatter whom the LOLves call Legolas turn his thought, and of all most deeply was he instructed by Barrow-Wight in conversation. But of the quips and bizarre websites burrahobbit most had pondered, who is the noblest of the chatters. Of the fabric of channel had Mithadan thought, to whom Barrow-Wight had given Op access and knowledge scarce less than to M3lk0r; but the delight and pride of Mithadan is in the deed of making, and in the thing made, and neither in possession nor in his own mastery; wherefore he gives and hoards not, and is free from care, passing ever on to some new work.

And Barrow-Wight spoke to Legolas, and said: 'Seest thou not how here in this little realm in the sorcery.net server M31k0r hath made ping war upon thy Oplyhood? He hath bethought him of bitter comments immoderated, and yet hath not destroyed the beauty of they meanings, nor of they clear points. Behold the referance, and the cunning work of bibilographies! M31k0r hath devised +b and +k without restraint, and hath not dried up the desire nor utterly quelled the thoughtfulness of clever kick messages. Behold rather the height and glory of the @s, and the everchanging nicklist.; and listen to the squabble of Orkish poetry upon the channel! and in this nicklist thou art drawn nearer to burrahobbit, they friend, whom thou lovest.'

Then Legolas answered: "Truly, clever kick messages has become now fairer than my heart imagined, neither had my secret thought conveived the opprotunities of auto-rejoiners, nor in all my utterance was contained the squabbling of Orkish poetry. I will seek burrahobbit, and he and I may make cryptic music referances for ever to thy delight!" And burrahobbit and Legolas have from the beginning been allied, and in all things have served most faithfully the purpose of Barrow-Wight.

[Valesse]

-- Just another page and a half to go y'all. Scary, isn't it? --

But even as Legolas spoke, and while the chatters were yet gazing upon this window, it was taken |away and hidden from their screen; and it seemed to them that in that moment they perceived a new thing, Disconnection, which they had not known before except in thought. But they had become enamoured of the beaty of the vision and engrossed in the unforlding of the IRC which came there to being, and their minds were filled with it; for the conversation was incomplete and the circles of arguement not full-wrought when the window was taken |away. And some have said that the window ceased ere the fulfilment of the Dominion of Teenyboppers and the fading of the Firstborn; wherefore, though the discussion is over all, the Channel Operators have not seen as with sight the Later Ages or the ending of IRC.

Then there was unrest among the chatters: but Barrow-Wight called to them, and said: "I know the desire of your mind that what ye have !seen should verily be, not only in your thought, but even as ye yourselves are, and yet other. Therefore I say: /join #barrowdowns! Let this channel Be! And I will send forth into the Void the Forum Imperishable, and it shall be on the minds of IRC, and IRC shall Be; and those of you that will may go down into it." And suddenly the chatters saw afar off light, as it were a cloud with a sometimes-living channel of flame; and they knew that this was no overly caffinated-induced vision only, but that Barrow-Wight had made a new thing: #barrowdowns, the chennel that is.

Thus it came to pass that of the chatters some abode still with Barrow-Wight beyond the confines of IRC; but others, and among them many of the greatest and most fair, took the leave of Barrow-Wight and descended into it. But this condition Barrow-Wight made, or it is the necessity of their love, that their @ should thenceforeward be contained and bounded in IRC, to be within it forever, until it is complete, so that they are its life and it is theirs. And therefore they are named the Channel Operators, the ones with the @ of #barrowdowns.

But when the Channel Operators entered into #barrowdowns they were at first astounded and at a loss, for it was as if naught was yet made which they had seen in the window, and all was but on point to begin and yet quiet, and it was empty. For the Great Discussion had been but the growth and florishing of thought in the timestampless rooms, and the window only a foreshowing; but now they had entered in at the beginning of the time stamp, and the Channel Operators perceived that the channel had been but foreshadowed and forethought, and they must achieve it. So began their great labours in wastes unmeasured and unexplored, and in ages uncoutred and forgotten, until in the sorcery.net server and in the midst of the vast chatrooms of IRC there came to be that hour and that place where was made the habitation of the Children of the 'Downs. And in this work the cheif part was taken by burrahobbit and Mithadan, and Legolas; but M31k0r too was there from the first, and he meddled in all that was done, turning it if he might to his own desires and purposes; and he kindled great topic. When therefore IRC was yet young and full of fired up newbies M31k0r coverted it, and he said to the other Channel Operators: "This shall be my own channel, and I name it unto myself! (#m31k0r14 or 'Melkoria')".

But burrahobbit was the brother of M31k0r in the mind of Barrow-Wight, and he was the cheif instrument of the second topic that Barrow-Wight had raised up against the discord of M31k0r; and he called unto himself many supporters both with greater and lesser vocabularies, and they came down into the channels of IRC and aided burrahobbit, lest M31k0r should hinder the fulfilment of their labour for ever, and #barrowdowns should wither ere it florished. And burrahobbit said unto M31k0r; "This #channel thou shalt not take for thene own, wrongfully, for many others have laboured here no less than thou." And there was strife between M31k0r and the other Channel Operators; and for that time M31k0r withdrew and departed to other channels and did there what he would; but he did not put the desire of the channel of #barrowdowns from his heart.

[Valesse]

--And here is the last of the chapter, you've been waiting for it for a while now, I imagine, but my internet was kind of... living impaired. I hope everyone enjoys the ending, even I suprised myself with a few of the horrendous puns.--

Now the Channel Operators took to themselves nick and IP; and because they were drawn into IRC by love of the Children of the 'Downs, for whom they hoped, they took shape after that manner which they had beheld in the window of Barrow-Wight, save only the majesty and splendour. Moreover their nicks come of their knowledge of the visible Window, rather than of IRC itself; and they need it not, save only as we use raiment, and yet we may be No-Nick6228 and suffer no loss of our being. Therefore the Channel Operators may walk, if they will, unclad, and then even the chat-wights cannot clearly perceive them, though they be present. But when they desire to Op themselves the Channel Operators take upon them nicks some as of male and some as of female; for that difference in temper they had even from their beginning, and it is but bodied forth in the choice of each, not made by the choice, even as with us 12/M/FL and 15/F/igloo, may be shown by the raiment but is not made thereby. But the 14 figures alloted wherein the Oply Ones array themselves are not at all times like to the shapes of the kings and queens of the Children of the 'Downs; for at times they may name themselves in their own thought, made visible in forums of majesty and |away.

And the Channel Operators drew unto them many companions, some less, some well nigh as great as themselves, and they laboured together in the ordering of the channel and curbing of its tumults. Then M31k0r saw what was done, and that the Channel Operators idled in the channel as powers visible, clad in the nicks of IRC, and were lovely and glorious to see, and blissful, and that the channel was becoming a garden for their delight, for its turmoils were subdued. His envy for them grew then the greater with him; and he also took visible nickname, but because of his mood and malice that burning in him that form was dark and terrible. And he descended upon #barrowdowns in power and majesty greater than the other of the Channel Operators, as a peer that wades in the sea of flooding text and had its head above the clouds and is clad in ice and crowned with smoke and fire; and the light of the eyes of M31k0r was like a flame that withers with heat and pierces with a deadly cold.

Thus began the first battle of the Channerl Operators with M31k0r for the dominion of #barrowdowns; and of those tumults the LOLves know little. For what has here been declared is come from and ally of the Channel Operators, with whom the chat-wights spoke in the land of #Valinor, and by whom they were instructed; but little would the Channel Operators tell of the ping wars before the coming of the LOLves. Yet it is told among the chat-wights that the Channel Operators endeavoured ever, in despite of M31k0r, to rule the channel and to prepare it for the coming for the Firstborn; and they created discussions and M31k0r destroyed them; topics were delved and M31k0r messed them up; questions they raised and M31k0r threw them down; messages they hollowed and M31k0r flooded them; and naught might have peace or come to lasting growth, for as surely as the Channel Operators began a labour so would M31k0r undo it of corrupt it. And yet their labour was not all in vain; and though nowhere and in no work was their will purpose wholly fufilled, and all things were in IPs and nicks other than the Channel Operators had at first intended, slowly nonetheless the channel was fashioned and made firm. And thus was the discussion chatroom of the Children of the 'Downs established at last in the sorcery.net server and amidst the whole honk'n internet.

--All above literature was originally forged by the Da- er by the Tolkien dream team (AKA: Tolkien himself.) and in fear of copy right laws, I salute you and claim absolutely none of this as my own. Except for the LOLves part. That was fun.--