Elf Rights Watch needed? Yet again a new Míriel thread!

[Thinlómien]

A while ago I read HoME XII: Peoples of Middle-Earth, and was greatly troubled by one passage.

Originally Posted by The Shibboleth of Fëanor; The Peoples of Middle-Earth, HoME XII

So it came to pass that Finwë and Indis desired to be wedded, and Finwë sought the counsel of the Valar.
The long debate that they held on the matter may be passed over briefly. They were obliged to choose between two courses: condemning Finwë to bereavement of a wife for ever, or allowing one of the Eldar to take a second wife. The former seemed a cruel injustice, and contrary to the nature of the Eldar. the second they had thought unlawful, and some still held to that opinion. The end of the debate was that the marriage of Finwë and Indis was sanctioned. It was judged that Finwë's bereavement was unjust, and by persisting in her refusal to return Míriel had forfeited all rights that she had in the case; for either she was now capable of accepting the healing of her body by the Valar, or else her fëa was mortally sick and beyond their power, and she was indeed 'dead', no longer capable of becoming again a living member of the kindred of the Eldar.
"So she must remain to the end of the world. For from the moment that Finwë and Indis are joined in marriage all future change and choice will be taken from her and she will never again be permitted to take a bodily shape. Her present body will swiftly wither and pass away, and the Valar will not restore it. For none of the Eldar may have two wives both alive in the world." These were the words of Manwë, and an answer to the doubts that some had felt. For it was known to all the Valar that they alone had the power to heal or restore the body for the re-housing of a fëa that should in the later chances of the world be deprived; but that to Manwë also was given the right to refuse the return of the fëa.

Now what bugs me here is that Míriel defined only in relation to her husband, not as an independent being. I understand the Eldar's love life and marriage was very different from the human's, but this just seems grotesque. Because Míriel's husband wishes to remarry, she is denied the chance of "repenting" and changing her mind and coming back. I don't think this is morally right. Míriel persisted she did not wish to return, but what if she had just needed more time? This somehow reminds me of capital punishment. If something goes wrong, there's no way to fix it. (Capital punishment - if the "criminal" is found innocent after his/her death, denial of returning to life - if Míriel had wished to come back.) Both horrify me in their definity.

Is it a bigger grief if Finwë's to be without a wife to the end of time than Míriel's "dead" to the end of time? I think the latter one much worse, and I think the Valar were wrong here. Míriel's family and friends surely were much grieved of the Valar's decision. The concept of death with no chance of return was not something that belonged to Elven life. Realising Míriel will never be able to come back, even if she wanted, must have been a horrible strike to those close to her. Had Míriel been human, the matter would have been different. Humans do die without coming back, Elves don't.

Shortly, what I'm saying is
1. The Valar made a wrong and unjust decision. Only if the Valar had been 100% sure that Míriel is not willing or able to come back ever, they would have been morally been right to do that, in my opinion.
2. Míriel caused some of this herself, I agree, but I don't think she deserves this treatment.
3. Sorry Finwë... If the Valar had done it the way I would have done it, you'd either have been with no wife 'til the end of time, or have had to do sometime without a wife (the time it takes 'til Míriel comes back). - Well, your fault for fathering such a mother-withering son! -
4. If Finwë, Indis (and partly Míriel) are to blame of the marring of Arda, we should add the Valar to that list, at least according to Peoples of Middle-Earth.

I'd be glad to her your thoughts on this. I'm sure some of you will disagree with me, quite strongly even. Please fire away!