Duel of Doom!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I don't know how many of you saw davem's thread about the other Lord of the Ring's films by John Boorman. Now, one of the changes he suggested was this...

There's a duel between the magicians, Gandalf and Saruman. I was inspired by an African idea of how magicians duel with words, which I had read about. It was a way of one entrapping the other as a duel of words rather than special effects flashes, shaking staffs, and all that.
...
[Reads from script]:
GANDALF: Saruman, I am the snake about to strike!
SARUMAN: I am the staff that crushes the snake!
GANDALF: I am the fire that burns the staff to ashes!
SARUMAN: I am the cloudburst that quenches the fire!
GANDALF: I am the well that traps the waters!

This amused me, and I thought it would be interesting. It'd make me wet myself if in a Lord of the Rings film, but I think it belongs in mirth!

I propose a game, of sorts. A little like Fortunately / unfortunately in format, the game goes as shown above. Playing as Either Saruman or Gandalf, we have a little duel of words in this sort of manner. Make sure they get nicely ridiculous (while remaining Middle Earth related).

So, here is an example...

One Downer-
Saruman: I am the slug that eats your garden!

another -
Gandalf: I am the salt that dissolves the slug (and flavours my food).

Another-
Saruman: I am the vinegar that neutralises the salt!

And so on.

So, lets get started...

Saruman: I am the fire that burns your hat...