The Downie Awards Show

[Mithadan]

The orchestra tuned up as the audience filed in for the show. A slight commotion occurred when Astoria Baggins and Hybernia Longbottom argued about who had been saving seats for whom, but the prompt arrival of three burly Uruks silenced the argument before it went very far.

When, at last, all were seated, the band struck up a lively tune and a troupe of Dwarves began a vigorous hip-hop dance routine which ended with the Dwarves waggling their bikinied bottoms at the audience. Several Elves howled in protest but the act was otherwise well-received.

Then Mithadan took the stage. He waved happily and bowed to the audience seemingly oblivious to the fact that the predominant sound generated by the mighty throng was that of chirping crickets. Stepping up to the podium, he spoke. "Welcome to the First Downie Awards Show. Long in coming and intricately planned, our show tonite will highlight some of the noteable posters who have graced the Barrow-Downs during the past year or so. We're also here to thank the inimitable founder of this site for his hard work and dedication."

He waved at a private box near the stage from which came streams of green smoke and mist. The Barrow-Wight raised his skelatal hand in acknowledgment, to the enthusiastic cheers of the audience.

When the cheers died down, Mithadan spoke again. "In honor of the Chief Wight, our first musical guest would like to dedicate a song to BW..."

Power chords of electric blues guitar rang out and the lead singer shouted, "And away we go!"

On the day he was born,
the nurses all gathered round,
to gaze in wide wonder,
at the joy they had found.
The head nurse spoke up,
said "Leave this one alone..."
She could tell right away,
he was bad to the bone!

As the song concluded, Mithadan again stepped forward. "The first Downie tonight is the coveted Betty Crocker Jello Mold Award for the Members Who Most Enthusiatically Welcome Newcomers to the Barrow-Downs! And the winner is..." He tore open an envelope. "We have a tie! The members who most enthusiatically welcome newcomers are...Burrahobbit, Mhoram and red!"

Michael Jackson's "Bad" was played by the loudspeakers as the crowd clapped hesitantly. Mithadan continued. "Burra, Mho and red couldn't be here tonite, so accepting the award on their behalf are..." He squinted at the teleprompter, then straightened in alarm. "Gothmog and the Seven or so Balrogs."

The tall, dark and fiery spirits entered from the wings, but of course lacked any as they had all been eaten during the party. Gothmog stepped to the podium and took the three gold tombstone shaped awards. He ignored the fact that Mithadan did not try to shake his hand.

"On behalf of our three friends, Burrahobbit, Mhoram and red, all fellows near and dear to our hearts, we accept these Awards and promise many years more of appropriate welcomes to new members...and to the chefs who thought it would be funny to serve fried Balrog wings, we know who you are and where to find you..." With much snapping of whips, the Balrogs exited the stage.