Arda Employment Agency

[Diamond18]

This idea seemed suspiciously familiar to me, but I wasn't able to find anything like it, so here goes:

Welcome to the Arda Employment Agency! What's it for, you wonder? Well, I thought it would be fun to come up with job related spoofs, such as 21st Century occupations Tolkien characters might be good at, or writing up mock résumés for characters, or Want Ads, or funny answers a character might put down on a job application, etc.

I'll give some examples:

Wanted: Companion for Perilous Quest.
Must be loyal, brave, trustworthy and loving. No previous adventuring experience necessary. Good cooking skills are a plus, and ability to carry employer on back is a must. Lurk under the window at Bag-end for details.

Or a job application question:

Have you ever been cast out of Eä into the Void for reasons other than layoff due to lack of work?

Or an answer for the question: List all magic rings, equipment or any other skill related to the job you are applying for that you possess: "I am a Servant of the Secret Fire, Wielder of the Flame of Arnor, and Keeper of Narya, the Red Ring of Fire!"

You get the idea. Anything that has to do with employment, post it here!