Special News: The land of Modor

[good idea at the time]

Note: The Visine idea is not mine. I borrowed it from a friend. And as for the rest of it: I'm not entirely sure where I got the idea. Partly, it was inspired by Middle-Earth want-ads. If I have blantantly ripped anyone off, I apologize. Let me know and I'll give you credit.


We interupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this special news report.

With the discover of Visine, a revolutionary new eye care product, Sauron's nasty disposition seems to have, well, cleared up.

He's revolutionizing the once-dark land of Mordor into a major theme park. He is truly a creature of great vision, turning his dream into a spectacular reality.

Orcs are recieving sensitivity training and help with their people skills.

:::Camera zooms to ocrs throwing spears at an effigy of a hobbit. Skippy the Nazgul walks up to them and shakes his finger. He pats the effigy's head then stands back and smiles approvingly (or so we can guess) as the orcs do the same, grunting "Good halfling." Camera pans out:::


And it appears that the lands of Gondor, Rohan, Rivendell, Eriador, and Mirkwood, to name a few, which were once tagets of take-overs and raids, will now be huge marketing targets. What Elf, Man, or Hobbit wouldn't want to go on the thrilling "Ride of the Ringwraith" roller coaster?

Now, this new, nicer image of the once-Dark Lord doesn't mean he's giving up all of his old ambitions. Check out the admissions price:

:::Camera zooms in on a sign -- Admission: One Ring::::

And now, Sauron needs your help. He's looking for creative, forward-minded individuals to help make The Land of Mordor the best tourist attraction ever. The park still needs a catchy motto, since the Dark Lord isn't quite satisfied with Stewart the Ringwraith's "In the Land of Mordor, Where Hobbits Eat Free Fries." It's also yet to acquire mascots and any number of rides, restaurants, and games. So please write in with you ideas. If he likes them, the Dark Lord says he may "have mercy upon your lands when he gets the One Ring" --I mean, he may give you a job with nice dental benefits!

This is Ugluk the Uruk-Hai, from Isengaurd News: the station of many colors, signing out.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program: "The Short and the Hairy".