Hilarious - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Aroaraniel · 08-13-2002, 10:23 PM

I know I know I know what you're thinking (or WILL be thinking when I announce what this post is all about)...Not another stupid diary! Well, non-funny me won't be writing them...I found this extremely funny website (and maybe it's already been posted here, I don't know) full of all the Fellowship's diaries including Gollum's, a Ringwraith's, and more...
So, if you could put up with this, I'm gonna post some of these, because I find them EXTREMELY hilarious, and I want to share them with you! And if indeed these have been posted before, forgive me!

I'll start with Gollum's Diary: (oh, and the author of these, well lemme just give you the website where the author could be found::::: http://diaries.diagon.org/ )

Okay! The Very secret Diary Of Gollum!

Day One

Popped over to attend Pervy Hobbit Fanciers Anonymous Meeting in Misty Mountains only to discover was booby trap set by Sauron.

Stupid Sauron.

Day Five

Held captive by orcs in Barad-Dur. Have been forced to watch "Flipper" over and over until give in and tell them where Ring is. Damn evil methods of torture refined over millennia. Will not give in. Will remain strong.

Day Six

Orcs have switched to repeat viewings of "The Faculty." Cannot cope. Have told them where Ring is.

Day Eight

Escaped from Mordor. Have made way to Shire. Am v. disappointed that in last few weeks no one has responded to personal ad placed in Shire Weekly. "Toothless, fetid greenish creature ISO blue-eyed curly-headed hobbit. Must enjoy squatting in darkness, jewelry-fondling, and referring to self in third person. No smokers."

Day Ten

Finally caught up with Ringbearer in Rivendell, but cannot get near him as is constantly being half-drowned in bathtub by burly companion type, and have developed fear of water since being forced to watch dolphin movie 300 times.

Ugh. Strawberries. Hate strawberries.

Day Eleven

Attempt to infiltrate Council of Elrond in lawn ornament disguise unsuccessful. Was stashed in storage closet by annoying Glorfindel, where was trapped for hours while Elrond tried on all Arwen's dresses in front of mirror, while muttering something about Legolas not being the prettiest after all. Miss days of yore, when men were men and dwarves were dwarves, and elves wore trousers. Although something to be said for Legolas' boots-and-skirt ensemble.

Day Thirteen

Left Rivendell, following Fellowship. Sent Elrond anonymous letter telling him purple does not suit his complexion. Expect to hear screams of rage all the way to Gap of Rohan.

Day Fifteen

Cannot believe men still using hoary old 'Blow the Horn of Gondor' pickup line. Remember when original plans to have Xylophone of Gondor scrapped by Steward in favor of silly-looking horn. Now know why.

Too bad for Isildur's Heir, who has no Horn of Gondor (and hobbits have expressed no interest in his stubble collection) since he obviously fancies Frodo. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

:::Still more:::

08-13-2002, 10:23 PM	#1
Aroaraniel Wight Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Buckland Posts: 158	Hilarious I know I know I know what you're thinking (or WILL be thinking when I announce what this post is all about)...Not another stupid diary! Well, non-funny me won't be writing them...I found this extremely funny website (and maybe it's already been posted here, I don't know) full of all the Fellowship's diaries including Gollum's, a Ringwraith's, and more... So, if you could put up with this, I'm gonna post some of these, because I find them EXTREMELY hilarious, and I want to share them with you! And if indeed these have been posted before, forgive me! I'll start with Gollum's Diary: (oh, and the author of these, well lemme just give you the website where the author could be found::::: http://diaries.diagon.org/ ) Okay! The Very secret Diary Of Gollum! Day One Popped over to attend Pervy Hobbit Fanciers Anonymous Meeting in Misty Mountains only to discover was booby trap set by Sauron. Stupid Sauron. Day Five Held captive by orcs in Barad-Dur. Have been forced to watch "Flipper" over and over until give in and tell them where Ring is. Damn evil methods of torture refined over millennia. Will not give in. Will remain strong. Day Six Orcs have switched to repeat viewings of "The Faculty." Cannot cope. Have told them where Ring is. Day Eight Escaped from Mordor. Have made way to Shire. Am v. disappointed that in last few weeks no one has responded to personal ad placed in Shire Weekly. "Toothless, fetid greenish creature ISO blue-eyed curly-headed hobbit. Must enjoy squatting in darkness, jewelry-fondling, and referring to self in third person. No smokers." Day Ten Finally caught up with Ringbearer in Rivendell, but cannot get near him as is constantly being half-drowned in bathtub by burly companion type, and have developed fear of water since being forced to watch dolphin movie 300 times. Ugh. Strawberries. Hate strawberries. Day Eleven Attempt to infiltrate Council of Elrond in lawn ornament disguise unsuccessful. Was stashed in storage closet by annoying Glorfindel, where was trapped for hours while Elrond tried on all Arwen's dresses in front of mirror, while muttering something about Legolas not being the prettiest after all. Miss days of yore, when men were men and dwarves were dwarves, and elves wore trousers. Although something to be said for Legolas' boots-and-skirt ensemble. Day Thirteen Left Rivendell, following Fellowship. Sent Elrond anonymous letter telling him purple does not suit his complexion. Expect to hear screams of rage all the way to Gap of Rohan. Day Fifteen Cannot believe men still using hoary old 'Blow the Horn of Gondor' pickup line. Remember when original plans to have Xylophone of Gondor scrapped by Steward in favor of silly-looking horn. Now know why. Too bad for Isildur's Heir, who has no Horn of Gondor (and hobbits have expressed no interest in his stubble collection) since he obviously fancies Frodo. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. :::Still more::: __________________ Pippin and Merry rule! -- Lissenen ar' maska'lalaith tenna' lye omentuva!