The LOTR: TTT (movie only) Drinking Game for Dry Townies

[Emni Windrunner]

Alternate Thread Title: Why Emni Should Not Get Snowed in for Three Days Straight

Yes, the brain has been contemplating drinking games again, and you can blame the Blizzard of '03 that struck a couple of weeks ago. No power, no heat, no way out, and nothing to do except think of all sorts of odd things that I could later refine and inflict on all of you. So here you go: the fruit of my labors, a suitable drinking game for teetotalers and college students in dry towns.

TAKE A DRINK WHEN...

The Ents show up at Helm's Deep.

Narsil is re-forged, shown, or even mentioned.

Shelob makes an appearance.

Gollum is admitted to a mental institution and treated for dissociative personality disorder.

Frodo observes that they have "stopped for lunch forty-nine times".

It is explained how Haldir of Lorien was sent to Helm's Deep by Elrond of Rivendell.

We are told why Gimli is the one to sound the Horn of Helm Hammerhand.

Eowyn leads the people to Dunharrow.

When Sam observes at Osgiliath that he and Frodo shouldn't even be there, a book-reading fan comes onscreen, gives him a high-five, and calls out a resounding "Amen!"

The Ents march to war without Pippin having to trick Treebeard into going south.

Faramir proves to be different from Boromir--from the very beginning.

When Gollum returns with the rabbits, Sam becomes horrified and screams, "You just killed Babs and Buster, you psycho!"

Following Helm's Deep, Aragorn is having a conversation with Legolas and "accidentally" mentions a certain Dwarf-tossing episode.

Eomer speaks ill of Galadriel and is threatened with the prospect of learning the praises of a lady beneath the loving strokes of a Dwarf's axe.

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli decide (after their dramatic entrance at Meduseld) that they are better suited for Jackie Chan movies than for epic fantasy films. They are replaced for the rest of the trilogy by Hawthorne, Legoland, and Gimlet.

Legolas and Gimli discuss plans to go to Bree after the war and start a duo stand-up comedy routine at the Prancing Pony.

Legolas confesses (after his shield-down-the-stairs move) that he has been the Misty Mountains snowboarding champion for two millennia straight.

After Treebeard steps on the Orc, Mery winces and says, "That's going to leave a mark!"

When Shadowfax comes running up the hill, Gandalf grins and says, "Lassie!"

At Osgiliath, when Sam asks Frodo where he's going, Frodo replies, "The fridge, man. I got the munchies."

Arwen arrives at the Grey Havens.

Heck, Arwen arrives anywhere.

Upon arriving at the edge of Fangorn, Aragorn looks appraisingly at the Uruk head-on-a-pike and says, "Cool. That would look great in my living room!"

Someone warns Eowyn that she doesn't stand a chance with Aragorn (due to a certain Elf chick), and she should consider Faramir as an alternative.

Wormtongue tries to brain Gandalf with the palantir.

Wormtongue drops his candle into that nice little pile of black rocks and Orthanc becomes a pile of rubble before the Ents even arrive.

An Orc at Helm's Deep goes rushing through the ranks carrying a torch, dodges some arrows, keeps going even after Legolas shoots him, reaches the wall...and dashes up the stairs to light the Olympic torch.

When Treebeard emerges from Fangorn with Merry and Pippin, he finds Smokey Bear there, setting up a sign that reads, "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires".

We actually see Gimli pushing off of him two dead Wargs and a dead Orc.

Following the above feat, Gimli confesses that he can bench press four hundred pounds.

We actually see a Dwarf woman.

We discover that Gimli is a Dwarf woman.

Faramir confesses that the only reason he asked for word from his scouts was to give movie viewers a peek at a map.

In the opening sequence, one of the members of the Fellowship gets a funny look on his face and says, "I have this really weird feeling of deja vu. Have we been here before?"

When Sam and Frodo admire Gollum's ability to climb up and down cliffs, he brags that it's a side-effect of his having been bitten by a radioactive spider in his youth.

Theoden stands on the Deeping Wall and yells to the Orcs, "Come on guys, can't we all just get along?"

Saruman gets worried and consults the Weird Sisters, who assure him that he need have no fear until Fangorn Wood shall come to Isengard.

After his fall following Gandalf's liberation of Theoden, Saruman gets a lawyer and a neck brace, then files a lawsuit against Gandalf the Grey for pain, suffering, and lost wages.

Gandalf gets out of the above suit because he is no longer Gandalf the Grey.

As the Orc army marches out of Isengard, Carl the Guard chases Yako, Wacko, and Dot Warner across a hill in the background.

After Helm's Deep, Haldir jumps up from the pile of bodies and yells, "Gotcha!"

Frodo (or anyone else, for that matter) puts on the Ring.

Legolas, fed up with having to comb out his hair in between scenes, goes out and gets dredlocks.

In the midst of his orders to the Elvish warriors, Aragorn adds, "And let's kick some Orc butt!"

As Aragorn and Gimli are being pulled up the Deeping Wall, Fezzick, Inigo, Vizini, and Buttercup pass them on another rope about five feet away, followed shortly thereafter by a masked man in black.

Gandalf unleashes a fire extinguisher on the Balrog.

Smokey Bear joins the Ents in charging Isengard.

After jumping off the cliff, the Warg returns to his den with Aragorn and says, "Mommy, can I keep him? He followed me home."

It is pointed out that the Southrons marching through Ithilien look a lot like Shredder's footsoldiers.

Three words: Arwen, Warrior Princess (Emni's fingers are crossed that this will continue to be the case.)

Eowyn says something civil to Wormtongue.

Eomer says something civil to Wormtongue.

Heck, anyone says something civil to Wormtongue.

We discover that Wormtongue is a victim of society, whose villainy is ultimately the fault of his parents, teachers, and anyone else available for blame.

Sam refers to the Shire as the "Goon-docks".

Gollum discovers cough drops and speaks in a clear baritone for the rest of the trilogy.

A fleck of dust or ash gets into the Eye of Sauron, causing it to water, which in turn causes it to go out.

Someone says, "Hey, Mikey!" and both Sam and Frodo look up.

[ April 04, 2003: Message edited by: Emni Windrunner ]