The Revenge of the Entish Bow - RPG

[Kuruharan]

"I’ll look next," said Kuruharan.

His intention was balked by the fact that the Salad Bowl was one of these trendy numbers with legs and was sitting on top of its pedestal. He could not conveniently look down into the bowl.

"Hmm," he muttered.

"I’ll help you darling...uh, I mean, dwarf," said Saladriel eagerly. She rushed forward to take hold of Kuruharan and hoist him up. Whether she actually could have, or indeed would even really have tried is a mystery left to the ages because Kuruharan unknowingly forestalled her.

"Oh, never mind," said Kuruharan. "Here’s a nice chair."

"Drattit!" snarled Saladriel under her breath.

Not-King Celery, utterly taken with watching the paint on a nearby wall dry, did not notice any of this exchange.

Kuruharan plopped the chair down on the ground in front of the Salad Bowl. Climbing up onto it he stared down into the depths of herbage for a long moment.

A veeeery long moment.

"Well," said Vogonwë impatiently, "what do you see?"

Another long moment passed.

At last Kuruharan replied.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…"

"Oh for..." said Halfullion.

Saladriel was in the process of casting Halfullion a nasty look when Kuruharan suddenly reeled in the chair and crashed face down into the great and wondrous Salad Bowl of Saladriel breaking it into several pieces.

"Eeekk!" squawked Celery.

"My precious!" cried Saladriel.

"My gracious!" shouted everybody else.

"My nose!" howled an abruptly awakened Kuruharan.

"Look at this, the Salad Bowl is ruined!" shouted an angry Celery. "You’d better be able to pay for this!"

"How dare you speak to my darling, I mean my guest, like that!" bawled Saladriel.

*WHALLOP*

Saladriel’s backhand blow sent Celery flying into the wall he had been so fascinated by earlier. He spent the next several hours lying there like a wet noodle.

"Oh, my poor dwarf," soothed Saladriel. "Let me help you." She sat down beside him, put his head in her lap, and started wiping away all the various oils and leafage that besoiled Kuruharan’s face.

Oblivious to the fact that he was suddenly in a situation that most males of any race would kill their entire families to be in, Kuruharan could only think of a way to get out of this mess without having to pay for repairs to the bowl, or even worse, having to replace it altogether.

"No harm done! No harm done!" cried Kuruharan hurriedly. He sprang up and started gathering the pieces of the once-mighty Salad Bowl of Saladriel.

"I have just the thing to fix it!" So saying, Kuruharan pulled out a fat roll of gray...something. He immediately started pulling strips of this gray stuff off and laying them on the breaks in the bowl.

Wonder of wonders! The Bowl was restored, with a funny new gray pattern along where the breaks had been.

"There you see!" announced Kuruharan triumphantly. "Good as new, and better!" He began scooping the remains of the salad back into the bowl.

"I think that since I made such an improvement in the design we can just call this whole thing square," Kuruharan said hopefully.

"Don’t you need me to fawn over you a little more?" said Saladriel rather forlornly.

"I knew that you would see things my way!" said Kuruharan happily, totally unaware of what had actually been said.

"What is that stuff?" asked Orogarn Two dubiously.

"The making of it is a secret of my folk," announced Kuruharan importantly. "In our tongue we call it ‘Dûct-tape.’ Among the Dalemen it is known as ‘Duck Tape.’ It works wonders on just about anything that is broken. Indeed all the male-dwarves and the Men of Dale use it to repair everything."

"WOW!" said Halfullion and Earnur in unison. Seeing that this was a creation that was truly masculine in every way, they had to have some of it for themselves. "How much?" they asked together.

As this sale went forward Saladriel fumed on the ground. Seeing the state that she was in, Kuruharan thought that he might make her some favorable deal on something, believing as he did that she was upset about the Salad Bowl.

Looking about him hurriedly for something to trade he spotted some of Saladriel’s hares sitting under the trees.

"How would you like to make a bargain on some of your hares?" he asked encouragingly.

Chrysophylax was lying on the ground some distance away with his head in his claws.

"Oh, I can’t watch this," moaned Chrysophylax to himself. "This is pathetic!"

[ February 03, 2003: Message edited by: Kuruharan ]