Saruman to "Take Control" of Iraq

[Eurytus]

In a stunning move designed to rescue America's faltering position in Iraq, the Brains Trust has learned that the United States will transfer control of Iraq to "Saruman, Wizard of Isengard".

A senior American diplomat stated that the United States has reached an "agreement in principle" with the wizard to transfer control of the entire political and military apparatus in Iraq "within two to three weeks." "We believe that Saruman brings a unique skill set to the table," the diplomat explained, citing the wizard's "awesome magical powers, ability to exploit natural resources, and general flexibility of morals." The diplomat also noted that Saruman's "extensive history of successful orc management should provide him with excellent experience as he deals with the rather brutish Iraqi rabble." The move also allows the embattled Bush administration to shed an increasingly unpopular military conflict "without kowtowing to those insufferable fairies at the UN," the diplomat added.

The new American policy in Iraq has already generated controversy, with several observers raising questions about Saruman's allegedly checkered past. "I'm not sure that anyone who has worked for Sauron, a hideous entity of apparently limitless evil, is really fit to run a modern nation-state," said General Wesley Clark, a Democratic presidential candidate and frequent critic of Bush's Iraq policies. Gadd dismissed Clark's statement as "a vicious partisan smear," arguing that Saruman's connection with Sauron "had never been proven," and that in any event Sauron was "tragically misunderstood."

Environmentalists have raised concerns about Saruman's land management policies when he was in charge of Isengard. "He effected a degree of environmental devastation that the universe has seldom witnessed," one activist charged, but Gadd said such accusations were "overblown." "Saruman acknowledges that in an effort to bring economic development to an impoverished region of Middle Earth, he may have been too aggressive in his management of Isengard's timber resources," Gadd said, "but how many trees are there in Iraq? The place is a ****ing desert."
http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk/article.70.2965.html