translation of "The Fall of Gil-galad"

[Roccotari Eldandil]

I was re-reading FotR the other day, and I came across the part in "A Knife in the Dark" where Sam says some of a poem about Gil-galad. Reading on, Aragorn says that this poem was in "an ancient tongue." So I thought, maybe that was Quenya. And now to my point: I tried translating it into Quenya, and I'd very much appreciate it if you would offer your critique. I'm still learning so I'm most likely wrong on stuff like grammar. Also, I had to kind of derive some stuff, see bottom for notes on weird words. Here it is (English then Quenya):

Gil-galad was an Elven-king.
Of him the harpers sadly sing:
the last whose realm was fair and free
between the Mountains and the Sea.

His sword was long, his lance was keen,
his shining helm afar was seen;
the countless stars of heaven’s field
were mirrored in his silver shield.

But long ago he rode away,
and where he dwelleth none can say;
for into darkness fell his star
in Mordor where the shadows are.


Elen-cálë né Eldaron aran.
Sen i tyalangani úvalinavë lindar:
ardarya né i telda ëa vanya ar léra
imbë i Oronti ar i Eär.

Macilerya né anda, ehterya né laica,
sílala cassarya háya né cenna;
i únótimë eleni Menelwa pelero
ner naltaina mi silma turmarya.

Mal anda yá nornë sinomello
ar yasse mára laquén polë quetë;
an morniesse lantane elenerya
Mornóressë yassë i fuini ëar.

• Elen-cále: Gil-galad (starlight)
• né: past tense of ná (read something about this somewhere)
• sen: se "he" plus dative ending. so this is really "to him" rather than "for him" because I couldn't find a word that would connotate the right kind of "of" (i.e. about.)
• úvalinave: ú=negative prefix, valin=happy, ave="-ly"
• 3rd line: this is super-weird. couldn't find words for an exact translation, so I ended up saying "his realm was the last to be (ëa used as infinitive) fair and free"
• I derived my own verb "nalta-" from the word for "glittering reflection," which I unfortunately can't remember now and am too lazy to look up (sorry!). NOTE: for all derivations, I don't have the Etymologies, so these aren't taken from roots, just pulled out of Quenya words and my own twisted brain.
• anda yá: long+ago. grammar probably wrong, please help!
• EDIT 6/23: nornë: "rode" taken from guessed verb "nor-", found in Sindarin command "Noro lim!"; I figured the verb might be the same in Quenya.
• sinomello: no word for "away" so I used "from this place."
• láquén: lá- "not"+quén "person" so literally "not a [single] person"=no one?
• Mornóre: Mordor as it might appear in Quenya.
• ëar: plural of ëa.

If you got through all that and are still awake enough to critique, post away!

[ June 23, 2003: Message edited by: Roccotari Eldandil ]

[ June 23, 2003: Message edited by: Roccotari Eldandil ]