How to Annoy Sauron(a.k.a How to get yourself killed) - Page 2 - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Elonve · 01-09-2007, 07:58 AM

Make fat jokes about his 'Mummy'

Talk in a very annoying spitty voice.

Prance around in his knickers singing, "I am Lord Sauron! Weeeeee!"
________
Vaporizers For Sale

Morai · 01-09-2007, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Get an overweight Orc to wear Sauron's armour and parade around in it doing poor impressions of The Dark Lord.

Nah, I think an prissy, stuck up elf would be better. Or, in case the elf refuses on grounds of poor pay, have Saruman do the job. That would really tick Sauron off.

Elonve · 01-17-2007, 04:12 AM

poke him in his eye
________
SQUIRTING WET

Morai · 01-17-2007, 09:59 AM

Walk up to Sauron, and tell him in a professional voice "Boss? The Police called earlier. It seems they've written you a ticket for using a Palantir while driving."

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-17-2007, 10:01 AM

Morris Dancing... Orcs?

Alphaelin · 01-30-2007, 02:22 AM

Tell him you've enrolled the Orcs in ballet class, and that he has to watch their recital. Dress the Orcs in pink costumes, with maribou feathers. Make the Orcs dance to 'I'm a little teapot', and make them practice it about fifty times a day. Be sure to plan the recital for the exact moment Aragorn's army shows up at the Morannon.

Elmo · 01-30-2007, 10:33 AM

Claim that the size of Barad-Dur is Sauron trying to compensate for something

THE LACK OF A SECOND EYE of course, what did you think i was meaning

Chant ma me ma mo, ma me ma mae over and over again in an irritating high pitch voice, no wait just get Pippin to do it

***Thenamir*** · 01-30-2007, 01:13 PM

Send him a case of Visine.

Celegost · 03-15-2007, 03:39 PM

When hes adressing his massive orc army, shout "everybody dance now"

xyzzy · 03-15-2007, 06:49 PM

Vividly describe a dream to him which you had where he dies a torturous death.

Include stabbing sound effects for bonus points.

Eye stabbing sounds.

The Sixth Wizard · 03-16-2007, 06:01 AM

Build up a massive army of elves, men and other nice people, invade Barad-Dur and set a dog on him 'just like old times'.

Tell him Luthien is better than him.

Tell him Felagund nearly beat him at singing.

Laugh at his singing.

STOP HIM SINGING.

Tell him that even if Minas Tirith had been invaded and there was a second Dark Years that Eru would have put a foot in and sunk the party anyway.

Tell him his old vampire suit makes his rear end look big.

Listen to him say his eye is superior to all attack and sees all, then get a mate and sneak up on him from behind and front simultaneously.

Tell him that he has the worst army in Battle For Middle Earth 2.

Tell him Saruman's orcs are bigger, smarter and have more dynamite.

Inform him of the fact he was beaten by a dog OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

Then inform him of the fact he was beaten by a midget.

... And his chief servant was beaten by a girl.

Tell him Aragorn looks more manly than him.

Ask whether wearing a big black helmet hides his pimples.

Enlighten him upon Olay Ultra-Clear. (the spot is gone in 24 hours!)

Tell him Artemis Fowl is WAY smarter than him.

Then prove it in a game of cross-book correspondence chess.

Ask whether he is really a HE.

...Run away from her.

Aaaaaah, cynicality.

lothlorien · 05-18-2007, 07:06 AM

Throw popcorn kerdles into mount doom and then ask him what movie does he want to watch with you.

Then ask to watch it on the eye of Sauron and when he says no pout and say well you said you can see everything" and then complain that he never wants to do anything with you.

Boo Radley · 05-18-2007, 08:50 AM

When the spotlight-like beam from his eye hits you, go into an old soft shoe number.

That's what I'd do.

Seriously.

Morgoth's Apprentice · 05-15-2008, 11:55 PM

-dump a bucket of water on his eye
-try to put his eye out with a pointed stick
-insult him right to his face (i mean eye i guess)
-tell him that the witch king is a poor choice for a servant
-insult Morgoth in front of him
-play hide and seek with him until he gets ****ed off that he cant find you

..more to come later...

kementari · 05-22-2008, 06:02 AM

Firstly misplace his morning supply of coffee...
Pull all the blankets on to your side (he doesn't need them, he's all flames anyway)
Don't iron the creases out of his work shirts.

I'm sure he's not that tempamental, but hey who knows.

Galadriel55 · 11-20-2010, 07:01 PM

Tell him he's cross-eyed.
Spray hair-spray into his eye.
Tell him that 9 fingers really isn't enough for a King of ME.
Offer him to tutor him in music. Particularly in singing.
Ask him if he ever blinks.
Present him with a fake Ruling Ring.
Through sand in his eye.
Tell him that a hairy midget will destroy him.
Knock on Barad-dur's gates and say "pizza's here!"
Tell him that there are atom bombs prepared in Minas Tirith, and his best weapon is a rusty musket.
Tell him that his eye would be more attractive if it was green.
Say "Huan" in his earshot (eye-shot?)
Remind him that he doesn't have a license to use a palantir.

There are so many ways!

Galadriel55 · 12-22-2010, 05:18 PM

Ask Sauron, "can I please borrow your contact lenses?"

Or simply tell him that he needs glasses.

Lotrelf · 05-27-2014, 06:56 PM

Dear Sauron, can I hire your country and especially Barad-dur for a month or so? I want to shoot for an episode of Man vs. Wild. We'll come on Eagles so that it doesn't take long.
And
Don't you get bored sitting all the time in your creepy Tower? Go and see the world it's better.

Ivriniel · 06-18-2014, 02:34 AM

Tell him that, really, he was just jealous of Arwen, because, secretly, he had the hots for Aragorn, and never coped with the rejection. And offer him anti-stalking counselling.

Lotrelf · 06-18-2014, 08:02 AM

Another one: Show him this thread. We'd see if he isn't annoyed! And doesn't come to kill us ALL.

01-09-2007, 07:58 AM	#41
Elonve Wight Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Where the stars go blue. Posts: 153	Make fat jokes about his 'Mummy' Talk in a very annoying spitty voice. Prance around in his knickers singing, "I am Lord Sauron! Weeeeee!" ________ Vaporizers For Sale Last edited by Elonve; 04-09-2011 at 06:23 PM.

01-17-2007, 04:12 AM	#43
Elonve Wight Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Where the stars go blue. Posts: 153	poke him in his eye ________ SQUIRTING WET Last edited by Elonve; 04-09-2011 at 06:23 PM.

01-17-2007, 09:59 AM	#44
Morai Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: May 2002 Location: Where young people go to retire Posts: 709	Random Titles get pulled over.... Walk up to Sauron, and tell him in a professional voice "Boss? The Police called earlier. It seems they've written you a ticket for using a Palantir while driving." __________________ "So why the safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar? MeWithoutYou http://fortyfifthparadox.com

01-17-2007, 10:01 AM	#45
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Morris Dancing... Orcs? __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

01-30-2007, 02:22 AM	#46
Alphaelin Wight Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Tottering about in the Wild Posts: 130	Tell him you've enrolled the Orcs in ballet class, and that he has to watch their recital. Dress the Orcs in pink costumes, with maribou feathers. Make the Orcs dance to 'I'm a little teapot', and make them practice it about fifty times a day. Be sure to plan the recital for the exact moment Aragorn's army shows up at the Morannon. __________________ Not all those who wander are lost . . . because some of us know how to read a map.

01-30-2007, 10:33 AM	#47
Elmo Pittodrie Poltergeist Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: trying to find that warm and winding lane again Posts: 633	Claim that the size of Barad-Dur is Sauron trying to compensate for something THE LACK OF A SECOND EYE of course, what did you think i was meaning Chant ma me ma mo, ma me ma mae over and over again in an irritating high pitch voice, no wait just get Pippin to do it __________________ As Beren looked into her eyes within the shadows of her hair, The trembling starlight of the skies he saw there mirrored shimmering.

01-30-2007, 01:13 PM	#48
*Thenamir* Spectre of Capitalism Join Date: May 2001 Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae Posts: 987	Send him a case of Visine. __________________ The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius

03-15-2007, 03:39 PM	#49
Celegost Pile O'Bones Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Hobbiton Posts: 23	When hes adressing his massive orc army, shout "everybody dance now" __________________ From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king.

03-15-2007, 06:49 PM	#50
xyzzy Haunting Spirit Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ozark, MO Posts: 53	Vividly describe a dream to him which you had where he dies a torturous death. Include stabbing sound effects for bonus points. Eye stabbing sounds.

03-16-2007, 06:01 AM	#51
The Sixth Wizard Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Stuck under a rock in Valinor with Ar-Pharazon. Posts: 480	Build up a massive army of elves, men and other nice people, invade Barad-Dur and set a dog on him 'just like old times'. Tell him Luthien is better than him. Tell him Felagund nearly beat him at singing. Laugh at his singing. STOP HIM SINGING. Tell him that even if Minas Tirith had been invaded and there was a second Dark Years that Eru would have put a foot in and sunk the party anyway. Tell him his old vampire suit makes his rear end look big. Listen to him say his eye is superior to all attack and sees all, then get a mate and sneak up on him from behind and front simultaneously. Tell him that he has the worst army in Battle For Middle Earth 2. Tell him Saruman's orcs are bigger, smarter and have more dynamite. Inform him of the fact he was beaten by a dog OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Then inform him of the fact he was beaten by a midget. ... And his chief servant was beaten by a girl. Tell him Aragorn looks more manly than him. Ask whether wearing a big black helmet hides his pimples. Enlighten him upon Olay Ultra-Clear. (the spot is gone in 24 hours!) Tell him Artemis Fowl is WAY smarter than him. Then prove it in a game of cross-book correspondence chess. Ask whether he is really a HE. ...Run away from her. Aaaaaah, cynicality.

05-18-2007, 07:06 AM	#52
lothlorien Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Stalking the fellowship Posts: 38	Throw popcorn kerdles into mount doom and then ask him what movie does he want to watch with you. Then ask to watch it on the eye of Sauron and when he says no pout and say well you said you can see everything" and then complain that he never wants to do anything with you.

05-18-2007, 08:50 AM	#53
Boo Radley Wight Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ohio. Believe it or not. Posts: 145	When the spotlight-like beam from his eye hits you, go into an old soft shoe number. That's what I'd do. Seriously. __________________ Don't believe everything you read on the interwebs. That's how World War 1 got started!

05-15-2008, 11:55 PM	#54
Morgoth's Apprentice Animated Skeleton Join Date: May 2008 Location: In Angband, chillin with Morgoth and learning how to take over the world Posts: 38	-dump a bucket of water on his eye -try to put his eye out with a pointed stick -insult him right to his face (i mean eye i guess) -tell him that the witch king is a poor choice for a servant -insult Morgoth in front of him -play hide and seek with him until he gets ****ed off that he cant find you ..more to come later...

05-22-2008, 06:02 AM	#55
kementari Haunting Spirit Join Date: May 2003 Location: Amongst the Ferns: New Zealand Posts: 56	Annoying Sauron Firstly misplace his morning supply of coffee... Pull all the blankets on to your side (he doesn't need them, he's all flames anyway) Don't iron the creases out of his work shirts. I'm sure he's not that tempamental, but hey who knows. __________________ ~ Kementari ~ Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo.

11-20-2010, 07:01 PM	#56
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,401	Tell him he's cross-eyed. Spray hair-spray into his eye. Tell him that 9 fingers really isn't enough for a King of ME. Offer him to tutor him in music. Particularly in singing. Ask him if he ever blinks. Present him with a fake Ruling Ring. Through sand in his eye. Tell him that a hairy midget will destroy him. Knock on Barad-dur's gates and say "pizza's here!" Tell him that there are atom bombs prepared in Minas Tirith, and his best weapon is a rusty musket. Tell him that his eye would be more attractive if it was green. Say "Huan" in his earshot (eye-shot?) Remind him that he doesn't have a license to use a palantir. There are so many ways! __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera Last edited by Galadriel55; 12-22-2010 at 05:38 PM.

12-22-2010, 05:18 PM	#57
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,401	And another one: Ask Sauron, "can I please borrow your contact lenses?" Or simply tell him that he needs glasses. __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera

05-27-2014, 06:56 PM	#58
Lotrelf Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Mar 2014 Posts: 265	Dear Sauron, can I hire your country and especially Barad-dur for a month or so? I want to shoot for an episode of Man vs. Wild. We'll come on Eagles so that it doesn't take long. And Don't you get bored sitting all the time in your creepy Tower? Go and see the world it's better. __________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. ~Sophocles

06-18-2014, 02:34 AM	#59
Ivriniel Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Feb 2014 Posts: 430	Tell him that, really, he was just jealous of Arwen, because, secretly, he had the hots for Aragorn, and never coped with the rejection. And offer him anti-stalking counselling.

06-18-2014, 08:02 AM	#60
Lotrelf Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Mar 2014 Posts: 265	Another one: Show him this thread. We'd see if he isn't annoyed! And doesn't come to kill us ALL. __________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. ~Sophocles