Be careful what you wish for...

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish Denethor hadn't killed himself.

Granted! But without his suicide someone else had to step up and kill his/herself. In the end the weight fell on Aragorn and the last heir to the throne of Gondor died.

I wish wargs had been used by Men and Elves.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish wargs had been used by Men and Elves.

Granted. The Wolfus Demonicus, or the Warg, primarily feasts upon halflings.

I wish the people of Middle-Earth realized that Sauron wasn't that bright.

[ohtatyaro]

Originally Posted by The 1,000 Reader

I wish the people of Middle-Earth realized that Sauron wasn't that bright.

They do some years before BIlbo goes to Rivendell. Everybody is happy, they keep saying, 'ah, this Sauron is not that bright, he'll never guess where the Ring is', 'ah, this Sauron is not that bright, he'll never learn where Shire is'...

Underestimation leads to the fact that Nazgul seize Frodo and force the Ring from him. I mean, he never moves anywhere, and is captured by the Bag-End smoking his after-breakfast pipe... sad story, but true...

I wish Blue Wizards would be present at the Council of Elrond and tell their story

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by ohtatyaro

I wish Blue Wizards would be present at the Council of Elrond and tell their story

Granted. They show up and tell their story. However, it is 400,000 pages long, means nothing and goes nowhere and ultimately they are cast into the river with heavy weights attached to their faces.

I wish Théoden had made Wormtong dress like a clown.

[Brinniel]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Théoden had made Wormtong dress like a clown.

Granted. Unfortunately, Eowyn had a terrible fear of clowns and the moment she caught the slightest glimpse of Wormtongue, she ran herself off a cliff.

I wish Isildur had destroyed the Ring when he had the chance.

[Volo]

Originally Posted by Brinniel

I wish Isildur had destroyed the Ring when he had the chance.

So be it. Isildur destroyed the Ring, because Tolkien got fed up with LotR and wanted to get rid of it quickly. That means that LotR was 24,7 pages long and no other books about ME ever came later. Sad, but true...

I wish Boromir was a gangsta rapper with tons of bling blings on his neck. (And a golden handgun.)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Volo

I wish Boromir was a gangsta rapper with tons of bling blings on his neck. (And a golden handgun.)

Granted. However, due to his incoherent speeches such as: "eh-man, wacha tinkin bout ma main man o you know I'm all over that respect ya'll ma' man." and his vast number of golden accessories that bled Gondor dry and his golden gun that killed people, Boromir was accused of being a witch and was burned at the stake.

I wish Saruman had a hat like Gandalf's only bigger.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Saruman had a hat like Gandalf's only bigger.

Your wish is granted. But Saruman had no cattle, so he sent the Uruk-Hai to steal Gandalf's cattle, only the Uruk-Hai ate it.

I wish that Tom Bombadil had a prominent role in Lord of the Rings.

[Farael]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish that Tom Bombadil had a prominent role in Lord of the Rings.

Granted! Indeed, as the grey company (the Dunedain that go meet with Aragorn in Rohan) are leaving Rivendell and as Elrond is telling them their last words the following happens:

Elrond (solemnly): "And tell Aragorn, son of Arathron that when time presses he must seek... Tom Bombadill!! Dude, what are you doing all the way here? man, come here, give me some sugar... oh dude, I haven't seen you in so long! how's the wife?"

Aragorn is very confused by those words and spends his time pondering them. By the time he realizes that it was just Elrond being happy about Tom visiting him all of a sudden and decides to ride to war, it's too late and Middle Earth is lost.

I wish that hobits rather than being "halflings" were "twice-as-much-lings"

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that hobits rather than being "halflings" were "twice-as-much-lings"

Your wish is granted. Because Frodo was too tall for sneaking into Mordor, Gimli was made the ringbearer instead. After surviving the various hazards of Mordor with the dubious help of Legolas, he refused to throw the Ring into the fire. Legolas put an arrow into Gimli's heart and threw himself in the Cracks of Doom because of his grief.

I wish Denethor was a Shakespearean actor.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish Denethor was a Shakespearean actor.

Granted! Too bad it's so hard to break out as a Shakespearean actor in Middle-Earth. The elves have a monopoly on that. Still Denethor managed to get a role in Hamlet as Ophelia.

I wish Melkor had made a sitcom.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish Melkor had made a sitcom.

Your wish is Richard E Granted.
'Melkor's funny happenings' has one pilot in which he keeps throwing apples at Sauron and making him slip on banana skins while the 'studio audience'* laughs whole heartily. The show is cancelled and Melkor resorts to cameo rolls in Sauron's new sit com 'All my Rings'.

I wish Minas Trith was orange.


*Consisting of Melkor along

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Minas Trith was orange.

Granted!

Sadly, Gandalf is so appalled by the atrocious grammar of your request ("was" instead of "were") he refuses to help the Orange City in its need and stands by cheering as Sauron's army -- using a giant paring knife -- peels off its walls before squeezing it dry and throwing away the skins...

I wish Legolas had blond hair and pointy ears.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Fordim Hedgethistle

I wish Legolas had blond hair and pointy ears.

Granted.
He is beaten up at school (all other Elves had dark hair) and falls into deep depression and then throws himself in front of a speeding Orc.

I wish Anduril would make funny noises whenever it hit something.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Anduril would make funny noises whenever it hit something.

Granted. Unfortunately it makes a "Boing" noise.

I wish Aragorn and Eowyn had gotten married.

[Rikae]

I wish Aragorn and Eowyn had gotten married.

Granted!

Unfortunately, Aragorn and Arwen were also married, so all three were arrested for bigamy; Faramir died of a broken heart, and the rule of Gondor went to the third in line: Gothmog.

I wish Gollum always looked like he did when he found the ring.

[Azaelia of Willowbottom]

Originally Posted by Rikae

I wish Gollum always looked like he did when he found the ring.

Granted! Gollum now is eternally young Smeagol, at least in looks (I hope that's what you're wishing for...for some reason, my brain got a little confused...so sorry if it wasn't!).

Unfortunately, this upset the balance of the universe, and in compensation, everyone else woke up looking like Gollum hundreds of years after he found the Ring. Bad luck.

I wish that instead of taking the shape of a giant Eye, Sauron had chosen to look like a giant foot.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Azaelia of Willowbottom

I wish that instead of taking the shape of a giant Eye, Sauron had chosen to look like a giant foot.

Granted. However, despite his hopes of 'kicking some behinds', he has terrible foot odour. This, in turn, leads to the abandoning of Gondor and Rohan as well as Mordor itself and Sauron is left in isolation. He goes mad and starts stomping out all life on the planet.

I wish Tree Beard could fly!

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish Tree Beard could fly!

Granted. Unfortunately, Treebeard is too preoccupied with the question of whether or not he has wings to actually fly.

I wish I was the King of Gondor.

[Farael]

Originally Posted by Meneltarmacil

I wish I was the King of Gondor.

Can you say Granted? no, you can't? hmm... well, I can. GRANTED!!

Sadly, we are in what, the seventh age? and Gondor has not survived into today's times.

I wish the walls of Minas Tirith were made of jello

[Valesse]

Originally Posted by Farael

I wish the walls of Minas Tirith were made of jello

Ala-ka-bizmo..! Or something to that liking...

So the walls of Minas Tirith are made of jello, right? Well thats all well and good... and wiggley/transluscent, but we're going to have some issues here. First off, if there were to be any major battles at the walls of Minas Tirith *ahem* we'd be seeing a lot of little orcsies abusing the properties of everyone's favorite psuedo-solid. cutting their way through it but getting stuck mid-way and sufficating... Can you just imagine the smell when that GIANT wall of jello were to rot away or shrink/harden of old age? Secondly, as stated before, you can see through jello (and jello can see through you...) so unless you're wanting Mordor to win with their catapults and various other siege equipments, you probably should have made a different wish.

To add insult to injury... jello has but one weakness: heat.

Heat... like that of the sun.. the sun being something we know for a fact (thank you, Peter Jackson) follows Theoden around occationally. Nevermind that he came to try and aid the only-slightly doomed Gondorians, this would definitely put an end to the multi-layered White-wiggle-city. Or, well... Numenorian Ooze-puddle.

I wish Eru really did get a penny for every thought.

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish Eru really did get a penny for every thought.

Your wish is granted. The pennies build up around him until he eventually is crushed under them.

I wish Balrogs had wings.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Balrogs had wings.

Your wish is granted. The Balrog flew out of the chasm and toasted the Fellowship to death, took the Ring, and became the Dark Lord of Moria. Sauron sent in the Nazgul on flying steeds. They recovered the Ring and gave it to Sauron, who plunged the world into a second darkness.

I wish Denethor wasn't such a pyromaniac.

[Rikae]

I wish Denethor wasn't such a pyromaniac.

Granted. Now Denethor has a shoe fetish, and eats the Shire out of indignation, resulting in fatal indigestion.

I wish the fox, instead of wondering why hobbits were sleeping under a tree, had taken the ring to Mordor and destroyed it.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I wish the fox, instead of wondering why hobbits were sleeping under a tree, had taken the ring to Mordor and destroyed it.

Zimzalazing the fox took the little round thing!

Unfortunately in order to get the ring it had to bite the throats of the hobbits. . .On the way to mount doom the Fox grew in power and soon it was enabled to control all, but men (including hobbits), elves and wizards. All creatures followed its call and raided their way through Middle-earth and left it more devastated than Mordor, so when the ring was finaly the destroyed, it was of no gain as Middle-earth had already been destroyed and left it in worse condition than Sauron in his sweetest dream could ever imagine.

I wish that Ulmo had been the mightiest of the Valar

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Rune Son of Bjarne

I wish that Ulmo had been the mightiest of the Valar

Oh, but he was. Unfortunately, he was also the laziest of the Valar.

I wish Sam had found some Potatoes in Ithilian.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Sam had found some Potatoes in Ithilian.

Granted, but to what ends? Sam does find his lovely taters in Ithilian, however in doing so the whole course of events is completely thrown off. Theoden decides not to have Rohan ride to the aid of Gondor, instead they decide to wait out the storm at Helm's Deep. Faramir never meets up with Frodo and Sam and doesn't return to Minas Tirith. Denethor does nothing, but stew in his tower and not die. Gollum throttles Sam in his sleep and steals the Ring from Frodo, only to have it swallowed by a fish. That fish goes on to become the new Dark Lord. And all that over some potatoes.

I wish Bilbo had taken the Ring into Mordor.

[Valesse]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish Bilbo had taken the Ring into Mordor.

Well of course he did! But... well he -tried-.

The average hobbit can only take so much, you know? After starting his journey out from Hobbiton on his 111st birthday, Bilbo found himself being tracked by an unlikely pack of mistrils with the working title of "Nemoy and the Nem-an-or-ians" (Okay, so thats a stretch) the old hobbit soon got fed up with being the subject to such cantations that he threw the ring at Nemoy in a rage. Subsequently, it bounced off and choked a small horse.

Now having to drag a small horse up the fiery steps of Mt. Doom isn't an easy feat, and needless to say any chances of success were now completely out of the picture without having to stop and... *ahem* do certain things to retreive the ring once more. Just in time for those nasty Nazgul to snatch it from his little hands and run off with it snickering.

I wish the elves of the Last Alliance preformed dazzlingly dangerous kick-line to squash their enemies!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Valesse

I wish the elves of the Last Alliance preformed dazzlingly dangerous kick-line to squash their enemies!

It is done. However, they take their new found power and form a mass corporate system that crushes the masses. Some how.

I wish Bilbo would admit he wore a wig.

[Alonna]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Bilbo would admit he wore a wig.

Granted. After admitting that he wears a wig, Bilbo is unfortunately disqualified from the annual Shire beauty pageant.

I wish Faramir had a lightsaber.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Alonna

I wish Faramir had a lightsaber.

Granted, but after gaining access to a lightsaber he is recruited by the Jedi Order and taken from Gondor's service. Frodo and Sam are forever detained in Ithilien until Sauron is able to regain complete control.

I wish Hobbits roamed around in our world.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish Hobbits roamed around in our world.

Granted! But because of all the deseises now they couldn't stand it so they went back to ME!

I wish that I could marry Pippin!

[Babidi Buu]

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

I wish that I could marry Pippin!

Thou wish is Granted, You and pippin live a happy life untill pippin accidently sets the house on fire while smoking pipeweed.

I wish Gothmog(the pink orc) Had not died during battle of Pelennor Fields

[Folwren]

I wish Gothmog(the pink orc) Had not died during battle of Pelennor Fields

Granted! Eowyn was killed, therefore when Faramir awoke from his Black Breath stupor, he saw no reason to live, and died for lack of love.

I wish Gollum hadn't bit off Frodo's finger.

[Babidi Buu]

Originally Posted by Folwren

I wish Gollum hadn't bit off Frodo's finger.

Thou wish is Granted. Gollum had not bitten off Frodo's finger and as a result, Frodo was able to get Gollum off of him. Unfortunatly, Frodo Ran out of Mount Doom and the Nazgul cought and Killed him. Sauron wins and the men of the west are slayen..

I wish Sauron would get a Contact Lense.

Have you seen how Red that eye is!?

[Tuor in Gondolin]

I wish Sauron would get a Contact Lense.

Your wish is granted, but since the technology was
new to Middle-earth, Sauron had to mortgage Minas Morgul.

I wish Eowyn would become an exotic dancer.

[Babidi Buu]

Originally Posted by Tuor in Gondolin

I wish Eowyn would become an exotic dancer.

Thou wish is Granted. However, Eowyn could not find Exotic clothing for Exotic dancing



I wish Denethor would be a better father

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Babidi Buu

I wish Denethor would be a better father

Your wish is granted...
However, he ends up being too good a father. Because he is so loving and kind, Faramir refuses to go on the marches and consequentally, Mordor invades with ease. Boromir does not defend Osgiliath because he is spending 'Quality time' on holiday with Denethor.
Sauron is, however, annoyed that his invasion was so boring.

I wish Smaug's breath wasn't so bad.

[Mithalwen]

Your wish is granted. However the mintyfresh toothpaste he used to solve his halitosis problem left his gnashers so bright and sparkly white that Bard was dazzled and missed. So there is still a Dragon in Erebor.

I wish Hobbits didn't have hairy feet.

[Lindale]

Well, now they don't, plus now their hair is sleek and straight. So the Elves, when they first saw them, said, "Heeeeyyyy.... look at those, why do they look like us, but fatter and smaller? And a little more haggard?"

So the Hobbits, when they heard the word "haggard," frantically tried to imitate the Elves... Even Frodo got obsessed with his looks, to the point he just wore the Ring so he wouldn't be noticed, and so the Black Riders eventually got him. Even mistook him for an elf.

I wish Galadriel to be a warrior who survived to the Third Age and established Lorien as a kind of military power