I smell cheeze.

[Boromir88]

Simple topic here, what are your cheeziest lines from any of the LOTR films?

Mine would have to be in ROTK, with Gandalf and Aragorn sitting around in Meduseld.

Aragorn: What does your heart tell you?

Or...

in TTT EE

Legolas: 42...he was still twitching.

That I don't know why PJ decided to give them each an extra kill and just that whole I tied you crap. Anyway...I do like Gimli's line that follows, that I got a laugh out of

He was twitching because he's got MY axe IMBEDDED INTO HIS NERVOUS SYSTEM!

[THE Ka]

I could go on about the stupid lines from the movies... But, i'll reserve this to the fortunate few who are in a class of their own...



1. "The horses are restless, the men are quiet." - Legolas (yet another update from Captain Obvious) ROTK

2. "I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his arm. " - Eomer

...And more to come later... once i rack my brain out...

I hate the lines some characters have in the movie... completely ruins them. Like poor Gimli, i swear in the book he is ten times more serious. Not an elves' puppet, but a good friend to one.

~Weird as ever could be Ka~

[Firefoot]

"A diversion!" Ack. Wrecks the scene.

I know there are more but I haven't seen any of the movies in several months now.

The cheesiest scene would have to be when Frodo wakes up in the Fields of Cormallen...

*Frodo wakes up, sees Gandalf and says in a dumb voice "Gan - dalf?"
Enter Merry and Pippin (I think), who *leap* on the bed.
Slowly the fellowship appears in the room, as the scene gets progressively worse. Even the music is cheesy. What could be a very sweet and moving scene became an extremely cheesy (and in turn, extremely hilarious) scene.*

The only scene that is nearly as bad is the scene when the Hobbits reunite in Rivendell - cheesy laughter, exaggerated movements...

(Those aren't really lines but they fit the bill).

[The Elf-warrior]

Here are some more cheesy lines in chronological order. From FOTR, "What’s this? A ranger caught off his guard?" combined with Arwen putting a knife at Aragorn's throat. From the TTT Treebeard saying "Sounds like orc mischief to me." I agree about "what does your heart tell you?" From ROTK the Arwen lines "You have the gift of foresight what did you see?..." and then "You saw that there was a child. You saw my son."

[Nimrodel_9]

A diversion!

Thanks Captain Obvious!

[Oddwen]

Anything by Legolas. Anything. They turned him into a stuntspiece who spewed one-liners.
Anything likewise by Gothmog. (The Sta-Puft Marshmallow orc.) "Feahhhh...hehthe city is rank with it." "Fah-stahhhhhh!" hatehatehatehate hate hate. I can't wait to see his EE death scene. >

And as good as Gimli started out, they turned him into a bumbling comic relief. Why? Why? Why?

Eowyn: "Why can't Merry fight for those he loves?"

Anything by Arwen. Aragorn's "Dwelling in the days of peace" speech at his coronation. And the style that Gandalf spoke in was cheesy to me. "Theodred's death, was not of your making." Remind me to finish my vocal LotR parody someday...

"The Lord of the Rings" is great to MST. Ha ha ha. That's why I love the New Movie Script and Crazy Scenes sooo much.

~A Not-At-All-In-A-Positive-Mood Oddwen~

[Sapphire_Flame]

Originally Posted by Oddwen

(The Sta-Puft Marshmallow orc.)

*dies laughing* Nice one, Oddwen!

I think the most cheezy lines come from Captain Obvious himself. Examples:

"A diversion!"

"Goblins!"

"The horses are restless, and the men quiet."

Woo! Captain Obvious™ strikes again! As Merry so eloquently said in the Stupid Ring Parody, "Thank you, oh wonderous elf, for your overwhelming ability to state the obvious. I am so not worthy of being in your presence." w00t.

Although, one of Eomer's lines really prompted an MST from me:

"That mountain is evil."

Saphy: Aw, that's what you said about all the mountains!

Eomer: *pouts* I just wanted some attention...

Then there are Aragorn's most cheezy lines:

"Legolas, what do your elf-eyes see?"

"Let's hunt some orc."

*sigh* Poor, poor guys. *patpats the purveyors of cheezy lines*

Abedithon le,

~ Saphy ~

[The Only Real Estel]

"What's this? A ranger caught of his gaurd?"

"Legolas! What do your elf eyes see?" ( thanks for the clarification there, Aragorn, for a second we'd forgotten he was elven )

The short jokes got really cheezy really fast.

"A diversion."

Unfortunately, the whole sequence following Frodo's awakening in Gondor near the end of RotK was pretty cheezy. From the "Gan-dalf?" line that Firefoot mentioned earlier, to the very fake sounding laughter he was forcing, to the incredibly wierd look he gives Sam when he comes in. It reeked of parmesan cheese 4 months past the expiration date.

[Lalaith]

My favourite cheesy Legolas line was:
"That is one of the Mearas, unless my eyes are cheated by some spell."

Don't know why, but it cracks me up every time.

A lot of Sam's speech at the end of the Two Towers made me wince. And Frodo/Elijah's portentous delivery of "tell us about Sam, dad, Frodo wouldn't have made it without him." Bleugh.

[Essex]

A lot of the so called 'cheesy' lines needed to be put in to explain to the movie goer details that Tolkien narrated.

PJ did not make Lord of the Rings just for us Book Snobs. He also wrote it for the 'non inititiated'. Live with it!!!!

Just a few points re the above.

'Let's hunt some orc'. I believe this is actually 'Let us hunt some orc', which gives it a different tone that is not 'modern' speech. This line was borrowed from TT when Aragorn explains to Eomer what he is doing.

'I am called Strider,' answered Aragorn. 'I came out of the North. I am hunting Orcs.

'A Ranger caught off his guard?' This gives the uninitiated some insight into who Strider is, but is also a nice addition to us Book Readers of Strider's history.

"Legolas! What do your elf eyes see?" The same as Arwen's line, it gives the non book watchers details that Elves have far superior eyesight. Aragorn could have used his original line 'Keen are the eyes of the Elves', but this is not a command. I put it to you, in context to the films, this would have sounded more 'cheesier' than the film version.

PS Firefoot, I feel sorry for you if you find the scene when Frodo awakes as Cheesy and hilarious. I found it moving.

[Rimbaud]

They give Bloom some real dud material, though he doesn't need to sound quite as stilted as he does.

Something that came to my attention, and in the way of such things, now annoys me when it crops up was the repeated phrasing 'This is no mindless rabble', 'This is no mine', 'This is no orc blood', 'this is no mere Ranger' etc.

However the orc hunting line takes the biscuit for being the most cheddar-like of the cheese. It's especially disappointing when you see the original text of the scene in comparison.

[Boromir88]

I'm surprised no one has said this one yet.

I see you!

With all the slamming of Legolas this one liner by the Witch-king might just be as bad. When he's standing over Theoden...

Die Now!

Reminds me of that corny movie Dark City where these vampirish looking people go around wave their hand and say "sleep," and the people pass out.

Of course I can't let Legolas go without getting another jab at him. When he's doing his Mumak slaying bonanza and counting kills, "34, 35, 36..etc." This is only bad because the fangurls in the theatre began counting with him, and when he was done counting they continued to count his kills....ugh.

Aragorn in TTT:

You have 2000 good men riding North as we speak. Eomer is loyal to you, he will return and fight for his king.

What I find corny about this is when Eomer and Aragorn met in the plains of Rohan (Movie) there were probably barely 100 riders, so somehow the Rohirrim must have some sort of cloning machine off star wars, and on top of the that Aragorn just knows they are up to 2000. Heck the Elves have Scotty's transporter beam, now the Rohirrim are making their own advances in technology.

Essex, I applaud you for defending the movies, however I didn't make this thread intending to downgrade PJ's movies, they were great movies. This is intended just for some cheezy lines, and sometimes cheezy is funny, heck I tell old corny jokes all the time .

[Elven-Maiden]

These are cheesy, but I love them to bits!

Aragorn: Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall.
Pippin: What about breakfast?
Aragorn: You've already had it.
Pippin: We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast?
Merry: I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.
Pippin: What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?
Merry: I wouldn't count on it.


Gimli: Not the beard.


Frodo: I am Frodo Baggins, and this is Samwise Gamgee.
Faramir: Your bodyguard?
Sam: His gardener.


Legolas: (in Elvish) You're late.
Legolas: (in English)You look terrible.

Smeagol: ...and take it for ME.
Gollum: For us.
Smeagol: I meant for us

[Essex]

Boromir,

regarding your point on the cheesiness of 'Die Now' that the Witch King says to Eowyn.

This line was borrowed from the Witch King's line to Gandalf at the gates of Minas Tirith.

'Old fool!' he said. 'Old fool! This is my hour. Do you not know Death when you see it? Die now and curse in vain!'

So PJ cannot be blamed for that.

Therefore Tolkien has Cheesy Dialouge too..........

[Boromir88]

Then why doesn't he just say...

Do you not know Death when you see it? Die now and curse in vain!'

Instead of cutting the sentence in half with a cheezy Legolas liner "Die now." I don't see Tolkien as the cheeziness here because he just didn't end it with "Die Now!" Just doesn't sound right, reminds me of "Sleep (hand wave)." Which was just downright bad.

Edit: I'm sure if I look hard enough I can find corny lines Tolkien has too, in fact I know one.
"Shortcuts make for delays, but inns make for longer ones."
This I find really corny, but that good corny, sort of like your Grandpa's jokes, with that quirky sort of humor. Where "Die Now!," or "A Diversion!," or "I see you!" are just...bad.

[Essex]

OK Boromir, I understand your point that maybe the line is 'bad' because it cuts out most of the sentence, but I don't see how it's 'cheesy'.

anyway, I enjoyed the Witch King scene immensly, it was one of the scenes I was most looking forward to, and it didn't dissapoint.

And I didn't smell gorgonzola either....

[mark12_30]

There are few lines that I mind; "A diversion" is one, I suppose. Much that has been mentioned so far I am either little bothered by or I enjoy. However, what I do find very cheesy indeed is: the LACK of good lines for Frodolijah.

Book-Frodo is learned, articulate, thoughtful, diplomatic, and a worthy nephew of Ambassador Bilbo. His extensive discussion with Faramir, for instance, is astonishingly eloquent, and in my opinion it's a shame that we never heard any of it in the movie.

Wood is no slouch, and can deliver a line, a paragraph, or a speech at need. I wish they'd asked him to once in a while. Instead, Frodolijah was relegated to body-language, eye-rolling, falling, and slithering into corners far too often.

[Lalwendë]

Aragorn's "Dwelling in the days of peace" speech at his coronation.

I have a video tape somewhere with an episode of The South Bank Show about Ian McKellen; on this there's a most amusing out-take where they do a 'spoof' coronation. In this, Ian McKellen is crowned and he delivers the immortally camp line "these are the days of the Queen..."

Now, to be fair on the lines which Orlando Bloom got, I think they weren't all that bad, but you could tell he was straight-out-of-drama-school in many cases; his enunciation was just too perfect, which made some of his lines sound twee.

My worst line has to be the much hated: "Give up the halfling, she-elf".

[Sapphire_Flame]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

My worst line has to be the much hated: "Give up the halfling, she-elf".

Gneh. Ditto that. Good point about "just out of acting school" Orli, too.

~ Saphy ~

[Lalwendë]

Another line which is incredibly out of place, but I like as it's a little Morecambe & Wise, is that delivered by Legolas to Gimli on the walls of Helm's Deep:

"Shall I describe it to you or do you want me to find you a box?"

[Boromir88]

I love how Mr. Bloom has the same accent as a soldier, an Elf, and a pirate.

Gothmog: "The age of Men is over, the Time of the orc has come."
Funny how a guy mentioned in one sentence gets more screen time in ROTK then the Witch-King himself.

[The Only Real Estel]

Gothmog: "The age of Men is over, the Time of the orc has come."

And it made it even cheezier coming from him, who knows that he even is an orc? I'm guessing it should've gone more like, "The age of Men is over, the Time of the orc & lumpy-faced pink things has come."

[AbercrombieOfRohan]

I love Orlando Bloom to death and I think that he has potential to be a really good actor (see Ned Kelly), but his lines in LOTR are pathetic at times. I agree with all of the things mentioned above, but the cheesiest thing that he says is in LOTR:TTT when he yells at Aragorn at Helm's deep about how they're all going to die.

Boe a hûn: neled herain dan caer menig!

and

Aragorn, men i ndagor. Hýn ú-... ortheri. Natha daged aen!

It's not that these lines are particularly bad, it's the way he prounounces them.

boy a hoon etc. cracks me up every time I see it.

[Boromir88]

Yes, I always wondered why Aragorn and Legolas would just switch to an Elven language once in a while, here and there, for a couple lines, didn't really make sense. I think they were really insulting Gimli .

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

(The Sta-Puft Marshmallow orc.)

And here I always thought it was Piglet on steroids.

I've got to throw in my [possibly] least favorite line:

"He's alive." ~Sam in Moria (the new Captain Obvious?)

[THE Ka]

Originally Posted by Boromir88

I'm surprised no one has said this one yet.


With all the slamming of Legolas this one liner by the Witch-king might just be as bad. When he's standing over Theoden...

Reminds me of that corny movie Dark City where these vampirish looking people go around wave their hand and say "sleep," and the people pass out.

Of course I can't let Legolas go without getting another jab at him. When he's doing his Mumak slaying bonanza and counting kills, "34, 35, 36..etc." This is only bad because the fangurls in the theatre began counting with him, and when he was done counting they continued to count his kills....ugh.

Aragorn in TTT:

What I find corny about this is when Eomer and Aragorn met in the plains of Rohan (Movie) there were probably barely 100 riders, so somehow the Rohirrim must have some sort of cloning machine off star wars, and on top of the that Aragorn just knows they are up to 2000. Heck the Elves have Scotty's transporter beam, now the Rohirrim are making their own advances in technology.

Essex, I applaud you for defending the movies, however I didn't make this thread intending to downgrade PJ's movies, they were great movies. This is intended just for some cheezy lines, and sometimes cheezy is funny, heck I tell old corny jokes all the time .

heh! Dark City! I love that movie! Cracks me up. But, it made my brother terrified. So, my friend once waited until he had left his room (he had been playing pong or mario for 10 hours without a bathroom break...) she hid in the darkness of his room and then jumped out and said "SLEEP!". My brother screamed (in his normal 5-year-old girl style...) and fell on the floor. It was funny until we thought he really "fainted" but, he was trying to trick us into thinking he did. oh, well. it was fun anyway.

Ok, time for cheezy scene...

When you first see frodo after the Arwen river-incident and his little bout with the Nazguls... It makes me laugh so much when they throw in that fakey looking "head towards the light" bit and you only see Elrond's talking head...

So funny.

~Pinotastic Ka~

[Oddwen]

Sam in Moria (the new Captain Obvious?)

Not new at all...Sam is the original. Leggy is just the copycat. If you will recall in TTT at the Black Gate, Sam leans too far out and "surfs" down the hill. This is far before Helm's Deep and Legolas's shield surfing move. (The only difference between the two is that Sam had a bad landing...)

It's like my Dad said. "They made Gollum too weak." Both of his monologues are very offensive to me. Especially the last:

"And they doesn't taste very nice, does they precious?
No. Not nice at all.........my love."

And especially...
"She always needs. To feed."
Yuck. Makes Shelob sound like some b-movie vampire...probably like this "Dark City" y'alls is talking about.

[The Saucepan Man]

By the time we get to 10 pages, we should have the entire script here ...

[Boromir88]

lol SpM, come on now, I like....that one line....you know....the one I'm talking about.... .

I think Denethor's running out of the hall and getting a 10.0 off his dive was rather corny, for this reason. I'm sorry Denny, that's what you get when you put flamable liquids on yourself and get too close to fire, what did you expect?

[mark12_30]

And they doesn't taste very nice, does they precious?

That one makes me laugh anytime, anywhere. I **love** it.

[Oddwen]

That line isn't so bad. It's the reply.

By the time we get to 10 pages, we should have the entire script here ...

~SPM

Oh yes! That's what I forgot!

[Essex]

Originally Posted by mark12_30

However, what I do find very cheesy indeed is: the LACK of good lines for Frodolijah........Wood is no slouch, and can deliver a line, a paragraph, or a speech at need. I wish they'd asked him to once in a while. Instead, Frodolijah was relegated to body-language, eye-rolling, falling, and slithering into corners far too often.

So what about his narration back at Bag End? That was beautifully delivered and gets me every time I hear it.

Does anyone here except for me and the Saucepan Man actually like these movies? All I seem to see on these movie posts is another reason to slag them off.......

(yes, I know, taking myself far too seriously)

[mark12_30]

Originally Posted by Essex

So what about his narration back at Bag End? That was beautifully delivered and gets me every time I hear it.

Does anyone here except for me and the Saucepan Man actually like these movies?

I love these movies. As I've said elsewhere, they are some of the best Tolkien fanfiction ever produced, and have rekindled interest in many, and introduced Tolkien to many who would not otherwise have landed in Middle-Earth at all. They do deviate from the books, etc etc, but given their positive worldwide Tolkien impact I can 'forgive' much. I think they are mostly superb as they stand, and deserved all eleven oscars, etc.

And yes, the narration at Bag End is wonderful-- to me, proof that more of Frodo should have been heard as well as seen. That is my one real complaint about the movies as a whole: that Frodo was dumbed down.

Otherwise, they are magnificent.

[Boromir88]

Essex, from a movie critiquers point of view, this is nothing like some of the greats, like Hitchcock, Franz Lang....etc. The movies catch my eye because it's entertaining, and fun to watch. But is it a brilliant piece of work that I watch repeatedly, over and over again? No, because there's not much depth to it. Mr. Jackson decided to focus on fighting, and not the characters, but did I like it? I have the movies, so I'll let everyone figure that out.

[Lalaith]

Essex, this thread is about cheesy lines so it's not surprising that there are a few negative comments!
I love the films too but I don't think they're perfect. They are masterpieces, but flawed masterpieces, IMO.
Retournons a nos fromages...one of the scenes that I found cheesy was Gandalf and Pippin's discussion on the afterlife in Gondor. I didn't realise, until someone on here pointed it out, that those lines were actually genuine Tolkien.
But they were quoted out of context, and were not in keeping with Tolkien's ideology - Pippin, as a mortal, had a fate after death unknown to any other than Eru. The final "that's not so bad, is it?" was a bit wincey.

(BTW - what is that literary effect called again, when something high-flown is followed by something pedestrian? It's on the tip of my tongue but I can't think of it and it's driving me mad...Could one of you clever literary theorists help so that I can get to sleep tonight?)
Edit: I've remembered! Bathos is the word I was looking for...

[AbercrombieOfRohan]

Essex,
We all trash these movies, but notice the detailed level in which we trash them. It is the sign of some true fans right here. We all trash them because we love them so much that we are compelled to find fault in them. (Well I guess I should stop saying we, as I can only vouch for myself.) I have seen these mvies more times than I can count. Their imprefections make them even better than PJ could have hoped for.

[Morsul the Dark]

Aragorn TTT "It's the beard" I certainly doubt dwarf women have beards...also a little loose for aragorn to joke around like that I found it out of charactor.

Theoden "I know your face," Uh yeah I certainly hope you know your niece.this one though may be disbuted because he was possessed...

I cant think of any others at the moment

[THE Ka]

Ok, I am a major fan of boromir, and i know i might be poking fun at his character for this... Really people, this is going to be hard. But, this is another annoying line from the movies that makes me really mad that it was ever uttered.


After Pippin ever so lovely alerted the orcs of moria and boromir run to the door to try and shut it,

"Great.They have a cave troll." (It seems we have more than one captain obvious...)

Gahh! BAD! No! No! This is one of the lines that i think is an abomination.


~Regretful Ka~

[Orominuialwen]

I certainly doubt dwarf women have beards...

Actually they do. I can't find the exact quote at the moment, but Tolkien does mention this in LotR, along with the foolish belief of some men that there are no Dwarf women, and the Dwarves just spring out of stone. I clearly remember having a conversation with my brother on the subject back when we were first reading LotR, which was before TTT came out.

[Oddwen]

Theoden "I know your face,"

TTT is my least favorite of the Three. Partly because every time one turns around, someone is saying "I know your name!" So, I just replace a choice word.

"My name, Sméagol!"

"Yes, that was my name...Sméagol the Grey."

"I know your face. Sméagol!"

All of which are quite cheezy to my ears.