The Return of the Entish Beings (REB III) Planning/Discussion

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I've always thought that My Fair Lady missed a great opportunity for a man to create his ideal woman and then discover one of the following.

a.) The fundamental contradictions inherent in his ideals have given her multiple personality disorder.
b.) His ideal woman finds him physically, intellectually and ideologically repugnant.
c.) He has created a monster, which must be destroyed. (I call this the Mary Shelley ending)
d.) Her new discovery of a wider intellectual world has introduced her to the campaign for Women's Suffrage, which causes her to question his right to determine her social role.
e.) As above, but she becomes a radical Marxist and rebels against the social mores of an obsolete and corrupt bourgeoisie. Perhaps in conjunction with e.
f.) He has imagined the last three months owing to hitherto unsuspected hereditary insanity.
g.) Two words: Cthulhu phtagn

I point this out only in case some of my alternative endings are more entertaining than the real one.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

First contact has been made between the parties on the island. Obviously I'll edit out any misuses of character that I may have introduced, but hopefully I haven't.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Sorry it's taking me so long to fill my save, folks - now that the internet is finally working again here, I sat down and typed my post, and it disappeared. I shall try again in the hope that it will work this time.

[Thenamir]

Cthulhu phtagn

Thanks Squatter for that reference -- it forced me to do something I've left undone for some years - improving my cultural literacy by doing some investigative reading on H.P. Lovecraft and the whole Cthulhu mythos.

And while I'm at it, your latest post is up to your usual standard of excellence. It disheartens me, somewhat, to see people writing Gateskeeper better than I do myself. Great work!

EDIT: I see that our Gormlessar has been caught in a wyn-win situation. Good ones, Esty!

[Bêthberry]

What a pity Esty has limited internet access just at this particular juncture in the story. Why, I can imagine that Rim would have taken three posts at least to explore Gormlessar's temptations with WynWyn.

As for the rest of ye, I suspect your mutual admiration society hardly needs commendations from me.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

On the contrary, I welcome adulatory plaudits from all quarters. The above are simply provided as examples of the sort of response we expect to receive. Impertinent suggestions of mutual ego-massaging, on the other hand, will be taken simply as evidence that genius is seldom appreciated. I might even have to write a poem about how cruel and unfeeling is a world in which the most profound work of one's heart is received merely as vulgar entertainment for the beguiling of an idle hour. That'll show you.

I've just caught up with recent developments in the saga. Great post, Esty, particularly since it must have occupied some of your holiday. I see that you've managed to write in another of your hobbies by finally revealing to the world the dark art of Quiltomancy. You might have guessed that I particularly enjoyed the king-sized destiny revealed to Halfullion. Wynwyn is funny in modern English, but possible Old English renderings include 'Pleasure-woman' and 'Best of delights'. A joke to gladden a philologist's heart.

The increasingly extended epic of my internet connection continues. I'm reliably informed that I'm connected, but since I haven't been sent my modem or connection details that's rather academic. These problems should be sorted out by next week at the latest, which may mean dubious benefits for other areas of the forum than REB.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Originally Posted by Thenamir

It disheartens me, somewhat, to see people writing Gateskeeper better than I do myself.

Thena, that is simply a sign of the excellence of the character you created - he's fun to write for!

Squatter, I'm delighted to hear that I unknowingly inserted a philological joke into my post - usually the things that are interpreted from words and passages I've written without intending anything turn out to be risqué.

Bb, as to the unused possibilities of the Wynwyn situation - any Tolkien fan knows that the most interesting debates concern those things that were not written!

I am currently concentrating on the paper comparing Tolkien's biography to his 'Leaf' and 'Smith' tales, but I shall do my best to take an excursion to Muddled Mirth sometime this week for the continuation of the story.

As to my useage of quilting in place of banner embroidery - well, to speak with Spock, "It was only logical!" I am Arwen's heir, not Arwen herself...

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

Bb, as to the unused possibilities of the Wynwyn situation - any Tolkien fan knows that the most interesting debates concern those things that were not written!

Well, I know how Ulmo/Legolas used to chastise you over your many vacations and holidays and absences, and, knowing how he does not pay much attention to the RPG section, where you are mainly active, I thought you would feel a sad, momentary loss if you received no teasing at all.

As for unwritten parts, I suppose this now means that we may speculate on whether Merisuwyniel will ever have wings or not, being the angel she is?

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by The Squatter of Amon Rûdh

On the contrary, I welcome adulatory plaudits from all quarters. The above are simply provided as examples of the sort of response we expect to receive.

Dearie me! I would have expected that you of all people, Squatter, might have appreciated a comedic aesthetic in which a response ran contrary to what you expected to receive. You have been too long absent to appreciate how we get and spend our amusement.

Originally Posted by TSoAR

Impertinent suggestions of mutual ego-massaging, on the other hand, will be taken simply as evidence that genius is seldom appreciated. I might even have to write a poem about how cruel and unfeeling is a world in which the most profound work of one's heart is received merely as vulgar entertainment for the beguiling of an idle hour. That'll show you.

A tome or two in heroic couplets? The Rape of a Frock! The Eminense gris might make even a Pope take note.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Brilliant post, Saucy! You gave Denimthor his motivation - and us a time limit, I guess! Now we will have to finish and wrap this RPG within the two weeks stipulated by Mssr. Fastbuck (love the Hobbit name!).

I need to reread it at leisure to appreciate the full extent of the parodic elements, but I would like to mention "curiouser and curiouser", "the large black boots favoured by the physicians of Mahrten" , and "his horse having been clamped", just for a start.

Oh, and obviously, the Proctor who likes to gamble is destined to become a running joke - maybe Kuru will expand on that later on...


I am pondering whether or not to include the temptations of the Squire and of Gravendil - it may be wise to leave a save for them, just in case, but perhaps it's not necessary to spell out every adventure of every character on every island, is it?

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

but perhaps it's not necessary to spell out every adventure of every character on every island, is it?

Of course it is And by 'it is', obviously I mean 'you must'. Unless, of course, we simply gloss over the issue with some hackneyed plot device and call it satire.

There was altogether too much silliness in the last post for me to put my finger on the best bit. Suffice it to say that I'm a sucker for spurious legal firms whose partners have silly names. It's also nice to have some sort of target to miss: it makes stumbling around randomly much more interesting.

So Kuruharan's joining us, is he? I look forward to the eradication of the last shred of sanity from this excursion with morbid glee.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Oh dear, must I then conjure up a temptation post for Gravendil? I was going to tactfully gloss over anything that could tarnish the perfect conjugal bliss of my main characters.

Anyone want to write one for the Squire? He had the hots for Pimpi back in the olden days, so maybe a furry-footed floozy would catch his eye.

[Thenamir]

I might be persuaded to write for Windsor, given a day or two, but not on an ongoing basis. Gateskeeper is enough for me to handle.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thena, that would be just fine! I don't expect anyone to write for Windsor regularly - he's more or less an NPC who stays in the story by virtue of having pledged himself to Gravlox/Gravendil's service in Part 2. But if we are to milk this part of the plot for all of its possibilities, it would help me greatly to have him taken on by others occasionally.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I finally have an idea for Gravendil and am working on that post, hoping to have it finished and up sometime this weekend - provided the parodic research doesn't take me longer than anticipated.

I have a few ideas for Squire Windsor's new, improved character: he's trying his best to be helpful, though he tends to be clumsy about it, for example. I've also thought that he could have an unconscious remnant of rivalry with Vogy left, so tries to create poetry, along very simple, hobbity lines - limericks, perhaps, or such works of genius as:

Originally Posted by Windsor Gummidge

I think that I shall never see
A lass as lovely as Pimpi

perhaps. He could also be a fount of rustic wisdom, along the lines of Gaffer Gamgee. Feel free to use or ignore any of these ideas when writing for him - you may just have better ones!

[The Saucepan Man]

I feel rather guilty at leaving my poor character to fend for himself. He has become somewhat of an orphan ...

Still, Denimthor and co are likely to keep me as occupied as I can be, so I am afraid that he will have to fend for himself.

I thoroughly approve your ideas, though, Esty.

[Kuruharan]

So Kuruharan's joining us, is he? I look forward to the eradication of the last shred of sanity from this excursion with morbid glee.

We aim to please.

A glorious (and debased) introduction to an old friend will be coming...sometime in the next few days (maybe tonight if I can find the time).

Don't wait for me if you have some burning idea...in fact, if some other story posts could happen it might help with the dramatic tension.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

No need for guilt feelings, Saucy - I think we'll have lots of fun with Windsor.

By popular request (well, Squatter is popular, isn't he?! ) I have written a post for Gravendil's temptation. I hope you enjoy it!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Well played that mostly redeemed once-Orc. That calling card has the look of a future plot element to me, though. You have a way with disturbing images, Esty; but I suppose Gravy's at a difficult stage in his transformation when we can expect him to be swayed by... exotic tastes.

I'm ready to start knocking up another post, but I'm not sure what the plan is from here on in. Are we staying on the lust island until the arrival of Kuruharan's character(s), moving on to the next one, stopping for a quick barbecue on the beach, blowing up the island or what? As I recall, we have to wreak havoc in any place we visit; and so far we don't seem to have done that.

[Kuruharan]

My characters won't be appearing on the island. In fact, the main troupe probably won't encounter them for quite some time. They (well, for the foreseeable future "he") will be causing trouble elsewhere for a bit.

You may blow up the island whenever you like.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

After Thena's post for Windsor, I need only a short one to get Merisu and Gravendil back down. Then the Questers can unite with the saliors and leave the island for the next one. Whether indeed destruction is necessary remains debatable - just because we may have wreaked just a teensy bit of havoc once or twice in the past doesn't mean we have to leave every location in shambles, does it?

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

That question doesn't even merit an answer. It merely remains to be seen how and why. I'm guessing that there's some sort of high-powered server in the heart of the place that runs on geothermal energy. If we can find a way of provoking the right flagrant power management error, we can probably make this place go up like Krakatoa on tabasco sauce.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Hmmm, since we have several islands ahead of us, we should try to find a way for each to have a unique end - perhaps to match the theme of the island? Punishment to fit the crime, so to speak.

In this case, your idea of a flaming end seems appropriate to the passionate spirit of the place - would you like to write that and our getaway?

[Bêthberry]

I see. Tolkien/Eru was satisfied with sinking an island and bending the world once, but you folks have to better that record. Practice makes perfect I guess.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Well, it seems to me that I've got some of the greatest heroes of the age just hanging around the beach looking heroic, and Merisu is supposed to be the most beautiful woman this side of the Mediocre River. Perhaps too much sex appeal creates some sort of feedback that makes it all go horribly wrong. For added laughs, Our Heroine could destroy it unwittingly in true Mary Sue style. "Oh, but surely I can't possibly be that attractive" (winsome flutter of eyelashes); island sinks; divers alarums, etc.

[Thenamir]

Originally Posted by SoAR

I'm guessing that there's some sort of high-powered server in the heart of the place that runs on geothermal energy. If we can find a way of provoking the right flagrant power management error, we can probably make this place go up like Krakatoa on tabasco sauce...island sinks; divers alarums, etc.

Squatter, you have obviously been watching too many James Bond films, or perhaps original-series Star Trek.

"Listen carefully, Norman -- I am lying!"

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I suppose you've heard of the Dr. No danger wheel theory. My friends and I were drunk one night and we decided that the plant had a system that controlled the local level of danger, hence that massive wheel with 'DANGER' written above it. All Bond did was to turn the danger wheel all the way up to 'localised cataclysm' and his work was done. We have to use that idea somewhere.

[Thenamir]

Save for Windsor has been filled in. Some references might need editing for family-friendliness, but I considered them mild after reading of the great variable-length sword L'Enviey Piennhas in REB I.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

What a hilarious post, Thena! A great idea to use the Gandalf/Bilbo pipe scene from TH as inspiration! Now, smoking may not be politically correct these days, but since we are being true to Tolkien, I'm sure there can be no objection, can there? As to the unusual combination of smoke rings, well, who's to prevent people from thinking what's on their mind. The offer of a hobbit hole to return to could be misinterpreted, of course, but again, that's original Tolkien!

Oh, and I love the Armstrong quote when he jumps off the rock! And the mixed proverbs...

This act will be difficult to follow, but I shall do my best to fill in my save this weekend.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

My save is filled in - it is fairly brief, just getting everyone to the ship. I wasn't able to include any explosive and/or destructive activity in it, so anyone who has a good idea is welcome to write something to that effect.

Though the Captain and his crew intend well, and the Questers want nothing more than to get home, we know, of course, that the next stop will not be M-M, but another island. How much time and sailing skill it takes to get there, and how the ship lands, is open to conjecture and to the writing skills of our team.

[Bêthberry]

A hilarious and well-timed extension of Thenamir's linguistic lubricity, Esty. Nice to see that you left the passionate isle intact. You know that saying, what goes around, comes around (or something like that). Who's to say that within the circles of this story you won't be back.

The saline seas obviously suggest a salacious but salutary slant upon this sequel's sport. And I'm certain you've hardly begun to enlarge the depths of the maritime score.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

You know how the saying goes, Bb:

The opera ain't over until the fat lady sings.

I wouldn't count too much on the island staying intact as long as Squatter's crew is still in the vicinity.

Unless, of course, we land on the same island every time and just don't realize it - like the four blind men who try to describe the elephant...

[Thenamir]

Originally Posted by Esty

Unless, of course, we land on the same island every time and just don't realize it - like the four blind men who try to describe the elephant...

Considering the sailing prowess (pun intended) of Meanderin, that's a distinct possibility. Still, the Squatterian supposals suggested above seem too good to pass up.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Originally Posted by Thenamir

Considering the sailing prowess

The prow is female??

[Thenamir]

Of course -- the wife of a stern husband!

EDIT:

Originally Posted by Bethberry

Thenamir's linguistic lubricity

While I thank you for increasing my use of dictionary.com, any salaciousness is in the mind of the reader.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Thenamir

any salaciousness is in the mind of the reader.

Oh noes! Thena is edging towards Fordim's Reader's Camp of Interpretation. It's a slippery slope, first to grant salaciousness to the reader.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I was just reminded of something we could use in this game, though I don't yet know when and where. Anyone remember the PC game "Monkey Island"?

insult swordfighting

I wish I still had the game - I bet there are lots of things we could quote in this quest!

[Thenamir]

A complete list of insults and comebacks from the game can be found here.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Great post, Kuruharan. It's nice to see that Chrysophylax fell on his feet after the last outing, combining the elements of live performance and torture that he loves so much. I know it's cruel to enjoy Denimthor's financial prostration, but I don't care.

I know I promised certain people a post last night, but although I have just over a thousand words, substantial sections of the proposed plot remain unwritten. I'll make every effort to get it finished tonight so that we can all have a double dose of REB to take us into the weekend.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Squatter

Great post, Kuruharan.

Originally Posted by Squatter

I know it's cruel to enjoy Denimthor's financial prostration, but I don't care.

I have a feeling that you may come, in retrospect, to think of it as just ...

... the proposed plot

What is this thing called plot that you speak of?

With regard to the fate of the island of temptation, it occurred to me that there is property belonging to Mogul Bildur Enterprises LLC in situ. The Liquidator might be interested in that. Whether the island disappears before his minions get there looks like it will depend on Squatter's putative post. I would, however, remind you that destroying liquidation assets is a serious offence.

Oh, and as Thena reminded me, one of those assets is currently travelling with the party.

Finally, I just realised that an opportunity has probably been lost to have a Dwarf spot a plane from the island (it being a fantasy island) ...