Ruin of Doriath - Attack on Menegroth

[Findegil]

A long time since I posted the second section of these, but better late then never. So here it goes:

Some conventions of my writing:
Normal Text is from the basic text that is mentioned below (when I change the basic-Text it will be mentioned)
Bold Text source information, comments and remarks
{ } = text that should be deleted
[ ] = normalised text
<source > = additions with source information
example = text inserted for garmatical reason
/ / = outline expansion

The basic text is that of The Tale of the Nauglafring.
Since full-text quoting is not appropirate any longer, I will only give the starting words of each paragraph of the basic text and all editions or delitions, but not the regular changes.

§30 (§21) Now tells the tale that the Nauglath fared home again, and if their greed had been kindled when first RD-AM-01 <editorial addition they saw> the gold{ was brought to Nogrod} now was it a fierce flame of desire, and moreover they burnt under the insults of the king. Indeed all that folk love gold and silver more dearly than aught else on Earth, while that treasury was haunted by a spell and by no means were they armed against it. Now RD-AM-02 { one there had been, Fangluin the aged, who had Counselled them from the first never to return the king's loan, for said he: ‘Ufedhin we may later seek by guile to release, if it seem good,’ but at that time this seemed not policy to Naugladur their lord, who desired not warfare with the Elves.Yet now} did Fangluin <moved from above the aged> jeer at them mightily on their return, saying they had flung away their labour for a botcher's wage and a draught of wine and gotten dishonour thereto, and he played upon their lust{, and Ufedhin joined his bitter words thereto}. Therefore did Naugladur<moved from above their lord> hold a secret council of the Dwarves of Nogrod, and sought how he might both be avenged upon {Tinwelint}[Thingol], and sate his greed.

§31 (§22) Yet after long pondering ... such come thither RD-AM-03{ unaided by treachery from within}.

§32 (§23) Now even as those aged ones sat ... nor more than RD-AM-04 {Ufedhin}[the Elves] might tell hearing the speech in {Tinwelint}[Thingol]'s halls, ...

§33 (§24) This then was the design; and by his deeds have the Dwarves been severed in feud for ever since those days with the Elves RD-AM-05 {, and drawn more nigh in friendship to the kin of Melko}. Secretly he let send to the {Indrafangs}[Firebeards] RD-AM-06 asking<Sil77 aid from Belegost, but it was denied them, and the Dwarves of Belegost sought to dissuade them from their purpose>, because they <Unfinished Tales; Galadriel and Celeborn were filled with dismay at the calamity and fear for its outcome>{ that they}. But the Broadbeams did prepare their host against a day that {he}[Naugladur] would name, whenso the time should be ripe; and a hidden forging of bitter steel then was in RD-AM-07 [Nogrod.]{Belegost the dwelling of the Indrafangs. Moreover he gathered about him a great host of the Orcs, and wandering goblins, promising them a good wage, and the pleasure of their Master moreover, and a rich booty at the end; and all these he armed with his own weapons.} Now came unto Naugladur an Elf, and he was one of {Tinwelint}[Thingol]'s folk, RD-AM-07 { and he offered to lead that host through the magics of Gwendelin,} for he was bitten by the gold-lust of {Glorund's}[Glaurung's] hoard, and so did the curse of Mîm come upon {Tinwelint}[Thingol] and treachery first arose among the Elves of {Artanor}[Doriath]. Then did Naugladur {[?}smile{]} bitterly, for he knew that the time was ripe and {Tinwelint}[Thingol] delivered to him.

§34 (§25) Now each year about ... next high moon but one RD-AM-08 {, and straightway he sent the trysted sign, a bloodstained knife, to Bodruith at Belegost}. Now RD-AM-09 <editorial addition therefore> all that host assembled on the confines of the woods, and no word came yet unto the king.

RD-AM-10 {§35 Now tells the tale that one came unto Tinwelint, and Tinwelint knew him not for the wild growth of his hair -- and lo! it was Mablung, and he said: ‘Lo, even in the depths of the forest have we heard that this year you will celebrate the death of Karkaras with a high-tide greater than even before, O King -- and behold I have returned to bear you company.’ And the king was full ofmirth and fain to greet Mablung the brave; and at the words of Mablung that Huan captain of Dogs was come also into Artanor was he glad indeed.}

§36 (§26) Behold now {Tinwelint}[Thingol] the king rode forth a-hunting, ... Beside him rode Mablung the Heavyhand in the place of honour by reason of his deeds at that great hunt aforetime RD-AM-11 { - but Huan of the Dogs was ahead of the hunters, and men thought that great dog bore him strangely, but mayhap there was something in the wind that day liked not}.

§37a (§27) RD-AM-12 <HoME11; The Tale of The Years {Somehow it must be}/No Tale tales how it was/ contrived that Thingol {is}/was/ lured outside or induced to go to war beyond his borders ><moved from below but there the king and his company were all encircled with armed foes. Long they fought bitterly{ there} among the trees, and the Nauglath - for such were their foes - had great scathe of them or ever they were slain. Yet in the end were they all fordone, and Mablung and the king fell side by side - but Naugladur it was who swept off the head of {Tinwelint}[Thingol] after he was dead, for living he dared not so near to his bright sword or the axe of Mablung.>

§37b (§28) RD-AM-13 {Now is} But now it must be told, that when the king was far in the woods with all his company, and the horns grow faint in the deep forest, {but}did {Gwendelin}[Melian] sit{s} in her bower and foreboding {is}was in her heart and eyes. Then said an Elfmaid, Nielthi: ‘Wherefore, O Lady, art thou sorrowful at the hightide of the king?’ And {Gwendelin}[Melian] said: ‘Evil seeks our land, and my heart misgives me that my days in {Artanor}[Doriath] are speeding to their end, yet if I should lose {Tinwelint}[Thingol] then would I wish never to have wandered forth from Valinor.’ But Nielthi said: ‘Nay, O Lady {Gwendelin}[Melian], hast thou not woven great magic all about us, so that we fear not?’ But the queen made answer: ‘Yet meseems there is a rat that gnaws the threads and all the web has come unwoven.’ Even at that word <moved from below did {Gwendelin}[Melian] see in her heart all that had befallen, and how the curse of the gold had fallen on the realm of {Artanor}[Doriath], and never has she danced or sung since that dark hour;> RD-AM-14 and <Sil77 Melian sat long in silence beside <editorial addition the throne of> Thingol the King, and her thought passed back into the starlit years and to their first meeting among the nightingales of Nan Elmoth in ages past; and she knew that her parting from Thingol was the forerunner of a greater parting, and that the doom of Doriath was drawing nigh. For Melian was of the divine race of the Valar, and she was a Maia of great power and wisdom; but for love of Elwë Singollo she took upon herself the form of the Elder Children of Ilúvatar, and in that union she became bound by the chain and trammels of the flesh of Arda. In that form she bore to him Lúthien Tinúviel; and in that form she gained a power over the substance of Arda, and by the Girdle of Melian was Doriath defended through long ages from the evils without. But now Thingol lay dead, and his spirit had passed to the halls of Mandos; and with his death a change came also upon Melian. Thus it came to pass that her power was withdrawn in that time from the forests of Neldoreth and Region, and Esgalduin the enchanted river spoke with a different voice, and Doriath lay open to its enemies.

§37c (§29) Thereafter Melian spoke to none save to RD-AM-15 {Mablung}[Nielthi] only, bidding her{him take heed to the Silmaril, and} to send word speedily to Beren and Lúthien in Ossiriand; and she vanished out of Middle-earth, and passed to the land of the Valar beyond the western sea, to muse upon her sorrows in the gardens of Lórien, whence she came, and this tale speaks of her no more.

§38 (§30) Thus it was that the host of the Naugrim crossing over Aros passed unhindered into the woods of Doriath; and none withstood them, for they were many and fierce, and the captains of the Grey-elves were cast into doubt and despair, and went hither and thither purposeless. But the Dwarves held on their way, and >there was a cry about the doors <editorial addition of the Thousand Caves>, and suddenly it grew to a fierce noise{ ...} by the clash of steel.{ Then went {Gwendelin}[Melian] unafraid forth from her bower, and behold, a}And a sudden multitude of {Orcs and Indrafangs}[Nauglath] held the bridge, and there was war within the cavernous gates; but that place ran with blood, and a great heap of slain lay there, for the onset had been secret and all unknown.

§39 (§30) RD-AM-16 {Then did Gwendelin know well that her foreboding was true, and that treachery had found her realm at last, yet did she hearten those}Valiantly the few guards that remained{ to her} and had fared not to the hunt{, and valiantly they} warded the palace of the king until the tide of numbers bore them back and fire and blood found all the halls and deep ways of that great fortress of the Elves.

§40 Then did those{ Orcs and} Dwarves ransack all the chambers seeking for treasure RD-AM-17 .{, and lo! one came and sate ... but already is he come.’} And behold, Naugladur entered now and a host of the Dwarves were about him, but he bore the head of {Tinwelint}[Thingol] crowned and helmed in gold; but the necklace of all wonder was clasped about the throat of Naugladur. RD-AM-18 { Then did {Gwendelin}[Melian] see in her heart all that had befallen, and how the curse of the gold had fallen on the realm of Artanor, and never has she danced or sung since that dark hour; but}And Naugladur bid gather all things of gold or silver or of precious stones and bear them to Nogrod RD-AM-19 { - ‘and whatso remains of goods or folk may the, Orcs keep, or slay, as they desire. Yet the Lady Gwendelin Queen of Artanor shall fare with me.’ … here we take out the next paragraph and the §-break Then did Naugladur in his triumph laugh till his beard shook RD-AM-20 .{, and bib size her: ... here we take out the rest of these § and the next one until … And she said suddenly: ‘What evil then has fallen upon Artanor?’ and Huan said}

§41 taken out

§42 taken out

As before the discussion wil follow in the next post.

Respectfully
Findegil

[ November 16, 2003: Message edited by: Findegil ]

Edited to change format.

[Findegil]

Discussion of my changes with a comparision to Maedhros version in the privat forum:

§30 Since Maedhros used the Sil77 version were the dwarves were driven from Menegroth by force and only a few returned, he used only the first sentences and then took up the Sil 77. His version of the § reads:

§ 30 TN**/[ {Now tells the tale that the {Firebeards} [dwarves of Nogrod] fared home again, and if} their greed had been kindled {when first the gold was brought to Nogrod now was it} [to] a fierce flame of desire, and moreover they burnt under the insults of the king.
**QS77/ They told [to their king Naugladur] somewhat of all that had befallen, saying that the Dwarves were slain in Doriath by command of the Elvenking, who thus would cheat them of their reward./ Indeed all that folk love gold and silver more dearly than aught else on Earth, while that treasury was haunted by a spell and by no means were they armed against it. Therefore did Naugladur hold a secret council of the Dwarves of Nogrod, and sought how he might both be avenged upon Thingol, and sate his greed.]

§31 Here we go nearly conform. Meadhros only took out the last but one halfsentence which I keept in.

§32 I liked Meadhros new idea to insert here the asking for aid in Belegost, but I found his way to insert it awakward his § reads:

§ 32 [Now even as those aged ones sat in their dark halls and gnawed their beards, behold {a sound of horns, and} [Naugladur had sent] messengers {were come from} [to] Bodruith of the Broadbeams, a kindred of the Dwarves that dwelt in other realms. Now these {brought tidings of the death of Mîm the fatherless at the hand of Húrin and the rape of Glaurung's gold, which tale had but new come to Bodruith's ears. Now hitherto the Dwarves knew not the full tale concerning that hoard, nor more than Ufedhin might tell hearing} [told the Broadbeams about] the speech in Thingol's halls, [and asked for their aid, but it was denied to them, and the Dwarves of Belegost sought to dissuade them from their purpose; but their counsel was unavailing]. {and Húrin had not spoken the full count thereof ere he departed.} [Now] {H}[h]earing therefore these tidings [from Belegost,] new wrath was added to their lust and a clamour arose among them, and Naugladur vowed to rest not ere Mîm was thrice avenged – “and, more,” said he, “meseems the gold belongs of right to the people of the Dwarves”.] RD-R-02

I think that it can be taken for sure that Húrin did not tell that he had slain Mîm, when he cast the treasure to Thingols feet. We can assume that Thingol did not even knew of the existance of Mîm. So the messnager from Belegost, who did tell the dwarves how the treassure was stolen from Mîm who was killed in the event, are still possible and I think they are even likely. So I toke that §.

§33 Here I tokeup Meadhros idea of the denied aid form Belegost. Since Meadhros had already done so in §32 he did not make the additions from Sil77 and UT. He also toke out Narthseg which I would like to hold. His treachery is now only the time of the hunt, but that is an essential infrmation for Naugladur.

$34 I only toke out the sign to the Indrafagns. While Maedhros but the part of the knowledge of Naugladur of that hunt on the end of §33.

§35 I don't understand why Meadhros toke out only half of the §. If Mablung was out in the forest he could come to Thingol with wild grown hair. But as I precived Mablung he was often in Menegroth and that he would participat in memorial hunt is quite natural. So I take the § out.

§36 & §37a Meadhros § reads:

§ 36 [Behold now Thingol the king rode forth a-hunting, and more glorious was his array than ever aforetime, {and the helm of gold was above his flowing locks, and with gold were the trappings of his steed adorned; and the sunlight amid the trees fell upon his face, and it seemed to those that beheld it like to the glorious face of the sun at morning;} for about his throat was clasped the Nauglamír, the Necklace of the Dwarves. Beside him rode Mablung the Heavy Hand {in the place of honour by reason of his deeds at that great hunt aforetime -- but Huan of the Dogs was ahead of the hunters, and men thought that great dog bore him strangely, but mayhap there was something in the wind that day liked not}. [along with the royal guard of the King. It chanced that the company of the King was separated from the main host, and some say that it was the curse of the gold that made his company depart from the protection of the Girdle and they [were] surprised [by the host of Naugladur and] Thingol {and he} was slained.]] RD-M-02

I did not take out the new gear of Thingol, since I have left the smithing of it. Also I do not see why Thingol would go to the hunt with a host, he goes onto a hunt not in warfare. And if we have a host, than wy not let the host be killed by the dwarves? It is nice to name the cruse as the reason why Thingol left the girdle but I find it to risky. I dealed with that in §37a. I toke first the remark form the Tale of years and was ambigous about the "how it was contrived" and then told the death of Thingol dirctly not in re-vision of Melian as in The Tale of the Nauglafing.

§37b - §42 Meadhros toke Melian as the Messanger for Beren and Lúthien. But when she would be smart enough to tell Beren the story so that he could revenge Thingol, why would she lift the girdle? I think she must leave Middle-Earth at once when Thingol is dead. For me that is what the note in The Tale of the Years means.

§37b & §37c I let the talk to the Elven maid Nielthi stand and I even used she later as the one Melian would tell to seek Beren and Luthien. Since Mablung is killed beside the king.

§38 I toke the tale of the invasion from the Sil77 and fitted it in here.

§39 Melian is already gone in my version of this §.

§40 As above, so the § is much shorter and only takes up the laughter of Naugladur from further below.

§41 & §42 Since Melian is gone nothing is left in Version of these §§.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Findegil]

This is the first draft of an expansion of the storyline-version. Our basis text is: The History of Middle-Earth; volume 4; The Shaping of Middle-Earth; chapter III: The Quenta Noldorinwa (Q30).

We have three groups of changes:

RD-zz: General changes given and discussed in the thread “**Ruin of Doriath - Pre-Revision speculation/proposal thread**”. These changes are taken up here, but they are not indicated by "editorial markers"

RD-SL-zz: Changes done to make the storyline fit our understanding developed in the Thread “**Ruin of Doriath - Pre-Revision speculation/proposal thread**”. In that thread I made the mistake to mark them with FD-SL-zz. But the numbers are identical. My apologise if that change does produce a mass now. Some numbers are missing, but that is normal since some of the points of the storyline-discussion did not produce any change in the text.

RD-EX-zz For expansions taken from some other source to make the story more detailed. This also includes some changes made in the expansion, which I marked for easier reference.

At the beginning we have to create a transition from The Wanderingas of Húrin (WH). Over all the basis text will show trough not to much I think. But we will use it as a leading guideline and any part that is exchanged for some other text should be shown. As before, I start with §266 of WH, which is the last of that text.

I have tried to stick to the §-numbering done by Maédhros for his first draft, so that a comparison between that draft #1, my own earlier Version and the current text will be easier. In addition I have numbered the § anew in brackets starting with §267 in continuation of WH and starting over again when we come to the purposed chapter break. If a § of the basic-text is deleted completely it is not numbered.

As it has some value as a double-check during my work I will give here in addition to the edited version a clean text version.

Some conventions of my writing:
Normal Text is from the basic text that is mentioned above (when I change the basic-Text it will be mentioned)
Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks
{ } = text that should be deleted
[ ] = normalised text
<source > = additions with source information
example = text inserted for grammatical reason
/ / = outline expansion
Normally if an inserted text includes the beginning of a new § these is indicated by a missing “>” at the end of the § and a missing “<” at the beginning of the next. But the source information is repeated before each §. But some times the new § was taken as an new add and handled accordingly.

Here after is given the Version for the public forum. I have ripped it of some of the textual content in many § by inerting dots instead. These dots conceal only General changes (RD-zz), all other changes are given so that they can (hopefuly) be understood.

§30 (§15) RD-EX-49 <TN Now tells the tale that the Nauglath fared home again, and if their greed had been kindled when first RD-EX-50 <editorial addition they saw> the gold{ was brought to Nogrod} now was it a fierce flame … armed against it. Now one there was{ had been}, Fangluin the aged, RD-EX-51 {who had Counselled … the Elves. Yet now}and he did{ Fangluin} jeer at them mightily on their return, saying they had flung away their labour for a botcher's wage and a draught of wine and gotten dishonour thereto, and he played upon their lust{, and Ufedhin joined his bitter words thereto}. Therefore did Naugladur<moved from above their lord> hold a secret council of the Dwarves of Nogrod, and sought how he might both be avenged upon {Tinwelint}[Thingol], and sate his greed.>

§31 (§16) RD-EX-52 <TN Yet after long pondering … could any such come thither RD-SL-20{ unaided by treachery from within}.>RD-EX-53 <TN But{and} Naugladur vowed to rest not ere {Mîm was}[his craftsman ]were thrice avenged - ‘and, more,’ said he, ‘me seems the gold belongs of right to the people of the Dwarves.’>

§33 (§17) {Therefore gathering new forces in Nogrod RD-SL-18{and in Belegost} they returned at length, RD-SL-20c {and aided by the treachery of certain Elves on whom the lust of the accursed treasure had fallen} they RD-SL-21a{passed into Doriath secretly.}} RD-EX-54 <TN This then was the design; and by his deeds have the Dwarves been severed in feud for ever since those days with the Elves, and drawn more nigh in friendship to the {kin}[following] of {Melko}[Morgoth]. Secretly he let send to {the Indrafangs}[Lord Bodruith his kin] RD-SL-18 asking<Sil77 aid from Belegost, but it was denied them, and the Dwarves of Belegost sought to dissuade them from their purpose>, because they <Unfinished Tales; Galadriel and Celeborn were filled with dismay at the calamity and fear for its outcome>{ that they} RD-EX-55 . But the Dwarves of Nogrod did prepare their host against a day that {he}[Naugladur] would name, whenso the time should be ripe; and a hidden forging of bitter steel then was in [Nogrod.]{Belegost the dwelling of the Indrafangs.}>

§34 (§18) RD-EX-56 <TN Now each year about the time of the great wolf-hunt … in the forest. Now Naugladur {learnt of that Elf Narthseg, whose name is bitter to the Eldar yet}[did know], that the king would fare a-hunting at the next high moon but one RD-EX-57 {, and straightway he sent the trysted sign, a bloodstained knife, to Bodruith at Belegost}. Now RD-EX-58 <editorial addition at that time> all that host assembled on the confines of the woods, and no word came yet unto the king.>

§36 (§19) RD-EX-59 <TN Behold now {Tinwelint}[Thingol] the king rode … great hunt aforetime>.

§37a (§20) There {they}[the dwarves] surprised Thingol upon {a}these hunt with but small company of arms and {Thingol was slain} <HoME11; The Tale of The Years{Somehow it must be}somehow they contrived it that Thingol {is}was lured outside or induced to go to war beyond his borders and {is} there {slain by the Dwarves.}> RD-SL-22 <TN the king and his company were all encircled with armed foes. Long they fought bitterly{ there} among the trees, and the Nauglath - for such were their foes - had great scathe of them or ever they were slain. Yet in the end were they all fordone, and Mablung and the king fell side by side - but Naugladur it was who swept off the head of {Tinwelint}[Thingol] after he was dead, for living he dared not so near to his bright sword or the axe of Mablung.>

§37b (§21) RD-EX-60 {Now is} But now it must be told, that when the king was far in the woods with all his company, and the horns grow faint in the deep forest, {but}did {Gwendelin}[Melian] {sits}sit in her bower and foreboding {is}was in her heart and eyes. Then said an Elfmaid, Nielthi: ‘Wherefore, O Lady, art thou … hast thou not woven great magic all about us, so that we fear not?’ But the queen made answer: ‘Yet meseems there is a editorial change{rat that gnaws the threads}thread[ is riven] and all the web has come unwoven.’ Even at that word >RD-EX-61 <Sil77 Melian sat long in silence {beside Thingol the King}[in her bower], and her thought passed back into the starlit years and to their first meeting among the nightingales of Nan Elmoth in ages past; and she knew that her parting from Thingol <editorial addition at his riding forth> was the forerunner of a greater parting, and … evils without. But now Thingol lay dead, and his spirit had passed to the halls of Mandos; and with his death a change came also upon Melian. Thus it came to pass that her power was withdrawn in that time from the forests of Neldoreth and Region, and Esgalduin the enchanted river spoke with a different voice, and Doriath lay open to its enemies>.

§38 (§22) {<HoME11; The Tale of The YearsThen Melian {departs}departed, and the girdle being removed Doriath {is}was ravaged by the Dwarves.> {, and the fortress of the Thousand Caves taken at unawares and plundered;}} RD-EX-62 <Sil77 Thus it was that the host of the Naugrim crossing over Aros passed unhindered into the woods of Doriath; and none withstood them, for they were many and fierce, and the captains of the Grey-elves were cast into doubt and despair, and went hither and thither purposeless. But the Dwarves held on their way, and >RD-EX-63 <TN there was a cry about the doors <editorial addition of the Thousand Caves>, and suddenly it grew to a fierce noise{ ...} by the clash of steel. Then went {Gwendelin}[Melian] unafraid forth from her bower, and behold, a sudden multitude of {Orcs and Indrafangs}[Nauglath] held the bridge, and there was war within the cavernous gates; but that place ran with blood, and a great heap of slain lay there, for the onset had been secret and all unknown.>

§39 (§23) RD-EX-64 <TN Then did {Gwendelin}[Melian] know well that her foreboding was true, and that {treachery}[doom] had found … tide of numbers bore them back and fire and blood found all the halls and deep ways of that great fortress of the Elves.>

§40a (§24) RD-EX-65 <TN Then did those{ Orcs and} Dwarves ransack all the chambers seeking for treasure, and lo! one came and sate him in the high seat of the king laughing loud, and{ Gwendelin saw that it was Ufedhin, and} mocking he bid {her}Melian be seated in her ancient seat beside the king's. Then {Gwendelin}[Melain] gazed upon him so that his glance fell, and she said: ‘Wherefore, O renegade, dost thou defile my lord's seat? Little had I thought to see {any of the Elves}[anyone] sit there, a robber, stained with murder, a league-fellow of the truceless enemies{ of his kin}. Or thinkest thou it is a glorious deed to assail an ill-armed house what time its lord is far away?’ But {Ufedhin}[that dwarf] said nought, shunning the bright eyes of {Gwendelin}[Melian], wherefore said she anew: ‘Get thee now gone with thy foul {Orcs}[comrades], lest {Tinwelint}[Thingol] coming repay thee bitterly.’>

§40b (§25) <TN Then at last did {Ufedhin}[the dwarf] answer, and he … ‘and whatso remains of goods or folk may the, Orcs <editorial addition of Morgoth plunder>{keep}, or slay, as they desire. Yet the Lady {Gwendelin}[Melian] Queen of {Artanor}[Doriath] shall fare with me.’ Then said {Gwendelin}[Melian]: ‘Thief and murderer, {child of Melko}[liege of Morgoth], yet art thou a fool, for thou canst not see what hangs over thine own head.’ By reason of the anguish of her heart was her sight grown very clear, and she read by her {fay}[Maia]-wisdon the curse of Mîm and much of what would yet betide.>

§40c (§26) <TN Then did Naugladur in his triumph laugh till his beard shook, and bid seize her: but none might do so, for as they came towards her they groped as if in sudden dark, or stumbled and fell tripping each the other, and {Gwendelin}[Melian] went forth from the places of her abode, and her bitter weeping filled the forest.> {and}And so was brought well nigh to ruin the glory of Doriath, and but one stronghold of the Elves against Morgoth now remained, and their twilight was nigh at hand. {RD-SL-23 But Queen Melian the Dwarves could not seize or harm, and she went forth to seek Beren and Lúthien.}

Respectfully
Findegil

[Maédhros]

§33 (§17) {Therefore gathering new forces in Nogrod RD-SL-18{and in Belegost} they returned at length, RD-SL-20c {and aided by the treachery of certain Elves on whom the lust of the accursed treasure had fallen} they RD-SL-21a{passed into Doriath secretly.}} RD-EX-54 <TN This then was the design; and by his deeds have the Dwarves been severed in feud for ever since those days with the Elves, and drawn more nigh in friendship to the {kin}[following] of Morgoth.

Why chagne kin to following?

I would add the following parragraph between 34 and 36:

§ 35 Now tells the tale that one came unto Thingol, {and Thingol knew him not for the wild growth of his hair} -- and lo! it was Mablung, and he said: “Lo, even in the depths of the forest have we heard that this year you will celebrate the death of Carcharoth with a high-tide greater than even before, O King -- and behold I have returned to bear you company.” And the king was full of mirth and fain to greet Mablung the brave{; and at the words of Mablung that Huan captain of Dogs was come also into Doriath was he glad indeed}.

I don't see why this detail can't be included in the story.

§37a (§20) There {they}[the dwarves] surprised Thingol upon {a}these hunt with but small company of arms and

I think that this sounds odd. I would use:

§37a (§20) There {they}[the dwarves] surprised Thingol upon {a}the hunt with but small company of arms and

Only change these to the.

§37b (§21) RD-EX-60 {Now is} But now it must be told, that when the king was far in the woods with all his company, and the horns grow faint in the deep forest, {but}did Melian {sits}sit in her bower and foreboding {is}was in her heart and eyes. Then said an Elfmaid{, Nielthi}: ‘Wherefore, O Lady, art thou sorrowful at the hightide of the king?’ And Melian said: ‘Evil seeks our land, and my heart misgives me that my days in Doriath are speeding to their end, yet if I should lose Thingol then would I wish never to have wandered forth from Valinor.’ But {Nielthi}[the Elfmaid] said: ‘Nay, O Lady Melian, hast thou not woven great magic all about us, so that we fear not?’ But the queen made answer: ‘Yet meseems there is a editorial change{rat that gnaws the threads}thread[ is riven] and all the web has come unwoven.’

First, I would eliminate the name Nielthi because I'm not sure that it is a valid Sindarin name.
The part that is in bold to me it is weird.

On another note, I think that it is interesting the way you attributed the deeds of Ufedhin to the dwarves. I wonder if Aiwendil will be ok with that. I am.

[Findegil]

§33 kin -> following: kin of Morogth in the old concept of Orcs called "children of Morogth" is acceptable, nut know I find it very odd, after eben Gothmog as his son was scipt. Maybe my understanding of "kin" is to limited.

§35 I thought about that myself, and if we will include it, I would also retain the "wild growth of his hair" since it would so nicely backflash to Túrin and Saeros and I can't see a problem when a warrior returns from the border fight that he is uncempt and thereby unrecognisable - but as yet we have meet Mablung in Doriath ever at Menegroth. He was the cheife thane of Thingol and not the head of the border forces (that was Beleg as long as he lived). So in my view it was dubious if we would not introduce a change in the role of Mablung, coming back to the king (obviously from the broder fights in the circumstances of the later Doriath). But I might be overinterpreting in this. And I am open for the addition, if you and Aiwendil think it is okay.

§37a these hunt -> the hunt: I wanted to make the back reference that it is more clear. But when when you find it odd, we can as well takt "the".

§37b the name Nielthi: I am fare from an expert in Sindarin, I do not even no the basics, so I don't know. If the name is not use able it is easy to make her an anonymous maiden of Melian.

§37b Melians comment on the unwoven web: Since we have taken Q30 as a basis here, we have the girdle removed while Melian is in Menegroth. I considered taht sentence for delition, but I could find no reason why Melian would not answer in such a pictures way when forbonding was heavy on her. But the "rat that gnaws the threads" does hint at the treacherous elfs of TN, therefore the change. You yourself suggested, that she lost control over the girdle because here conection to it was through Thingol, thus I found the "riven thread" a fitting replacment.

On another note, I think that it is interesting the way you attributed the deeds of Ufedhin to the dwarves. I wonder if Aiwendil will be ok with that. I am.

You mean the parts in dialogues that I change from Ufedhin. Well, if we disire to have these dialogous include, and I do disire it, we have to give his speech to someone else, and anonymous dwarves seemed to fit best. In Menegroth I found it even more fitting to have someone else to encounter Melian first. As it seemed Naugladur never was in the formost front of any fight. And after the death of Thingol he did play first with his dead foe before he moved on to the plundering of Menegroth. But I anticipate your doubts about Aiwendil and this treatment of the material. And I have no doubts that he will rise some valid points against them that we have not thought of.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Maédhros]

§35 I thought about that myself, and if we will include it, I would also retain the "wild growth of his hair" since it would so nicely backflash to Túrin and Saeros and I can't see a problem when a warrior returns from the border fight that he is uncempt and thereby unrecognisable - but as yet we have meet Mablung in Doriath ever at Menegroth. He was the chief thane of Thingol and not the head of the border forces (that was Beleg as long as he lived). So in my view it was dubious if we would not introduce a change in the role of Mablung, coming back to the king (obviously from the broder fights in the circumstances of the later Doriath). But I might be overinterpreting in this. And I am open for the addition, if you and Aiwendil think it is okay.

I don't think that a change in Mablung rôle is warranted just because he was "even in the depths of the forest have we heard that this year you will celebrate the death of Carcharoth with a high-tide greater than even before, O King", it could be that he was at the forest in that particular time.

§37b Melians comment on the unwoven web: Since we have taken Q30 as a basis here, we have the girdle removed while Melian is in Menegroth. I considered taht sentence for delition, but I could find no reason why Melian would not answer in such a pictures way when forbonding was heavy on her. But the "rat that gnaws the threads" does hint at the treacherous elfs of TN, therefore the change. You yourself suggested, that she lost control over the girdle because here conection to it was through Thingol, thus I found the "riven thread" a fitting replacment.

You misunderstand me. I do not think that it should be deleted but reworded.