Funniest lines in Middle-Earth

[The Barrow-Wight]

Burrahobbit brought up a good question about the quote where Gollum says he has only 6 teeth. I always thought that Gollum's claim of poor dental hygiene was one of the funniest statements in the Lord of the Rings series.

What utterances by Middle-Earth characters have you found funny?

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funny quotes

my brother says: &quot;One of the funniest lines is when Sam accuses Gollum of sneaking about, which Gollum strongly denies, then when Frodo asks Gollum what he was doing Gollum says 'sneakin!'&quot;

</p>

[burrahobbit]

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Re: funny quotes

Merry and Pippin's first night with Treebeard. Treebeard says &quot;Well, you can lie on the bed. I am going to stand in the rain. Good night!&quot;

What's a burrahobbit got to do with my pocket, anyways?</p>

[bmilder]

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Re: Funniest lines in Middle-Earth

LOL, I agree with galadriel about the Sneak line <img src=laugh.gif ALT=":lol">

Also funny are other interactions between Sam and Gollum, where they accuse each other of stinking, etc. <img src=smile.gif ALT="">

---Ben
Admin at <a href=http://pub2.ezboard.com/bbenjaminstolkienboard><font size=+1>Entmoot</a>, the largest J.R.R. Tolkien community on ezboard!</p>

[The Barrow-Wight]

The 'sneak' line is definitely a LOL one. I grin every time I think of it. But I just thought of another one from The Hobbit. It's one of the quotes at the Barrow-Downs.

&quot; I am a cook myself, and I cook better than I cook, if you see what I mean. - Bilbo Baggins

This book is fully of one-liners like this.

[Balin999]

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Re: Funniest lines in Middle-Earth

i like the conversation between sam and ted sandyman at the green dragon inn
sam:&quot; Take dragons now&quot;
ted:&quot; No thank 'ee, i wont. i heard tell of them when i was a youngster, but theres no call to believe in them now. Theres only one dragon in Bywater, and thats green&quot;

and so on
i think that hobbits have a good sense of humour

</p>

[Sharkû]

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Re: Funniest lines in Middle-Earth

The funniest lines are ,IMHO, where Gorbag and Shagrat talk about how Shelob captured one of their comrades, who was then hanging upside-down on the ceiling in her lair, cocooned in spider-silk. Must have been quite a sight, together with the stupid face of an orc.

</p>

[Celebringnar]

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Re: Funniest lines in Middle-Earth

The lines that stick in mind are those that nearly caused me to fall out of bed while reading The Hobbit. &quot;...now if you've ever seen a dragon in a pinch...&quot; and when Bilbo reaches Laketown (I think) and bows saying something like... &quot;...dag you merry butch...&quot;.

</p>

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Re: Funniest lines in Middle-Earth

....when Sam chucks the apple at Bill Ferny's head while leaving Bree, and says &quot;a waste of a good apple&quot; after it hits Bill in the face... classic.

</p>

[The Barrow-Wight]

Yeah, that was a funny line. Of course, anything Sam says is funny. That guy was just a simple yet clever (unknowingly) fellow.

[Ferr]

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Re: Funniest lines in Middle-Earth

this one:

<font color="#3333FF"><tt>"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less then half of you half as well as you deserve"</tt> B. Baggins</p>

[galpsi]

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Gently

&quot;Now I won't make so bold as to suggest that you should come to the Common Room tonight,&quot; said Butterbur.

</p>

Nah, the funnyist of the movie scenes has to be the point where Aragorn is trying to get rid of the soup Eowyn gives him. Especially when he tells her he's 87. I dono why it strikes me so funny, the 87 bit, but it just does.

Then again there's always the VERRY BEST of Pippin:

Merry: You'll have to tie us up in a sack to send us home.
Pippin: And becides, you'll need people of intelegence on this sort of message, quest, thing.
Merry: Well that leaves you out, Pip.
Elrond: So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring
Pippin: Great! So, where are we going?

Then later on:

Frodo: Mordor, Gandalf, which way is it?
Gandalf: Left.

Frodo to Pippin: "I don't keep water in my pockets."

[Wizard of the Secret Fire]

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<img src="http://www.barrowdowns.com/images/posticons/sting.jpg" align=absmiddle> Funny

These comments between Gandalf and Pippin are quite funny:

&quot;What are you going to do then?&quot; asked Pippin, undaunted by the wizard's bristling brows.
&quot;Knock on the doors with your head, Peregrin Took&quot;, said Gandalf. &quot;But if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will seek for the opening words&quot;

&quot;Fool of a Took!&quot;, he growled. &quot;This is a serious yourney, not a hobbit walking-party. Trow yourself in next time, and then you will be of no further nuisance. Now be quiet&quot;


"You cannot pass. I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor."

Usually guarding <font color="#000000" size="2" face="Arial">http://www.theoldforest.cjb.net<font size="2" face="Arial">The Old Forest</a></p> Feel free to visit the EZ Board, <font color="#000000" size="2" face="Arial"> http://pub9.ezboard.com/btheoldforest29887<font size="2" face="Arial">The Bonfire Glade</a></p> </td>... </p>Edited by <A HREF=http://www.barrowdowns.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_profile&u=00000184>Wizard of the Secret Fire</A>&nbsp; <IMG SRC=http://hem.passagen.se/wizard_of_illusion/Buttoms/ez/bluefire10.jpg BORDER=0 WIDTH=10 HEIGHT=10> at: 7/23/00 8:56:12 am

[quam]

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funny

when gandalf and radagast are in the shire and radagast says something about &quot;a primitive country,this shire&quot;
and gandalf says that he shouldn't say that out loud.

</p>

[The Barrow-Wight]

How about where Mandos says, "Not the first."...Man that Mandos cracks me up.

Wait a minute. That ain't funny. That Mandos sure was morbid.

I'm going to open a New Topic.

[Oliphaunt]

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hahah

I'm reading the hobbit again! This from the eagle holding Bilbo &quot;Don't pinch! You need not be frightened like a rabbit, even though you look rather like one...&quot;
hahahah

<marquee>'Were there any oliphaunts?' asked Sam, forgetting his fear in his eagerness for news of strange places. 'No, no oliphaunts. What are Oliphaunts' said Gollum.</marquee></p>

[dogtrot]

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Re: hahah

i like alot of the &quot;locals&quot; dialogue in the shire, esp. the gaffer. only the gaffer could speak his mind to a black rider. &quot;no thankee, i won't&quot; and &quot;none of my business, nor yours&quot;

</p>

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Re: hahah

Eowyn did too, dogtrot.

The Gamgee fam. is my favourite too, they have such a simple but very good humor.

</p>

[dogtrot]

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Re: hahah

Another Sam funny: '&quot; coming Mr. Frodo!&quot; came the answer far within, followed soon by Sam himself,wiping his mouth.He had been saying farewell to the beer barrel in the celler.&quot; &quot;I'll last a bit now,sir&quot;

</p>

[The Barrow-Wight]

Oh man! That one is funny
I forgot about Sam's farewell to his beer...haha

[gamegie]

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Re: hahah

Well I like Lobelia and her umbrella full of 'stuff' not belonging to her.
But it is not good to snear at a poor creature like her, fancy waiting for so long to come in possession what she thought should be hers......SOB

Charming Humble Hobbit</p>

[mwcfrodo]

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Re: Bilbo's sense of humor

Overall, I'd say Bilbo said or wrote some of the funniest lines in the books. The tags he put on the various gifts were classic. I particularly liked the *convex* mirror to Angelica Baggins who fancied herself pretty and the wastebasket for the relative who always felt obliged to offer good advice. He had some fine lines in the Hobbit as well: &quot;I cook better than I cook, if you see what I mean.&quot; (I suspect the subtlety was wasted on the trolls.

</p>

[Mister Underhill]

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Re: Bilbo's sense of humor

Sam, of course, is irrepressibly funny, but for my money, Gandalf often gives him a run for his money. But I think I always get the biggest kick out of some of the narration. Remember in the Hobbit when Thorin begins his long-winded speech?

&quot;Gandalf, dwarves, and Mr. Baggins! We are not together in the house of our friend and fellow conspirator, this most excellent and audacious hobbit -- may the hair on his toes never fall out! all praise to his wine and ale! --&quot; He paused for breath and for a polite remark from the hobbit, but the compliments were quite lost on poor Bilbo Baggins, who was wagging his mouth in protest at being called &quot;audacious&quot; and worst of all &quot;fellow conspirator&quot;, though no noise came out, he was so flummoxed.

</p>

[mwcfrodo]

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Re: Bilbo's sense of humor

Two classics I love...

When Sam's caught listening outside Bag End when Gandalf's telling Frodo of the ring, he says,
&quot;Don't let him turn me into anything unnatural. My old dad would take on so.&quot;

And Gandalf's rejoinder to Pippin in Rivendell:
&quot;I shall go unless they chain me up. There must be someone of intelligence in the party.&quot;
&quot;Then you will certainly not be chosen, Peregrin Took!&quot;

</p>

[Mister Underhill]

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Re: Bilbo's sense of humor

Or Gandalf, recounting his exploits leading up to the fight a the ford prior to the Council of Elrond:

<blockquote>Quote:<hr> &quot;I came to Hobbiton and Frodo had gone; but I had words with old Gamgee. Many words and few to the point. He had much to say about the shortcomings of the new owners of Bag End.&quot;<hr></blockquote>

Or an earlier one with Frodo at Bag End:

<blockquote>Quote:<hr> &quot;Among the Wise I am the only one that goes in for hobbit-lore: ann obscure branch of knowledge, but full of surprises.&quot;<hr></blockquote>

</p>

[noldo]

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Re: Bilbo's sense of humor

I always liked this one:

&quot;If you don't let me in, Frodo, I shall blow your door right down your hole and out through the hill.&quot;

<HR>"Mind Bilbo doesn't eat all the cakes! He is too fat to get through key-holes yet!"

<A HREF=http://pub22.ezboard.com/belvenhome>Elvenhome</A> </p>

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Re: Bilbo's sense of humor

being only male, I cringe every time I come across the word &quot;queer&quot; in reference to being strange or peculiar. I suppose it is funny to watch me cringe, considering I'm almost a vegetable sitting in a hospital ward with a nurse reading the trilogy to me time and time again. She even allowed a picture of me to be taken as I cringed. My eye sort of froze mid-flutter and my pinky was raised to a ninety degree angle. I suppose it was funny. My mom is giving me sort of a glare as she is typing this for me. It's been two whole weeks out of the hospital! Wohoo!

</p>

[Hannah Burrows]

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Love it all

Ah these are all good quotes but I hear nothing of Bilbo on the eyries,

Dwalin: And besides, eagles aren't forks!
Bilbo: Oh no, not a bit like storks-forks, I mean!

Ah, let's see (leafs through The Hobbit quickly) Ah ha!
In Beorn's house,
Bofur:Get up lazybones, or there will be no breakfast left for you!
Bilbo: Breakfast! Where is breakfast!
Dwarves: Mostly inside us.

Glion: As soon as I clapped my eyes on the little fellow bobbing and puffing on the mat, I had my doubts. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar!&quot;
Then Mr. Baggins turned the handle and went in. The Took side had won. He suddenly felt he would go without bed and breakfast to be thought feirce.As for &lt;i&gt;little fellow bobbing on the mat&lt;/i&gt; it had almost made him really feirce.

" In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit . . . " That's where it all began.</p>

[Roquen]

I always thought this was funny for the narative:

"Yrch! said Legolas, falling into his own tounge"

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

These are all very funny. One of my favourites is when the Riders of Rohan are surrounding the Three Hunters. Gimli and Legolas are talking smack to Eomer and are just about to get killed by the Rohirrim for their cheek. And then Aragorn steps in.

Aragorn: 'Your pardon, Eomer!'

lol, calm down, calm down, don't fight, I am on the verge of something good here! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Evisse the Blue]

Lobelia to Frodo: "You're not a Baggins you're a ...Brandybuck!"
Crowd: Uuuh, thaT was harsh!
LOL!
Then the part where the shiriffs accuse Frodo and co of various "illegalities" and Sam adds other funny ones to the list makes me laugh every time I read it.

[Lhunbelethiel]

The Hobbit is full of great lines by Bilbo especially when he is acting fussy. As someone mentioned earlier, the line that always makes me giggle (esp. when it's at the top of the screen on this site's rotating quotes) is when Bilbo catches a cold and says "Thag you very buch." It's just cute! Gollum and Sam's exchanges are funny as well.

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ August 15, 2002: Message edited by: Lhunbelethiel ]

[galadwen29]

one line tha made me chucle was in teh chapter "teh bridge of Khazad-dum was when frodo charges foward attacking the orcs shouting "the shire!" him killing one. aragorn shouts "one for the shire"

[img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[the phantom]

I also think some of the narration is hilarious. From The Hobbit when the dwarves are at Bilblo's house:
"He had less than half a mind to fetch the lamp, and more than half a mind to pretend to and go and hide behind the beer-barrels in the cellar, and not come out again until all the dwarves had gone away."

[onewhitetree]

"And no one was ill, and everyone was happy, except for those who had to mow the grass."

There are TOO many:

But one of my favorites for mental imagery is:

"Legolas and Gimli rode with Aragorn in the van." [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

There are many more I shall have to find and compile.

[Mister Underhill]

[Éomer] was welcomed; and when they sat all at table in Merethrond, the Great Hall of Feasts, he beheld the beauty of the ladies that he saw and was filled with great wonder. And before he went to his rest he sent for Gimli the Dwarf, and he said to him: ‘Gimli Glóin’s son, have you your axe ready?’

‘Nay, lord,’ said Gimli, ‘but I can speedily fetch it, if there be need.’

‘You shall judge,’ said Éomer. ‘For there are certain rash words concerning the Lady in the Golden Wood that lie still between us. And now I have seen her with my eyes.’

‘Well, lord,’ said Gimli, ‘and what say you now?’

‘Alas!’ said Éomer. ‘I will not say that she is the fairest lady that lives.’

‘Then I must go for my axe,’ said Gimli.

[ August 15, 2002: Message edited by: Mister Underhill ]

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Lots of funny lines. I think Gollum's really funny though. One of my favorites is:

Eomer:..."Have you ever done anything worth of binding or of worse punishment? However, that is not for me to judge, happily. But tonight you have come where it is death to come. The fish of this pool are dearly bought."
Gollum dropped the fish from his hand. "Don't want fish," he said.