The Unions of Elves and Men

[Mithadan]

Tolkien's writings make clear why unions between Men and Elves are rare. Gilraen tells Aragorn simply that "it is not fit that mortal should wed with the Elf-kin." But this is not a matter only of Elves having a higher station than Men, though this is, no doubt, a component of the reasons that the two races rarely marry. More important is the fact that such a marriage could only last several decades and would inevitably end with the Elf not only enduring the aging of the Mannish spouse, but also the parting at death which leaves the Elf alone and bereaved for so long as Arda may last. Keep in mind that Elves marry only once (with the notable and ultimately tragic exception of Finwe and Miriel who receive a special exemption from the Valar). The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen reflects the great sadness of the separation of Elrond and Arwen even though the couple shares a common fate.

As a result, there are only three "documented" unions of Elves and Men and only one further "legendary" one. The unions of Beren and Luthien, Tuor and Idril, and Aragorn and Arwen are integral parts of the mythology of Middle Earth. The union of Imrazor and Mithrellas, that gave renewed Elvish blood into the line of the princes of Dol Amroth is less clearly established as "fact." The first three are events of high fate and are exceptional, the last less so.

Regardless, there is a common thread in these tales. In each case, the husband is the Man and the wife is Elvish. Elsewhere is the story of Aegnor and Andreth, who were apparently in love but never were wed, told in the Athrabeth with a discussion in some detail of why Elves and Men rarely should marry. There is nowhere told the tale of a male Elf marrying a female of the Mannish race. Is there any explanation regarding why this is the case?

[Huinesoron]

I would add Dior and Nimloth to the list. NoME makes it clear (1.XVIII, "Elvish Ages & Numenorean", dated ca. 1965) that the Half-Elven were natively mortal, though living five times as long as regular mortals. Elros lived and died Half-Elven; Elrond was made Elven by the Valar; therefore Dior must have lived and died (untimely) Half-Elven and mortal too.

I think Turin and Finduilas are also worth considering, as a second 'failed relationship'. The Athrabeth makes it clear that Aegnor never married Andreth because he was afraid of her aging when he did not, but I don't remember that coming up in the Finduilas case.

I vaguely recall one in-universe explanation holding that a mortal woman wouldn't be strong enough to bear a half-elven child (think the death of Miriel), but that might have been a fan-theory. Another possibility, which spans the border between internal and external, is that a woman can endure the loss of her husband because of her children, whereas fathers do not have the same attachment. (Not true, but Tolkien might have considered it to be.)

I think the strongest explanation is purely external: most of these stories are of a mortal man wandering or being led into a realm of Faerie, where he wins great renown and the love of a fairy princess. It's basically the same tale as Smith of Wootton Major, though there's no relationship in that one. I think it's just a story Tolkien really liked writing!

The Mithrellas story is then a deliberate inversion of this: an elvish maiden wandering into a Mannish realm. And... obviously not a marriage, but the strong friendship of Legolas and Gimli, which ultimately leads to them sailing West together, is founded when they pass into each other's worlds (Moria and then Lorien), and confirmed when they agree to deliberately return to the same (the Glittering Caves and Fangorn). The 'part of your world' theme shows up again and again when Tolkien is creating relationships - and, in Tolkien's writings, lone wanderers are almost exclusively male.

hS

[Galadriel55]

Originally Posted by Huinesoron

I would add Dior and Nimloth to the list. NoME makes it clear (1.XVIII, "Elvish Ages & Numenorean", dated ca. 1965) that the Half-Elven were natively mortal, though living five times as long as regular mortals.

Interestingly, one could argue that Dior is not even Half-Elven, but pure mortal... with Elven and Maian traits. He was born after Luthien had already chosen mortality. She was no longer an Elf in... Fate? Death?... when she gave birth to him. She was only a half-Elf-half-Maia in physical form and power, and that she does pass on, but not in how her spirit is tied to the world. So the first and only Half-Elves to die before the decision to choose kindreds is offered to their kind were Elured and Elurin, of whom we know precious little. I always wondered which way the coin flipped in Mandos, but supposed that the old man was pretty cautious about not taking away a mortal's gift, so probably in favour of mortal death.

But if Half-Elves are mortal by default, what does that make Arwen? Or does her lifespan fit into the 5-times-mortal-length range before she chooses to be mortal? It seems like before death they are immortal by default unless they choose to become mortal, but on death I still can't see Mandos taking away the Gift from them, he would err on the side of offering it unless chosen otherwise.

[Huinesoron]

Originally Posted by Galadriel55

So the first and only Half-Elves to die before the decision to choose kindreds is offered to their kind were Elured and Elurin, of whom we know precious little. I always wondered which way the coin flipped in Mandos, but supposed that the old man was pretty cautious about not taking away a mortal's gift, so probably in favour of mortal death.

At least one version of the fall of Doriath implies that the boys *did* survive, in Ossiriand. They could have lived 250-500 years. Presumably they didn't go to Numenor, so if they married it would have been to elves in the Lindon backwoods. That sounds story-disruptive, so I guess they just hung out with Maglor and Daeron instead?

Originally Posted by Galadriel55

But if Half-Elves are mortal by default, what does that make Arwen? Or does her lifespan fit into the 5-times-mortal-length range before she chooses to be mortal? It seems like before death they are immortal by default unless they choose to become mortal, but on death I still can't see Mandos taking away the Gift from them, he would err on the side of offering it unless chosen otherwise.

I think it's explicit in the Silm that Elrond and either his children or his descendents would be given a Choice: they would be immortal until they chose either mortality or otherwise. Thus Arwen was immortal, but could have chosen mortality at any time. Presumably a choice of mortality breeds true (ie Eldarion is just mortal), but I'm not sure if a hypothetical child of Elladan and an elvish wife would be given the same choice.

(I guess it's actually Earendil, Elwing, and their descendants in immortal lineages? Or something. I Don't Have My Books (TM).)

hS

[Mithadan]

I agree with Galadriel55 regarding Dior, though this is only an opinion. I do not recall anything written specifically regarding whether Dior would be considered an Elf, a Man, or Half-Elven. In light of this, I might amend my view in my initial post regarding the number of unions between Men and Elves, since Dior wedded Nimloth, an Elf. However, given the uncertainty of the status of Dior specifically, and since the decision of the Valar regarding the Half-Elven did not occur until later, this is merely an inclination.

The "status" of Arwen and her brothers has previously been debated at length here. The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen has Elrond saying that so long as he remains in Middle Earth, Arwen may depart to the West "if she so chooses." This is referred to by Elrond as "the doom that is laid on us." This, while a bit ambiguous, implies that Arwen and her brothers had the choice of Elrond and Elros to choose their fate. Others believe that Elrond's choice was passed on to his children and that Arwen's decision was a form of special dispensation.

[Huinesoron]

NoME comes to the rescue on Dior: 1.IV "Time Scales" says: "Twins were very rare, and [Amrod and Amras are] the only case recorded of the Eldar in the ancient histories, except for the twin sons, Eldún and Elrún, of Dior Eluchil, but he was half-elven. In later times (Third Age) Elrond had twin sons." That's a ca. 1959 text. He's also directly called "Dior Halfelven" at the beginning of HoME XI's "Wandering of Hurin" (entry for 497), though that doesn't necessarily mean anything for his lifespan. (Since I brought up the boys living longer: Home XII explicitly says they died, in "Problem of Ros".)

NoME is also explicit on Arwen, but throws in a brand new surprise!

Originally Posted by "Nature of Middle-earth 1.XI Aging of Elves"

[Earendil] obtained the grace (from Eru via Manwë) that his children, being half-elven on both sides - descendents of Idril and of Luthien - should (a) have a choice of which kindred they would belong to, and (b) should in each kind have "a long and fair youth" - sc., should only slowly reach maturity - and that this should extend to the second generation: thus Elrond : Arwen and Elros : Vardamir.

... Eldarion was mortal and was not by promise included in the "grace of Earendil"...

... [Elros] lived at the Numenorean rate and died at the age of 500 (voluntarily and therefore not at very great age)... Vardamir lived to be 391 and so was little more than normal Numenorean age (300).

A draft of this passage actually extended the grace to the third generation, giving Eldarion and Tar-Amandil the same choice, but this was rejected. Vardamir wasn't! It makes his rejection of the sceptre even more significant if he was also rejecting immortality.

It's worth noting that Elros had three other children, so the possibility of immortal half-elven from his side is there. Nothing is recorded of them or their descendents apart from the trio's names.

Back in "Elvish Ages & Numenorean", we can read that "At marriage Arwen became 'mortal'", and about "had she remained Elvish". Elrond is described as having been "made Elven" after the fall of Thangorodrim, while Elros is said to have lived out his life half-elven, and to be the only one who did. So it seems like Elrond and Elros had a weird lifespan due to their parents both being half-elven, but were natively mortal; they were given the choice to change that. Their choice would pass to their children, but those children could choose to reverse it for themselves and their descendents.

None of which has much bearing on the question of elf-mortal marriages, but I'm pleased that the answers actually exist.

hS

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Mithadan

Tolkien's writings make clear why unions between Men and Elves are rare. Gilraen tells Aragorn simply that "it is not fit that mortal should wed with the Elf-kin." But this is not a matter only of Elves having a higher station than Men, though this is, no doubt, a component of the reasons that the two races rarely marry. More important is the fact that such a marriage could only last several decades and would inevitably end with the Elf not only enduring the aging of the Mannish spouse, but also the parting at death which leaves the Elf alone and bereaved for so long as Arda may last.

And not only would they bereft of their spouse but they would also potentially witness the ageing, decline and death of their own children and further descendents. I have known people who have lost children and their grief is perhaps impossible to grasp from the outside- to see generations pass would surely be unendurable. Perhaps that is why Mithrellas fled.