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07-18-2007, 02:35 PM | #1 | |
Spectre of Capitalism
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae
Posts: 987
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The Filmarillion (Of The Making of the Megabucks)
Soon after the time that the making of the LOTR movies was just announced, this appeared on the web:
Quote:
Here's how I think it should work. Anyone who wishes should select a piece of the saga of making the movie with which you are reasonably familiar -- for example, the hiring and firing of Stuart Townsend to play Aragorn -- and work it into the narrative in the same style, in good taste, and as funny as you can make it. I have written a few examples below to get us started. The posts need not be in chronological order -- in other words, if you think of something to add which comes before the events already posted, post it anyway -- as a site admin, I can always rearrange the posts into the correct order, if needed. Let's try this out and see what happens. My initial contributions are posted below.
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The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius |
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07-18-2007, 02:35 PM | #2 |
Spectre of Capitalism
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae
Posts: 987
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And Jackson took the Megabucks which were brought unto him by the Brothers of the Stein-Of-Wine, and with wisdom used them to draw other great and skillful men of reknown to assist him in forging the mighty song into reality, that yet more Megabucks should be brought forth thereby. Among them was Osborne, known among the Geeks as the Matrix-Builder, and Lee the Paintmaster; and the Creators of Visions, who were all-WETA. And lo, their numbers swelled, until in time they numbered in the many hundreds.
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The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius |
07-18-2007, 02:36 PM | #3 |
Spectre of Capitalism
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae
Posts: 987
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But many also were the Naysayers, who said amongst themselves (and to any who might listen), “Verily, Lucas alone is the Lord of the Pixels, and ruleth over them with the mystical Eye of El-Emm, and without his insuperable Wall of Rendering the Filmarils Jackson createth will be feeble and lame.” And Jackson spake unto them saying, “Great indeed is the Wall of Lucas, and strong is the power of Eye El-Emm. Yet will I not be beholden to that Eye, and with the Megabucks I will build a MASSIVE army with which to mine the Pixels and cause their brightness to be known afar.”
And Jackson armed his WETAns with ever greater and more powerful blades, so that the Creators of Visions could make war and wrest control over the mines of the Pixels until their captured light shone from their desktop boxes. And wondrous sights both glorious and tragic did they craft, and called upon the arcane and oracular Eye of Seajee to make their visions live and move – and behold, the Seajee Eye answered them with great power, and the visions rose in their various forms, and they walked and battled and spoke and sang with great clarity and pulchritude. (And the naysayers looked at the word “pulchritude” with amazement, and some dove for their dictionaries, while others sagely replied, “what?”)
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The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius |
07-18-2007, 02:36 PM | #4 |
Spectre of Capitalism
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae
Posts: 987
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Yet Jackson knew in his heart that Pixels alone doth not a Megabuck make, unless one is telling stories of toys, or searching for small clownfish – legends which do not enter into our story. Jackson therefore set forth seeking just the right place wherein the Filmarils could be wrought not only with skill, but with heart-rending beauty, ranging far and wide across the lands of the sons of men. Yet it was only in returning to the land of his birth that he discovered with joy the very pristine wildness which lent itself best to the vision of the great song, and found there such renewed enthusiasm for his work that in after days that place became known as the Land of New Zeal.
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The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius |
12-17-2007, 04:32 PM | #5 |
Spectre of Capitalism
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae
Posts: 987
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And for a time there was contentment, and preparations for the crafting of the Filmarils proceeded apace. But then, like the rumblings of an approaching Oliphaunt, a swell of noise began to rise from the voices of a people both persistent and perilous, whom the educated call the Pedants, known also to the common folk as the N’erds, as vast in knowledge as they were narrow of mind. And the Pedants were focused and intent, and numerous were the nits of their picking. “Forsooth,” said they, though none of them knew the sooth for which they spoke, “the Filmarils must in no wise deviate from that design set forth by Jonron, He Who Reueleth. Neither jot not tittle shall he add, and none omit, lest we vent our wrath on him by withholding our tribute at the Office of the Box!” And with these and many other words of imprecation did the N’erds assail Jackson.
And to their demands Jackson feigned to acquiesce, outwardly professing great loyalty for the brilliance of Jonron. Yet did he say in his heart, “these N’erds understand not the creation of a Filmaril, nor the essence of that which will draw the Megabucks unto the sacred Office of the Box. Verily, I shall remould the designs of Jonron The Reueler as I will, and with my Fran I will Walsh my hands of the picking of their nits.” And the Pedants were appeased, for a time.
__________________
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius |
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