Barrow Downs Products

[Lalwendë]

In response to popular demand, i've started this hopefully mirthful thread.

Now, we have seen Boromir 88's thread on action figures you'd like to see. But what about Barrow-Downer action figures?

Mine would definitely be in a blue spangly box, and be called Space Cadet Lalwende. The accessories would include some vague text on cosmology, a pack of little tiny ciggies and a big spider. It would be like one of those Hobbit action figures, slightly smaller than the normal figures.

But what about other Barrow-Downs merchandise?

How about little packets of luminous green matchsticks to help keep our eyes open after endless hours online? Or Barrow-Downs damp cloths to soothe furrowed brows after reading something from the C thread?

[Nimrodel_9]

I would like to add "Giggle Calming Pills" for Middle-earth Mirth threads.
"Have you ever started laughing and not been able to stop? Try Giggle Calming Pills! Instantly stops laughter. Take 1 to stop laughing for 30 seconds so that you can take a breath. 2 will stop the laughter for 2 minutes. Just enough to move on to the next post! Giggle Calming Pills! Side effects include: drowsiness, hairy feet, hysteria, and strange coughing noises in throat. Gollum gollum!"

[Morai]

If I had an action figure, it would probably be a really cheesy one. (Hopefully it would look like me, unlike some action figures and there namesakes.) The toy would wear baggy cargo pants and a t-shirt. It would come with a computer, cd player and cds and some books. Interesting features would include:
~push a button and hear me say "Jello!"
~move arms and my fingers will type
~Head bobbles with music.

As for other Barrowdowns products, how about a t-shirt that reads "My other tombstone is my signature." (If that makes any sense at all.)

[The Saucepan Man]

Cutting and pasting from the original thread:

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

How about a HerenIstarion the Munificent™ figure with thread bumping action. He is programmed to recognise clever remarks, which cause him to wave his magic repping wand.

Or a Barrow-Wight™ figure with thread deleting action, programmed to make a wry comment when you say something stupid. Oh, and he glows green in the dark.

And there's always the burrahobbit™ action figure - suitable for (very) short but effective periods of play.

But be careful with the obloquy™ figure. It tears new additions to your collection to shreds if they don't shape up.

[Lalwendë]

I have just put in a patent for The Barrow-Downer DVD Mate TM. This product is a little wraith shaped thingy which sits on top of the TV and by magic (i.e. infra-red) detects those times when a LotR DVD is watched. It is a labour saving device as it shouts random criticisms while any of the films is watched, thus saving us our breath. Selected phrases include: "But of course, it would be much better if they had kept Tom Bombadil", "That should be Glorfindel, not XenArwen rescuing Frodo", and "This portrayal of Denethor is incorrect".

I also want a Moderator action figure. It is a vague shaped thing, it looks different every time you look at it and is faintly scary, and it has a little button on the back you can press, making it say it's phrases "Let's get back on topic" and "This thread has been closed".

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Don't forget the cuddly skwerlz that accompany the moderator action figures - they can talk too! They are programmed to speak one of five different sentences:

[mark12_30]

C7A action figure: A charming and matronly hobbit-lady with a firm voice and toes that dig in during deep debates (especially debates about Frodo.)

Squatter of Amon Rudh action figure: comes with wrought iron fence, glow-in-the-dark-flashlight accessory, and two tombstones labeled BEREN and LUTHIEN.

H-I action figure: one arm lights fireworks. The other arm gives jewels. However the best thing about this action figure is that it can enter ancient libraries (swirling impressive wizard's robe) dust off an old scroll, and bring it out to the front door. Has a very pleasant smile.

Mister Underhill action figure-- very limited edition. Nobody knows what it looks like.

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by mark12_30

[b]H-I action figure: one arm lights fireworks. The other arm gives jewels. However the best thing about this action figure is that it can enter ancient libraries, dust off an old scroll, and bring it out to the front door. Has a very pleasant smile.

.

Perhaps the HI figure could be in a set with the B88 one.... special edition for the discerning collector ... with LOTS of fireworks

[mark12_30]

Rimbaud action figure: left arm extend partway as figure says:

Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath

Comes packaged with complete works of Keats and a Kermit beanie-baby.

[Child of the 7th Age]

C7A action figure: A charming and matronly hobbit-lady with a firm voice and toes that dig in during deep debates (especially debates about Frodo.)

Thanks, Helen.

You must have been speaking with my family. They have another word for it: pig headed and stubborn!

[HerenIstarion]

Very funny, thanks Helen for directing me here

My add up:

mark 12_30™ action figure - is very amicable, tells jokes with a moral one probably would not understand without being widely read, and has very pointed silences - once it stops talking to you, the right guess would be you did say something not acceptable or were not a good boy/gel lately at all!

Saulotus™ action figure - sombre and a bit bulky one, knows all there is to know about Tolkien Canon and Uncanon, and utters exclamations curiosly resembling 'balderdash' and 'absolute rubbish' any time anyone starts speculating about anything vaguely reminiscent of Tolkien. If the 'speculator' insists on commiting the same crime again, kicks off prolix discourses referring to numerous sources and producing manuscripts out of his sleeve. We are awfully sorry, but Saulotus™ action figure is out of stock currently. Try searching under Bob Wehadababyitsaboy™ or similar keywords. But the latter is equally out of stock, we are grieved to inform you. Try again later

Balin999™ action figure comes with a bonus helicopter. Never says the same thing twice.

Sharkŭ™ action figure does a lot of work behind the stage, being, at the same time, constantly (and mysteriously) absent. You lose the chance of seeing the figure again as soon as you buy it - its stand will always be marked with a litle cardboard sign reading 'away' in a fine curly script

Who's Online™ digital chess set - requires great patience on behalf of the gamers, as they must catch their chance of starting the game exactly at the time when 64 members are online. And beware of the spiders - they tend to haunt same squares as pieces do use for the moves.

[Oddwen]

Then there's Super Saucepan Man! Armed with a variety of cooking utensils and cloaked in mystery, Super Saucy comes to the rescue with a clanging of pans and the glint of sunlight upon steel. All who do evil shall feel the wrath of his flying saucepan of doom.

Oh, no no no...The Saucepan Man is strickly a younger child's toy. Have you not seen "The Saucepan Man's Happy Fun Cookset With Real Working Fireplace"? You can really cook, with the included hobbitish recipes!

• Appetizer: Sautéed Mushrooms and Onions
• Main Course: Charbroiled Mutton Roast with Mushroom Sauce
• Second Course: Stewed Vegetables and Mushrooms
• Third Course: Pan-fried Steak with Mushrooms and Onions
• Fourth Course: Toasted Bread and Cheese
• Dessert: Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, and Berry Pie

Plus, directions are included for home-brewed ale. Impress your friends at your next Party!
(Some assembly required.)

[Morai]

The BRAND NEW How do you imagine other BDers? Doll! It spouts off descriptions of BDers (true or untrue) that have been thrown around on the aforementioned thread!

It may require a slight cautionary warning: SOME USERS WILL HEAR DISCRIPTIONS THAT ARE HIGHLY ACCURATE! (Most cases are minor and rare, contact your fellow member if symptoms persist. )

Another slightly (or hopefully) brilliant idea:
Do you ever tire of relentess unintelligent comments about your adored books conjured up by Tolkien himself? Don't you ever wish you couldn't hear those fools poking fun at LOTR? Now you can! Purchase the "BD'ER SOUND CANCELATION REMOTE" Batteries not included.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The New line of Barrow Products from Broken-Toys inc. will include,

Of course, the Barrow Wight’s Book (See The Future of the Downs tread)

The Green Dragon Inn play set, complete with drunken Hobbit action.

Tol-in-Gaurhoth Play board game. Complete with working gallows.

Collectable Green boxes.

And of course, Gandalf the grey action figures with uncloaking action.

[Morsul the Dark]

Morsul the Dark' Chocalate Chip Cookie Mix

[The Only Real Estel]

Barrowdowns Peach Cobbler- Delicous dessert of peaches with ice cream over top. Comes in two flavors, Durelin Dark Chocolate & Estel (uh...) Even Darker Chocolate. More flavors coming soon!

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Hookbill

Collectable Green boxes.

Which come packaged in really fancy green boxes, and so three years down the line you will find them being sold on ebay at inflated prices because they are 'mint' and have not been played with.

A new product released earlier this week was the Error 403 Screensaver. This comes packaged with a utility that enables you to quickly click on it if parents are looming large over your shoulder trying to see what you're up to; the screensaver should swiftly cloak any untoward Mirth activity.

[Morai]

Collectable Green boxes.

That'll be a hit. I can already imagine the hefty prices associated with them. Though, with those purtty green boxes, consumers will want ways to protect them and keep them in their most valuable condition:

~Air tight boxes for the boxes
~Certificates of Authenticity (can you imagine all the counterfeits!)
~An "Fool of A Took's Guide to Collecting Green Boxes"
~And of course, a extravagant display case.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by The Only Real Estel

Barrowdowns Peach Cobbler- Delicous dessert of peaches with ice cream over top. Comes in two flavors, Durelin Dark Chocolate & Estel (uh...) Even Darker Chocolate. More flavors coming soon!

Let's not overlook (Beth)berry Pie and Lhunarda Liquorice Twists and mormegil morsels. I think that we might be coming out soon with Pio Stiks too!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sauce as the bishop though? Hmmm. I've never really envisioned him in Bishop's vestments but I guess it is true that loyers tend to cut angles rather than move in straight directions

He'd probably be like this:

Note: Saucepan also available as part of the Barrow Downs' hat collection.

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

He'd probably be like this:

Note: Saucepan also available as part of the Barrow Downs' hat collection.

That 'plot' he's holding? Is he about to lose it?

Originally Posted by Bethberry

I might have been tempted to name a few other Downers as the Queens but the gentlemen in question might not have approved.

*hopes Bethberry will spill the beans*

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

That 'plot' he's holding? Is he about to lose it?

I was originally going to put "Werewolf plot" but I didn't think that was funny enough, so I left it as simply "Plot" so you can fill in the gaps yourself.

Anyway, this Barrow Downs Chess may be subject for a thread in itself!

Oh, and...

For all your DEATH metal and grave music and... well, I ran out of puns... but here is a format to play all your Barrow Music on.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

*hopes Bethberry will spill the beans*

Oh now Lal. All the fun's in how you imagine it.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I was just wondering how we're suposed to pay for this stuff without a Barrow Card... then, it struck me! Monies!



Oh, and I'm sure the Saucepan man (or someone) posted about keeping your clothes as Wight as they can be. Well, now you can do the same for your teeth!

[Formendacil]

Those are some sweet looking coins- and I don't say that just because I'm on one of them.

But I must ask... what's the other side look like? Do we get the professor's profile in all it's crownéd glory?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I know Barrow Downs T-Shirts already exist... But I've not seen them for a while. Also, I wanted to try my hand at designing one or two...

Soon to be available from all good clothes shops and some rubbish ones as well.

[Lalwendë]

Cool t-shirts! And t-shirts are quite cheap to have printed up, you know, if you wanted to get yourself a unique design.

Esty turned her Barrow Downs t-shirt into a bag and brought it to Birmingham last year, making sure lots of people saw it! I wonder if she has a picture???

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Cool t-shirts! And t-shirts are quite cheap to have printed up, you know, if you wanted to get yourself a unique design.

I may just do that.

Also: have you ever been reading a book and suddenly lost your place? Terrible times! Fed up with using bits of paper and third-rate bookmarks? Look no further than:

[Kath]

One should not cross read threads. I caught Rune's post about bookmarks on the addicted thread and this one here, put them together, and thought Rune had made such bookmarks for all his friends! I was going to be so impressed.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Maybe I should start doing that . . .I would hate to disapoint Kath.

I once was a bookmark you know

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Just thought I'd resurect this topic a tad.

With the increasing lack of interest in The Phantom and Alien serise, the producers thought that, in order to stur up interest again, that some Phantom and Alien costumes were in order. So, here they are:

[the phantom]

HB, I just woke up when you took that pic. I told you not to use it.

And as far as Alien- the least you could've done is edit out the face of that half-digested child Alien had swallowed.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It's Mandos approved.

[Lalwendë]

That has a sinister linguistic closeness to Quietil, the euthanasia/suicide drug as seen in Children Of Men...

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

This is probably one of the few BD-Products I don't feel needs to be produced, but it sertainly does have intertainment value.