What if Tom Bombadil got his own recording deal?

[Gothbogg the Ripper]

Bombadil walks into "Balrog .T Berbick's emporium of Musac" and starts laying off a few gibberish songs, a high strung music producer notices him and Tom gets a record deal, what happens next...

[The Barrow-Wight]

The Barrow-Wight walks in and says "Read this instructive and education post that I wrote yesterday for topics just like this!"

I expect Gothbogg to give us a good example before anyone else continues this thread. My referenced post explains it all.

Thanks
The Management

[Gothbogg the Ripper]

(Reads Barrow - Wights post) Okay, okay, here's what I think would happen...
After being signed up to the popular "Monsters of Morgul Modrock" label he'd go on tour with other great singers like Butterbur and the guy who made sound effects in the Police Academy movies (just kidding), anyway his perchant for mischief would make him a huge Rock Star and tales of his concerts would be enjoyed by people like Aragorn and Random Gondorian Soldier #29 for years to come untill he got angry with a spectator who crushed his lilies.

[Elessar Telcontar]

Erm...I do have to say that you scare me with your antics sometimes! As for Bombadil getting a contract from a record label...please god never let it happen, his songs are terrible in the extreme...

[The Barrow-Wight]

Bombadil with a record deal? Sounds improbably, since the label would have to bring the studio to him. I doubt old Tom would step foot out of his own little comfort zone. Imagine a pack of technicians trudging down the East Road and across the Downs just to get a nutty eccentric like T.B. to lay down a few tracks of his terribly outdated ditties. Those folks from BTBEoM must have brought the mobile studio.

Assuming that some ambitious (or crazy) producer could put it together logistically, the next question seems apparent. Who would buy a Tom Bombadil CD? What genre would he fit into. Folk? Rap? Schoolhouse Rock? Sure, poetic talkers like Wolf Doggy Fang from the Marish are all the rage, but would anyone flock to the stores to drop 12 silver pennies for 60 minutes of derry dols and ring a dong dillos?

But the whole premise of this thread is that someone has decided Tom is worth the effort, and a contract has already been awarded. So all of my questions are irrelevant. The man is ready to rock the mic like a vandal, so we might as well consider the consequences of ‘what happens next’. Let’s consider the actual music first. Since I’m privy to a lot of secret Middle-earth information that most Downers never hear about, I will share with you some info about Tom’s CD.

The Bombadil Show
1. Hey Dol! Pt.1
2. Merry Dol!
3. River Daughter Dance
4. Hey Dol! Pt.2
5. What I’m Wearing
6. Get out, you old Wight!
7. Merry Dol! Reprise
8. Fatty Lumpkin Lullaby
9. Goldberry Blues
10. Hey Dol! Pt 3.

I ask again. Who’s going to buy this stuff!? I can’t go on. The next thing you know, Bombadil will be on tour in the Rockin’ Shire!

[HerenIstarion]

I suppose some schools of fortune-telling may arise around his music, as his lyrics are prophetic

Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended

Probably the position of Malbeth the last Seer will be renewed and Tom will become honorary holder of the chair, PhD, MA, BA et al

Besides, I doubt Tom will be interested in silver pennies, so the whole profit wil be pocketed by producer and big people at the label. Probably, that will help to cut prices and the CD will be sold at 6 pennies a copy, so Wolf Doggy Fang & Co will be outsold, so, on sheer price policy, TB may win the Yule Hit Parade too!