Fishy Business

[Hot, crispy nice hobbit]

I orginally started something like this in the Books discussion session, but it seems now that it deserves to be down here more than in a serious discussion. You can find it in the SPice for Balrog-Wings Soup...(never seen this anywhere before) thread.

The time has come... to expose the Evil design of the Dark Enemy of the World... His most Heinous Crime yet after the revolting genetic experiments which created the Orcs...

The Fabrication of FINs for Balrogs.

As a show of utter contempt for the Order of Maia which had devoted served the creator, the Nihilistic Genome Scientist Melkor made scaly clappers for the once-noble race of fire-spirits who had followed Him. This is also an attribute of the mockery Melkor had felt for Ulmo's scaled Mermaid/Merman tail, as He did for all of Ulmo's dominion. (Everything from his pointy trident, to seaweed crown) This alone may have been Melkor's vilest Crime against his own kindred and an obcenity to the Devine Eyes of Illuvator.

Such FINs as had been designed by Melkor, are such shame unto the Balrog themselves that they never, save under command, stray outside of Melkor's Iron Laboratories, and to do so only with great chargrin; clothing themselves with thick fumes to hide their slimy underneath. In fact, the existance of the FINS was such an unsightly shame on the part of the Balrogs that many sought to end their own existence.

Prior, there were thousands upon thousands of Balrogs that had rose to the call of Melkor. The self-destruction by the disgraced Balrogs reduced the total population to a purported Eight, with Five having hid themselves from public view under the roots of mountains. Balrogs were believed to have ended their misery by throwing themselves over the Walls guarding the Iron Laboratories, some under the delusion (induced by grieve) that the FINS were wings that enable them powers of flight. No Balrogs were known to survive such attempts.

(Being Spirits of Fire themselves, they oozed a flamable liquid which kept their skin burning continously. Balrogs who had escaped from the destruction of the First Age had buried themselves underground and were subsequently crushed by the weight of rocks. The liquid essence that they leaked were compressed into a thick black volatile liquid highly valued in later Ages.)

The Creation of FINs for Balrogs had earned Melkor not just infamy, but also the Wrath of the Valar, for they could not stand the sight of those who were once their brethren being humiliated in such wanton manner. Surely, the Malice of Professor Melkor had earned him the title Dark Enemy of the World even before the theft of the Silmarilli which, though esteemed among the Wise, are trivial Elven twinklets.

[Finwe]

Ok... riiiiight...


So is this supposed to explain why there are so few Balrogs?

I'm utterly lost here.

[galadriel'smaiden]

Im with Finwe. What?

[Sirithheruwen]

What's the point?
I'm confuzzled...

[Hot, crispy nice hobbit]

What? No-one's laughing? I am one miserable clown...

The Point, people, is that Balrogs don't have wings.

Their call-called wings, are giant fins, much like those of a marine fish. This shall explain the ing-like phenomenon that had been observed by the Nine Walker on the Bridge of Khazad-Dum

The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf stood in the middle of the span, leaning on the staff in his left hand, but in his other hand Glamdring gleamed, cold and white. His enemy halted again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast wings.

The theory of Balrogs having a pair of vast ornamental wings which do nothing but flap has been gone over zillion times not just in this forum but also in dozen others. Scholars expound on the existence or non-existence of such wings, but few has ever concluded satisfactorily the purpose of such "wings".

Now if those excess appendages on Balrogs are not useful for flight, why not for swimming? Obviously, the Balrog which fell into the water with Gandalf had swam and not drowned. The two duelists survived the water to end it all on the top of a Mountain.

Now, what caused the appearance of the Balrog in the first place? Pippin's thrown rock into a well at the upper chamber. Could it not be that the Balrog was having a healthy dip under the water of the ancient water vault of the Dwarves, and was injured by the stone's fall? Surely, shortly afterwards, the sound of drums was heard constantly by the Fellowship. A Spirit of Fire is not about to be mocked anymore by a stone dropped on its head!

As the Balrog left his dip, he set fire to his drenched skin so as to dry himself, fueling the fire with his own body extract, and therefore we read that the orcs besieging the fellowship inside the chamber of records discussed of "fire".

As I stood there I could hear orc-voices on the other side: at any moment I thought they would burst it open. I could not hear what was said; they seemed to be talking in their own hideous language. All I caught was ghash: that is "fire".

By that time, of course, the Balrog has completely dried himself and is appearing as a buring creature. His FINs, however, could not be dried completely and fumed perpetually on his sides. The vast shadow-wings that we read of on the bridge may have been caused by the thick smoke underneath the FINS as he stretched them.

My previous article sought, of course, to explain both the drastic decrease in Balrog population and the appearence of Fossillized Balrog extracts in the Later Ages.

Hope this satisfy you.

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Well at least they did that part right in the movie. The Balrog had two great big stick-y things for wings.

[Nimrothiel]

Ah, it all makes perfect sense now. Balrogs are demon-fish, but are ashamed with their appearance even though they can easily destroy anyone who laughs at them. I do like the idea that "Balrog-juice" is basically petroleum, it makes for an interesting "real-world/Middle-Earth" connection.